Go here and read the article. Seriously. Clicket on the link, because according to AP's new $2.50 per word charge for bloggers who excerpt their stories, I can't quote it here. Don't be lazy. Clicket.

Ok, so for those of you who were too lazy to clicket, here's a quick summary: two cute little Salt Lake City kiddies decided to go downtown and protest against high gas prices because their mom had to choose which "necessity" she could afford to pay: gas or cable. As you might imagine, the cable was turned off and her children decided to protest---because they couldn't watch their favorite cartoons.

They even incorrectly spelled 'money' ('monny') and 'cable' ('cabel') on their protest signs. I'm not cutting them any slack on this one because of their ages.

Contrast this bit of cuteness with my father's childhood. At the tender age of four, he was responsible for slicing off part of his three-year-old brother's finger. He didn't do this maliciously. It was an accident. It happened whilst the pair of them were CHOPPING WOOD. Meaning, the implement he wielded to cut said wood (and said finger) was an ax, and his little brother was holding the splitter. I shit you not. This actually happened. And, as my father will undoubtedly say in his defense, the whole finger didn't come off, but just the tip---and they were able to sew it back on, too, and considering this was the mid-1930's, in the Nebraska sticks, that was nothing short of amazing. Of course, since Dad lived on a farm for part of his youth, I've heard all sorts of various horror stories about dust-bowl era farm life, one in particular was about my Granny being swarmed by mice as she opened a water tank (apparently, my father still has an abhorrence of mice to this very day because of this incidence). Eventually his family was forced off the farm, and into Omaha, because, partly, of swarms of grasshoppers that cleaned out their crops. After he moved to Omaha, he worked at a family member's grocery store for $0.35 an hour---for forty hours a week and paid his own high school tuition.

I'm sure it never would have occurred to Dad to make a sign and go up by the side of the road to protest the more horrible parts of the Great Depression, which hit him and his family full force. (What would the sign have read? "DO SOMETHING ABOUT GRASSHOPPER PLAGUES NOW!"? ) Everyone would have been hard hit, so it wouldn't have made any sense to protest. Besides, he had chores to do: he wouldn't have had the time.

I'm absolutely sure about one other thing, though: since my father was the 1944 Platte County Spelling Bee champion, he would have known how to spell 'money' and 'cable'. Probably at age seven, but definitely by age nine---the ages of the young girls in Salt Lake City. Sadly, Dad couldn't go and compete against the other county champions at the state competition because---ahem---they didn't have a state spelling bee because of---ahem---WWII and fuel rationing.

Kinda makes being deprived of 'cabel' seem pretty nice in comparison, eh?

(See, it's good to have a non-Boomer set of parents. Their stories are just SO much better than "Well, I first learned to FIGHT THE MAN when my old man said I had to start mowing the lawn for a measly quarter...")

Posted by: Kathy at 12:38 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Maybe it's a good thing I can't have kids if it gets me out of being invited to parties like this one.

{...}Women cradling glasses gather on sofas surrounding a coffee table that holds bowls of chips and M&Ms and books with titles such as "This is My Planet."

Welcome to an EcoMom Alliance party, the earnest 21st century descendant of the Tupperware party.

The EcoMoms are a fast-growing organization of mostly stay-at-home mothers who are tackling such issues as pollution and sustainability in their communities. Started barely 18 months ago by a mother in California, the group's website now claims 11,000 members around the world.

Jones, the mother of children ages 3, 6 and 8, is an EcoMom community leader. Using EcoMom parties, she is forging ahead with an environmental agenda that was in full swing before she found the group. An EcoMom banner hangs from a table in her living room proclaiming: "Sustain your home, sustain your planet, sustain your self."

"I've always been an organic shopper with a chemical-free home, so when I launched my son to school it was hard," Jones said. "Sure enough, he was exposed to pesticide lawns, tables that are cleaned with bleach and junky food.

"If Edina is so proud of being innovative and progressive, they need to get with it."

{...}"I have the urgency from my 8-year-old sensitive son, who comes home from school and says, 'Mom, did you know polar bears swim for days and then drown?' " she said. "When you have kids with these big feelings, you have to do something about it."{...}

If this was my kid, I'd reply, "Son, have you heard of a little thing called Natural Selection?" instead of starting up some eco-mommy movement, which, let's face it, is just an excuse for women to get together to swill wine and eat chocolate. Quilting bees evolved into coffee klatches, which evolved into tupperware parties, which evolved into book clubs, which evolved into politically correct eco-bullshit parties.

What is all of this crap? I'm so sick of this whole "we've got to SAVE THE EARTH! WE MUST BUY ORGANIC! WE MUST STOP DRIVING OUR CARS SO MUCH! WE MUST BRING REUSABLE BAGS TO THE GROCERY STORE!" This isn't a movement per se, so much as it is just another way of saying "I'm better than you are." Yes, that's right kids, it's about vanity. It's the modern-day equivalent of a diamond studded tennis bracelet or a Louis Vuitton handbag. And this vanity is seemingly filtering down into EVERYTHING.

Last night, I was at an organizational meeting for my young ovarian cancer survivors group, and as the entire organization has a fundraising walk coming up, it's been the practice of this group over the years to put together goody bags for all of the survivors who attend the walk---it's a small prize for surviving. This means hitting up any number of companies to see what kind of fun freebies we can load the bags up with. Of course, the pharmaceuticals are high on the list, but the woman who's organizing the thing (and who really is a very nice lady, with her heart in the right place) decided that she'd really like to skip handing out Neulasta bags, donated by Amgen, and try to solicit donations to have our own bags made---ones which would have "Go Teal" printed on then, as a play on "Go Green." Then the rest of the meeting was focused on trying to figure out which organic products we could possibly try to fill the bags with, and how to solicit donations from these companies.

Sigh. Fortunately, no one started up about buying carbon credits to offset this production.

