Anderson Cooper:

{...}Going gray is like ejaculation. You know it can happen prematurely, but when it actually does, it's a total shock.{...}

I don't know about you, but I feel so much better about the future of CNN!

{Hat tip: Steve-o}

Posted by: Kathy at 08:53 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Tommy Boy has fired his publicist---his sister.

LOS ANGELES -
Tom Cruise has replaced his sister with a Hollywood insider as chief handler of his publicity.

The 43-year-old actor hired veteran publicist Paul Bloch, who's also a co-chairman for publicity firm Rogers & Cowan, according to the Daily Variety trade paper. Bloch also will oversee publicity for the actor's production company Cruise-Wagner Productions.

Bloch replaces Cruise's sister, Lee Anne DeVette, who took over as his publicist in March 2004 after he left longtime representative Pat Kingsley.

"Lee Anne has done a wonderful job on behalf of myself and Cruise-Wagner Productions over the last few years," Cruise said in a statement. "But she has always expressed a desire to oversee and expand the day-to-day activities of my charitable endeavors."{...}

Tommy Boy might think that he's letting his sister down easy here, but let's face facts: she may be overseeing his charitable excursions, but he just shitcanned her. For being a "yes" woman. For letting him do exactly what he wanted to do.

That's just cold. Brrrrrrr.

So much for sibling love, eh?

Posted by: Kathy at 11:22 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Once upon a time, in a state far, far away called Iowa, I was what is typically called a process server. The quick and dirty definition of process serving is that I served lawsuits on people. I was a cheaper and quicker alternative to the Polk County Sherrif's office, who charged an arm and a leg for the same service and who took their sweet time about it. Pretty simple stuff, but I wasn't real popular, if you get my drift.

Anyway, one time I had to serve papers on Menards. It was my habit to read the petition and the accompanying paperwork, just to know what I was walking into. A woman was suing Menards on behalf of herself and on behalf of her son, because Iowa has that crazy "loss of consortium" rule, wherein your family can be co-plaintiffs on a lawsuit you file because you were less of a family member to them. Anyway, I read the lawsuit and I started laughing, because it was one of those banana peel lawsuits---but not in the way you think. It was a banana peel lawsuit because if you trip and fall on a banana peel, it's funny; if I tripped and fell on a banana peel, it's tragedy---hence I can sue for damages. This woman, undoubtedly, thought that being hit by a falling doghouse was a tragedy. It's got all the makings of one, right? She was walking through her local Menards, her young son walking alongside her, minding her own business, when---WHAMMO!---from out of nowhere, a doghouse that was hanging from the ceiling for display purposes breaks loose of its chains and falls on her. That would be a tragedy, wouldn't it?

I suppose most people would find that a horrifying tragedy. Unless you're me, however. In which case it's damn fine comedy. And you have to hold the laughter in as you serve the paperwork. Because it wouldn't be professional to laugh. Or to join in the laughter of the people you just served when they start giggling. It's just horrible. And your abs quiver horribly under the strain of holding the laughter in, ulitmately straining muscles you didn't know you had,

So, it should be said that I have nothing but sympathy for the process server who had to serve the papers on Home Depot for this little debacle.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:41 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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"Greenpeace to pay fine for damaging coral reef
Environmental group blames charts after ship hits Philippines site"

{Insert much laughing, rolling around on the floor, and tears flowing down my face here}

{Hat Tip: The Kid}

Posted by: Kathy at 11:10 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 What a riot! The cure has become worse than the disease! Al

Posted by: Al at November 02, 2005 11:42 AM (cSRsu)

2 Oh. The irony. Please make it stop.

Posted by: RP at November 02, 2005 02:34 PM (LlPKh)

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Just in case you didn't know...

1. You can indict a ham sandwich in Travis County, Texas.

2. Tom DeLay's indictment is a "witchhunt"

3. Ronnie Earl, the Travis County District Attorney, is a partisan hack who tried to prosecute Kay Bailey Hutchinson in a similar witchhunt and had the case thrown out of court.

