April 09, 2005
{Clicket on image for larger. Unless you have Superman-like eyes and can read it perfectly already. Which leads one to wonder: why are you reading my blog when you could be out, looking around, and seeing what sort of underwear people are wearing with your X-Ray vision?}
SCOTT KURTZ RULES! Preach it, brother!
The story is here if you're interested. Which you should be, because it means no more "C is for Cookie." Cookies are now a "sometimes food."
As the self-proclaimed defender of all that is good and wonderful in this world, I have decided I need you, my devoted Cake Eater readers, to lend your assistance to ensure Cookie Monster's original vision is kept alive. Think of it as a sort of Fahrenheit 451 action, only with music instead of some book. I will need you to download it and then back it up to a very safe place. You will then need memorize the song and sing it often so we can keep it alive for our young ones. Or until Sesame Street comes to its senses and decides to relocate out of New York City.
You can find the regular version here. And if the funk is running through your veins this afternoon, well, here's the disco version.
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April 08, 2005
Woot!
/sarcasm /channeling Public Enemy
Some choice quotes on the repression of women in the blogosphere:
{...} But, one aspect of blogging Lauter finds disheartening is its coverage in mainstream media as an adult male political phenomenon.“We are seeing more focus in mass media on blogs that are created by men. When in fact, the statistics show that more women are blogging than men,” Lauter said. {...}
Lauter said she believes the disparity in media coverage is a reflection of our society’s values. “I think that gets at another kind of inequity in terms of value. Valuing some of these blogs that are more political, more business-oriented, and privileging them over other kinds of blogs that may not be as edgy. A privileging of socially constructed ‘male issues’ over ‘women’s issues,’” said Lauter.
And male bloggers are helping to reinforce that privilege. Clancy Ratliff, a Ph.D. student at the University of Minnesota who is researching blogs, found that the most popular male bloggers rarely include women bloggers on their blogroll—a list of weblinks to other blogs the author visits and references frequently.
RatcliffÂ’s pilot study found that on the top 10 blogs defined by Technorati, a search engine that tracks more than 7 million blogs, just 16 percent of blogrolls provide links to female bloggers. Men are linking with men.
Some of the reasons for the male bias may harken back to more traditional forms of communication, Ratcliff said.
“I think it is kind of a self-perpetuating mechanism where male bloggers see all the op-ed pieces by men about foreign policy and blog about that,” said Ratliff. She said she feels the lack of women in the newsroom contributes to this disparity both in the real world and online, and helps to marginalize the issues women are blogging about. “A lot of times women’s issues like reproductive rights are not as often treated as serious political issues like the war in Iraq,” Ratliff said. {...}
{empahsis mine}
Please. For the last time. There is no lack of diversity in the blogosphere. I am sick to effin' death of reading this crap already. Let's air some things out:
- There are women in the blogosphere. We write. About any number of things. As do the men. It's all about the content, baby, and not really about who's writing it. Now that's gender equality!
- The fact that we have vaginas and tits does not mean Vodkapundit and Insty and the rest of the big dogs are repressing us. All it means is that we haven't taken over. Yet. And all we'd have to do is schedule the Great American Flash-O-Rama and we'd win. Hands down. Now there's some feminism for ya!
- Susan Estrich needs to be bitchslapped for starting this whole brouhaha off. And I'm just the bitch to do it.
- If you treat me like an effin' victim one more time, Farrah Fawcett ala The Burning Bed will have nothin' on my wrath.
- Have I mentioned that I'm not being repressed because The Cake Eater Chronicles is not in the top 100?
- I am however in the top thousand. So you can go ahead and bite me.
- Men are free to link to whomever they damn well want to link. I, too, am free to link whomever I want to link. That's called "Hyperlink Justice" in Cake Eater Lingo. I link things I find interesting. If I don't find your stuff interesting, I won't link you. Conversely, if someone doesn't find my stuff interesting, they are under no obligation to link to it just because I possess a (fabulous) pair of breasts
Get off this goddamn topic already, would you? It's a waste of time because it misses the goddamn point. To quote a marvelous female blogger:
{...}First and foremost I am a writer. That the content that makes up The Cake Eater Chronicles comes from a female shouldn't have anything to do with the validity of the opinions presented. They either have merit or they do not. It's quite simple. The blogosphere is all about ideas and opinions. It's a veritable smorgasbord. There's something for everyone. The sex of the author shouldn't come into the equation unless we're talking about things directly related to our sex---like tampons or jock straps. To miss this point is to miss the exact essence of the blogosphere. And the internet, for that matter.
Now, go and read what Doug and the MAWB have to say about all of this.
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April 06, 2005
They believe in free love and multiple relationships, but not casual sex - and enjoy feeling "frubbly".As a group they practise "polyamory" - the latest social phenomenon to cross the Atlantic to Britain, psychologists heard yesterday.
Polyamorists have relationships that are wide open. Despite having numerous partners at any one time, they are emotionally committed and do not cheat on them.
So, what these folks are doing is outside of the mainstream. They're rejecting the traditional Western monogamy construct as artificial. As such, one psychologist has decided these people (she's one of them, too) need a whole new language.