I'm a little tired of all this stuff. Look, I've got nothing against trying to be a little more eco-friendly. After all, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to shit where you eat. I recycle---and have for years. I actually use public transportation. I buy in bulk, and I don't buy products that are encased in loads of packaging. But I do draw the line somewhere---the only organic thing I ever buy is avocados, because they're not rock hard. Organic food is too freakin' expensive for me to buy on a regular basis. While my carbon footprint is actually very small in reality, I don't harp on people who choose to live differently. Ok, well, let's correct that: perhaps I do harp on certain people who choose to drive the four blocks to the store instead of walking, but that's just me seeing it as illogical, and more time consuming to sit in traffic, when I can be up to the store, in, out, and home again in the same time it takes to drive there, rather than tooting my own eco-friendly horn. There's a difference. The women in the article are about saving the earth for "the children" whilst glugging bottles of wine and eating M&M's, as they sort out new ways of bullying people into what they deem is an appropriate lifestyle. And in the case of the goody bags, it's about filling them up with "sustainable" products that fit the fashion of the day, which will be seen as more desirable by the recipients, and produce, ultimately, a more satisfactory result than if we went and solicited Aqua Net for free hairspray.

Gah. I've about had it with this crap.

All of it makes me wish I had a Hummer, that I could drive down the freeway while I throw non-biodegradable trash out the window.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:05 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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(I seriously cannot wait to see what kind of nasty comment spams I get from that title.)

Anyway...

Check out the latest thing available...

I swear to God this is not a joke. It's a real company, and a real product.

Posted by: Kathy at 08:55 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 Good old American entre-peuw-ership at its best! Where there's a demand, someone provides a solution. Where did you find this?

Posted by: BobM at June 12, 2008 10:44 AM (uZi6E)

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So, the husband and I watched Beowulf today and I shall put the husband's very much NOT SAFE FOR WORK (or anyone really) comments below the fold. more...

Posted by: Kathy at 05:50 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I wanted to comment on this yesterday, but moo knew was being fussy.

{...}Now comes the airline service equivalent of End Days. Yesterday, American Airlines announced it will charge $15 for the first checked bag – a once sacrosanct free service.

The nation's largest carrier, which will impose the fee starting June 15, said it will also raise fees for such things as reservation help and oversized bags, and lay off workers and cut domestic flights by up to 12 percent.

That's on top of American's decision last month to join other major carriers in charging $25 for checking a second bag.{...}

Look, I don't fly American. Ever. How could I? Northworst has MSP International Airport locked up, hence there really are very few American flights coming and going from here, but this is freakin' ridiculous? $15 to check a bag? The first bag, not the second bag, which they'll charge you $25 for having the GALL to think you could pack a second set of flip-flops and some extra beach towels for your trip to the seaside.

Who do these people think they are?

Look, it is not the customer's fault that American Airlines hedged their fuel costs erroneously. It's not the customer's fault that they still---still!---think that they can keep their business in business by following an outdated business model wherein they charge business travelers an arm and a leg and, somehow, that will keep the whole shebang afloat. Somehow, some airlines---gee, I wonder who they might be---managed to lock in their fuel prices at a decent rate, and they're still managing to make money with oil at $130 a barrel. Not as much money as before, but they're still up and running and NOT charging their customers---you know, the people who fund their largesse---$15 to check a bag.

I can understand cost cutting/revenue enhancing maneuvers in so far as they actually help the business they're trying to run. Cutting underwhelming routes is something I can understand. But I fail to see how, if American actually goes ahead with this cockamamie scheme, pissing off their customers by charging for something that used to be free is going to help them out in the long run. Because, ahem, if your customers are so pissed off that they refuse to fly your airline, you're not really going to make $15 for each bag that's not checked, are you?

It's one thing to charge for extras, like booze, or even---dare I say it?---food. But many would argue that a checked bag---particularly after the airlines' massive push toward checking bags after 9/11---is a necessity. People have gotten used to the new security requirements. They plan ahead. And since it's been no problem to check bags, and it's actually been encouraged, how does this change that scenario? People can only cut back so much, ya dig? They can cut back from two to one, but from one to a carry-on? What kind of problems is that move going to create? For one, I forsee many a delayed departure, with more gas being guzzled by idling planes, because all the overhead compartments are full and they have to figure out how to stow all the bags that won't fit. That's really going to help with fuel costs now, isnt' it?

When will these people learn?

And if they go crying to the government, to bail them out again, like after 9/11, I say let them rot. If the airlines cannot figure out how to make a buck in leaner times, then sayonara, boys! I don't care anymore. Which is appropriate, because the airlines patently don't care about me, or my needs, as a paying customer. They just want my cash---actual passengers and the luggage they bring with them seem to be something of an inconvenience to them.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:39 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Fer the love of all that's good and holy.

A Christian group out of San Diego has found grounds for outrage over the new logo for Starbucks Coffee.

The Resistance says the new image "has a naked woman on it with her legs spread like a prostitute," Mark Dice, founder of the group, said in a news release. "Need I say more? It's extremely poor taste, and the company might as well call themselves, Slutbucks."

The group, which claims more than 3,000 members nationwide, is calling for a national boycott of the coffee-selling giant.{...}

Charbucks has gone from this

To this:

Notice anything different about the second one, other than that it's got a "slutty" naked chick on it? (Never minding the fact that the woman on the logo doesn't, indeed, have legs "spread like a prostitute," like Mr. Dice claims. She, apparently, doesn't have legs at all. )

Well, gee, Gomer, could it be that it's printed in black and white instead of color?

