Again, I'll keep updating if you keep refreshing.

• Who on earth thinks it's a good idea to have a theme song specifically for this award show? Anyone? Anyone? I didn't think so. This is SO LAME!
• Adrien Brody---cravat. Not a word you use every day, eh? And there's a reason for that.
• Ok, all Rachel Weisz needs in her hairdo is a pheasant and her ascension to the throne of "Queen of Big Hair" will be complete. Oy.
• Forgive me for stating the obvious here, but---AISLES, people! Aisles.
• Sheila's also liveblogging.
• GET A BRA, DREW! I actually shrieked with horror when I saw her. Girl needs some support. Big time.
• HAHAHAHAHA Geena Davis!
• Ok, so we're rooting for Dr. House. Just in case you were wondering.
• HOT DAMN! It's about time! Funny speech, too.

  

• I could say SO much about Melanie Griffith, well, I just can't narrow it down. Let your imaginations wander people.
• Need more wine, be right back. Liveblogging just isn't liveblogging unless there's some sort of alcohol available.
• Steve Carrell won! I love that "his wife" wrote his acceptance speech. That's funny!
• So, how awful did Pamela Anderson look, eh? She looked so tacky that it's almost hardly worth talking about, but this does quite handily segue into the topic of tattoos. As in, you won't be able to wear a gorgeous gown if you get one. It just looks awful. Ugh
• Wash your hair Tim!

  

• Ok, Keira Knightly had BETTER NOT WIN for Pride and Prejudice I'm throwing down if that happens.
• Everyone's safe. Thanks Reese for beating the snot out of that travesty version of P&P

  
  I'll even post her picture because I'm so happy Keira lost. And she does look pretty, too, doesn't she?

• HAHAHAHAHAHA! How funny is it that the Desperate Housewives got shut out? I love Mary Louise Parker! Billy Crudup is an idiot. Really and truly.
• And while we're on the subject, Claire Danes is a BIG TIME HOMEWRECKER
• How funny is Emma Thompson! Even if she is introducing the clip of that TRAVESTY OF A FILM!
• Sheila and I are on the same wavelength: Eric Bana---Good God is he hot!
• If S. Epatha wins, do you think she'll lose her acceptance speech in her cleavage again?
• A moment of silence for Colin Firth!
• Dating Calista Flockhart has NOT been good for Harrison. Poor man. OMG. I thought he was just faking being a wee bit lit on stage, but he actually had a cocktail up there! That wasn't a prop! That's just sad.
• I love that Larry McMurtry thanked his typewriter for keeping him out of the "dry embrace of the computer." How wonderful. It totally fits that Larry McMurtry would use a typewriter. I can't imagine any of the wonderful work he's produced coming from a computer.
• Mr. H. declared yesterday that he thinks that Josh dude (can't remember how to spell his last name) from Las Vegas is really hot. I was kind of surprised, because he's not really Mr. H's type, but I can understand.
• Am I the only one on the planet who doesn't watch Desperate Housewives and who honestly couldn't care less that they won? I think I must be. Everyone else looks really bored with the award they just won, too. That doesn't bode well for the future, if you ask me.
• Penelope Cruz looked like ass!
• Mmmmmm. Boom-Boom. Go King Fu Hustle!
• Damn. Kung Fu Hustle was shafted in favor of a movie about homicide bombers.
• Ummm, I hate to tell you this, but there isn't a "Palestine." Those people are from Israel. Even if they don't want to admit it.
• So, I didn't listen to John Williams' score for Memoirs of a Geisha. Who'd he plagiarize this time?
• HONESTLY, Mariah! What's up with those titties? Sheesh, honey! Find out if there's a money back guarantee on those puppies and see if you can't do something about that. Yikes!

  

• I'm saying it again: Gwyneth's dress is awful. And what's up with the way she's speaking? Has she suddenly adopted an English accent after living there?
• Oh, loving that they showed a clip from The Lion in Winter for Sir Anthony's award.
• Look at the super young Mel Gibson!
• Oh God, I'd forgotten how wonderful Sir Anthony was in Amistad as John Quincy Adams.
• I LOVED that they gave Hannibal the Cannibal his full due!
• GWYNETH! IT'S ANTHONY NOT "ANTONY". Why would you say it that way when the rest of the Western World says it the other way? As Eddie Izzard would say, "Because there's a fucking 'H' in it." Sheesh.
• Opie's scaring me with his beard.

