Well, no sooner do I get home from Christmas vacation than it becomes all too apparent that I spend little or no time with children on a regular basis.

In other words one of my darling nieces or nephews got me sick.

Chest cold has morphed into a horrible sore throat and a head cold. Don't ask me why it went backwards, but it did. It's been quite the fortnight for the husband and myself as far as illness is concerned: he had a cold last week; he got a stomach bug earlier this week when we were in Omaha and I now have a cold. We can usually go all winter without seeing this much illness action. Alas, however, this winter is different as we're trying hard to have a life. It's a toss up, you know. You can either sign up for the patented Hermit Defense System (TM) and never get out and about. Or you can get out and about and pay the price for it.

Have no fear, my devoted Cake Eater readers, for I have goodies for you and I shall unload them right now whilst I'm feeling particularly alert.

• Leon Spinks, who beat Muhammed Ali and is now working as a janitor at the Columbus, Nebraska YMCA for $5.15/hr. and fighting off dementia and all other assorted ills tells you "it ain't what you do, it's how you do it."
• 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds, 1001 horsepower, to bury the needle you have to go 253 mph, and it smokes its maker's grand prix model.

  Have I mentioned that you can actually purchase this fine automobile?

  If you have the means---one point two million before taxes---I highly recommend picking one up.

• Sheila---the lucky wench---got to see Notorious on the big screen. (I'm green with envy)
• Have I mentioned that I'm a grandma?--- a blog grandma.
• This game had some of the worst officiating I've ever seen.
• In one of my very few examples of follow-up, via this post from St. Patrick's Day it turns out Fausta was right when she postulated that The Manolo is Day By Day Jan's super fantastic papa.

  See here, here and here and tell me she's not right.

And there's your cheap thrills for the day, babycakes.

Posted by: Kathy at 06:07 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Two things for rabid commenter, and all around Cake Eater Fan, Russ from Winterset:

1. The husband and I looked south yesterday when we passed the sign demarcating the beginning of Madison County, IA, as if just by glancing to the southeast we could catch a glimpse of the MASSIVE Winterset skyline. We thought of you. Briefly. And then we kept going.

Sorry about that. Our bad.

2. When the hell is Iowa State playing? I'm too lazy to go looking and I know you'll know.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:12 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I simply cannot believe y'all stuck around this long without any fresh content.

Either I'm really pathetic. Or....{insert drumroll here} you, my devoted Cake Eater readers, are pathetic.

And, really, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, do we really want to go there?

On either count.

I think not.

I'm freakin' exhausted right now, but blogging will resume shortly.

Like later in the day.

Cheap thrills will be available for all and sundry at that time.

In the meantime, I'm going to go and load some eggnog up with cheap brandy.

Cheers!

Posted by: Kathy at 12:05 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Dearest Jonathan wants to know about our Top Ten Movies.

Twist my arm.

1. Casablanca I can't add anything remotely interesting to the discussion regarding this film. It simply is the best movie ever made and if you have issues with that, well, you're a nutter. Sorry, but you'll just have to live with your diagnosis.

2. Raiders of the Lost Ark How can you not love this movie? It is, yet again, proof that Lucas can come up with the story, but it's best left to the professionals, namely Lawrence Kasdan and Stephen Spielberg, to tell it. And boy can they tell a good story!

3. Rear Window Back when I was in eighth grade, this was one of five Hitchcock films---Rope, The Man Who Knew Too Much, The Trouble with Harry and Vertigo---- that were re-released to movie theaters. This was the first Hitchcock film I ever saw and it will always be my favorite. I still want to be Grace Kelly when I grow up (and, more importantly, I want her clothes from that movie!).

This, of course, says nothing about how wonderful this film is in its own right.

4. Godfather II: You'll have noticed that The Godfather wasn't on this list. My, what sharp little eyes you've got. There's a reason and I can give it to you in one word, two syllables: De Niro.