While Charbucks is selling this as a "keeping it real" move, this is more likely about money. Color in the logo costs money. And if they have to print cups and napkins, etc., with black, white and green, you can be sure the green is costing them coin. Switching to a black and white logo is the money saving equivalent of American Airlines taking one olive off every meal they served: it's a small move, but it's coin that can be used for other things. Like buoying up their decreasing stock price. Because that's what this is about: keeping those shareholders happy. They've apparently realized that they can't sell more coffee, so they've got to find the pennies wherever they can find them to keep the stock from decreasing any further.

But that's really beside the point: some Christian group is po'ed because there's a naked chick on the Charbucks logo.

Sigh.

Don't these people have anything better to do with their time? You know, there are millions of people around the world who are, with increasing regularity, falling victim to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (you know, famine, plague, war and pestilence) and this is what they choose to get their knickers in a twist about? A naked chick on a coffee cup? A logo that won't even be seen once the barista puts the cardboard coffee clutch on the cup? Get real, would you? Go and picket the Burmese embassy. Your social activism will be put to better use---and, ahem, it might actually accomplish something worthwhile.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:02 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 I suspect what Mr. Dice is really upset about is that if you look really close, the right breast is labeled "soy, no whip". Your advice to Dice is spot on.

Posted by: BobM at May 15, 2008 09:17 AM (xRH1I)

2 Cripes! Talk about blood and stones. After they hoover my wallet for a four dollar latte every morning do they really think I have the extra coin to blow on a hooker? As Gob would say, "C'mon!!"

Posted by: Robbo the Llama Butcher at May 15, 2008 08:30 PM (ZqnQ6)

3 OMG....how desperate can people get. And here I thought us San Diegans were farther evolved.

Posted by: Jenn at May 16, 2008 11:06 AM (90r1G)

4 dude can bite me. Go save a strving child, willya?

Posted by: caltechgirl at May 16, 2008 04:21 PM (IfXtw)

5 More than that, it's Starbucks going back to that logo; it's the original one from Before Massive Fame. Though on another level, the critic is right - the "mermaid" (more aptly a siren*) on the Starbucks logo in question really is a sexual symbol. (* Medieval confusion making a "siren", while not mythologically originally a water-dweller like the mermaid, into a form of mermaid with a sometimes-split tail. And I tried to link to the wikipedia entry, but evidently that's "questionable" to your spam filter...?) The guy complaining about it is still a doofus, in that only students of medieval art are likely to be aware of the symbolism, and frankly the "previous" version of the logo (ie, the cleaner non-original one that was replaced by going back to the original) is more attractive than the "dirtier" woodcut. Maybe it's just me, but scales? Not so hot.

Posted by: Sigivald at May 20, 2008 05:40 PM (3iY68)

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Because If I actually vent my spleen on this one, I'll wind up in a hospital bed in a catatonic state for a good long while.

You'll understand after you watch it.

{ht: WWTDD}

Posted by: Kathy at 04:10 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Hey Jerkweed, weren't you supposed to leave the country in 2000 if Bush was elected?

According to many travel sites, there are still loads of flights available. Why don't you GET ON ONE and spare us your sanctimonious bullshit, eh?

The fat head you save could be your own.

Posted by: Kathy at 08:40 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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When the Minneapolis Police Department decides that it's time to bring out the freakin' chariots as a crime fighting initiative, it's time to move.

What I really want to know is where are the broom helmets? Eh? You know what I'm referring to, right? If you don't, let Marvin the Martian enter your mind and you'll know of what I speak. You can't drive a chariot without a freakin' broom helmet. There's some law that dates back to Roman times that decrees each and every chariot driver should have a big armored helmet with a broom on top. So they can sweep up after they rape and pillage the population. It's mandatory. And since the Mpls Police Department is all about following rules and regulations, they should get with the damn program already.

I can't wait to hear from the husband, who has to traverse through downtown daily, how these neo-chariots help the cops cut down on all the drug dealing at Block E. Or even the chronic spitters, who regularly drive the husband up the wall with their disgusting habit of hocking lugeys every five seconds, in competition with their fellow thugs. I suspect they'll be able to hop the curb from Hennepin Avenue in impressive fashion, but will the cops actually be able to hop down from their motorized chariots in time to, you know, actually arrest the drug dealers? I suspect not. I have a feeling that by the time they park the stupid things, the drug dealers will be long gone.

Because, after all, how are the cops going to haul someone in with one of those things?

Stick a fork in me. I'm so done with this place.

{ht: Lileks, without whom I'd have absolutely no idea of what was going on in this place I call home...for the time being.)

Posted by: Kathy at 08:41 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Probably the only good thing to ever come out of California (besides In-n-Out), the bacon wrapped hot dog, is a doomed foodstuff.

You can read more about this here.

Just fall off into the Pacific already. We don't need you in this country.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:10 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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This boggles the mind.

A man heckling First Lady Laura Bush and daughter Jenna outside the 92nd Street Y was arrested after he punched a wheelchair-bound girl whose parents had told him to shut up, authorities said yesterday. German Talis, 22, was shouting obscenities at the Bushes, who were leaving the building Tuesday, when he crossed paths with Wendy and John Lovetro and their daughter Maureen, 18, who has cerebral palsy.

They had been in the audience to hear the Bushes talk about their children's book, "Read All About It."

"He began yelling about Iraq and Iran at Jenna Bush. She was waving at the crowd. I told the guy, 'What are you doing? Shut up. This is about a child and books,' " said John Lovetro. "He was unperturbed. I said, 'Get out of here! You're being a moron!' "

The next thing he knew, Talis was allegedly punching Maureen - a fan of the first lady since meeting her in 2004.

"I heard my daughter hysterical yelling, 'He's hitting me!' " said Wendy Lovetro.

"He punched her on the shoulder blades, but that wasn't enough," she said.

"My husband pushed the wheelchair away from him and he reached beyond my husband and began pounding my daughter in the thigh." {...}

Pardon the language, but WHAT THE FUCK?

