February 28, 2005
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{...} For the six ravens who roam one of Britain's landmark fortresses are under threat from up to 200 crows who have invaded their royal domain, spreading disease and stealing food.So every Sunday at dawn, before the daily tourist invasion begins, Yeoman Warder Derrick Coyle roams The Tower with his .22 air rifle to cull the crows.
For the beefeater, it is a weighty responsibility securing a haven for the ravens. Legend has it that if the ravens leave, The Tower of London will fall and so will the monarchy.
The 17th century monarch Charles II decreed that there must always be six ravens in residence.
"Urban crows are on the increase and they are a growing problem for us," said a spokeswoman for Historic Royal Palaces, which runs the Tower of London.
"The ravenmaster has his own culling strategy. He goes out at dawn and looks for the crows that he knows are ill -- they have matted feathers and a mangy appearance," she told Reuters.
Rarely has a collective noun been more appropriate in English -- a gathering of crows is known as a murder of crows. {...}
I think the beefeater is going about it the wrong way. One does not need to be kind to crows and cull out the weak ones. You have to make an impression on the entire flock, or so a farm boy friend of mine told me a while back. "Crows," said he, with a malicious grin plastered across his face, "have a deep respect for a .22."
And, no, he wasn't referring to a .22 air rifle.
One has to think that they don't take the monarchy all that seriously if they won't deal with the crow threat with a real rifle.
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If he'll mandate that there should be absolutely, positively NO freakin' hand holding (or the equally annoying "offer it up" hand position which is becoming quite popular) during the "Our Father," he's got my vote.
You know, if I had a vote to give.
Alas, a bunch of red-beanied cardinals get that privilege. The Roman Catholic Church ain't a democracy, ya dig? And, I'm a woman, so it's not like the Vatican wants my opinion anyway, unless I've got some testimonial to throw out there on how all women should act more like the Virgin Mary. So, take The Cake Eater endorsement for what it's worth, y'all.
I still want a concession on the hand holding business, though. The dude can throw me a bone if he wants my tithe.
{Hat tip: Chad the Elder, who agrees with me on the hand holding business.)
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I've mentioned before that the husband enjoys surfing around on the web. Well, after reading this, he was inspired to do a lil' Woodward-style investigative digging.
And lookie what he found.
Well, I must say that explains a whole heck of a lot.
As does this.
"Why are we sitting around with bras on our heads?
"It's ceremonial."
I'd hate to see what they've worked their way up to.
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Although, I have to wonder if Kennedy was slipping The Ringer some Krispy Kreme's on the campaign bus. If so, do Krispy Kreme's count as a kickback?
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February 27, 2005
Were you hoping for a wrap-up? Well, lose that hope right now. I have absolutely nothing to add to what I already wrote. And that's just fine with me. If you've got a problem with it, well, might I suggest you go and bury your head in Barbra Streisand's cleavage?
Might be a comfy place to assuage your angst, no?
Anyway, that's the end of that.
Although, I still think Hilary Swank's dress was just freakin' awful.
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---Mr. H. "Do you think he's getting a Gap kickback?"
--- I have to give Rock props for being clever about bashing Bush.
That's about all I'll give him props for, though.
I like the take no prisoner's style, but I have to ask---who the hell do they think watches this stuff? Blue staters only?
--- What is this with all the nominees on stage? The Miss America pageant?
--- Renee Zellweger: my boobs are about to pop out. Great dress, though.
Mr H after Chris' Rock's introduction: Deacon Jones? No, she's going to play Star Jones.
--- Yay for Morgan Freeman. Classy man.
--- What the F@#$ is up with Robin Williams' pink shirt. UGH!
You are not a bougainvillea Robin. Have some pride, for fuck's sake!
--- How chintzy is it that they're not allowing the people who aren't actors to go near the stage.
It's like they're lepers.
--- Mr. H: Drew Barrymore's earrings look like my drapery sashes.
---Scarlett Johansson has quite the booty on her.
Pierce...I'll make you some tea, baby. You sound awful.
---Hey lookie! Troy got nominated for something!