  

• Sheila: "- Gwyneth - his name is ANTHONY. Not ANTONY. Knock it off with the accent, you puffed-sleeve phony." Bwahahahahahaa. We're so on the same wavelength with this one!
• Clint is looking so ragged.
• Peter Jackson is SOOOOOO on Atkins.

  

• Is Pierce Brosnan's wife pregnant again? She looks rather large.

  UPDATE: Nope. NOT preggers.

  

• I haven't seen any of these movies, but I'm glad Joaquin won. He did sound just like Johnny Cash. "Who'd ever thought I'd win in the comedy or musical category?" Tee hee. Nice to know he's got a sense of humor about himself. You kind of have to wonder sometimes, he seems so intense. I hate to say it, but DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN DO I MISS HIS BROTHER! Poor Joaquin. I shouldn't say that, because it's his big moment and he shouldn't have to deal with always being compared to his brother, but since I write about Joaquin and River Phoenix exactly, oh, once in the three years I've written this blog---meaning this is the first time ever, well, I'm going to say it: man, I miss River.
• Tim McGraw choked up talking about the Cash's. Wow. That's kind of cool.
• Uh-oh. It's the chubby cheeker! Look out!

  You knew it was coming, didn't you?

  Sheila: "Renee - what is your problem? I hate your sour face. I hate your whispery passive-aggressive voice. I hate your up-from-under-the-eyelids look you seem to find so attractive. Nice dress though. But hateful personality." Ouch.

• OH THANK GOD! It's official. This newish version of Pride and Prejudice sucks rocks. Mmmmhmmm.
• Oh, Jane Seymour is so happy for her husband who produced Walk the Line she's crying. That's so sweet.
• Deborah Messing's dress isn't a dress...it's a muumuu! Oy! The flavor of the islands and all, honey. I can understand that, but YIKES!
• Oh, hurrah! Lost won for best tee vee series! WOOHOOO! I'm so glad, now if J.J.Abrams doesn't let the writers go all over the fucking board again, like he did with Alias where no one can keep track of all of the subplots, I'll be a happy woman. PLEASE, people, I beg you: plot it out!
• Have I mentioned that my sister M.L. and my brother Tim played shuffleboard at a bar with Dennis Quaid last March? Yeah. Not real happy I wasn't with my siblings that night.
• With that goatee Leonardo looks like a half-assed magician who'd play at your kid's birthday party.
• I'm glad Felicity won. I haven't seen Transamerica but I FREAKIN' LOVED SPORTSNIGHT! and since I think that show should still be on, I was rooting for her. Don't you love my logic?
• Not invested in the best actor award at all. I'm glad Phillip Seymour Hoffman won if for no other reason than Boogie Nights.
• Sheila: "I'm inappropriately pissed off at Jamie Foxx's sunglasses. I really need to let it go." NOOOOOOO. DON'T LET IT GO! It was incredibly rude!
• Not really surprised about Brokeback Mountain winning best picture.
• Ok, it's over with EARLY. The Oscar people need to take a lesson from the people who run this one. Honestly. Ditching the musical numbers doesn't hurt anyone. I'm serious. PUHLEEEZE, Oscar people, take a lesson. I'm begging you!

Posted by: Kathy at 07:06 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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Ok...watching E's! Live from the Red Carpet. I'll keep updating if you keep refreshing.

• Isaac Mizrahi, love him, but he's not a great interviewer. Neither is this Guiliana person who is making a COMPLETE ASS out of herself talking to David Strahairn---and she's asking him about the limo ride over to the show
• OHMYGOD---they've got that girl that got rejected from The View doing commentary! What's her name! Debbie Somethinorother. Aiiiieeeeeeee! I thought she died.

• So, there haven't been any "what the hell was she thinking?" moments just yet. And that's pissing me off. I need material here, people!
• Oh, I'll take that back. Thanks for that, Gwenyth. THAT'S THE MOST HIDEOUS THING I'VE EVER SEEN! Oy. You're not supposed to wear your kid's christening gown!

