As in I'm spent. Like a fiver thrust into a stripper's G-String.

Yes, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, your supposition is right: I am still hungover.

The party last night was a whopping good time. Other than the fact that the dee jay SUCKED big time, the ball was a resounding success and a good time was had by everyone. The winners of the costume contest were five guys who had the nerve to don itty bitty speedos, warm up jackets replete with 'DDR' on the back, noseplugs and swim caps to form the East German Swim Team. They carried a flag, spoke German and had a little cheer that they performed in the midst of the party to much applause. They totally deserved to win. But, getting back to the cause of my pain and suffering, on the beverage menu there was this fabulous drink called "The Brain Hemmorhage" that was made with cherry vodka, sweet and sour, and something else, but, for all intents and purposes, said drink was the alcoholic equivalent of crack. Hence, I am hungover.

Blogging will resume tomorrow.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:27 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I am a klutz.

The Ministry of Silly Walks has certified it and will be sending out the certificate stating as much in tomorrow's post.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:49 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Kath the Cake Eater: Unattended Luggage Fighter and Cub Reporter

At precisely 12:52 p.m. CDT today, on my way back from Lake Harriet, I reached the bus stop that sits opposite the Cake Eater Pad. While I was waiting to cross the street, the sweet stylings of the Boss' Rosalita flowing through my earphones, out of the corner of my eye I noticed something was amiss. Something was resting next to the bench. Something that shouldn't have been there. Furthermore, it something that wasn't there when I went to the lake an hour and ten minutes earlier.

I am sure you, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, are asking, what could it have possibly been? A breadbox? A Chrysler? A disembowled smurf?

{insert heavy duh-duh-duh music here}

It was...

...an evil garment bag. An evil unattended garment bag.

Rather conveniently for the cub reporter angle, I had my digital camera with me, so I snapped off a few shots of the garment bag, before going into the house, where I faced a conundrum: to call the cops or to not call the cops.

You see, some idiot probably just forgot their bag when they were getting on the bus. It happens. Someone probably got a little too wrapped up while listening to George Clinton and the Parliament Funkadelic on their fashionable iPod and, in the midst of their grooving on this beautiful autumn Tuesday, forgot all about their garment bag as the bus pulled up. It could happen.

But the "authorities" have repeatedly warned us about "unattended bags," because, apparently, they don't like for our luggage to be separated from its owner: that's a bad thing because it generally doesn't bode well when this happens. Yet, I ask you, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, who in their right mind would want to bomb the bus stop across the street from the Cake Eater Pad? The only thing that's there, as you can see, is a bench, a Strib box, and a Lutheran Church about fifteen yards behind it. Besides the obvious choice of target--- the Strib box---the only other target of interest is the Lutheran Church. Who'd want to bomb a Lutheran Church? Yeah, sure bomb a synagogue or a cathedral, but a boxy Lutheran church? And ECLA Lutherans at that? That's just really not worth the effort. Particularly on a Tuesday.

Anyhoo...I was torn. Do I call the cops? Do I not call the cops? I wouldn't want to waste their time. So instead of debating with myself, while I stretched my hamstrings, I called the husband and asked him what I should do. He said, duh, call the cops. I agreed I would. I chatted with him for a little bit, asked him how his day was going, listened to him bitch about this ISP he's working with currently on this project, and then, after I hung up with the husband, called the police at 1:05 p.m. CDT. Of course I got the Cake Eater City Police on the horn and since the bus stop is in the Province of Minneapolis, they transferred me promptly to the Minneapolis police, who took my name, number and complaint and said, "we'll send some cruisers right over."

I hung up the phone, happy that was over with. Then, because I was hungry, I went into the kitchen and made some Cream of Wheat for lunch. 1:10 comes and goes and the cops don't show. 1:15 passes by with still no police as I pour the hot cereal into a bowl and get myself some juice. At 1:20, I'm settled in the chair in the living room, eating my lunch and watching the street outside, waiting for the cops to show up. The cream of wheat was exceedingly tasty---and it disappeared fast, because I was hungry. At 1:24 a Minneapolis police cruiser shows up! And it only took nineteen minutes! A moment later, a second cruiser pulls up behind the first.