4. And, finally, KATHY'S 'EFFIN SICK AND TIRED OF BEING TOLD THE SAME THINGS OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN BECAUSE FOX NEWS CAN'T COME UP WITH ANYTHING ELSE TO REPORT!

Posted by: Kathy at 09:00 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Via Jonathan we have this lovely column.

Here are some of the highlights:

Who are you to judge? Who are you to say that the more than slightly creepy 39-year-old woman from Arkansas who just gave birth to her 16th child yes that's right 16 kids and try not to cringe in phantom vaginal pain when you say it, who are you to say Michelle Duggar is not more than a little unhinged and sad and lost?

And furthermore, who are you to suggest that her equally troubling husband -- whose name is, of course, Jim Bob and he's hankerin' to be a Republican senator and try not to wince in sociopolitical pain when you say that -- isn't more than a little numb to the real world, and that bringing 16 hungry mewling attention-deprived kids (and she wants more! Yay!) into this exhausted world zips right by "touching" and races right past "disturbing" and lurches its way, heaving and gasping and sweating from the karmic armpits, straight into "Oh my God, what the hell is wrong with you people?"

But that would be, you know, mean. Mean and callous to suggest that this might be the most disquieting photo you see all year, this bizarre Duggar family of 18 spotless white hyperreligious interchangeable people with alarmingly bad hair,{...}

t's wrong to be this judgmental. Wrong to suggest that it is exactly this kind of weird pathological protofamily breeding-happy gluttony that's making the world groan and cry and recoil, contributing to vicious overpopulation rates and unrepentant economic strain and a bitter moral warpage resulting from a massive viral outbreak of homophobic neo-Christians across our troubled and Bush-ravaged land. Or is it?

{...}Perhaps the point is this: Why does this sort of bizarre hyperbreeding only seem to afflict antiseptic megareligious families from the Midwest? In other words -- assuming Michelle and Jim Bob and their massive brood of cookie-cutter Christian kidbots will all be, as the charming photo suggests, never allowed near a decent pair of designer jeans or a tolerable haircut from a recent decade, and assuming that they will all be tragically encoded with the values of the homophobic asexual Christian right -- where are the forces that shall help neutralize their effect on the culture? Where is the counterbalance, to offset the damage?

{...}Ah, but this is America, yes? People should be allowed to do whatever the hell they want with their families if they can afford it and if it's within the law and so long as they aren't gay or deviant or happily flouting Good Christian Values, right? Shouldn't they? Hell, gay couples still can't openly adopt a baby in most states (they either lie, or one adopts and the other must apply as "co-parent"), but Michelle Duggar can pop out 16 kids and no one says, oh my freaking God, stop it, stop it now, you thoughtless, selfish, baby-drunk people.

No, no one says that. That would be mean.

By all means, go and read the whole thing. If for no other reason than that it's really enlightening, in a, "Wow, do you think this bozo is representative of the average San Franciscan?" sort of way.

I'll admit to bias on this one. I mean, it's not like I can really avoid it, eh? It's not like I chose to have seven other siblings, but considering I'm number eight, I should just shut up and thank my lucky stars that the folks decided to have one more while they were at it, eh? So, I am biased, but I can't be the only one who finds it just a wee bit ironic that this obviously lefty columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle has become judgmental about someone's sex life? Because when someone asks you if you have kids, they are, in essence, asking about your sex life. Children, after all, are the product of sex. Ergo, Mr. Morford is criticizing the Duggar's sex life. Which is ironic given the subject matter of Morford's recent columns. He's all about advertising the sexual diversity of San Fran. and that's fine with me. San Fran wouldn't be San Fran without all of that. Yet when your sex life doesn't include birth control, well, according to Morford, that's just wrong! And selfish! And it just means the world is coming to an end, I swear to fucking GOD, because it's an omen that the Midwestern Neo-Christers are going to take over!

