June 25, 2008

Sure To Warm The Cockles of My Father's Heart

Go here and read the article. Seriously. Clicket on the link, because according to AP's new $2.50 per word charge for bloggers who excerpt their stories, I can't quote it here. Don't be lazy. Clicket.

Ok, so for those of you who were too lazy to clicket, here's a quick summary: two cute little Salt Lake City kiddies decided to go downtown and protest against high gas prices because their mom had to choose which "necessity" she could afford to pay: gas or cable. As you might imagine, the cable was turned off and her children decided to protest---because they couldn't watch their favorite cartoons.

They even incorrectly spelled 'money' ('monny') and 'cable' ('cabel') on their protest signs. I'm not cutting them any slack on this one because of their ages.

Contrast this bit of cuteness with my father's childhood. At the tender age of four, he was responsible for slicing off part of his three-year-old brother's finger. He didn't do this maliciously. It was an accident. It happened whilst the pair of them were CHOPPING WOOD. Meaning, the implement he wielded to cut said wood (and said finger) was an ax, and his little brother was holding the splitter. I shit you not. This actually happened. And, as my father will undoubtedly say in his defense, the whole finger didn't come off, but just the tip---and they were able to sew it back on, too, and considering this was the mid-1930's, in the Nebraska sticks, that was nothing short of amazing. Of course, since Dad lived on a farm for part of his youth, I've heard all sorts of various horror stories about dust-bowl era farm life, one in particular was about my Granny being swarmed by mice as she opened a water tank (apparently, my father still has an abhorrence of mice to this very day because of this incidence). Eventually his family was forced off the farm, and into Omaha, because, partly, of swarms of grasshoppers that cleaned out their crops. After he moved to Omaha, he worked at a family member's grocery store for $0.35 an hour---for forty hours a week and paid his own high school tuition.

I'm sure it never would have occurred to Dad to make a sign and go up by the side of the road to protest the more horrible parts of the Great Depression, which hit him and his family full force. (What would the sign have read? "DO SOMETHING ABOUT GRASSHOPPER PLAGUES NOW!"? ) Everyone would have been hard hit, so it wouldn't have made any sense to protest. Besides, he had chores to do: he wouldn't have had the time.

I'm absolutely sure about one other thing, though: since my father was the 1944 Platte County Spelling Bee champion, he would have known how to spell 'money' and 'cable'. Probably at age seven, but definitely by age nine---the ages of the young girls in Salt Lake City. Sadly, Dad couldn't go and compete against the other county champions at the state competition because---ahem---they didn't have a state spelling bee because of---ahem---WWII and fuel rationing.

Kinda makes being deprived of 'cabel' seem pretty nice in comparison, eh?

(See, it's good to have a non-Boomer set of parents. Their stories are just SO much better than "Well, I first learned to FIGHT THE MAN when my old man said I had to start mowing the lawn for a measly quarter...")

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June 18, 2008

Eco BlabbityBlabbity Blah Blah Blah

Maybe it's a good thing I can't have kids if it gets me out of being invited to parties like this one.

{...}Women cradling glasses gather on sofas surrounding a coffee table that holds bowls of chips and M&Ms and books with titles such as "This is My Planet."

Welcome to an EcoMom Alliance party, the earnest 21st century descendant of the Tupperware party.

The EcoMoms are a fast-growing organization of mostly stay-at-home mothers who are tackling such issues as pollution and sustainability in their communities. Started barely 18 months ago by a mother in California, the group's website now claims 11,000 members around the world.

Jones, the mother of children ages 3, 6 and 8, is an EcoMom community leader. Using EcoMom parties, she is forging ahead with an environmental agenda that was in full swing before she found the group. An EcoMom banner hangs from a table in her living room proclaiming: "Sustain your home, sustain your planet, sustain your self."

"I've always been an organic shopper with a chemical-free home, so when I launched my son to school it was hard," Jones said. "Sure enough, he was exposed to pesticide lawns, tables that are cleaned with bleach and junky food.

