November 17, 2005
Our topic today: What women/men say and what they really mean and why do men grunt instead of speaking?
Now, I don't know who threw in the "Why do men grunt when speaking" but that sounds like more like someone's beef with their significant other than an actual topic so I will address that one first because it sounds like someone needs my help demystifying a few things.
And we all know I'm about demystifying things for my devoted Cake Eater Readers.
Ahem.
Why do men grunt when speaking? Well, it's because they can. They can get away with making sounds like that, so they do it. Women, being the dainty little things that we are, can't get away with making sounds like that. It would be considered impolite if a woman made a sound like that, grunting going into the "not very ladylike" catgory of incorrect female behavior, which, let's face it, is the largest category of incorrect female behavior---by a long chalk. It's pretty simple.
Anyway, as far as the difference between what people say and what they mean, well, what exactly is new there, eh, kids? People---man or woman---always say one thing and mean another. That's just the way the world works.
However, it's how you a. suss out the difference between what's said and what's meant and b.handle the difference that matters. You could be a moonbat about it: you could whine on about lies, lies, more lies, the inequity of the lies, that the lies are loud and are told by bigger liars with the ever evil lying megaphone of the conspiracy to kill puppies for profit, ad nauseam, ad infinitum. In other words whining about the lying liars and the liars who love them being your only solution to the problem. Oh, and you'd light the occasional candle and sing "Give Peace a Chance" with Mother Sheehan every now and again, but really, all you care about is bitching about the lying. Or you could be like a Marine: you could recognize the problem, and then you could adapt and improvise to overcome the problem.
As the philosopher John McClane once said: If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. Stop being a part of the problem! So it shouldn't take a great leap of the imagination, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, to guess which option I would recommend you take in divining the truth of your significant other's words.
First, you must in fact realize that there will sometimes, indeed, be a disconnect between what someone says and what they mean. As pointed out above, that's just the way the world works. Second, you must realize that, generally speaking, there's no harm meant in the disconnect. In fact, I would venture a guess and say that when you spot a disconnect, it's that there is enough vulnerability going around to choke a horse. Case in point: when I ask the husband "Do I look fat in this?" He will correctly divine that, yes indeedy, I'm feeling a wee bit sensitive about my body at that point in time, and will---correctly, in my humble opinion---dodge like a mo'fo. He knows that lying isn't an option. That if he says, "no, darling, your ass is as small as a grain of rice," I'll know he's lying. He also knows that telling the truth isn't an option here, either. Because if my ass is, indeed, reminiscent of the rear end of a 1950's Buick, I don't want to hear about it---the brutal truth not always being the best option if you'd like to keep your head attached to your body. The husband, instead of lying or telling the truth, will dodge with a convenient, "You know there's no right answer to that question, so why do you bother asking?" See, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, is he not clever? He has, in one fell swoop, thrown that live grenade back to me, and I can guaran-frickin'-tee you that he's hoping and praying I'm going to stick the pin back in, in essence, leaving it at that. He has, indeed, adapted, improvised and overcome. At this stage of the game, he would be well within his rights to say, "Hoo-ah," in a manner reminiscent of Clint Eastwood, and shove a cigar in his mouth to celebrate the fact he's still alive.
But enough of my bloviating, go forth and read what the Sadie, Silk and Phoenix have written on the topic. Also make sure to check out one of our newest Divaesques, Miss Vile, yet another Kiwi, whom we're very glad to have with us on this adventure.
For the testosterone laden perspective, go and read StiggyPUFFY (Wait a minute. You've changed your blogging persona---again? What's this "Cloud" shit? Sorry, darling, but I'm not squeezing the Charmin this time round. It's getting confusing, so I'm going back to calling you PUFFY. Because, damnit, that's the one you started off with and it's the easiest. Even if you are no longer the world's first highly evolved blogging fish, I still like it.), Phin, The Naked Villains and Jamesyboy. Our guest XY'er this week is That 1 Guy from Drunken Wisdom.
Posted by: Kathy at
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November 10, 2005
Oh, holy hell.
Well. since "sexy" has come to mean and encompass so many things over the years, I thought I'd get back to basics and go to the dictionary and see precisely what we're talking about here.
Ahem.
Courtesy of the Oxford Desk Dictionary and Thesaurus we have this definition...
Sexy: /seksee/ adj. (sexier, sexiest) 1.sexually attractive or stimulating. 2. sexually aroused
Ok, so basically we find out that I was wrong to go looking for an older, less relevant definition. Sexy is still about what gets you to think about getting your rocks off.
Now this, as you, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, have undoubtedly figured out is a tricky proposition. Because there is the sexy that zeroes in exclusively on your hormones, and there is sexy that brings your brain---and by way of the way your body works, your hormones---into it. These need not be mutually exclusive, but sometimes they just are. Because sometimes you just don't want to bring your brain into it.
Ahem.