Apparently it's all right to start punching a young lady who's been put in a wheelchair by cerebral palsy when her family tells you to stop heckling the First Lady and her daughter? Oh, yeah, you're the big man, aren't you? Striking a blow for Free Speech by putting the smackdown on a crippled young woman? This is the best way to get your point about the "atrocities" in Iraq across? What are you doing? Trading brutality for brutality?

What the fuck?

There are days when I want eugenics and I want them now, simply because idiots like this one would be the first ones to go.

{ht: Laura W. over at Ace's)

Posted by: Kathy at 08:51 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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While there have been some pretty dumb letters to the editor over the course of publishing history, I think this dude takes the cake...or at least comes pretty close to doing so.

Sir, As a former US Army Reserve officer who witnessed the Cuban missile crisis, I find it abhorrent that George W. Bush presses vigorously for Nato membership of two countries bordering Russia. Compounding his lack of depth is his proposal to install missile defence systems in east European countries. The Cuban crisis was as close to global nuclear war as anything I have seen. We were ready to drop bombs. A war was averted because clear minds prevailed.

Now, let us imagine how the Russians feel when their “spheres of influence” spanning centuries are threatened. The Soviet Union lost millions of citizens during the second world war, and we Americans had little or no comprehension of that horror. We were separated from much of the world's anguish by thousands of miles of ocean. But Russians recoil today as they see their borders menaced.

In the name of democracy, Mr Bush is exporting his brand of governance to many regions, including the Middle East and the former Soviet Union. It may be a laudable goal to some observers, but we know the results and the consequences. It is time for clear minds to prevail.

William Sprecher,
Fairfax, VA 22033, US

{my emphasis}

Poor widdle Wussia.

By this guy's reasoning, any eastern European country should be left to the whims of Russia, because---ahem---we've failed to understand how badly the Russians suffered during Hitler's eastern campaign in WWII. The Russians are only acting belligerently because they're scared that NATO's going to invade, just like Hitler did when he reneged on the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact. Never mind the Cold War, even though he prominently references it; it apparently never happened. Heck, the Cuban Missile Crisis was probably our fault for daring to dream that there---ahem---shouldn't be Russian nuclear missiles ninety-miles off our coast! Bad America! We failed to understand how damaging Stalingrad had been to the Russian psyche, so we deserved to be blown to bits!

One wonders how hard Putin laughed after he read this.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:15 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I'm a little late on this one, but as I get the opportunity to bitch about Northworst Airlines, it's not like I'm going to pass this one up. The proposed merger between Northworst and Delta has been put on the back burner.

A new era of belt-tightening is beginning for Northwest Airlines, as its executives respond to abnormally high fuel costs and craft a future that in the short run isn't predicated on a merger.

The company's planned combination with Delta Air Lines was envisioned as a way to create a global airline that would be a long-term survivor in an intensely competitive industry. Their networks are compatible, with Northwest dominant in Asia and Delta strong in Europe.

But now that merger looks to be on indefinite hold, and with it the vision of building a larger company that could grow its way to greater profits while also being better insulated against cyclical downturns.

Now some analysts are forecasting that most major U.S. airlines will lose money this year, and additional cost savings are tougher to find because a number of carriers -- including Northwest and Delta -- already have restructured themselves in bankruptcy.

{...}An evolving part of that strategy is how to deal with much higher fuel prices than management anticipated.

Northwest revealed last week that its fuel bill could reach $5.2 billion this year if oil averages $104 a barrel. That's $800 million more than the carrier projected for 2008, or more than half of the $1.4 billion in annual labor savings that Northwest achieved from its workers during bankruptcy.{...}

Riddle me this, Joker: one of the reasons NWA went into bankruptcy a few years back (besides the fact that the fat cats at the top would get paid more if they reorganized under Chapter 11 before new bankruptcy laws were enacted) was because of "astronomical fuel prices" that they hadn't anticipated. Now, a few years later, they're still whining about how quickly fuel prices have gone up and how they haven't worked this into their business plan? How the eff is that possible, when anyone who fills up their car on a regular basis knew that the price of oil wasn't likely to go down anytime soon? Eh? How is it possible that the MBAs at Northworst thought that prices would go down and calculated their projections accordingly?

I've gone on at length in the past about how shitty it is to be stuck in a Northworst dominated hub. Everyone I know who lives elsewhere refuses to believe that the situation could be as crappy as it is. They have received good deals and good service from Northworst. I regularly get emails from my brother in Austin, who would really like me to visit, claiming that it's only a hundred and some dollars to fly from Austin to MSP, so why don't I buy the freakin' ticket already? Of course, I have to regularly disabuse him, because NWA wants twice as much from me to fly from MSP to Austin.

Northworst has a lock on MSP International Airport. They control over seventy-five percent of the gates. The population of the Twin Cities is close to three million people and we don't have a low cost airline available to us. Neither Southwest nor Jet Blue operate here. Why? Because Northworst won't let them in. They threaten and cajole the Metropolitan Airport Commission with the loss of their business, and because they've set themselves up in the dominant position, and MAC is worried that they could find themselves with a huge but empty airport, they cave every time. Never mind the fact that, in the early nineties, Northworst borrowed somewhere around $125 million from the state to stay out of bankruptcy, never paid the money back, let alone the interest on the loan, and then had the debt forgiven when they did declare bankruptcy. Never mind the fact that Northworst, an airline that didn't have one of its flights forcibly hijacked and crashed on 9/11, had its lobbyists up on Capitol Hill on 9/12, begging for federal assistance to keep running before the fires at the Pentagon and the World Trade Center had stopped burning.