"If Edina is so proud of being innovative and progressive, they need to get with it."

{...}"I have the urgency from my 8-year-old sensitive son, who comes home from school and says, 'Mom, did you know polar bears swim for days and then drown?' " she said. "When you have kids with these big feelings, you have to do something about it."{...}

If this was my kid, I'd reply, "Son, have you heard of a little thing called Natural Selection?" instead of starting up some eco-mommy movement, which, let's face it, is just an excuse for women to get together to swill wine and eat chocolate. Quilting bees evolved into coffee klatches, which evolved into tupperware parties, which evolved into book clubs, which evolved into politically correct eco-bullshit parties.

What is all of this crap? I'm so sick of this whole "we've got to SAVE THE EARTH! WE MUST BUY ORGANIC! WE MUST STOP DRIVING OUR CARS SO MUCH! WE MUST BRING REUSABLE BAGS TO THE GROCERY STORE!" This isn't a movement per se, so much as it is just another way of saying "I'm better than you are." Yes, that's right kids, it's about vanity. It's the modern-day equivalent of a diamond studded tennis bracelet or a Louis Vuitton handbag. And this vanity is seemingly filtering down into EVERYTHING.

Last night, I was at an organizational meeting for my young ovarian cancer survivors group, and as the entire organization has a fundraising walk coming up, it's been the practice of this group over the years to put together goody bags for all of the survivors who attend the walk---it's a small prize for surviving. This means hitting up any number of companies to see what kind of fun freebies we can load the bags up with. Of course, the pharmaceuticals are high on the list, but the woman who's organizing the thing (and who really is a very nice lady, with her heart in the right place) decided that she'd really like to skip handing out Neulasta bags, donated by Amgen, and try to solicit donations to have our own bags made---ones which would have "Go Teal" printed on then, as a play on "Go Green." Then the rest of the meeting was focused on trying to figure out which organic products we could possibly try to fill the bags with, and how to solicit donations from these companies.

Sigh. Fortunately, no one started up about buying carbon credits to offset this production.

I'm a little tired of all this stuff. Look, I've got nothing against trying to be a little more eco-friendly. After all, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to shit where you eat. I recycle---and have for years. I actually use public transportation. I buy in bulk, and I don't buy products that are encased in loads of packaging. But I do draw the line somewhere---the only organic thing I ever buy is avocados, because they're not rock hard. Organic food is too freakin' expensive for me to buy on a regular basis. While my carbon footprint is actually very small in reality, I don't harp on people who choose to live differently. Ok, well, let's correct that: perhaps I do harp on certain people who choose to drive the four blocks to the store instead of walking, but that's just me seeing it as illogical, and more time consuming to sit in traffic, when I can be up to the store, in, out, and home again in the same time it takes to drive there, rather than tooting my own eco-friendly horn. There's a difference. The women in the article are about saving the earth for "the children" whilst glugging bottles of wine and eating M&M's, as they sort out new ways of bullying people into what they deem is an appropriate lifestyle. And in the case of the goody bags, it's about filling them up with "sustainable" products that fit the fashion of the day, which will be seen as more desirable by the recipients, and produce, ultimately, a more satisfactory result than if we went and solicited Aqua Net for free hairspray.

Gah. I've about had it with this crap.

All of it makes me wish I had a Hummer, that I could drive down the freeway while I throw non-biodegradable trash out the window.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:05 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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June 12, 2008

Less Smelly Farts Through the Wonders of Science!

(I seriously cannot wait to see what kind of nasty comment spams I get from that title.)

Anyway...

Check out the latest thing available...

I swear to God this is not a joke. It's a real company, and a real product.

Posted by: Kathy at 08:55 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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June 08, 2008

Quote of the Day

So, the husband and I watched Beowulf today and I shall put the husband's very much NOT SAFE FOR WORK (or anyone really) comments below the fold. more...

Posted by: Kathy at 05:50 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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