---Wow. They let someone come on the stage who wasn't an actor! Woooooh.
---How much you wanna bet Tim Robbins thought Rock was joking about the "boring people about his politics bit?
---Adam Duritz's hair looks like a head of broccoli.
--- Ok, had to clean up the kitchen and clear away the food.
YAY! For Omaha Boy Alexander Payne. Well done, but I think that's it for the night, bub.
The husband just hoped for one of Sidney's Lumet's daughters that the, "bicycle pumps weren't too heavy." (if you're watching, you know the one I'm referring to)
--- Mr H about Andrew Lloyd Weber: "He's such a little troll."
Beyonce is wearing the GNP of a small third world country without an extradition treaty with the US around her neck, on her ears and wrists.
--- Jeremy Irons---who knew he has a sense of humor?
---"BLAME CANADA! BLAME CANADA!"
--- Ok, I would highly recommend flipping to the WE channel, if you've got it.
(Channel 260 on DirecTV if you've got it) Sandra Bernhard and some dude are being catty. Pretty enjoyable, on the whole. And they're on during the commercials.
They're the John Madden and Pat Summerall of the Oscars.
As far as who's who, I have no idea.
--- COMMIES AREN'T COOL!
Let me repeat: COMMIES AREN'T COOL!
---Oh My! Johnny Depp's girlfriend/wife/whateverthehellsheis has some horrible teeth!
--- Only in Hollywood would someone get a "Humanitarian Award" for film preservation.
---No way this thing is going to be over with by 10:30.
Bets anyone?
--- COMMIES AREN'T COOL!
--- Mr. H.: "Sean Penn: King of the bad haircut."
Personally, I think he needs to get a sense of humor. Still.
---Annette Bening: The Susan Lucci of the Oscars.
Oh, hillary that dress is just freakin' hideous!
--- Here's a question for you: if this is such a big honor, why do the recipients only get a thirty-seonds to say thank you to everyone who got them to that place in life?
Another question: why on earth would you thank your lawyers? Don't they get paid already? Same with the agents? Or do they get cranky and screw with your career if they don't?
--- The husband: Jamie Foxx's come a long way from being the ugly chick on In Living Color
--- Mr H. on Heather Locklear in the L'Oreal commercial: AGE, woman!
--- When Will Martin Scorsese get his Oscar? It's not like he sucks or something like that!
How cute is it that Dirty Harry brought his mom to the oscars?
---The husband on Barbra's dress: "That's two shoulder straps short of a muumuu."
---The husband: "Barbra, it's not your fucking show. Back the fuck up!"
Mr. H.: "And don't forget to go beep-beep-beep when you do.
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I've decided that everyone in the apartment has access to the laptop this evening. If a comment is made by Mr. H. or the husband, they will identify themselves. Otherwise, just assume it's me. Wi-fi is a beautiful thing.
Currently we're watching E! Live From the Red Carpet. When we flip channels, we'll try to let you know.
Some observations gained whilst I was throwing together artichoke dip:
--- Star Jones is the worst interviewer ever. If she asks one more person "are they superstitious? Do they have a good luck charm?" I'll smack her. Which of course is only compounded by her fashion sense. What is up with that freakin' tiara? Who does she think she is? The Queen of England? Which leads to the obligatory cheap shot: What's the difference between QEII and Star Jones?
The Queen can afford her own jewelry.
--- Beyonce's earrings looked like overlarge diamond brooms.
--- Every time The Motorcycle Diaries is mentioned, the phrase COMMIES AREN'T COOL! Will be pulled out and bandied about.
--- Helen Mirren is having one of her off-fashion nights. Looks like a flapper.
--- Emily Rossum looks fantastic. Great dress.
UPDATE COMMIES AREN'T COOL! Che Guevara is not the look.
Ok. Star's asking the chick from Maria Full of Grace about her pet allergies. Hmmm.
She deserves to be mocked. Help.
--- I wasn't looking at the TV, but I heard some incompetent presenter tell director Mike Leigh (Vera Drake) that the script "compelled her"....