Then there's the fact that they treat their customers like shit. They just don't give a rat's ass about the people who actually fund their billion dollar largesse. You pay through the nose for a ticket because you don't have any other option, (for instance, we have a family reunion coming up in August, and I checked the prices the other day, just to see where they're at. Currently, they want $506 per person to fly from MSP to Austin in early August. You're generally supposed to get some discount for purchasing early, but not now. They're going to get you coming and going. Get bent.) You show up at the airport to check-in for your flight, and, if you got stuck in traffic and are running late, be prepared to be yelled at about your tardiness by the ticket agent, with dire threats of your bag not making onto the plane hurled at you for good measure. If you're lucky, you walk away from the counter without paying anything extra. But, if you haven't packed carefully enough, or tried to fit all of the belongings of many people into one bag, you're screwed. They weigh every piece of checked luggage to make certain it doesn't weigh over fifty pounds and if it does, in the name of funding their worker's compensation plan (or so they say), they charge you $25 on the spot. You get through the hassle that is security, then you go and get a bottle of water for your flight, so you don't get dehydrated. Because the airport is paying off a load of debt Northworst forced them to take on to upgrade the airport (otherwise, of course, they would have taken their business elsewhere), you wind up paying $3 for the bottle of water, the costs of debt servicing having been passed on to the retailers through astronomical rents, who, ultimately, pass them onto you, the paying customer. Then, after you're treated to the hassle of getting to your gate, and after you've been treated indifferently by the rude gate agents, who always have something better to do than the job they're paid for, you get on your plane, where you're crammed into a seat that would only fit a toddler comfortably. If you want to sit in the bulkhead, or the emergency exit rows, you have to pay extra for the privilege of opening the emergency exit doors in exchange for a little more legroom. Once you're settled in your extra small seat, and are crammed in like sardines in a tin can, you are, predictably, told by the pilot, that you're going to be late taking off. To make up for the late take-off, the pilots jam up into the stratosphere as fast as they can, causing your ears to pop, for babies to wail, and for allergy and cold sufferers to moan in pain. The speedy rise in altitude is, of course, accompanied by a rapid descent, which causes even more pain and wailing. When you actually land, you have to suffer through an interminable taxi to the gate, the indignities of unloading, only to have to wait a half hour or longer to get your luggage, which, undoubtedly, will have been shaken and jostled by baggage agents who could not care less if you actually like your possessions and would prefer for them to remain in one piece. Never mind that your bottle of shampoo has exploded in mid-flight because of the massive shifts in altitude and all of your belongings are now covered in soapy goo.

But I've neglected to mention the wonderful customer service that the flight attendants offer. They no longer help people stow their carry-ons, but rather bitch and moan when there isn't enough room for all of them, and then get on the loudspeaker to berate people, and inform them that the plane isn't taking off until they, the passengers, get things sorted out amongst themselves and someone checks their bag. When they come around with the beverage cart, they sniff if someone requests something that would require them to do some work, like mixing a Virgin Mary. Then, if you're the husband, and are sitting on the aisle, prepare to have a flight attendant dump milk down your $800 black cashmere sport coat. They do, somehow, manage to apologize in this circumstance, but only because it's going to come back and bite them on the ass if they don't. They'll offer up some club soda and where to send the drycleaning bill, but if the jacket comes back from the cleaners with the milk stain intact, don't bother trying to get compensated for the loss of the jacket, because not only will they want a copy of the original receipt, which was lost to the sands of time, they want to know how much the jacket is worth now, forcing you to sort out the depreciation on a cashmere sport coat that's going to cost just as much to replace as when you originally purchased it. Because that's all they're going to pay for if you manage to get them everything they want in the first place, which happens to be an inordinately large amount of paper. They actively look for ways to get out of their obligations. But I digress. Then, after you manage to get your one obligatory beverage out of these people, if you want something to eat, because, perhaps, if you're me, you have to take medication that requires it to be taken with food, you'll have to pay extra for a teeny can of Pringles. Then, when they're done with serving, the flight attendants roam the cabin, collecting trash as quickly as they can so they can get back to their jump seats, where they'll bitch, loudly, about how onerous their jobs are, and how people can be such a pain in the ass, within earshot of said people.

And all this is if your flight goes off as planned. God help you if there are weather or mechanical related delays.

This is what passes for customer service on Northworst. I'm not alone in this opinion, either. While I'm sure there are nice people that work very hard for this airline to make their customers happy, and they will howl with outrage at this rejoinder, all I can say to them is that your compadres are ruining it for you. Again, I'm not alone in my complaints. Everyone I know here in the Cities has at least one Northworst horror story in their repertoire, and everyone they know has a similar tale of woe. We talk about it at dinner parties: it's a favored topic of conversation. When that many people have had a poor experience with a company, something's wrong. Unfortunately, Northworst does nothing to fix these problems. They file for bankruptcy, in part, to pay their employees less, and you don't need to be a rocket scientist to realize that the customers are going to suffer as a result. Furthermore, Twin Cities residents are supposed to consider ourselves privileged that Northworst has headquartered itself here, and that MSP International Airport is a hub. We're supposed to consider ourselves lucky that we have an international airline at our disposal. Well, pardon the language, but fuck that. We're expected to take it from all angles: as taxpayers we have to bail this stupid company out, and fund their largesse through tax breaks and airport expansions they declare they need to stay competitive, and then we're stuck using them because they have a lock on the market. We're held hostage by this freakin' company. I, for one, would have been extremely happy if they'd merged with Delta, because perhaps we would have started to receive some decent customer service. Perhaps they could have found some cost savings and stopped nickel and diming us at every turn. Perhaps we would have received some decent, fair pricing. But that's not going to happen.

I don't think I'm alone in saying that I hope Northworst does go out of business. It would be better for the people who are forced to fly this garbage airline because we have very few other alternatives, but it would be better for the Twin Cities economy as a whole, because, perhaps, the freebies we hand out to Northworst on a regular basis would finally come to an end. The free market would find a solution to the problem of all those empty gates at MSP, and we would finally get some competition in this market.

UPDATE: Oooh, how convenient! Proof of more nickel and diming to make my point!