5. The English Patient: I love this book and I love this movie. Although, it's not because of my well documented Colin Firth crush. No, I love this movie because of Ralph Fiennes eyes, Juliette Binoche's smile and Naveen Andrew's calm ("Comma.") I love the book because Ondaatje's one of the true masters of bringing a memory to life. You can smell a scene when he's done with it, and he's never tiresome in his description---which is a problem I have with much of literary fiction. Anthony Minghella brought this book to life---and it's wonderful.

6. It Happened One Night: If you've ever wondered what it is about Clark Gable that, once upon a time, drove women mad, this is the film to watch. Trust me on this one.

7. Grand Illusion: Most people won't be familiar with this movie, because not only is it old, but it's foreign. It's a masterwork of director Jean Renoir and it's well worth seeing.

8. Bridge Over the River Kwai and

9. Lawrence of Arabia

Oh, dear. I had a hard time narrowing it down which David Lean films are my favorites, because, quite frankly, I love this man's movies. First and foremost, I love how they look. I love how you get a sense of magisterial scope with Lean's films, but how the background never seems too unwieldy for the character's to manage, even when it is. All that breathtaking scenery that the characters seem impervious to, it's like it's a reminder to look around and see what sort of magisterial scope there is to your own surroundings. Second, these two films had the most memorable acting jobs. Alec Guinness especially, in Bridge Over the River Kwai was incredible, as was Peter O'Toole in Lawrence: they held up to the scenery.

I could go on, but I think we can move along.

10. L.A. Confidential: What's not to like about this movie? The story is incredible. The acting is phenomenal, particularly from Kim Basinger. Who knew? Surely 9 1/2 Weeks never tipped anyone off to her talents. Russell Crowe's Bud White strains at the leash; Guy Pearce's Ed Exley is so icily ambitious and controlled until he isn't, but James Cromwell's Dudley Smith, well, he takes the cake with that Irish accent and his casual acceptance of corruption.

Ahhhh....now that's a movie.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:01 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Hello all,

This is Christi, the Cake Eater Sister. I hope you are all having a wonderful holiday season and you are not going too crazy getting ready. On that note, I just wanted you to know that I will be very busy in the next few days cleaning and baking for my sister, Kathy the Cake Eater. You see, she and the Cake Eater husband will be coming to stay with us for Christmas. There is much to get ready, since I have put off any cleaning for over three weeks. I just won't have the time to read this blog. So, Kathy, don't blog about anything exciting, as I don't want to miss much.

We are very excited to have the Cake Eaters to visit. It is not often that they are able to travel and we are so happy they chose to stay at our humble abode. We'll see how happy they are when the children wake them up nice and early on Christmas morning!

Merry Christmas!

Posted by: Kathy at 04:15 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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You won't get this:

How can you tell your wife that you are popping out to play a match, and then not come home for five days?
Rafael Benitez, Liverpool's football manager - bewildered by cricket

Amen, brother!

One of these days I will get cricket. Until then, I remain bewildered and have occasion to wonder why they take breaks for tea.

More fun quotes here.

{Hat tip: Tim Worstall via Robbo}

Posted by: Kathy at 08:48 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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We have a full moon tonight. Well, maybe not a full moon, but just past the full moon. It think the astronomical term is "waning gibbous," meaning it's getting smaller rather than larger. Obviously this means it's finally clear outside because I can see the moon. For those of you lucky enough to be on an island in French Polynesia right now (Hello, my lone and devoted Cake Eater Reader out there in the middle of the Pacific. Have a Mai Tai for me. Please.) and may not be familiar with how it works here in the Great White North, when the clouds disappear, it gets quite cold. The way it was explained to me is that the clouds act as insulation, keeping the warm air in and the cold air in Canada. So, since it's clear outside, this, of course, means it's cold outside, too.

As in three degrees Fahrenheit.

Since our landscape is quite white right now, it's cold and there's a full moon, well, I'm reminded of Dr. Zhivago, when Omar Sharif's Yuri has brought Lara Antipova and Katya to Varikyno, to hide from the Reds.