...?!?! compelled you to what??!! For crying out loud! How do these people keep their jobs as people who speak for a living when they don't understand the fucking language!!?? - The Husband
---Mr. H. has arrived.
Melanie Griffith got some new titties!
--- Clive Owen is hot.
--- Spike Lee is wearing a fez.
The husband just said, "I'm looking at him in that fez and those glasses and I'm seeing Ren Hoek."
--- Random fact: the husband remembers Morgan Freeman when he was on The Electric Company.
--- Everyone here is in agreement that they need to change the camera angle on Star Jones. You can how ill fitting her dress is from two different angles. Her boobs don't fill out her dress (????) and as the husband just said, "Oh, God, bovine back flab!"
I think liveblogging has raised the bar as far as snarkiness is concerned.
--- Sam Jackson always looks great, but I'm not sure about this jacket he's wearing.
Second noted fashion theme of the evening: bed head.
Comb the hair after you roll out of bed, Oprah!
The husband keeps putting his hand to his forehead, like he's got a migraine.
Mr. H: Oprah looks like she should be singing "It's been a long time since I've rock and rolled."
--- Ok, we've switched over to the official preshow on ABC.
I don't like Hilary Swank's dress, but the husband said it looks good.
He said she's too skinny to wear anything too revealing.
--- Annette Bening, god love her, is not aging well. Sorry, chica, but hell...you don't look that great.
---The men of the room just went silent when Halle came on.
They both like her. And think she's hot. Even the gay one.
--- Renee Zellweger according to Mr. H., has a Betty Boop thing going on.
Leonardo Di Caprio NEEDS TO SHAVE God, I hate that goatee. It's such a half-assed bit of facial hair. Eeeeew.
--- Let me repeat this for the people who might not have caught it earlier in the week:
I do not get what people like about Orlando Bloom. Bleh.
----Kirsten Dunst: too damn blonde.
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You are cordially invited to share in the cattiness that is a Cake Eater Oscar Party.
If this is your sort of thing, open a bottle of chardonnay, prepare some munchies, slap on your tiara and your feather boa, prepare your acceptance speech, and stop by this evening. I make no promises about quality content, but if snarkiness is your thing, and you enjoy lampooning Hollywood when it comes out to give itself a collective pat on the back, well...stop on by this evening!
Coverage starts with the pre-shows at 5pm. CST.
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February 25, 2005
Victorino over at the Galley Slaves has been ill this past week and has been catching up on a few oldie but goodie movies, like Fatal Attraction.
One choice quote that had me laughing:
{...}I first saw it when I was in high school and what resonated the most was the sturdiness of the kitchen sink. Moen. Buy it for looks. Buy it for sex.{...}
An old boyfriend in high school had the same idea. I must admit, though, he was more obsessed with the freight elevator. Not like he got anywhere with either inspiration, though.
Go read the whole thing. Also check out an addendum to yesterday's Kingdom of Heaven watch.
The Galley Slaves: There's always something interesting going on.
That is, when they're not off sailing around the Caribbean and sucking up to Bill Kristol.
Or doing both at the same time.
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NEW YORK (Reuters) - At one point in Yaron Zilberman's new documentary about a Jewish girls' swim team in Nazi-era Vienna, one of the team members tries to explain the trauma of starting a new life after fleeing Austria in the late 1930s.
"You have no idea. You have no idea," says Ann Marie Pisker, who is now in her 80s and lives in London. "You sink or you swim. And when you're young, you swim."
And, boy, did those girls swim. In the 1920s and '30s the girls of the Hakoah Vienna sports club dominated competitive swimming in Austria.
Hakoah is Hebrew for "the strength" and, as the flames of anti-Semitism were fanned in the 1930s, that's what the Hakoah girls needed to deal with the hatred directed at them by their pro-Nazi rivals, the First Viennese Sports Club.
"We're accustomed to courageous stories about men but these girls competed and faced all this hatred, and I found that really inspiring," says Zilberman during an interview in his apartment overlooking the Lincoln Center performing arts complex in Manhattan.
The Israeli-born filmmaker's new documentary, "Watermarks," recently began a theatrical run in New York and in the coming weeks will be expanding to other cities. {...}
If you're interested, you can find the trailer here.