Which is just dumb. Not just because the rhetoric is just fucking trite, but because it's illogical. If you're going to stand up and scream for the rights of leather daddies to do their thing, well, then you should advocate the right of a woman to have a sixteen kids and to still want more. If no one's getting hurt, where's the harm? It's pretty simple, eh? Live and let live. I thought that's what you wacky San Franciscans were all about.

Just one more thing. Arkansas is not in the Midwest. It's in the south. Perhaps one could make the assumption that people on the coasts should learn basic grade school American geography, but I wouldn't want to be too judgmental. That would be mean.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:35 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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That's a member of the language police!

{...}Mary Magilton, 54, suffered cuts and bruises after being hit by the car which mounted the pavement while she was chatting with friends in Oldham and then drove off, newspapers reported on Friday.

She reported the incident but was ticked off by a police officer when she said the driver of the car was a "fat" woman.

"I was given a frosty look and told I couldn't say that. I could have said lardy, porky or podgy. But I wouldn't dare use those words," the Daily Mirror quoted her as saying.

A spokeswoman for Greater Manchester Police (GMP) said the description recorded on the police log of the incident did include the word "fat."

"I don't think she was severely reprimanded," the spokeswoman said, adding GMP had a policy to ensure officers used "appropriate language" that would not cause offence. {...}

Honestly. What is going on over there? First, Piglet's under fire and now a victim in an auto assault cannot describe her attacker as "fat."

Posted by: Kathy at 12:42 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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It never ceases to amaze me what people will think up.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:31 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I'm so proud I'm actually all verklempt.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:37 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Quite literally.

I can't decide if these are actually a good idea or if they're just a waste of money.

Really and truly. I can't make up my mind.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:32 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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We have another one to add to the "Achingly Stupid Names of Celebrities' Children" file.

Nicolas Cage---who married a woman half his age last year---is a proud papa again. His wife gave birth to a baby boy and they named him....

{insert drumroll here}

Kal-el Coppola Cage.

Kal-el, for those of you who might not follow the comic book world, is Superman's real name. Poor kid.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:06 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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As told by one Tara Reid:

NEW YORK - Tara Reid wants to prove she's a great actress instead of a party girl. The actress says the media has unfairly represented her and that she just needs a good movie to break the stereotype.

"I think there must be a journalist school where students are taught how to kill Tara Reid," the 29-year-old actress says in a Steppin' Out magazine issue on newsstands Oct. 12.

"The one thing I want to say about American journalists is: why is partying and having a good time bad?" Reid says. "And how come when someone else gets messed up or is a junkie or gets DUI'd and goes to rehab and is considered a hero again?"

Reid says she doesn't plan to go that route because she'd be "admitting guilt for something I'm not guilty of." Instead, she has fired her publicist and hopes to find a good role because the 'wild girl' reputation is hurting her career.

"I need one more great movie role so they say, `Wow, she can act! She's a great actress.' Then I think they'll leave me alone."

She needs one more great movie role so they say "she's a great actress!" Sweetheart, you'd need to have at least one decent role TO BEGIN WITH before you can say you need one more. American Pie was a funny movie, but your role in it? Well, let's just say you weren't at band camp that summer, were ya? Nope. I loved the scene in AP where your character lost her virginity. A cabbage would have done a better acting job. The green leaves and folds just lend themselves to emoting, wouldn't you agree? Which is more than I can say for you: you looked mildly constipated. Until you actually go out and learn how to act---which I can only imagine will cut into your hangover recovery time---you will be unable to get those nasty paparazzi get off your back so you can snort coke/let your tit hang out/get drunk/screw boy toys with impunity.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:56 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Oh, yes, thank God for the mainstream media!

/sarcasm

Posted by: Kathy at 04:14 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Sean Penn's cluelessness gallantry on display in New Orleans

It's good to know Sean can still do comedy, eh?