Now, apparently the guy in the first cruiser wanted nothing to do with the bag. He left it for the dude in the second cruiser to take care of. The second cop pulled on what looked like a pair of baby blue rubber gloves and went to work on the bag, while the cop from the first cruiser stood out of the way.

The second cop went through the bag pretty thoroughly.

And then all of a sudden, the gawker effect kicked in on the street as the cars started slowing down to get a good peek at what was going on. This, apparently, coincided with the time that the second cop decided there was nothing to worry about with this bag, hence the first cop decided to mosy on over, closer to the bag.

About a minute later, at 1:27p.m., the second cop put the bag in his trunk, whipped his rubber gloves off like he was Marcus Welby, threw them into his car and got in after them. The first cop pulled into the church parking lot and then the second cruiser pulled in after him.

There apparently wasn't anything wrong with the bag, per se, because they sat there and shot the shit for the next fifteen minutes or so.

So, I feel somewhat righteous right now, having defended my local bus stop from unattended luggage that might or might not have exploded and destroyed the Strib box.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

Posted by: Kathy at 02:47 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Because the carafe on our old coffeemaker decided to break, last week the husband and I were forced to go out and buy a new coffeemaker. After much research, a bit of making fun of Marshall Field employees and dodging Mr. Coffee counterfeits at JC Penneys, we purchased this model from Le Boutique de Target for $49.50.

That is one sexy coffeemaker, no?

If you want to read what will undoubtedly be a longwinded review from someone who used to be in the coffee industry, take the jump. If you're not interested, well, gaze in wonder at the joy that is my kitchen counter. more...

Posted by: Kathy at 12:30 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 I have a followup question that should not be interpreted as a challenge to your mastery of the coffee. 900W is a measure of electricity, not heat. Is it possible that different heating elements may be more or less efficient at getting heat out of electricity, just as different light bulb technologies can vary so greatly in the output of light vs. heat or other energy, per watt? Or maybe they just all use the same heating element technology?

Posted by: Jack at October 18, 2005 05:00 PM (cA2Wd)

2 To heck with that last guys question. ets get the important on outta the way first. Is the coffee damn good or what? It may be a "sexy coffemaker" but if it don't put out properly what good is it except something nice to look at and make your friends jealous?

Posted by: The Wizard at October 18, 2005 05:31 PM (ThVPw)

3 I'll tackle this one. A heating element is very simple technology. Basically it's metal with a current put through it. The resistance of the metal to the current creates heat. The only thing in a coffee maker that shuts off the heat are simple, solid-state temperature sensors. The tube that heats the water in your coffee maker is passed around the same heating element that is in the base plate. Hence, extra wattage = faster brewing as the water is boiled more quickly and has less time to spend passing over the fresh ground coffee in the basket. Extra wattage = faster cycles between when the warming plate heats and when the temperature sensors turn it off. When the heating element cycles faster due to the extra wattage, the temperature curve over time has a tendency to be larger. In other words, even though the the sensor shuts the heating element off, the temperature is still going up for a short time and the extra wattage makes that be more-so. Also, this makes for shorter cycles which equal a higher average temperature for the heating plate. Ok, that was an overly windy explanation of that. I hope it made sense to someone.