  

• The husband when he saw Scarlett Johanssen: "HEELLLLOOOO!" I can't find a picture of her, but if you saw that dress, the word "cantilever" will make a great deal of sense.

  

  Get what I'm saying?

UPDATE: Here's one just for Russ.

Posted by: Kathy at 06:01 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Well, it looks like Pat Robertson's really done it this time:

JERUSALEM -Israel will not do business with Pat Robertson after the evangelical leader suggested Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's massive stroke was divine punishment for the Gaza withdrawal, a tourism official said Wednesday.

Robertson is leading a group of evangelicals who have pledged to raise $50 million to build a large Christian tourism center in Israel's northern Galilee region, where tradition says Jesus lived and taught.

But Avi Hartuv, a spokesman for Tourism Minister Avraham Hirschson, said Israeli officials were furious with Robertson, a Christian broadcaster. A day after Sharon's Jan. 4 stroke, Robertson said the prime minister was being punished for "dividing God's land," — a reference to last summer's pullout from the Gaza Strip and four West Bank settlements.

"We can't accept this kind of statement," Hartuv said.

He said the Christian Heritage Center project was now in question, though he left the door open to develop it with others.

"We will not do business with him, only with other evangelicals who don't back these comments," Hartuv said. "We will do business with other evangelical leaders, friends of Israel, but not with him."{...}

Pat Robertson: his big, fat mouth delayed the Second Coming of Christ.

You think the Evangelicals who watch the 700 Club will be happy about this development? I think a hooker has a better chance of being caught up by the Rapture than Robertson has of getting out of this with his skin intact.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:52 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 No, a hooker has a better chance of getting out of this than Robertson has of being caught up by the Rapture.

Posted by: Bob at January 11, 2006 10:31 AM (yMzz+)

2 "Pat Robertson: his big, fat mouth delayed the Second Coming of Christ." Heh.

Posted by: Doug at January 11, 2006 11:16 AM (oiTVK)

3 In the minds of people who live in the real world, Pat has lost it. Not surprisingly however, his fans think he's courageous: http://www.jnewswire.com/library/article.php?articleid=942 Beam me up.

Posted by: EveningStar at January 11, 2006 05:02 PM (xr/uv)

4 Say, do you think that Pat Robertson believes in Karma after this?

Posted by: Pious Agnostic at January 11, 2006 06:07 PM (A9wtV)

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Look for Oprah to rid herself of her book club---again---in the very near future.

Then look for an episode where she talks about how betrayed she feels about all of this and how the emotional upheaval caused her to eat five fried chickens and some plain white toast.

{Hat tip: Miss Margi}

Posted by: Kathy at 02:01 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Hmmm.

NORFOLK, Va. — Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson suggested Thursday that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke was divine punishment for "dividing God's land."

"God considers this land to be his," Robertson said on his TV program "The 700 Club." "You read the Bible and he says `This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, `No, this is mine.'"

Sharon, who ordered Israel's withdrawal from Gaza last year, suffered a severe stroke on Wednesday.

In Robertson's broadcast from his Christian Broadcasting Network in Virginia Beach, the evangelist said he had personally prayed about a year ago with Sharon, whom he called "a very tender-hearted man and a good friend." He said he was sad to see Sharon in this condition.

He also said, however, that in the Bible, the prophet Joel "makes it very clear that God has enmity against those who 'divide my land.'"

Sharon "was dividing God's land and I would say woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the EU (European Union), the United Nations, or the United States of America," Robertson said.{...}

So, according to Robertson's logic, if I took Robertson out, I could claim God wanted me to do it because He was mad at Pat for all his idiotic statements. Because there's some bit in the Bible---God only knows where it is---about not listening to false prophets and God just wanted to mete out some justice and I was His vessel.

Right?

{hat tip: Everyone's Favorite Commie Pinko}

Posted by: Kathy at 10:38 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 I like it! Can I help, huh? That way I can be God's vessel too?? No point you get all the praise!