{Hat tip: LMC}

Posted by: Kathy at 10:13 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Oy.

{...}Rev. Bill Shanks, pastor of New Covenant Fellowship of New Orleans, also sees God's mercy in the aftermath of Katrina -- but in a different way. Shanks says the hurricane has wiped out much of the rampant sin common to the city.

The pastor explains that for years he has warned people that unless Christians in New Orleans took a strong stand against such things as local abortion clinics, the yearly Mardi Gras celebrations, and the annual event known as "Southern Decadence" -- an annual six-day "gay pride" event scheduled to be hosted by the city this week -- God's judgment would be felt.

“New Orleans now is abortion free. New Orleans now is Mardi Gras free. New Orleans now is free of Southern Decadence and the sodomites, the witchcraft workers, false religion -- it's free of all of those things now," Shanks says. "God simply, I believe, in His mercy purged all of that stuff out of there -- and now we're going to start over again."

How much do you want to bet that good ol' Pastor Shanks prefers an Old Testament God to the touchy-feely-happy-go-lucky God of the New Testament?

Five bucks? Ten? Twenty?

The New Orleans pastor is adamant. Christians, he says, need to confront sin. "It's time for us to stand up against wickedness so that God won't have to deal with that wickedness," he says.

Believers, he says, are God's "authorized representatives on the face of the Earth" and should say they "don't want unrighteous men in office," for example. In addition, he says Christians should not hesitate to voice their opinions about such things as abortion, prayer, and homosexual marriage. "We don't want a Supreme Court that is going to say it's all right to kill little boys and girls, ... it's all right to take prayer out of schools, and it's all right to legalize sodomy, opening the door for same-sex marriage and all of that.”

That's kind of funny if you think about it. It's blasphemy to equate yourself with God and to put yourself on par with Jesus Christ. The good reverend here thinks that believers are "God's authorized representatives on Earth." That, technically speaking, is blasphemy. Which, of course, leads to the next question: what sort of natural disaster is going to wipe out the reverend's sin for equating himself with God?

{Hat Tip: Andy, who got it from Radley Balko}

Posted by: Kathy at 10:43 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I'm assuming most people have seen this, but in case you haven't, courtesy of the Huffington Post, we have Robert Kennedy, Jr. who, apparently, is the tackiest man alive.

In March of 2001, just two days after EPA Administrator Christie Todd WhitmanÂ’s strong statement affirming BushÂ’s CO2 promise former RNC Chief Barbour responded with an urgent memo to the White House.

Barbour, who had served as RNC Chair and Bush campaign strategist, was now representing the presidentÂ’s major donors from the fossil fuel industry who had enlisted him to map a Bush energy policy that would be friendly to their interests. His credentials ensured the new administrationÂ’s attention.

The document, titled “Bush-Cheney Energy Policy & CO2,” was addressed to Vice President Cheney, whose energy task force was then gearing up, and to several high-ranking officials with strong connections to energy and automotive concerns keenly interested in the carbon dioxide issue, including Energy Secretary
Spencer Abraham, Interior Secretary Gale Norton, Commerce Secretary Don Evans, White House chief of staff Andy Card and legislative liaison Nick Calio. Barbour pointedly omitted the names of Whitman and Treasury Secretary Paul OÂ’Neill, both of whom were on record supporting CO2 caps. BarbourÂ’s memo chided these administration insiders for trying to address global warming which Barbour dismissed as a radical fringe issue.

“A moment of truth is arriving,” Barbour wrote, “in the form of a decision whether this Administration’s policy will be to regulate and/or tax CO2 as a pollutant. The question is whether environmental policy still prevails over energy policy with Bush-Cheney, as it did with Clinton-Gore.” He derided the idea of regulating CO2 as “eco-extremism,” and chided them for allowing environmental concerns to “trump good energy policy, which the country has lacked for eight years.”