If you want to check a second bag on your next trip on Northwest Airlines, you'll be paying an extra $25 starting May 5.

The fee applies each way on flights for passengers in coach class.

The move, announced this afternoon, follows an industry-wide trend started by United Airlines in early February.

If you travel extra heavy, you'll have heavier costs. The Northwest changes also include an increase from $80 to $100 for three or more checked bags, and an increase from $25 to $50 if a bag weighs more than 50 pounds.{...}

I can't check two suitcases without paying extra? Bite me. The sooner this airline dies a horrendous and painful death, the better.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:43 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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So, this morning, I decided to walk up to the library to return some books. It was a relatively nice day, and since we're supposed to get six inches of snow tonight/tomorrow, I figured I'd better take the opportunity to get out and about before the world turned into one big slurpee.

I'm walking along, minding my own business, trying not to wipe out on the various icy patches, and despite the fact it's below forty degrees outside, the fact that the sun is shiny and warm, the walk is turning out to be a pleasant experience. A hint that spring is around the corner, and I'll soon be able to do this on a regular basis without worrying about ripping out my pants and can avoid all the public humiliation that goes part and parcel with such an event.

I approach a busy intersection and, because the light has just turned green, I start to walk across it. I'm not hustling, because I know from experience that I've got plenty of time to get across it, and it's nice outside---I'm not in the mood to pick up speed. I get to the other side, and, because I need to cross the intersecting road, I wait for that light to turn green. While I'm waiting, some prosperous looking jagoff in a silver Volvo, decides this would be a good time to honk his horn at me. I turn and look, and as his window is already rolled down, he starts yelling, "If the sign says 'Don't Walk,' DON'T WALK BITCH!"

Then he rolled up his window and drove off. Bewildered, I just held up my arms, in what is universally accepted code for, "What the fuck was that all about?" He saw me from his rear view mirror. I know he did, because he paused for a moment at the top of the hill, before jamming on the gas again and taking off.

What is it with these obnoxious drivers? I don't have to press the crosswalk button. If it's been a long time since Driver's Ed, let me remind you that----ahem---PEDESTRIANS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY. And, yes, that includes not pushin the "Walk" button, and not moving as quickly as you'd like. As long as I'm not jaywalking, I'm in the right. The crosswalk button is there for people with small children, who need a longer period of time to make it across. I don't HAVE to press anything when the light is already green. That is my right by law. But, apparently, the law is not good enough for him. I did not move quickly enough for him, who, had to wait for me to make it across the width of one lane before he could turn right. And, God, you know, that JUST TOOK TOO FREAKIN' LONG TO HAVE TO WAIT FOR SOMEONE TO CROSS THE ROAD, so he had to delay his trip even more by stopping his car---in the middle of traffic, mind you---to yell at me.

This is becoming a problem around Cake Eater land, because this is not the first time some guy has yelled at me from their very fancy, very expensive cars about my failings as a pedestrian. I am sick of this shit. I regularly feel like Dustin Hoffman's character in Midnight Cowboy "I'm WALKING here!" Today, it was Volvo Guy. A couple of years ago, it was Black Toyota SUV Guy, who actually turned around, parked his truck, got out of said truck and tried to find me after I refused to move more quickly, so he could turn left, while I was carrying two heavy bags of groceries. His truck was about a foot from my person, he was gunning his engine, honking his horn, and, as I was royally pissed off at his behavior, I just stood there for a moment, refusing to move in one direction or another, to make my point. When I did move, he squealed around the corner and I went into another store. When I came out, the same guy was standing on the sidewalk, steaming, hands defiantly placed on hips, looking in the direction I had been headed. I walked right past him, a grocery bag in either hand. And he was, apparently, so pissed off that he didn't recognize me, even though I'd been about a foot in front of his truck, staring him down ten minutes previously.

Last autumn, it was Beemer Guy. early on a Sunday morning, I was walking up to the local bakery to get the husband a muffin. There was very little traffic at this hour, but there was some. One car in particular. I was waiting for the light to turn green at the intersection about a block away from our house, and when it did, this "gentleman" in a white, five series Beemer, who was waiting for me to do my business so he could turn left behind me, started gunning his engine before I could even enter the crosswalk. I was not only annoyed that someone had his panties in a bunch at seven-thirty on a Sunday morning, I was threatened by his behavior as well. I don't know about you, but I am NOT going to walk in front of a car where the driver is gunning his German-engineered engine. One slip of the foot, and I'm road kill. Thanks, but no thanks. I've spent too much time in the hospital already, I'm not looking for more. I waved my hand, insisting that he should go first. After he took advantage of my generosity, I shook my head and muttered to myself. He then stopped his precious Beemer, (again, in the middle of the street) and waits for me to get within shouting range. "If you've got something to say to me, SAY IT! YOU HAD YOUR TURN! I DON'T NEED THIS SHIT TODAY!" I just stood there, and stared at him until he decided to storm off.

Look, I'm a pedestrian. I walk places. I am used to coexisting with automobiles and the people who drive them. I am accustomed to obnoxious drivers, who regularly honk their horns at the slightest infraction, who blow through red lights and who are monstrously pissed off when I don't get out of their way as quickly as they'd like---and believe you me, you can never get out of their way quickly enough. Even if you're running, it's not fast enough and you should speed it up. Surprisingly enough, as well, I'm also used to the drunks who like to turn left, illegally, by turning into the wrong lane right in front of you, as in, if you'd been two steps further than you actually were, you would have been flattened. I am used to these people. I always make sure to cross at a crosswalk, with the light, so that if they choose to hit me, I will be able to sue them back to the Stone Age. But to actually start screaming at a random pedestrian? That's just not kosher. That should be a sign to you that you've got anger issues, and should start paying visits to a therapist. I don't really care if you're having trouble paying your mortgage, if your house isn't worth as much as you thought it was, if your wife is fucking the Guatemalan pool boy, if the lease payment on your overpriced sports car is getting to you, or if your kid didn't score well enough on the entrance exam to get into Blake. I don't care about any of these things. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SCREAM AT ME FOR NOT GETTING OUT OF YOUR WAY! I have every right to be there. When I'm there, in a crosswalk, you yield to me, asshole, not the other way round.