So, I'm skimming along, nothing is really screaming "man bites dog" for me, and I'm ready to click away...and I do so. But then I click back, because something's just not right. Here's the offending passage:
{...}"This is the victory scene," Zilberman explains "This is the scene where they are victorious. I mean, Hitler died and the whole Nazi regime luckily disappeared and look at them.{...}
{my emphasis}
The reason why these women are now back to swimming at their old club is because Hitler died and the whole Nazi regime luckily disappeared?
Ummm. Hello? I believe a war was fought in the meantime. Thousands upon thousands of soldiers died fighting the lunatic ambitions of a small mustachioed Austrian and his cronies and all it was luck that these women can now swim at their old club? The director's statement implies that, to his thinking, Hitler just offed himself for the hell of it. As if Hitler's death would have been all that was needed to end the madness that was the Third Reich. Contrary to what the current conventional wisdom surrounding Wolfsschanze and the July 20 plot imparts, Hitler's death by no means guaranteed that the war would end.
While I'm as happy as the next person that these women are around to tell their story---and a fascinating story it looks to be, too---has the director completely forgotten who liberated Europe? Has he forgotten the sacrifices involved in completing that bloody and difficult job? Has he honestly chalked it all up to luck?
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---Robert Downey, Jr.
Nothing pisses me off more than talent wasted on drugs or booze. I hope Sizemore gets his shit sorted.
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February 24, 2005
So is Bowling.
Purrrrrrrrr, baby.
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11:19 PM
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This does not bode well for his survival.
I've prayed more for this Pope than any other. Granted, I've only been alive for three different pontiffs, and one of those only lasted a month, but still. I remember the day he was shot quite clearly. I was in fifth grade and the school prinicpal came over the loudspeaker, asking us all to pray for the Holy Father as someone had just shot him. And we prayed right there and then, interrupting math class for good fifteen minutes. We hoped he would get better. Surprisingly, he did, too. He was a hale and hearty man...then.
I'm praying for a different option this time around. It feels odd, I will admit. But it's time.
The Catholic Church teaches its members that there is value in suffering. It's one of our central tenets. I believe John Paul II has done more to teach us about this than any other pope. He shouldn't have to still be teaching us about the value of suffering, though.
He's done his bit.
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He's none of those people. He was either this guy, this guy or this guy.
Marlowe's my personal favorite in this horse race, but that's just me.
{hat tip: Sully}
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February 23, 2005
{...}In the past, Scott has been fairly unflinching in his depiction of certain enemies of Western civilization (see Black Hawk Down and G.I. Jane). It will be very, very interesting to see how the Kingdom of Heaven handles the crusades and how the CAIR-style backlash is manufactured leading up to the film's release (expect Time and Newsweek cover stories in April). Also of interest will be the European reaction to the movie. What happens to European anti-Americanism when Europe is cast in the role of America?{...}
(If, like myself, you're overwhemed in this acronym laden world, CAIR is the Council on American Islamic Relations.)
Interesting, but I think Ridley will indeed get off Scot free. I predict he will be laughing all the way to the bank. Unlike Oliver Stone, who laid the blame for Alexander's recent failure at the feet of uninterested American Bush-votin' fundamentalist homophobes, Scott doesn't go into a movie blatantly pushing an agenda. He goes into it to tell a story. There may be controversial aspects to that story, but Scott handles them deftly as they come along: they're simply a part of the story to him, not the story in itself. Stone also goes into filmmaking to tell a story, but he carries with him an agenda. He prefers to perform morality plays, wherein his message is the morality preached. Scott doesn't do that. I don't doubt that Scott does have an agenda to promote regarding Western Civilization, but he doesn't slam you over the head with it. He gives his audience credit for having a brain and allows them to come to conclusions themselves. If anything, he's the braver of the two, because he's not afraid of the audience. If the audience fails to laud Stone we're all stupid, as the above links show. The difference between the two men and their styles of storytelling is obvious.