{...}On March 13, Bush reversed his previous position, announcing he would not back a CO2 restriction using the language and rationale provided by Barbour. Echoing Barbour’s memo, Bush said he opposed mandatory CO2 caps, due to “the incomplete state of scientific knowledge” about global climate change.

Well, the science is clear. This month, a study published in the journal Nature by a renowned MIT climatologist linked the increasing prevalence of destructive hurricanes to human-induced global warming.

{...}In 1998, Republican icon Pat Robertson warned that hurricanes were likely to hit communities that offended God. Perhaps it was BarbourÂ’s memo that caused Katrina, at the last moment, to spare New Orleans and save its worst flailings for the Mississippi coast.

{my emphasis}

Niiiiiiiiiice, Bobby.

Note that this was published on Monday evening. No one had any idea of how bad the damage was, or how many people had been killed in Katrina's wake. No one had any idea about any of this, but Junior, who was safe in New York, just assumed that since the hurricane had passed over, this would be a good time to start banging the climate change gong. That Katrina could have been prevented if only Bush hadn't listened to Barbour and had decided to push Kyoto. Which is complete and utter bullshit and Junior knows it, too. If you want to blame anyone for not pushing Kyoto, blame your good buddy Bubba Clinton, who never submitted the Kyoto Treaty to the Senate for ratification. If only Clinton had pushed Kyoto through, well, why that would have been a few years earlier and that would have given us more time to prevent these horrible hurricanes!

Never mind that good ol' Junior decided to publish this little treatise before the bodies were even cold. Or even until we knew how many bodies there were to be buried---which, I might add, we still don't know. It's all about scoring cheap political points in the wake of one of the largest natural disasters to befall our country. Way to go, Junior. Way to be just another spoiled rotten, Kennedy bastard who assumes the world should listen to you because of your pedigree.

I sincerely hope that Junior is ashamed of himself. But I doubt he is. He's a Kennedy, after all: that family has absolutely no shame whatsoever.

I think it's genetic.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:17 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I saw this yesterday, but didn't have the chance to comment because the blog was down. Make sure to follow the link to Jeff's commenter, Sarah.

Leaving aside my wondering what this rebuke would have sounded like if it came from this guy's mouth (new season starts September 13th! WooT!), I will admit to being of two minds on this one. I sympathize with the doctor. He was just telling the truth, and there's certainly no shame in that. However, I also emphathize with the obese woman: in an effort to get her to change her wicked ways, the doctor apparently laid out the worst case scenario and, in the process, insulted her. While I can understand why he did it, it doesn't change the fact that, to a certain extent, obesity is the result of a personal choice. (I'm sorry, but I'm not buying that everyone who is morbidly obese in this country is the victim of a thyroid problem. Sorry, but that's just not going to fly.) This woman is making a personal choice to be fat. And I defend that choice. If she wants to do something about it, fine, but if she doesn't, she shouldn't be insulted by her doctor in an effort to scare her into doing something. It's her choice. But, when it comes right down to it, in America, you are not allowed personal choice when that choice is deemed bad for you by the powers that be.

How do I know this? Well, I'm newly minted ex-smoker, and I can tell you from experience that there was no end the many doctors and dentists I visit wouldn't go to in an effort to get me to quit. There were lectures from my gynecologist, telling me that I was increasing my chances for cervical cancer, colon cancer, ovarian cancer, breast cancer, heart disease and, of course, lung cancer. I'm not even going to go into the dire threats exhorted that I shouldn't even THINK about getting pregnant while I was smoking. The stupid pap smear and breast exam took less time than all the lecturing did. I was told by the same gynecologist that I had to exercise twice as much as a normal person would to keep healthy. Walking five miles a day, apparently, wasn't enough if you're a smoker. I should have been running ten miles a day. I've been told by my opthamologist that I'll be an excellent candidate for cataract surgery in forty some odd years. Clever, no? Then we have the dental hygienist: she, quite literally, bitched aloud about the fact she had to spend more time cleaning the back of my teeth than she would a non-smoker.