Posted by: MRN aka "The Husband" at October 18, 2005 05:45 PM (BfdxI)

4 I think I was mostly aware of that, but it's good to see it spelled out. But, with "Basically it's metal with a current put through it. The resistance of the metal to the current creates heat," my previous mystery lives on, therein. Is it the same metal / same resistance in all of them? What if they're not built the same size and shape? how much of the heat could escape from the sides of the coffee maker through points other than the hot plate (I imagine they all have that one taken care of, or it would be a fire hazard, but perhaps to varying degrees)? I am starting to wish I hadn't asked though, and I am ready to accept that all hot plate mechanisms wattage:heat ratios are the same

Posted by: Jack at October 18, 2005 07:00 PM (cA2Wd)

5 Jack, you pose a good question and one to which I don't have the answer. I'm pretty sure most of them are made with aluminum and to some standards for fire prevention, as you mentioned. It is interesting to note that when we were shopping for the coffeemakers the other day, I noticed that regardless of the badge on the front of the machine, most of the electrical portions are made by Sunbeam. There's some pictures of the aluminum connections on this page and a more detailed description of the heating element in a basic coffeemaker here. Of course, I suppose we could carry the discussion here, but that might be going too far.

Posted by: MRN aka "The Husband" at October 18, 2005 07:54 PM (kZ6IS)

6 Dudes. Who says blogs ain't edjumakashunal?

Posted by: Margi at October 19, 2005 01:32 AM (nwEQH)

7 it's very sleek; i like it.

Posted by: amelie at October 19, 2005 01:46 AM (J0CVQ)

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I ask you, my devoted Cake Eater Readers: Blockbuster online rentals or Netflix?

UPDATE: The husband has been screwing around with this Ning thing for the past week or so (he got in on the beta somehow) and is enamored with it. Hence, he built me an app for this specific question. Go and check it out, but for the love of God, don't register to vote. I won't even do that.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:28 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 I have no experience with the Blockbuster version. But Netflix is fantastic.

Posted by: Doug at October 17, 2005 11:41 PM (7P5xE)

2 I scrapped Netflix twice (I'm currently without due to Impending Baby Budget Cuts) but I love it. I've had no experience with Blockbuster online -- but they have enough of my money with late fees, so I wouldn't use them, anyay. Heh.

Posted by: Margi at October 18, 2005 02:05 AM (nwEQH)

3 Blockbuster. You also get coupons for candy and in-store rentals every month. Much much better!

Posted by: Stigmata at October 18, 2005 02:23 AM (qIElm)

4 Oh go ahead and register. These guys are VERY trustworthy. Besides, there are a bunch of cool apps on the playground at Ning so far. If you get spam from Ning, feel free to forward it all to me.

Posted by: MRN aka "The Husband" at October 18, 2005 10:47 AM (BfdxI)

5 What, there are people still out there who *haven't* registered for Ning? I'm netflix all the way, btw.

Posted by: Christpher Schmidt at October 18, 2005 01:21 PM (TbSgW)

6 Blockbuster isn't really an option where we live. We love Netflix so far.

Posted by: Sandy at October 18, 2005 01:35 PM (hFk9v)

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Yep.

Day Three without any form of nicotine running through my bloodstream.

And I still feel like I'm high. Any time my brain would like to get back to working at its regular pace, I'll be happy to have it kick in. Until then, I'm reduced to wandering around the house, trying to connect two thoughts and failing most times. I'm sick of this crap.

I want to be able to post without having to update about six or seven times to get my point across.

Also, to add insult to injury, I broke out again. And it's a bad breakout. Like, I haven't had skin this grotty since I was in high school.

I'm pretty damn sure it's a reaction to the lessening of the amount of nicotine in my bloodstream. There's nothing else to explain it. I haven't changed my diet. I don't bloom out in zits during that time of the month because, ahem, I'm not fifteen anymore (Thank God for small favors). I learned my lesson on the Life Savers, hence there's no candy in the house. This is the only thing that could be causing all these effing zits! They pop up, quite literally, it the time it takes to wash my face. I'm quite serious. Yesterday, I washed my face. There was no zit above my lip. I rinse my face off and---WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU MA'AM---a white head had appeared. And, no, I'm not allergic to the soap. This is fucking ridiculous. I haven't counted all the zits on my face because, quite frankly, there are too many of them to count!

Quitting smoking has very little to recommend it.

Really.

I'm just calling it the way I see it and as far as I can tell, compared to how happy I was sucking on my coffin nails, well, the life of a non-smoker really does suck.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:12 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Yep. It's a day later and I still feel like I'm high.