Posted by: Kathy at 02:25 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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This was all anyone could talk about this morning at the hospital. How badly would it suck to be this person?

In what officials are calling a "tragic medical error," a surgical team removed the wrong kidney from a patient with kidney cancer last week at Methodist Hospital in St. Louis Park, the hospital disclosed Monday.

Officials said the error occurred weeks before the surgery, when the kidney on the wrong side was identified on the patient's medical charts as cancerous. The patient, who was not identified, was left with the cancerous kidney when the healthy one was removed.

"We feel just profoundly responsible for this," said Dr. Samuel Carlson, chief medical officer for Park Nicollet Health Services, which owns Methodist Hospital.

Hospital officials said that they apologized to the patient and family, and "are working closely with them to support them in every way we can."

The hospital took the unusual step of announcing the mistake in a memo to Park Nicollet employees on Monday. "An error of this degree has, to the best of our knowledge, never happened at this hospital before," Carlson said.{...}

Discussion ranged about just how screwed this person is. How nurses usually marker up a leg that's to be amputated, and why couldn't they do the same thing with the kidney? Why wouldn't the surgeon have known they were looking at a cancerous kidney? (I fielded this one and said it might look perfectly healthy, but the cancer might actually be microscopic.) Why couldn't they just put back in the old kidney? (Because, duh, it was obviously dead because they hadn't kept it alive but were going to biopsy it instead.) If this person can now get a kidney transplant, and would be moved to the top of the list, or if they were eligible for one at all now, because of their condition? How bad must the morale at Methodist be today? But, mostly, what we discussed was just how big of a settlement Methodist is going to have to pony up.

We decided it was going to be big. In the tens of millions of dollars.

My sympathies go out to the family. But for God's sake, don't sign anything!

But there's a lesson to be learned here, and it's one that I was reminded of last week: know exactly what they're going to be doing, and if your version of what needs to be done differs in any way from theirs, make sure that difference is reconciled. I'm kind of amazed this happened in the first place. One would think the surgeon would have gone over what they were going to do with the patient, and then the patient would have said, 'Hey, you're talking about taking out the working kidney here. Let's try this again.' But, then again, if the mistake was in the chart long enough, and had been propagated enough times within the chart, well, maybe the patient thought the surgeon was taking out the correct kidney? Who knows?

This is a goof of tremendous proportions. I think the hospital is to be commended for not only going public, but to fessing up to their part in the whole debacle, despite the fact that by doing so they've clearly admitted liability. That's fairly rare in this day and age, when most hospitals would have hedged their bets. The surgeon is to be commended, as well, for voluntarily suspending their practice, while things are investigated. It's nice to know that some people have consciences.

Posted by: Kathy at 02:58 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Despite the fact he gets paid upwards of $20 million per picture, Tommy Boy Cruise, apparently, has failed to buy the ability to sing in key. Neither will all that money buy one rhythm.

Don't believe me? Watch for yourself.

Do you feel better about yourself after that? I know I do.

{ht: where I usually get these things}

Posted by: Kathy at 02:19 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 61 words, total size 1 kb.

...buy property in the province of Minneapolis. Not surprisingly, however, given the inclinations of the Minneapolis City Council, they want to do just that.

MInneapolis, Minn. — The Minneapolis Advantage is an effort to stabilize neighborhoods hardest hit by the foreclosure crisis. It would pay homebuyers $10,000 to buy properties in certain inner city neighborhoods.

It's not a new concept. Some neighborhood groups have been offering similar incentives for years, and they say the city plan can boost their efforts to encourage homeownership.

The Minneapolis Advantage is still in the planning stages, but if adopted by the City Council later this month, there will be 50 loans available for qualified buyers to purchase a home in any of 18 neighborhoods.

Minneapolis City Housing Director Tom Streitz recently presented details of the plan to members of the City Council. He says the neighborhoods chosen for the program are areas that have high concentrations of boarded and vacant homes.

"We know that investors have come into some of these neighborhoods, and essentially flipped these properties over and over again. They've inflated the value," Streitz said. "They've stripped the equity, and in many cases they've stripped whatever quality materials were left in the house, and left devastation in its wake."

Streitz says the program may not be able to completely prevent a repeat of that scenario, but there are some safeguards.

For example, the loans will only be available to individual homebuyers, not corporations. The homebuyer has to live in the house and commit to staying there for five years. After that point, the loan will be forgiven. {...}

Ok, so not only is the City of Minneapolis considering offering interest-free loans to people whose religion bans them from applying for "traditional financing," they now want to pay people to buy up houses in one of the worst neighborboods in the city. And by "worst" I don't simply mean that the neighborhood is blighted because the houses are old and no one wants to upgrade, I mean "worst" in the sense that this is one of the neighborhoods that regularly earns the city the moniker "Murderapolis." It may be quiet now, but that's only because it's too cold for the crack/coke/meth dealers to go out and shoot one other. As soon as it gets warm outside, the melee will start afresh. And, if one should choose to take the city up on its generous offer, and the bullets start flying because the same city council won't fund the police department adequately, you wouldn't be able to move your family to a safer location because that would violate the terms of said cash payoff.

You might as well as someone to move to Mogadishu and tell them they can't leave when the warlords start rampaging. Again.