Posted by: Ally at January 06, 2006 09:10 AM (ZnGgh)

2 It seems to me God's not particularly hindered by such idiots. Still, isn't it about time we Christians turn to Pat Robertson and all shouted in unison, "Would you just shut-the-eff-up?" Love Scott Ott's take -- http://www.scrappleface.com/?p=2129

Posted by: Bob at January 06, 2006 01:41 PM (yMzz+)

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The husband was finally able to visit his preferred cigar vendor yesterday.

The branch shop the husband used to visit was shut down recently due to decreased sales because of the increase in tobacco taxation health impact fees, so he had to visit the main shop downtown. He finally got this done, and because it was above freezing yesterday afternoon, the husband and I decided to go for a walk after we bought our Powerball ticket.

So, we've purchased what we think, of course, will be the winner and we're meandering our way through Cake Eater downtown when we come upon the Grandmothers for Peace. Every Wednesday, these women take up real estate on corners in Cake Eater downtown and flash signs that read "End the Occupation," or "Peace" or "Out of Iraq Now" to the passing traffic. Some people honk. Most drive by in silence. If it's warmer, some people yell obscenities. The husband---now happily smoking his cigar in the chilly, early evening air---and I avoid these women on two different corners as we cross the street. I keep my mouth shut and keep walking. Suddenly I notice I'm all alone. (It's Minnesota and it's chilly outside: you keep your head down.)

The husband had left me. To go and "chat" with one of the Grandmas.

As I was about fifteen feet beyond him and I couldn't hear what he said to them.

But I did see how they responded to whatever it was he said.

They stuck their protest signs up in such a way as to ward him off, like he was a disease. And they did it like they were little kids. One of the women was agitated and started waving her sign in front of the husband's face. After a moment's conversation, he turned and walked away.

He caught up with me a moment later and I asked him what he said to have them respond in such a way. He replied that he'd simply said that ten thousand little girls in Iraq now get to go to school.

How bloody childish can you get? Did she say anything? No. Did she tell the husband she was glad to hear his opinion, even if she disagreed with it? No. She waved her sign in his face. As if he was a vampire and it was a bulb of garlic meant to ward him off.

Which leads me to this thought, my devoted Cake Eater readers: in the restaurant of life, pacifists dine and dash. They're thieves. They eat the good food, they drink the good wine, they enjoy the ambience of the restaurant, but when the tab comes to the table, they get up and run because they won't pay the bill. It's not that they can't pay the bill; it's that they won't. They've made a conscious choice to say, hey, I love all that society has to offer, but I love it so much more than the average person, I won't pay for it because I believe it should all be free. And then runs out the door before someone can stop them.

Oh, sure, theoretically they're allowed. They're allowed to say all they want, until their faces turn blue and their tongues fall out. That's the beauty of free speech. But most of us realize that freedom isn't free. It never has been and it never will be. Freedom requires sacrifice and these pacifists, these Grandmothers for Peace, will never be willing to make any sacrifice to serve the greater good. It's not because they can't make the sacrifice; it's because they won't make the sacrifice. They want everything good, but they don't want to pay for it. They're freeloaders. They dine and dash.

How well do you think that goes over with the waitstaff?

Posted by: Kathy at 05:38 PM | Comments (24) | Add Comment
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From the 2006 Worst Case Scenario Daily Survival Calendar:

{Clicket on the image for larger.}

It's such a dangerous calendar it requires a liability waiver.

Now that's a calendar!

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"She is beautiful. Her mouth is amazing. I've never kissed anyone with a bigger mouth than Angelina. It's like two water beds - it's like this big kind of warm, mushy, beautiful thing."

{my emphasis}

For some strange reason I'm finding it exceedingly hard to stop laughing.

UPDATE: still chuckling

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Angelina Jolie's alleged lesbian lover steps forward.

Men everywhere rejoice and begin searching the internet for the video that will undoubtedly accompany this piece of glorious good news.

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As in it's a wonder that the President of Iran, after all he suffered in world condemnation last month, apparently is such a bloody dolt he can't learn to keep his mouth shut about Israel:

{...}Speaking on a visit to the holy city of Mecca in Saudi Arabia, he attacked Europe for prosecuting doubters of the mass killings of Jews by the Nazis during the second world war. Mr Ahmadi-Nejad's comments follow widespread international outcry after he called in October for Israel to be "wiped from the map".