That snowbound palace is something quite wonderful to behold. Derelict, unloved, everything is covered with snow and ice and looks like it's been frosted by the most creative and utterly mad of cake decorators. You can almost feel the nervousness they experience when they break through the boarded up main door to try and find a place to hide and finally lay eyes on the place, wondering if it will be suitable. Everything is covered in ice. It looks grand, like the ice was sprayed as the main decoration for a party, and you can almost feel their wonder and awe at how things look. Except they know they cannot stay in those rooms; they're uninhabitable. They find the two rooms unaffected by the ice palace, where they can stay warm. This is where Yuri writes his Lara poems and where they live waiting to be discovered.

I digress, as usual, but getting back to the point...it's nights like this, when the bare trees cast the most spartan shadows in the moonlight, onto the white snow that I think of Dr. Zhivago, and the scene where Yuri hears the wolves on the front lawn. He makes his way to the verandah and instead of clapping or shouting or whatever you expect him to do with the wolves gathered on his front lawn, he hisses loudly while flapping his arms once, sharply. The wolves whimper and run away. Yuri goes back into the house and settles down to write some poetry.

When I look out onto the front lawn, I see the moonlight, the dark sky, the stars, the shadows the tree branches make across the ethereally glowing snow...and I wonder when the wolves will show up. They're all that's missing from the scene.

Well, them and a massive Siberian retreat with onion domes and icy furniture, but, really, who's counting?

Posted by: Kathy at 11:35 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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A random sample of things that are currently happening in my life/going through my brain:

• Memo to Mother Nature: you can quit with the snow, already. We've got enough, ok? I'd like to see the sun again.
• Speaking of sun, I cannot wait for December 21st to arrive. Why, you ask, can I not wait for the beginning of winter, when it goes against everything you know about me and my attitude toward that beastly season? Well, it's quite simple: winter may, technically speaking, begin on December 21st, but that day is also nature's starting point for the days to start getting longer. Meaning more daylight is in the offing after December 21st, not less. Currently the sun goes down around 4:25 p.m. CST. That's just way too damn early. I need more sunlight in my life, and that will turn around after the Winter Solstice occurs.
• We inadvertently hurt our new landlord's feelings by shoveling.

  For the six winters we've lived here, we've been in charge of snow removal. The Great White Hunter ex-landlord had a clause in the lease that shifted the responsibility of snow removal from him and Tweedledumb to his tenants. This wasn't a problem. We brought a snowblower with us when we moved here. As such, we've always pretty much taken care of snow removal---it's habit by now.

  But we've got a new landlord this winter. We had our first significant snow the day after Thanksgiving, when the landlord was out of town. The snow needed to be shoveled so we took care of it. No big deal. The habit started right back up again. Then it snowed again, and again, the husband took care of it. No big deal. Then it started up again on Tuesday night. By the same time Wednesday evening, we'd received six inches and had snowblowed twice (our snowblower is pretty small and it doesn't handle large amounts well). During the first round of snowblowing, first thing Wedsnesday morning, the landlord came out and told the husband that he was sorry he wasn't able to get to the shoveling right off the bat, but that he would get to it. The husband explained that it wasn't a comment on the landlord's abilities, per se, but rather habit, that he was more than happy to help out.

  I don't think the landlord bought it, however.

  We've had this light, sparse snow falling since Thursday morning. Slowly but surely it's been adding up. The husband snowblowed again yesterday afternoon, but, again, it's been adding up and there was more to take care of this morning---and this time the landlord was all over it.

  I don't want to fight his assumptions about his state of landlord worthiness over this. He's the best landlord we've ever had. Which, if you're a longtime reader of the Cake Eater Chronicles, you will know isn't saying much, since our standards of good lanlordom are LOW, but still, it's nice to know when you complain, your complaint will actually be heard the first time, instead of being ignored until you can't be ignored anymore, (i.e. sewers that have backed up; ice dams on the roof which lead to water coming down the walls, etc.). Our new landlord listens to our complaints. He wants to help when we have problems. That's refreshing. He's a good landlord. Hopefully the christmas present I'm planning will combat this, snow removal habits aside.