Mr. H, who is in the relocation business and knows something about real estate, and I were chatting about these same houses over the weekend, and he said that everything worthwhile in these houses has been stripped, either by flippers, or by squatters and thieves who moved in after the properties had gone into foreclosure. That means there is no plumbing in them, or electrical wiring---both are made of copper, and copper is particularly valuable right now---appliances, windows, furnaces, or wood, even, because if there were salvageable hard wood floors, those were stripped out for use elsewhere. They're just shells, and there's no way in hell that a $15,000 "incentive" renovation loan is going to bring these properties back up to code. Which, of course, the city will fine you for violating.

Then you have to remember that you'd be buying property in Minneapolis, where the property taxes are high, and I'm fairly certain there wouldn't be any sort of break on those particular taxes. Never mind the fact that, in the province of Minneapolis, you pay your taxes and you get squat in terms of city services, like plowing when it snows---and even then, they're more likely to tow your car than to actually get around to plowing the street---or even garbage removal (everyone in the Twin Cities has to pay to have their garbage removed. No one gets a pass on this one.), or even police, because they're strapped as it is stands. What anyone who decides to take the city up on its offer will get, however, is incessant, and expensive, meddling in their affairs. City inspectors will show up and will fine the bejeezus out of these people. They'll have to pay up the wazoo to get any renovation plans approved. And, of course, the property tax bill will, of course, go up when they make renovations and increase the value of the property.

Why would anyone, in their right mind, consider this to be a worthwhile endeavor? You know, other than the city of Minneapolis, that is.

This is just about as predatory as some on the City Council, or elsewhere, would claim the subprime mortgage market was.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:22 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 835 words, total size 5 kb.

I vented my spleen a couple of months ago at Garrison Keillor for suing his next door neighbors for blocking his view of open space. Well, he found a solution to the problem: he's moving.

The star of "A Prairie Home Companion" and his wife, Jenny Lind Nilsson, listed their house in the Ramsey Hill Historic District with a real estate agent this week. The asking price: $1.65 million, according to www.realtor.com.

Keillor and Nilsson sued their next-door neighbor, Lori Anderson, in January to stop her from building a two-story garage-and-studio addition to her house, saying the project would "obstruct the access of light and air to [their] property."
But the dispute isn't the reason Keillor and Nilsson are selling their house and buying another, said real estate agent Mary Hardy. Keillor wants a large, airy first-floor studio where he can work, she said. Keillor and Nilsson made an offer for a house in the 200 block of Summit Avenue that has about 4,000 square feet more space and sits on a half-acre lot on a bluff. While its listing price is no longer public, the house's taxable value was listed at just under $1.6 million.

The lawsuit that Keillor and Nilsson filed was settled through mediation about a week later, but terms were not disclosed.

Since then, however, new drawings have been submitted to and approved by the city, said Robert Humphrey, assistant to the director of the city's Department of Safety and Inspections. The new plans, Humphrey said, call for the addition to be built away from the property line. Otherwise, the project is essentially the same.
On Tuesday, it appeared that construction was underway.{...}

{my emphasis}

So those poor people went to all that trouble to try and satisfy Keillor and his wife---and undoubtedly had to pay a lot of money in legal fees, architect fees, and planning fees---and now he's moving?

Jackass.

If were them, I'd pull the old "flaming bag of dog shit" trick on his doorstep. Every day. Until he moves. He deserves it.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:08 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 343 words, total size 2 kb.

The husband just sent me a link to this post with the title line of the email stating, ahem, "MUST HAVE!"

What must the husband have? you, my devoted Cake Eater readers, ask. Well, I'm glad you asked, because it's basically a Craftmatic adjustable bed. For extreme dorks.

I quoteth from the posteth:

{...}The bed includes built-in electronics: wireless Internet connectivity and a wireless keyboard; a built-in iPod docking station; integration to life|ware Connected, a Windows Media Center program that controls home electronics; as well as 1.5 terabytes of storage to maintain your media collections.

It provides a surround sound system with four eight-inch subwoofers, an audiophile ribbon tweeter, and 2,500 watt RMS amplification. A headboard projector casts a 120-inch (10-foot) screen on the wall and can be used to project movies, books, music navigation features, the Internet and the local daily weather.

Next, thereÂ’s anti-snore technology. The bed detects snoring with a vibration-detection system and automatically moves itself into an angle that will help open the sleeperÂ’s nasal passages to reduce mild to moderate snoring. When the snoring stops, the bed returns to its original position.

Plus, vibration sensor and load cell technologies measure how much you toss and turn, and how often you get out of bed during the night. According to a company press release, the same vibration sensor technology detects and monitors rhythmic breathing patterns that indicate relaxation. It compares these movements to a 30-day baseline measure of the sleeper and then provides tips on a “Good Morning Screen” to improve sleep quality. That’s right. Your bed will start giving you advice about how to improve your sleep performance.

If you donÂ’t sleep alone, each of you can control the temperature on your side of the bed, from 68 degrees to 117 degrees Fahrenheit.{...}

What? No cup holders?

Here's what it looks like.

So, like I said, it's a Craftmatic adjustable bed that your grannie would lurve to have, only you can plug your iPod into it. Grannie wouldn't know what to do with an iPod, but you would, right?

And get this. It's going to cost anywhere between $20 and $50...thousand dollars.

I can only say this: I am NOT going to want to listen to a mechanical hum as it raises itself up every time the husband starts snoring. Nor am I going to want to listen to it reposition itself to a horizontal position when he stops. It's sounds like something out of Logan's Run. Only without the neat metallic leisure suits and Michael York trying to fight the future on a monorail. No one needs that. Really and truly. The only time I am currently allowed to wail on the husband is when he starts snoring, because it's the only way to get him to shut up. If he thinks I'm going to listen to all that racket, ON TOP OF THE SNORING, well, his shins aren't going to be the only thing that's bruised come morning.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:35 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 515 words, total size 3 kb.

Could it be...

...the ferocious snap of a whip?

Posted by: Kathy at 12:25 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 17 words, total size 1 kb.