"Some European countries insist on saying Hitler killed millions of innocent Jews in furnaces ... to the extent that if anyone proves something to the contrary, they ... throw him in jail," Mr Ahmadi-Nejad told a news conference. "Although we don't accept this claim, if we suppose it is true, our question for the Europeans is this: is the killing of innocent Jewish people by Hitler the reason for their support for the occupiers of Jerusalem?"

Mr Ahmadi-Nejad said Europe had supported the creation of Israel in 1947-8, when thousands of Palestinians were uprooted, as a reaction to the Nazis' killing of Jews. "If the Europeans are honest, they should give some of their provinces - like in Germany, Austria or other countries - to the Zionists... [for] a state," he said.{...}

There are times when I wonder if the Iranians voted him in as president just because they knew he'd piss off all the right people and they'd be liberated that much more quickly.

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Lindsay Lohan's getting all, like cathartic and shit with her second album.

{...}It's not the kind of material that helped her sell more than a million copies of her first album, "Speak." But at 19, Lohan is eager to show a more adult side — and she hopes the public is ready to see it, too.

"I do still have the younger fan base and I want them to be able to relate to some lighter songs, but I want to grow with my fans, and I've been trying to do that for so long," says Lohan. "I've just grown up really fast, and I'm thankful for that."

She's not thankful, however, for some of the things that have caused her to grow up at warp speed, especially over the past few months. Chief among them were the troubles of her father, Michael Lohan. Estranged from Lindsay, her mother, Dina, and Lindsay's three younger siblings, Michael Lohan was frequently in trouble with the law over the past year, including an arrest for driving while impaired. He was sentenced in May to up to four years in prison, and the Lohans divorced.

"When I think about it, it kind of just registers to me that it was in the papers that my father's going to jail. I think about that and I'm like, wow, that's really hard," says Lohan. "People usually don't deal with that in the public eye, for whoever it may be to see."

Lohan generally stayed mum about her father in the press, but their relationship is one of the focal points of the new record. The first single, "Confessions of a Broken Heart (Daughter to Father)," is about a daughter's abandonment by her dad, and the video, which she directed, depicts an abusive husband.

"It was really to let girls, boys, anyone that's in an abusive relationship, anyone who is going through things like that ... to put it out there that it's OK to express how you feel," says Lohan. "If I'm in the position where I can take a stand and say something important, then I'd like to do that."{...}

Lohan hopes that listeners will get as much out of listening to her record as she did making it.

"I hope people take me seriously and respect what I'm willing to put out there. People don't have to rave about it," she says. But, she adds, "I want it to touch people whatever way it will touch the people individually."

{my emphasis}

Because, like, it really sucks to have your dad thrown in jail. And I didn't talk about it because it was embarrassing and like, shit, and it seemed cooler to just, you know, keep it under wraps, until I needed a PR boost. Then it was, like, cool, to get it all out there.

And I, like, can't speak English, like, very well, either.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:13 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The electricity went out in much of Zimbabwe, just as dictator/asshole for life, Robert Mugabe was about to address the nation regarding power shortages.

When it comes to Mugabe, you couldn't make some of this stuff up if you tried.

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Grow the fuck up and enter the real world, why don't you?

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They're inconsequential. But throw a cat into a cauldron of boiling water and Paul McCartney thinks civilization is coming to an end.

"I wouldn't even dream of going over there to play, in the same way I wouldn't go to a country that supported apartheid," McCartney says during a BBC News feature on animal cruelty in the Chinese fur trade.

"It's like something out of the dark ages," he continues. "It's just against every rule of humanity. I couldn't go there."

The video footage, which aired as part of BBC's Six O'Clock News Monday in England, purportedly shows screaming cats and dogs lifted out of tiny cages with metal tongs and thrown over a seven-foot fence. A bag of cats is seen thrown into a cauldron of boiling water. Several other animals are shown being brutally killed and skinned.

"How can the host nation of the Olympics be seen allowing animals to be treated in this terrible way?" McCartney asks.

"If they want to consider themselves a civilized nationÂ…they're going to have to stop this."