The husband has had to deal with the same sort of thing from the same dental hygienist. You see, the poor husband has had SO many bad experiences with dentists and orthodontists that he hates going as much as I do. The man, quite literally, had braces and one of those medieval spreader thingys attached to the roof of his mouth for much of his adolescence. The minute he got all that crap off, his teeth started working their way back to their original spots. (They didn't pull any extra teeth before he had his braces put on.) It did absolutely no good whatsoever, so he has good reason to doubt it when a dentist tells him something. Our dentist, who is good and who we like, nonetheless would like the husband to have his fully grown-in wisdom teeth removed. Why? Because he has too many teeth, a small jaw, and the hygienists can't get all the way back to clean them properly. Did you get that? They want him to undergo an oral surgery procedure that would cost us about two grand (we don't have dental insurance---and even if we did, it probably wouldn't be covered.) because it would make their lives easier. They've never suggested an alternative to surgery. They've never told him, hey, get some Plax or Listerine to keep that cleaned out. They did give him a special little toothbrush and he's used it faithfully, but it apparently doesn't work well enough for their tastes, because they keep on harping about it every time he goes in there. It wouldn't do the husband any good, either, as far as how his teeth look. There's not much benefit for him to have his wisdom teeth removed. Yet, consistently, they harp on about it, even though the husband has, quite bluntly, told them it's not going to happen. They've even come in to hassle me about having his wisdom teeth removed when I've been in the office at the same time. I assume they were working under the assumption that I would start guilting him into it, which isn't going to happen.

Therein lies the main issue, I believe: if you refuse to do things your health care providers would have you do, you're making more work for them, aren't you? They have to keep treating you over and over again for the same thing. They would prefer to stop the problem at the source. I could understand where it would be frustrating to have to treat people who, you deemed in all your infinite wisdom, were being stupid about their health. Furthermore, to have to treat the same things over and over again, well, that would just get boring, wouldn't it? Problem is if you lived your life according to all the studies that are released every day of the week, well, your life wouldn't be very much fun, would it? Not to mention when that information is contradictory. I would assume that every disease is preventable, and with the right amount of information scientists will ultimately come to the conclusion that you'll never get sick if you never bother being born.

I have to say, as one who's been where the fat lady is, I still find this all terribly amusing. I suppose that's bad of me, but it's kind of nice to be proven correct. Years ago, when I managed the coffee shop, my customers would, when they found out I smoked, tell me that they wished I would quit. That smoking was very bad for me. Some of them would leave it at that, and I would thank them for their concern, but there were others who would go further in their pontifications and would say that smoking should be banned entirely because it was a public health menace. That everyone had to pay for smokers behavior, whether it be through health insurance costs or their belief they could catch cancer through secondhand smoke, hence the majority opinion should rule. Ok, I said to them, that's your opinion and you're entitled to it. But, I added as I handed them their cup of joe, don't be surprised when they come after you for drinking coffee. Because we all know caffeine is bad for you. It leads to all sorts of health problems, and when they don't have the smokers to beat into submission anymore, well, they'll need a new target. It's the same, I said, if you're obese. Or if you drink adult beverages. Or if you do any number of things that the people in charge think are bad for you. Public health crusades, I told them, aren't so much about the specific actions individuals choose to make: that's irrelevant. Public health crusades are more about removing your ability to make choices the crusaders disagree with. They want to tell you how to live your life. Those choices could extend to any sort of behavior that causes health problems; smoking was simply the tip of the iceberg. Some of them could wrap their minds around this concept and it frightened them. Some of them couldn't see what the hell I was talking about because they believed the hype.

