While I shouldn't judge, because I can't drive a stick, either---and am generally of the belief that if God gave someone the impetus to invent the automatic transmission, it would be a shame not to use it---it nonetheless would seem as if that's pretty basic goddamned information for James Bond to know---or, as in this case, anyone playing James Bond.

{...}The latest hitch on the set of "Casino Royale," the new 007 flick, reportedly occurred when the star revealed he couldn't drive the super-suave superspy's trademark Aston Martin. Craig, 37, found himself shaken, not stirred, when he was confronted with a manual gearshift instead of an automatic, British newspapers said today.{...}

I mean, honestly. Every single Bond film has an extended car chase sequence in it. Every single Bond film shows Bond driving. And every single Bond car has a manual transmission. Where, exactly, did Daniel Craig get the idea that Bond would suddenly be driving a automatic? Particularly since Aston Martin's are hand built and the Vanquish model, which was the last Bond car in Die Another Day, does not have an option for an automatic transmission?

Well, there's no denying it now: he's The Pussy Bond (TM). Any leeway I ws prepared to grant him because of Layer Cake is now gone. Ghandi. Poof. Disappeared into the ether.

{Hat tip: Chrissy}

Posted by: Kathy at 10:14 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Chad Hedrick is a complete and utter ass.

I hate him.

I hate his big, freshly fake enameled teeth. I want him to fall and break one of those suckers right off.

I hate how he makes sure all his Nike branded gear is front and center for the camera every time he weasles his way in front of one. I hate how he always tries to make eye contact with the camera, like he's got an imporant message for all the folks at home. I hate how he changed his hat right before he got his medal to make sure Nike was getting their money's worth. You're about to get a gold medal and THIS is what you're thinking of? Make sure the sponsors are being taken care of? Then you have the GALL to bitch at Shani Davis for favoring himself over his country because he chose not to participate in the team pursuit? What THE fuck is the matter with you, Chad? Patriotism at the Olympics is apparently only important to you when you can win more gold, eh? THEN you expect us to believe that's not the case? That's bullshit.

I hate how he apparently listened to his PR people and came up with a "story" to make his gold medal seem more important. The day he won was "the thirteenth anniversary of his grandma's death." The THIRTEENTH anniversary of his grandma's death. THIRTEENTH. She'd been dead a pretty long time, don't you think, to create such a maelstrom of emotion in her grandson? I wonder what he was like on the first anniversary of her death. He must have been prostrate with grief for days. If that day hadn't been the thirteenth anniversary of his grandma's death, I'm pretty sure he would have come up with some story about how his dog had been run over by a car back home and he was worried about fido. Or how it was a year ago today that his girlfriend broke up with him. OR had refused to give him head or something equally stupid. If he was actually torn up about his grandma's death, then I'm tall enough to reach the top shelves in my kitchen cupboards---which I'm not, just in case you were wondering. Someone told him he needed a story, so he came up with one. It's all bullshit.

I hate everything about him. He's a Grade A Prime Shithead. I sincerely hope he bombs his last race. He's a poor sportsman and an even worse American.

He's the dumb asshole the rest of the world thinks all Americans are, and I, for one, am ashamed to have him representing my country at the Olympics.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:06 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Wham!

"Look at what happened to James Frey in the last two weeks. That's a great book and so is the follow-up book. And just because his publisher chose to say that these were memoirs, it took it out of being a great work of fiction... to this guy having to go be sucker punched on Oprah by one of the most powerful women in television, just to grind her own axe about it. Hey, Oprah. You had President (Bill Clinton) on your show and if this prick didn't lie about a couple of things, I'm going to set myself on fire right now. James Frey is a writer, OK? He can write about whatever he wants. It's fiction. It's just shameful how he was treated in some of these things."

{emphasis mine}

Now, I disagree with Bruce on most of this. Personally I think James Frey got what he deserved. He lied. He did it in a big, fat, egregious way, he reaped huge benefits from lying, and he expected to get away with it: he was just dumb enough to think he'd get a fair shake on Oprah's show after she'd been reamed by the critics for a week and a half. Her name is her brand, which is worth billions of dollars; she's not going to lay that on the line for you, James. She's just not going to. That would be dumb, which, whatever else you want to call Oprah---bitch is at the top of the list for me---is not a good descriptor for her. Also, I'm not really quite sure what dear ol' Bruno is talking about when he refers to Frey's books as "fiction" because while it's apparent that's what they are now, they were published and sold as memoirs. (Which, of course, leads to a whole 'nother conversation we could be having about the standards of fiction publishing nowadays, and if this book was flushed as fiction, but bought by as a memoir---both by the same freakin' editor at Random House who basically got a pass on Oprah's show---well, Lucy, you gots some 'splainin to do, but we'll choose to avoid going there for the sake of expediency.)

Yet... I'm relishing the exceedingly enjoyable shot he scored against Oprah's bloated sense of self-righteousness using Bubba Clinton as a hockey puck.

We've got a word for that here in Cake Eater Land: GOOOOOAAAAAALLLL!

{hat tip: The Evening Star}

Posted by: Kathy at 11:34 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Don't f@3k with grandma.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:28 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Forget all this hubbub about cartoons depicting Mohammed in a blasphemous way.

I've got something much, MUCH worse than all of that. You see, I found an Arabic version of one of the most famous and beloved songs in the American Songbook.

Ahem.

My devoted (and undoubtedly shocked) Cake Eater readers, I present to you the Arabic version of {insert sexy baseline here} Shaft.

Blasphemy against Isaac Hayes aside, I think we're safe in saying, however, that the dude whose work this is could not be considered a sex machine to all the chicks.

Posted by: Kathy at 03:27 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Brrrr.

{...}Brillstein-Grey Entertainment literary manager Kassie Evashevski, who represented the author of "A Million Little Pieces" for more than four years, said she's not representing him anymore because of his tall tales.

"In the last week, it became impossible for me to maintain a relationship once the trust had been broken," Evashevski told Publisher Weekly for a story on Tuesday. "He eventually did apologize, but I felt for many reasons I had to let him go as a client."{...}

Putting aside the issue of Frey's lying for a secong, let's see precisely what the business angle is here. How much money did she and her agency make off Frey? Somewhere between 10-15% of the net of any royalties he gets---if not more---and that's after advances, options and the like. Methinks this has more to do with the fact that Warner Brothers is rethinking making the book into a movie. That's why they're dumping him, not because of any "trust" issues. They've gotten their money out of him, and will keep collecting money from any new sales, but that's all they're willing to do for him. Which is shitty, if you ask me. Yes, it's the real world, but damn. The guy did, after all, make you a boatload of cash. You could at least stick by him until the storm blows over and then dump him quietly.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:27 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The Cake Eater Sister, Christi, sends this email along:

I have lately been bombarded with commercials advertising Curious George. I love George and so do the kids. It is done by Ron Howard, so you would think he is on the up and up...but, i have one huge gripe...on the commercial, there is an astounded "Man With the Yellow Hat" saying to George,"You followed me all the way from Africa?"

Okay, okay, do we really need to coddle our youth of today that much? Really, now, we can't tell the little kids that the nice man with the yellow hat really captured George to bring him back to a zoo in the United States?

Here's the trailer which has the offensive, coddling, politcally correct line that Christi's talking about. Although, it looks like more than just a line, but rather an extensive change in plot. Replete with a boat named the "H.A. Rey."

Christi then requests that I should do some research about this and "blow Ron out of the water" but I don't really think that's necessary at all as she covers the bases quite nicely.

Feel free to add your angst to hers, my devoted Cake Eater readers. That's what the comments section is for.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:21 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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