During the News program, McCartney and wife Heather Mills express horror, shock and disgust in response to the video, which was shot by an undercover investigator for PETA. Both McCartney and Mills are outspoken animal-rights activists.

Says Mills: "People in every other country in the world should now boycott Chinese goods." {...}

While I don't necessarily think it's a good thing to be cruel to animals, where, precisely, was Sir Paul's outrage when Mao was having his little tete-a-tete out in the countryside, you know, that little event that's more commonly known as The Cultural Revolution? Yeah, I know, he was probably stoned like everyone else was. It was the sixties, after all. But still, The Beatles wielded some power back then.

But, seriously though, is he worried about the high rates of female infanticide in rural China? You know, little baby girls being killed right after birth, their tiny bodies dumped in shallow graves because boys are more highly valued? Is he worried about political dissidents who are forced into slave labor? What about the workers who are poorly paid to sew together those cat and dog pelts into coats and the like? Where's his outrage on their behalf?

The better question, however, is do you think the BBC will cover Sir Paul's indignation about how the PRC treats people the same way they covered this piece of PETA propaganda?

Posted by: Kathy at 11:41 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Once again, it never ceases to amaze me what people will do to fill the hours.

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For those who happen to have an old MacSE sitting around.

I will say it again: it never ceases to amaze me what some people will do to fill the hours.

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It keeps going on and on and on and on.

I don't think Sony BMG had any idea what sort of Pandora's box they were opening up when they allowed that rootkit onto their CD's. First4Internet, the company that promoted and sold the rootkit idea to Sony BMG as the solution to their DRM problems, is not going to exist soon because Sony's getting sued left and right, so it only makes sense that Sony BMG would lay off the liability on them. This isn't going away anytime soon.

Which leads one to wonder what sort of lesson Sony BMG and other record labels will pull from this misadventure. Will they think that it was all right to do insert malware onto people's computers, but that they just need to be stealthier about it next time around? Or will they take the freakin' hint already and shy away from that sort of thing in the future? One would think it would be the latter, but where Digital Rights Management is concerned, and there's loads of money lying about to be spent on lawyers and lobbyists, one can't be too sure about anything.

This is the first battle in the DRM war for as long as I can remember that the record companies have lost. That they've been willing to retreat on because it became patently obvious that their chosen method of DRM was bad for business. One wonders when they will realize that DRM in itself is bad for business?

{...}I'm all for the capitalist system. But I'm also very much a strict constitutionalist and for individual liberties. DRM systems are not a business model, they're an abuse of the legal system: a means to extract fees and control above and beyond the original intention of a simple business transaction.{...}

For me, DRM falls into the same category as the Kelo decision. Personal property rights are an absolutely crucial ingredient to the liberty and prosperity that Americans enjoy. My opinion of the Kelo decision is that it is possibly the most damaging legal ruling in the history of the United States. The entire mortgage industry, which has enabled more people in America to own their homes than in any other country, and which for the past 30-50 years has been the chief enabler driving the economy is all based upon the idea that the property of an individual has value. If the government can come in and expand the definition of Eminent Domain seemingly arbitrarily, that property will cease to have the same value it has in the past. This has the potential to undermine the economy in a way that oil shortages and natural disasters never can. This erodes the trust and covenent between the individual in a democracy and the government elected to represent that individual.

That may look like it has nothing to do with DRM, but to my mind its the same thing on a different scale. If I buy a piece of music, does Sony and it's lawyers get to tell me what I can do with that music? If so, then what did I just pay for? Can Sony and its lawyers change the definition of what I can do with that music after the purchase? If so, then they can arbitrarily affect the value of the thing that I supposedly own without compensating me for the change in value. This is truly dangerous.{...}

Posted by: Kathy at 12:27 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Just in case your next stop after reading Lileks is the Cake Eater, although I don't know why it would be, I feel obliged to let you know, that, no, it hasn't started snowing yet.

But, we're not out of the woods, yet. And it looks like it's actually going to snow well into Wednesday... Or so the local weather guy keeps assuring me, in a breathless, oh-pleasepleaseplease-let-it-be-true, pants chock-a-block full of ants sort of way.