So, I will admit, I find this amusing. They came for me, a smoker, and people said nothing. Now they're going to come for them and they find it alarming. And insulting. Imagine if it was a smoker who had filed the complaint. Would anyone care? I can tell you from experience that they wouldn't give a rat's ass if a smoker was insulted by the lengths their doctor would go to to get them to quit. Believe me, I've heard worse than what this woman heard from her doctor. But no one cares about the smokers. Soon people won't care about obesity, either. Then they won't care about the caffeine drinkers. It will keep going on and on until life is just one big joyless, choice-free experience.

Have a great time in that world, kids. I'll be in the Republic of Kathyland by that point in time, drinking the wine and eating the brie the rest of the world has outlawed.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:42 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Just in case you didn't know, the Minnesota State Fair starts today.

{Insert massive full body shudder here}

Just in case you were wondering, no, I'm not going. For many reasons.

The husband would, quite literally, rather die than spend any time at a fair. He played football in high school and in situations where he gets crowded by lumbering idiots who refuse to get out of the way, well, let's just say the urge to put his shoulders down and to push through whatever and whomever is blocking his way becomes overwhelming. Really and truly I'm doing everyone a favor by keeping him at home. You should be thanking me.

I, on the other hand, don't mind the crowds so much, but I can't stand food on a stick. I don't ride rides, either, as they generally make me nauseous. I have no use for ag exhibits, either, I'm afraid. But the main reason I won't go to the fair is because in all my years of living in the midwest, where fairs are common things, I have yet to actually go to a fair. Well, let me correct that. I've been to St. Margaret Mary's Parish fair in Omaha, because that was my church/school and it was expected, but, as far as fairs go I don't believe that counts. I've lived in three states: Nebraska, Iowa and Minnesota, and I've never been to a fair. In the midwest they call people like me "freaks of nature." I've never been to a county fair. I've never been to a state fair. I've got a perfect record and I plan on keeping it that way, thank you ever so bloody much.

So, ya'll have a good time at the fair. Don't eat a corndog for me. I wouldn't want you to do that to yourself.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:44 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 Now, don't get me wrong. It's not "the lumbering idiots who won't get out of [my] way." It's the lumbering idiots wandering around in a fog. Some sort of miasma of the intellectually challenged you often see in grocery stores, airports, malls and amusement parks as well as at the fair. They fail to grasp some simple facts: Limited space, large numbers of people, clearly established traffic patterns, a high percentage of those people attempting to get from point A to point X utilizing said traffic patterns. Imagine some fat-assed kid with ketchup running down his arm bent over bedazzled at the swiling colors of used oil from the wombat on a stick trailer as it floats across some puddle. Imagine his mother just standing there with one of his pudgy hands in one of her own meathooks, more concerned with keeping cigarette ash off of the acre and a half of cleavage that no one really wants to see, looking from side to side for no apparent reason, where there are no attractions on this particular thoroughfare. These dolts in their sudden halt forward are seemingly oblivious that between the two of them they are taking up the space that five people could be using to traverse the area, and had fully expected to only moments before these two paragons of humanity stopped to bask in the wonderment of it all. They are oblivious of the 300 people that were once moving at a good clip but are now getting jammed up as a result of this miasma; toes getting stomped, obscenities shouted, cigarettes acidentally burning holes in the clothing of people nearby, food being dumped uncermoniously down the shirt of the person in front of yet another kid who really didn't need another damn funnel cake. This is when I have the distinct urge to lower my shoulder and re-live my days as the fastest pulling guard in the conference. Safely clearing a path for Kathy, all the way to the end zone [parking lot]. Touch down, victory dance, let's get the hell out of here. P.S. Don't knock the corn-dogs. "Thems good eatin'!"