Anyway, you people are probably wondering when I'm going to get around to letting you know what you, if you're a man, can do to attract me in the non-brainy sort of way. Of course we're talking hypothetically here, because the husband wouldn't enjoy that. But...if we're just speaking for the sake of hypotheticals, and I were to ruminate on the physical variant of sexy---the one that gets the hormones to humming---without getting too specific, I would have to refer you to an experience I had on 1-35 in K.C. during the summer of 1994. You'd be a beautiful man, probably around 6'4", ripped, but not overly beefy, in a pair of basketball shorts---and nothing else---driving a Jeep Wrangler through eighty-five m.p.h. traffic. You'd also be very sweaty. A basketball would be sitting in the passenger seat of the jeep, the seatbelt lovingly holding it in place and saving the windshields of other cars from its wrath. Did I mention that this jeep only had a bikini top on it? I didn't? Well, it did. Did I also mention you would be cruising through traffic, like you were in search of a cold breeze and that jeep was going to find it for you? I didn't? Well, you did. It was, hypothetically speaking, one of those moments where I, quite literally, STOPPED BREATHING. And then the hormones started throbbing, like someone had hooked me up to a subwoofer.
Oh, and hypothetically speaking, I can still remember how good your abs looked. It was like you were cast, rather than born.
{Insert hypothetical fanning of self here}
Anyway I should probably let you know that if you were, indeed, hypothetical basketball playing dude, I would be pretty surprised if you could walk, talk and chew gum at the same time. My standards for you would not be very high. No sirreee. You'd have to know how to do one thing very well.
And that's about it. Anything else would be gravy.
Now we move on to the brain aspect of sexy, because, really and truly there is nothing quite so sexy, in my humble opinion, than a man with a big brain. While I will be honest and say I cannot handle an Einstein, I do appreciate men who have large I.Q's---so long as they don't turn the logic sword on me, the girl who has very little of it. I appreciate the man who can use that knowledge for the good of themselves and other people. I also appreciate a man who can make me laugh. Wit is very sexy---and anyone who says differently has no idea what they're talking about. I should also note that holding a great deal of common sense is sexy as well.
No, for my money, while it's all very well and good to stare at basketball players, those abs aren't going to keep a girl interested for very long. I shall also add that if one has a really great brain that will get the hormones to pumping just as effectively as a half-naked, sweaty basketball player in a Jeep Wrangler would.
Anyhoo, now that I've thoroughly humiliated myself, scoot along and see what the other daring and darling divas find sexy. Then you can pop over to Sheila's place because I'm sure she's got something worthwhile to add to the mix. The Men's Club is, of course, up to bat this week as well. Stiggy, Phin, The Foreign Minister and Jamesyboy have, of course, thrown their two cents in, as has Nugget.
Posted by: Kathy at
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November 03, 2005
While I generally loathe anything and everything to do with Seinfeld (it wasn't that funny, kids. It really wasn't.), one of the few episodes I actually remember watching was the "hand" episode. What they were discussing over their table at the coffee shop was having "the upper hand" in a situation, but it being kitschy little Seinfeld, they had to shorten it to "hand." Wherein it became something everyone chatted about over the water cooler on some random Friday morning in the mid-1990's. Furthermore, that's when it came to annoy me. (And I should just warn you now that I'm not going to tie this string up later with some clever little throwaway line. It's just not going to happen. The only reason I included this bit in the first place was to get warmed up. This warm-up, of course, had the added benefit of being able to bitch about Seinfeld: what's not to like?)
So, the question searing the gray matter this morning is who has "hand" during the various stages of a couple's relationship? Who's got hand during the dating portion, and who's got it after marriage?
Now, to be sure, this question presumes one thing: that men and women are not on equal footing throughout the course of their relationships. And I would think that's true. Unless the wants and needs are exactly the same, I don't think you'll ever have true equality, and men and women most definitely want different things. Men, when they're dating want sex with one woman. Then they'll want sex with another woman. Then they'll want to take a nap. Then they might scratch their crotch a bit and declare their desire to have sex with another woman, right after they've polished off that leftover pizza in the fridge, etc. Women, on the other hand, want a relationship; they want to settle down, get married, make a home and maybe have babies. But they only want to do this with one man. Inequality. Because many are greater than one, M>1, women do not have "hand" whilst dating.
But, invariably, something happens to the average man, somewhere along the way, and he wants to have sex with only one woman. This something is generally called "love." Or in the rare case of cynicism it's called "I'm tired of catting around." Either way, the man settles down with one woman and---presto change-o!---the power balance has switched. The woman now has "hand" because a man's libido doesn't change when he settles down; all that sex he was having with many women he now wants to have with one woman. And, because of that, that one woman holds the keys to the kingdom. The woman has acquired "hand."
So, you're undoubtedly thinking, But, Kath, it can't really come right down to sex and who's willing to put out? Well, no, it doesn't. Not entirely, but I think that sex makes up a goodly chunk of what's going on there, eh? The need to get laid and to reproduce is strong. You'd never underestimate The Force, would you? Well, don't underestimate the need to get laid, ya dig?
And therein lies my opinion on the matter. For other fabulous Diva-y takes go and visit Silk and Phoenix. Rumor has it that Sadie will be back next week. (Woohoo!) Our guest diva this week is one of the newest members of the fold, Paula of Ultrablog. Make sure you go over and bid her welcome. For the XY Chromosomed view, shuffle along and read what Phinny, Stiggy, Jamesy, and whichever one of the Naked Villains has chimed in this week. The guest men's club member this week is Tea Fizz, so hopscotch on over and read what he's written on the matter.
UPDATE: The Wiz has decided to grace us with his presence this week. Go and read.
Posted by: Kathy at
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