This is my ninth Minnesota winter. I still have yet to understand why people up here get as excited as they do when it comes to the first snowfall. Whoop-de-doo. It snows here in the winter. {Insert Gomer Pyle Voice Here} Surprise, Surprise, Surprise! {/Gomer voice} We live in the northernmost state in the contiguous forty-eight; we're just south of Canada: it's going to snow, sometime, during the winter. It's a given. Yet people---the weather people in particular---get all breathy and hysterical about it, like virgins on prom night. Their eyes shine with an unholy glee that suggests ice fishing is just around the corner and they can't freakin' wait to drive their ten-ton pickup truck across a frozen lake to their ice fishing hut so they can saw open a hole in the lake and sit there with a twelve pack of Bud, and a line in the frozen water. (Yes. You're remembering Grumpy Old Men aren't you? Yes, people actually do that up here. They didn't just make that up.) They think of the joys of outdoor ice rinks and cross country skiing and snowshoeing and snowmobiling and all of that winter-related crap---and yet none of these winter pasttimes can happen unless the snow starts falling.

So, if you believe the hype, you'd think the State of Minnesota would be full of people who love winter. And yet....and yet, even here in the Great White Hinterlands people still forget how to freakin' drive in the fluffy white stuff. I know. You'd think it would be the opposite. That we'd have a population of nothing but battle-hardened, wise drivers who could handle driving in snow and ice. But no. People here are like people from anywhere else: they will forget how to drive today---and it will be because there will be snowflakes falling from the skies. Some people will forget how to brake today, while others will forget how to press the gas pedal. Some will swerve and will wind up in the ditch. Some will not swerve and will wind up in the back of the car in front of them. Some will make it home safely; some will have to have their cars home. All will bitch about everyone else's inability to drive in bad weather.

It's amazing in this day and age that people could forget that they have anti-lock brakes, but they do. They also forget that they have nice tires that grip the road in all weather conditions. They forget not to ride on the brake and that if your car starts to swing one way, you slowly turn the steering wheel opposite. But mostly they'll forget that it's been warm this autumn---the ground hasn't frozen yet, so it's not like ice will be forming on streets where there's plenty of traffic, eh? It's just wet, kids, not slippery. It's not that hard, people, to remember this stuff. Really, it's not. Save everyone the traffic jam tonight, please. I don't want to have to listen to a thousand horns honking outside of my nice, warm apartment this evening.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:27 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Oh, the hypocrisy of Sony BMG

{...} the rootkit technology itself has copyright infringing code taken from LAME, the open source mp3 encoder -- which has a clear copyright license, requiring certain things, none of which Sony BMG/First4Internet follows. Yes, the irony is thick: this technology that Sony BMG still claims is necessary to protect its intellectual property, apparently violates other's intellectual property{...}

Yes, kids, you read that one right: the only copyrights that matter are Sony's.

Posted by: Kathy at 02:51 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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One has to fight off the desire to put one's head in one's hands and weep copiously after reading this article regarding the new version of Pride and Prejudice.

Choice cuts that provoke the onset of weeping:

{...}But then, Wright {Ed. the director} was sent the script to Pride & Prejudice. "I read it in the pub one Sunday afternoon," he recalls, "and by about page 60, I was weeping into my pints of lager. And I was laughing out loud as well and surprised by that."

That's when Wright finally checked out the source material. "I read the novel and I was shocked by what an extraordinary piece of observation it was. How honest and truthful its writing was. I was also shocked by the ages of the characters (Elizabeth is 20 and Darcy is 2 . It struck me that these were young people experiencing these emotions for the first time."{...}

He read it at the pub? Are you kidding me? You don't read a script for a Jane Austen movie at the pub! You prepare yourself a pot of tea, pull some biscuits out of a tin and put them on a plate, you settle yourself down in your garden and then you read it. The nerve of the man!

Never mind how you can get to thirty-three-years old and never have read Pride and Prejudice. Never mind the blatant cultural degeneracy that's on display here. That's apparently another complaint for another day.

{...}Wright went with the Darcy he saw in his head, a vulnerable young man with big responsibilities after the death of his parents who suffers from a lack of social graces. "He put on a suit of manhood that didn't quite fit him," he says, "and Elizabeth teaches him how to be a man."