{...}Polys, as practitioners of polyamory term themselves, now need new words to describe their emotions and actions, Dr Barker said.Some terms have been coined already. "Ethical slut" is used to define a woman in an open multiple relationship and is an attempt to take the stigma out of "slut". Feeling "frubbly" is described as the opposite to feeling jealous and is used to describe feelings of friendship towards a lover and their other partners, who are called "metamours".
A "wibble" is a jealous feeling but "not a massive sexual threat", Dr Barker said. "We are interested in another language," she told the conference. "The question is, when you are not having a standard relationship, what do you do for words? There are no words for what we do."{...}
{Insert head slamming on desk here}
Ok, bitch. Develop a whole new language to describe the fact that you like a little variety in your love-life. But don't try and tell me that by developing this whole new language you're not trying to rationalize your actions. Because you are. Even if you don't realize it.
Which is pretty pathetic, on the whole, if you ask me.
Hat tip: The Daily Ablution.
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April 01, 2005
Once can only hope to go deaf, too, lest I actually have to listen to that crap.
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On KQRS (92.5 FM), top-rated morning host Tom Barnard announced that a judge had overturned Hennepin County's smoking ban. The story, complete with quotes from county commissioners, sounded real to Hennepin County spokeswoman LuAnn Schmaus as she listened on her way to work."It took me a minute until I realized it was April 1," she admitted. (Another tip-off was Barnard's announcement that the United States would cease to exist by 2007). But Schmaus said after another radio station picked up the story and the county got a few phone calls, it put out an official release declaring the story bogus. For its part, KQRS reminded listeners hourly that it had been a joke.{...}
If one bloody Minneapolis City worker had to answer one phone call about the smoking ban being lifted, I am one happy effin' camper.
Seems only fair. Because, you know, the City Council didn't really allow for dissent when they passed the stupid thing.
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Choice quotes from the decision:
{...}``The statement that the plaintiff is a `Dumb Ass,' even first among `Dumb Asses,' communicates no factual proposition susceptible of proof or refutation.''{...}``denied being an alcoholic, but not that he consumed alcohol to the point of inebriation. . . . Similarly, he used only the present tense in denying that he chewed tobacco; for all the record shows, he might have chewed it in the very recent past, and might intend to chew it again in the future.''
The judges also said no one could determine with provable authority who was a dumb ass and who wasn't. ``To call a man `dumb' often means no more than to call him a `fool,' '' the opinion reads. ``One man's fool may be another's savant. Indeed, a corollary of Lincoln's famous aphorism is that every person is a fool some of the time.''{...}
Snicker.
Hat Tip: Tech Dirt, which is a blog you really should be reading every day.
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March 31, 2005
I am plenty pissed off about this development. I hope the various legal challenges to the law work out. This being Minnesota, however, I'm not holding my breath. (Ha, ha! Get it?) But I'm not going to bother getting worked up. If bars and restaurants don't want my money, that's just fine with me. I have no problems with staying at home. It's better for my bank balance anyway.
But you should go read Dementee anyway. Because it's good fun, and it's similar to what I would write had I not just had a large lunch and felt a nap was called for.
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March 29, 2005
Why is blogging not cool anymore? you ask.
Well, I'll tell ya. David Duchovny has a freakin' blog.
Now, before you X-Files fans descend upon me like Well Manicured Man descends on Bond Street, realize that I like David just fine. I am actually, despite my general loathing of most things science fiction, a fan of the show. Can't wait for the next movie because I really want to know if Scully's baby was Mulder's (because I'm pretty damn sure that wasn't an immaculate conception.). I think he's actually quite underappreciated as an actor. I actually want to see this film he's directed.
I just don't want to read yet another blog set up by someone to sell something. And that's the only purpose of this blog. If he wanted to get into some existential discussion about the price of rice, no hassles. This is a blog that is set up to SELL SOMETHING! Which, to my mind, is annoying and means blogging has jumped the shark.
{Hat tip: Sadie}
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March 28, 2005
Of course, I'll have to see it. Because I'm a Bond nut that way. But Orlando Bloom? I repeat: bleh.
I still do not get what it is people think is so attractive about him. He's a pup, for chrissakes. And a skinny, weak-mustachioed one, to boot!
Get some facial hair that doesn't look so freakin' scabby, young man, and then perhaps we can talk.
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For the love of God.
If you're such an evironmentalist, Cameron, one would suppose a check to the Nature Conservancy or Greenpeace even would do more good than you traveling around with a camera crew, littering up the "evironmentally sensitive spots" of the world while creating "awareness."
Gag.
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March 23, 2005
The premise behind this article is that Traveler sent the author and a friend on a twenty-some-odd-day tour of France's finest restaurants at the same time the actual Tour was occurring last summer. "Nice work if you can get it," you're undoubtedly saying. I thought the same thing as I settled in to read. But I was very, very wrong. After I finished the article, I thought two weeks, being forced to eat slops in a Turkish prison would be a more pleasant and interesting experience.
If you're interested in how I came to this conclusion, read on after the jump. more...