• I am in willful denial that Christmas is next week. It ain't. It's, technically speaking, two weeks away because Christmas is on a Sunday and Sunday is the beginning of another week, so it's two weeks away. So there. And don't try to tell me any different.
• I started a new workout plan last week so that I'm ahead of my New Year's regrets.
• We got two tins full of cookies from the obnoxious Cake Eater neighbor's nice wife. It's less than last year (no Chex mix, no caramel coated puffy stuff, no toffee), and nonetheless is a nice gesture and represents a lot of effort on her part....yet...it still grates on the nerves because a. she got the flippin' idea from me and b. she's stolen half my recipes! I have decided to get down and dirty and take the low road this year---I have decided to shake things up a bit. I'm adding date nut pinwheels to my repertoire, as well as homemade caramels and this fabulous caramel and chocolate layered shortbread. We shall see who wins when it's all said and done with.

  Hmmph.

And that's enough for now, my devoted Cake Eater Readers.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:10 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 You wrote: I am in willful denial that Christmas is next week. It ain't. It's, technically speaking, two weeks away because Christmas is on a Sunday and Sunday is the beginning of another week, so it's two weeks away. So there. And don't try to tell me any different. I'm SO WITH YOU on this. Acck! And, damned my gestational diabetes because I'd love to be in the middle of Cookie War 2005. Hugs and love to you and MRN,

Posted by: Margi at December 16, 2005 12:37 PM (nwEQH)

2 Take care of yourself and next Christmas you'll not only have a new wee one to play Santa for, but you'll be able to eat all the damn cookies you want because you'll have earned them.

Posted by: Kathy at December 16, 2005 12:59 PM (aRC3x)

3 and this fabulous caramel and chocolate layered shortbread DROOOOL!!! You win! You win! (glad I'm not the only competitive cooker out there)

Posted by: Ith at December 16, 2005 05:38 PM (76QAm)

4 I'm with Ith. That's a competition I can really appreciate!! ; )

Posted by: Chrissy at December 17, 2005 10:59 AM (zJsUT)

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We have a fascinating article in this week's Forbes on Vivid Entertainment, which is one of the Southern California pr0n making giants. While Vivid makes a pretty penny on its products, it's the distribution of pr0n that's really a license to print money:

{...}Vivid's distributors played no role in making Sunny but will reap much of the upside: sales of, say, 20,000 DVDs at $12 to $15 a pop wholesale (distributed by Hustler publisher Larry Flynt's network) and sold for $30 to $40 at retail; up to $1.5 million in revenue for pay-per-view on cable systems and on DirecTV (each of which typically pockets up to a 90% cut); and several hundred thousand dollars more from viewings in hotel rooms (which is why, on the Sunny set the other day, a second, soft-core camera simultaneously shot the same nude scenes from the waist up).

At some point the new film will air on a Playboy-owned channel. Hugh Hefner's company paid Vivid $70 million in 2001 to acquire the Spice networks, hard-core pay channels that Playboy now programs with Vivid's explicit movies. Also, Vivid will resell Sunny in compilation DVDs as her library of performances builds. It also sells phone-sex ads that appear at the start of each DVD (spots that, it turns out, are impossible to skip). And it will add Sunny to the offerings on its Web site, vivid.com, with tens of thousands of subscribers paying $30 a month for access and unlimited streaming video, Hirsch says.

Vivid also hopes to begin beaming out cell phone videos in the U.S. in the next few months and to keep a much bigger share of the loot than the meager 10% it gets from the cable industry.

"The numbers on our cell phone business are just phenomenal,"Asher says--already at $10 million (in retail) a year in Europe. {...}

You always knew there was money to be made in pr0n, didn't you,you just didn't know how much?

Go read the whole thing.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:06 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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{Hat Tip: Cal Tech Girl}

Posted by: Kathy at 01:49 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Is there one of you, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, who reads Russian and can tell me why I'm, apparently, getting a fair number of hits from this site?

I'm completely serious, too.

There's a four credit 'F' in Russian 101 on my college transcript for a reason, kids.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:08 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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...but I think I just found the Cake Eater Mother's Christmas present!

She'd seriously dig being able to have the computer power a ciggie lighter!

Kinda makes me wish I still smoked. That's coo-el.

Posted by: Kathy at 06:09 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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"Once you go Gorilla, well, I guess you never go back."

Posted by: Kathy at 05:52 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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This, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, is my destiny.