A suit of manhood that didn't quite fit him? What in bleedin' hell are you talking about? Just because your adolescence was extended to your thirties doesn't mean that Darcy was afforded the same luxury. A lack of social graces? You must be joking? Seriously, now. No one can honestly say that Darcy lacked social graces. He was rich enough that the graces molded themselves around him, not the other way round. That's the way it was in those days---and is much the way it is today, still. That was one of the points that Austen was trying to make. Like, duh.

{...}"We had the Bennet giggle," says Knightley of the way she and the four actresses who played her sisters set the mood before each scene. "It's a high-pitched, screaming, chaotic monkey-like giggle that would get us into it. Joe wanted us to always speak over each other so you got the feeling of people who are so used to each other, they don't even listen anymore. I do think it will make it more accessible."

Jane and Lizzie spoke over the others? Now, Kitty, Lydia and Mrs. Bennet. I can understand these characters speaking over one another. But adding Jane and Lizzie to the shrill cacophany of the rest of the Bennets?

Ummm, no. That's just not going to fly.

{...}Most memorably, the movie replaces Elizabeth's view-altering tour of a portrait gallery inside Darcy's Pemberley estate with a stroll through a maze of alabaster nude sculptures, her eyes devouring their voluptuous beauty.

"I have an issue with the book, which a lot of people also have," Wright says. "Why is it, when Elizabeth goes to Pemberley, she finally accepts she likes Darcy? Is it because of his wealth? What I was hoping to achieve was a sense of her appreciating his cultural sensitivity."

Oh, for the love of all that is good and holy. It's not the house that changes Lizzie's mind about Darcy, you fools! Remember Wickham? Remember Wickham laying off a false story about Darcy on Lizzie, wherein Wickham was the hero and Darcy the villain? Remember Lizzie refusing Darcy's first proposal because she thought the story Wickham had fed her was true? Remember the letter Darcy sent Lizzie to set the record straight? Remember the housekeeper telling Lizzie a patently different tale about her master when she toured Pemberly with the Gardiners?

Lizzie's change of heart had nothing to do with the money. If her refusal didn't have anything to do with his wealth, why would her acceptance be any different? Furthermore, this is business about "her appreciating his cultural sensitivity" is complete and utter rot. And I can prove it.

"Elizabeth's mind was too full for conversation, but she saw and admired every remarkable spot and point of view. They gradually ascended for half a mile, and then found themselves at the top of a considerable eminence, where the wood ceased, and the eye was instantly caught by Pemberley House, situatied on the opposite side of the valley, into which the road with some abruptness wound. It was a large, handsome, stone building, standing well on rising ground, and backed by a ridge of high woody hills;---and in front, a stream of some natural importance was swelled into greater, but without any artificial appearance. Its banks were neither formal, nor falsely adorned. Elizabeth was delighted. She had never seen a place for which nature had done more, or where natural beauty had been so little counteracted by an awkward taste. They awere all of them so warm in their admiration; and at that moment she felt that to be mistress of Pemberly might be something!

{...}The housekeeper came; a respectable-looking, elderly woman, much less fine, and more civil, than she had any notion of finding her. They followed her into the dining-parlour. It was a large, well-proportioned room, handsomely fitted up. Elizabeth, after slightly surveying it, went to a window to enjoy its prospect. The hill, crowned with wood, from which they had descended, receiving increased abruptness from the distance, was a beautiful object. Every disposition of the ground was good; and she looked on the whole scene, the river, the trees scattered on its banks, and the winding of the valley, as far as she could trace it, with delight. As they passed into other rooms, these objects were taking different positions; but from every window there were beauties to be seen. The rooms were lofty and handsome, and their furniture suitable to the fortune of their proprietor; but Elizabeth saw, with admiration of his taste, that it was neither gaudy nor uselessly fine; with less of spendor and more real elegance, than the furniture of Rosings.{...}

---Chapter 45, Pride and Prejudice

Given this passage, it's apparent that Darcy would sooner have a gallery of nude sculptures on the grounds of Pemberly as Jimmy Carter would welcome a bunny rabbit into his house.

And then we come to the real problem I have with this article:

The one picture they include of Colin Firth isn't anywhere as good as this one.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:24 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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