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March 15, 2005
ROME (Reuters) - A top Catholic cardinal has blasted "The Da Vinci Code" as a "gross and absurd" distortion of history and said Catholic bookstores should take the bestseller off their shelves because it is full of "cheap lies."Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, in an interview with the Milan newspaper Il Giornale, became the highest ranking Italian Churchman to speak out against the book, an international blockbuster that has sold millions of copies.
"(It) aims to discredit the Church and its history through gross and absurd manipulations," Bertone, the archbishop of the northern Italian city of Genoa and a close friend of Pope John Paul told the paper in its Monday edition. {...}
Let me repeat this for the umpteenth time: The Da Vinci Code is a work of fiction. It is not meant to be taken for fact. If you believe it portrays Christiantity poorly, well, that's your right, but to actively campaign against a work of fiction? That's just silly. And it makes you look silly, too.
Dan Brown played with the facts to create fiction. He asked what if? and went from there. He created an international bestseller that, two years after publication, the dear Cardinal claims is a threat to the Church.
Well, perhaps, dear red-beanied one, you should have gotten on the ball sooner, if it's such a threat.
Far be it from me, a practicing Catholic, to suggest that the lesson the Church should be taking from this book is that there are many people who find its message regarding femininity appealing. That maybe there should be more to being a woman in the Church than just following in the chaste footsteps of the Virgin Mary. Not that the Virgin isn't a good role model, it's just that, in this day and age, traipsing after the males and adoring them gets to be a wee bit boring.
But, again, what would I know? It's not like I have a say in it.
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March 14, 2005
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February 25, 2005
Usually, I can be as snarky as the next blogger. Particularly when it comes to idiotic behavior on the part of showbiz denizens. I generally don't have an issue with this because a. if I can dish it out, I can also take it and b. if someone puts themselves out there they'd better be prepared to take it. Once you throw your hat into the ring---particularly when it comes to Hollywood's PR circus---you're fair game. You'd better be prepared to take it because I have no sympathy at all for people who want all that the PR can buy them, then whine about how "intrusive" it all is.
But this is just fucking mean.
Forgive us, Lord, for it is late in the day and we are so very, very weak. And realize that we are trying, for we spent the last ten minutes debating whether or not to go with the title above or, “Whoa! I know reverse peristalsis.”
Weak is right. At least he got that part right.
Note that Bunsen apparently had fewer qualms about actually posting the photo than he did about whether or not to use that particular headline.
Keanu isn't Lindsay Lohan or Paris Hilton. He pretty much keeps to himself unless he's got a film out, and even then he doesn't look too enthused to be out there flogging his product. I'm also sure this isn't something he did to try and get people to go see Constantine. It's probably the flu or food poisoning. But because he's an actor, it's fair game when he throws up in public.
I don't think so.
This is cheap. It's a sucker punch. Hence it's not really all that funny.
Rather, it's weak.
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Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden
Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden Bin Laden
....I might get sued for trademark infringement.
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February 24, 2005
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February 22, 2005
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Let me give you a clue.
{Kathy puts a cigarette in her mouth, fires zippo, lights the smoky treat, inhales deeply, then begins}
If you want revenge for a cheating boyfriend/husband/pet monkey, cutting off their naughty bits by means of a Ginsu is not the best way to go about making them pay. The Ginsu may slice and dice and even cut through a tin can, but it is not the best tool for the job. You may put him through a great deal of pain, but it will be temporary pain. He will eventually heal, and in best man fashion, he will do his absolute darndest to put the matter behind him. Because he will be able to put the matter behind him. Because they---ahem---always seem to find a way to reattach the offending item.
If you hadn't noticed, the vascular surgeons of the world are getting pretty darned good at hooking the wee beasties back up. I'm sure if you looked it up, there are any number of medical journals which have published many o' a study that detail the best way to do this. While there have been any number of these sorts of cases over the years, gender reassignment surgery has helped surgeons make huge leaps in this department. They've learned a lot, obviously. After all this guy's whatsit made its way through the sewer system and was reattached! They're freakin' miracle workers!
And if you're wondering if it would work, may I present to you, Exhibit A: John Wayne Bobbit. He works in the pr0n industry. One needs to have working parts for that sort of a job. This doesn't work. He won't reform his wicked ways, he'll just get a new and improved whatsitcalled (which, of course, he'll be enamored with) and---provided he doesn't bleed to death in the process---your ass will land in the pokey for two to five. What's the freakin' point of all that? Do you actually think he'll mind his manners in the future? Ha! I think not. First off, he won't have a damn thing to do with you, and second, well, I told you he'd be enamored of his new and improved whatsit. He will be raring to go and try it out. You will, in fact, have made him worse in this department and not better. So, I ask you again, what's the freakin' point?
It's time to think outside of the box, ladies. It's time to be proactive so the red haze of fury will never descend upon you at a bad time. If you're interested, read on after the jump. more...
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February 21, 2005
Heh.
(You can find Ctrl-Alt-Del Here every day of the week and twice on Sundays. Well, that bit about it being available every day and twice on Sundays really isn't true, but it should be. And I didn't lie about where you could find it, either. How's that for truthfulness?)
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