Posted by: MRN aka "The Husband" at August 25, 2005 09:26 AM (QKvIa)

2 Janis & I go to the Iowa State Fair at least once every year. Last year we were walking through the Varied Industries building (the one with all those "Magic Orange Cleansers", Baldwin Organs, hot tubs & articulated ladders for sale) and I noticed that the guy next to me had somewhat of a stain on his shorts. I figured that he had gotten too close to an animal somewhere, but then I realized that the stain was radiating out from his OWN UNDERWEAR! Dude crapped himself and was continuing to walk around the fair oblivious to the spectacle. I'm not talking about a little stain - it was an ENORMOUS bowel movement that would have made a farm animal envious. I made it a point to stay three paces away from him, but I couldn't stop staring. He was maybe late 20's, early 30's, and he was walking around with an elderly lady, so I'm thinking that he was some sort of a "Rainman" type out to the fair with momma. Sorry about the mental image, but I just had to share it with someone. Other than that, I LOVE the state fair and the deep fried cuisine. "Gizmo" sandwiches? Roasted corn-on-the-cob? Pork Chops on a stick? Mini donuts? Those root beer stands shaped like giant kegs? Strawberry-Lemonade shakes? This is AMERICAN dining, people. Of course, the Minnesota State Fair is another animal alltogether. Probably features lutefisk flavored snowcones & walleye on a stick.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at August 25, 2005 10:58 AM (M7kiy)

3 I go to every fair within in 30 mile radius of my home. I live to watch oblivions like those described above. My son and I eat corn-dogs with abandon, and you haven't lived until you have tried the deepfried snickers bars!

Posted by: oddybobo at August 25, 2005 12:30 PM (6Gm0j)

4 I can get a deep fried snickers bar here. They call it "hot monkey love" on the menu and it comes with homemade vanilla ice cream that's to die for.

Posted by: Kathy at August 25, 2005 12:47 PM (QKvIa)

5 "concerned with keeping cigarette ash off of the acre and a half of cleavage that no one really wants to see" That's just way to vivid, somebody pass the mental clorox. Mmmmmmm corn-dogs

Posted by: phin at August 25, 2005 03:24 PM (Xvpen)

6 No, I didn't know that the Minnesota State Fair was starting up. Thanks for the tip, Kath. ;-)

Posted by: sadie at August 25, 2005 08:19 PM (xV63t)

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Would you listen to this man tell you what to eat or where to purchase it from?

If Alec Baldwin's a vegetarian, I'm the freakin' Queen of Sheeba.

Alec, no doubt, sneaks down to BK every day and wolfs down a few Whoppers. Quite simply put, you don't get that porky without fast food being involved. It just doesn't happen. Alec could get back to his The Hunt for Red October weight by eating broccoli every day, all day long. And the world of women would be happy, because God only knows Alec was hot when he was thin. He was a veritable Hottie McHotHot. Yet, despite his PETA advocacy, he hasn't lost one ounce. Hmmmm. That's suspicious.

Could it be, kids, that Alec is the beneficiary of a deal with Burger King wherein he stops denouncing them and he gets all the free Whoppers he can eat?

I speculate. You decide.

Posted by: Kathy at 06:04 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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How many of the seven deadly sins do we have going on with this little move?

Hip-hop impresario and fashion designer Sean "P. Diddy" Combs wants to make it easier for fans to shower him with adoration -- so he's dropping the "P." from his stage name.

From now on, it's just Diddy.

"We are entering into the age of Diddy. It's a new era," the rap star formerly known as Puffy and Puff Daddy told the syndicated TV show "Access Hollywood" this week.

In a recent round of interviews hyping his upcoming role as host of the MTV Video Music Awards on August 28, Combs, 35, has said he wanted to "simplify" his image and felt that the P. "was getting between me and my fans."

{My emphasis}

I think you can bust "Diddy" on pride, because he's just way entirely too proud. You're supposed to be humble, dude. You ain't humble. You could, conceivably, make a case for sloth, because it's suppposedly easier to say "Diddy" than it is to say Puff Daddy or P. Diddy. But I KNOW we've got Sean dead to rights on vanity...

...because he thinks people actually give a rat's ass about his nickname..

Posted by: Kathy at 11:05 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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