It looks beautiful, does it not? A lovely winter scene. It could be innocuously titled "Snow on Pine Branch," or something equally inane.

But looks can be deceiving.

That precious lump of snow that looks so pretty and reminds you of the joys of winter, will, of course, fall off the branches of the pine tree the minute I'm underneath it. And I will be underneath this tree soon because I must go out and shovel.

The snow will, of course, fall off the branch in a just-so manner, directed by God himself.

Why, you ask, will God Himself direct the way of this bit of snow?

Well...

Because, two thousand plus years ago, a prophecy was delivered to someone in the Bible whose name is escaping me right now. The prophecy fortold of a time, far into the future, in a far away land, called Cake Eater Land, where a beautiful woman, swaddled in wool and boots, would be lugging a shovel across a white yard, preparing to do battle with the snow that was falling. The woman would ultimately achieve her goal of clean sidewalks, and the Earth will be saved from a horrible fate, the prophecy foretold, but not without a great price to be paid.

"What price must be paid?" you, my devoted, and terrified, Cake Eater Readers, whisper to yourselves.

I shall tell you.

For the snow to fulfill its destiny and for me to fulfill my own greatness, the snow must hit the back of my neck, which will cause me to yelp with surprise at the cold, watery lump which will be continuing its journey---and fulfilling its purpose---by sliding down the back of my shirt.

I am hesitant and scared.

I fear the icy trickles of cold water that will soon course down my spine, causing me to shiver uncontrollably and chafe against a wet T-shirt and bra.

I wonder where I will find the courage to bundle up and meet my destiny.

Have no fear, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, I will find the courage.

I think it's in a cup of cocoa, so, if you will excuse me, I shall go and fortify myself for the journey ahead.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:37 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Robbo's got the details.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:20 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Lately I've been subjected to numerous advertisements from various brokerage houses regarding 401K consolidation whilst watching the news.

These ads are, obviously, targeted toward those lovable, yet annoying, narcissists, the Baby Boomers.

Yet this got me to thinking.

You have to wonder at how really unique and interesting and intelligent this particular generation is when some marketer decides they are such chumps for nostalgia that all the effort they need to expend to get one of these said chumps to switch to Fidelity is to show a lava lamp and play the Zombie's Time of the Season in the background.

I'm sure if Fidelity were able to throw in a free doobie for every 401K rollover, they would have pulled the ads already due to overwhelming demand.

Posted by: Kathy at 02:54 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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...for more power when you were snowblowing?

Think a 912 pound, V-8 snowblower with a 454 cubic inch Chevy engine might do you?

I think that ought to satisfy your needs.

And if it doesn't, well...you've got problems, my friend.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:13 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I'm in the midst of putting up my Dickens Villages and whilst I was gazing at my Ye Olde Curiosity Shop, I remembered this post and decided you would probably want to re-read it, too, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, since you're all about doing what I'm doing, and thinking what I'm thinking.

A small sampling:

{...}But let me tell you this all you moms of the world, this year I am adding a little Dickensian realism to the strawberry shortcake mix. You see - hahahaha! - this year I have built my own addition to that Charles Dickens model village. Yes, this year I'm bringing the scale model prison hulks with me on Christmas Eve, complete with model convict figurines bound by their tiny ball and chains. And I've even created a carpet of stagnant marshy hinterland that you can roll out on the outskirts of your unsuspecting village. And there's a gallows too, crafted out of balsa wood with the rotten remains of Short-Arsed Jake the Pentonville Footpad hanging from it.

And ... oh! Who can that be hiding behind the coal shed door at Mrs Whisker's cottage? Why I do believe it's Mad Jack the Hatchet Man who has escaped from the hulks and stalks the village streets at night in search of his next victim. And who is that dark, hunchbacked figure climbing through the freshly smashed window of the bakery ....?{...}

I still stand by last year's request for a model of Bedlam.

Posted by: Kathy at 02:39 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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If you're wondering what the pissed off grape-in-bondage is all about, go here.

{Hat tip: Phin}

Posted by: Kathy at 12:17 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Waaaah.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:24 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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