I miss my nicotine.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:51 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I feel like my brain is a balloon. It's currently floating about five feet above my head and, lucky for me, is tethered to my spinal column by a string.

Today is the first day in over ten years that I've gone without any nicotine in my system.

And I feel like an idiot.

Yes, you are remembering correctly: I was on the patch. I gradually stepped down from 21mg of nicotine---the equivalent of a pack of twenty cigarettes---to 14mg four weeks ago, and then to 7mg two weeks ago. Yesterday endeth the eight weeketh patcheth plan. Today is my first day without ANY nicotine and, to repeat, I feel like a fucking idiot. The neurons aren't firing well. The synapses are acting like a lazy bike messenger who's claiming to have a pulled hamstring. And I'm tired. I just went around the lake and I'm pooped. I shouldn't be this tired. Everything's fuzzy and muzzy and any other words that have two "z's" in the middle.

Methinks this quitting smoking thing is more of a pain than what it's worth.

Ah, well, it's not like I'm in any state to ponder deeply on that, so I'm going to go and have a nap.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:58 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Oh, wait...the mean woman is my mommy. Never mind.

She sent me these earlier, with the attached message: "Couldn't help exchanging views." The Cake Eater Parents are currently on vacation in Ft. Walton Beach, Florida. This is, indeed, the perfect time of year to visit: it's still warm enough to get some serious beach time in, but the beaches are pretty free of people, which is nice.

{Insert much grumbling that, undoubtedly, violates the Fourth Commandment here}

Posted by: Kathy at 10:30 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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So, I've been schlepping the digital camera over to the lake when I go walking. The purpose behind this being to capture the change of the season. The husband and I had this idea years ago, and we finally decided to actually do it this year. Fortunately the camera is light, but effective. Today, I took some extra shots because I liked the light. So, this is the Minneapolis skyline from the southeast shore of Lake Harriet.

Clicket on the image to super-size.

This is what I get to gaze upon every day when I go walking. Eat your hearts out.

You'll see the rest of the pictures when all the leaves are down. Which shouldn't be too long from now because it frosted last night.

Posted by: Kathy at 05:48 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
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Get your fat ass off the chair and start cleaning the house.

UPDATE You know your motivation level is at rock bottom when you feel the need to blog about how much you don't feel like cleaning.

It's incredibly sad, no? Next thing you know, Dearest Jonathan will be bugging me about how this, indeed, is an indicator of just how dumb blogs can be.

And he'll say "heh" when he does it, too.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:40 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I have to deep clean the Cake Eater Pad tomorrow.

The reason for this deep cleaning?

My in-laws are coming to town tomorrow. From Phoenix. Via plane.

And we had, approximately, twenty-two hours' warning of their visit.

To elucidate: the in-laws were supposed to visit us last week. They had their plane tickets and their hotel reservations were made. They were set to go. That is, until the father-in-law was laid-off from his job. Then the in-laws decided that spending money on a vacation probably wasn't the wisest thing to do whilst there was a limited source of income available. So, after cancelling the reservations, the father-in-law looked for a new job and he was hired yesterday. It's a job he will excel at; it has a lovely compensation package; and it means they will be moving to the outskirts of Nogales, Arizona because the father-in-law will be driving over the border every day to go to work. You'd think they have plenty on their plates right now, wouldn't you? Getting ready to sell their house; finding a place for the father-in-law to live in the meantime; looking for new furniture to replace the hideous orange and brown sofa and chairs they have in their living room, etc. Apparently not. The mother-in-law, never being one to let grass grow under her feet when a chance to see her grandbabies is in the offing, suggested to her husband this morning that since he doesn't start work until the 17th, they could still get their vacation in.

They didn't call to ask if it was a good time for a visit, either.

Yeah. I know. Let's not go there.

This should serve as a warning that blogging will probably be light over the next couple of days as I have an apartment to mother-in-law-ize and other domestic duties to attend to.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:11 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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