For instance, Gladiator, if it had been made by Oliver Stone instead of Ridley Scott, would have been all about the evils of slavery. Stone, I'm fairly certain, would hammer this point home, with every character conundrum and plot point revolving around it. Scott's version, however, was about a general being sold into slavery by his enemies, and having the character to not only survive the perils of forced servitude, but to rise above it and to vanquish his foes. Was slavery any less evil in Scott's film, even though he didn't flog the dead horse of slavery every chance he got?
Any publicity this film gets along the lines of Jonathan's predictions will only be invalidated when the movie is released, and (I predict confidently) is critically acclaimed. It'll be a big non-starter. Alexander's failure to reap any critical acclaim and box office gives me hope in for this film. As for the Europeans, well... If they thought Alexander was good, do we really need to be consulting them for their opinion about films and their relevance to the ongoing debate of how best to combat Islamofascism?
Related side note: could someone tell me what the fascination with Orlando Bloom is? Bleh. I'm just not getting this one. He does absolutely nothing for me. He looks like an eager puppy, rather than a brave man. If this movie fails it will be because of him, I'm pretty certain, and not because of the message.
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Have you heard of "cutting"? If you're a parent, you'd better read up. "Cutting" refers to self-mutilation -- using knives, razor blades or even safety pins to deliberately harm one's own body -- and it's spreading to a school near you.Actresses Angelina Jolie and Christina Ricci did it. So did Courtney Love and the late Princess Diana. On the Internet, there are scores of websites (with titles such as "Blood Red," "Razor Blade Kisses" and "The Cutting World") featuring "famous self-injurers," photos of teenagers' self-inflicted wounds and descriptions of their techniques. The destructive practice has been depicted in films targeting young girls and teens (such as "Thirteen"). There is even a new genre of music -- "emo" -- associated with promoting the cutting culture.
In Britain, health care researchers estimate that one in 10 teenagers engages in addictive self injury. According to psychiatrist Gary Litovitz, medical director of Dominion Hospital in Falls Church, Va., the growing trend here in America has alarmed school guidance counselors around the country.{...}
Go read the whole thing.
While Malkin is quick to lay the blame of this alarming practice at the feet on Hollywood, I, just like Robbo, think she's way off the mark. The girl referred to in the piece is a child of divorce and is no doubt seeking attention. Cutting is just the hip way to do this.
When I was that age, well, sleeping around or getting obnoxiously drunk on a regular basis was the way to garner the attention of one's parents. And yes, at age fourteen, people in my eighth grade class were sleeping around and getting loaded regularly. This was in in 1985. The phrase "bl0w j0b" had entered into my lexicon when I was twelve, two years earlier.
And I went to Catholic school.
Yet, since those are commonly accepted activities for teenagers nowadays and there is no stigma attached to them, well, the kids have to look elsewhere for outrageous things to do to make mommy and daddy pay attention. I never drank in high school or slept around: my parents would have killed me if I had done either. Never mind the peer pressure, or the fact I knew I wasn't ready for either activity, the main reason I never did those things was because I didn't want to have to sit and be yelled at by my father for days. And, wow, can my father ever bellow. You don't want to sit through it. Trust me on this one. That was enough to keep me in line.
What's surprising to me about this article is that Malkin took the cheap and easy way out. She pulls out her old battle ax once again and blames Hollywood for this new and disturbing trend. Well, ok, but it seems to me that she missed the greater opportunity to make some points about how society encourages parents to handle teenage rebellion today.
Teenagers are going to rebel. That's just a fact of life. I did it. I'm sure you did, too. There is a point in every adolescent's life where whatever yoke a teenager is burdened with, whether it be light or heavy, becomes a bit much to take. It seems to me they will find things to rebel against, no matter what. This is the time when a teenager is preparing themselves to enter the adult world. Rebelling against authority is part of the game. It is an age where you're figuring out your capabilities as a human being; where you test your limits. If you have no limits to test against, you're going to find new things to do, like cutting.
I'm sure you know what I'm talking about when I claim those limits have been removed. In an effort to lessen the damage of teenagedom, some parents try to make those years safe for their kids, like they were trying to childproof the cabinet under the kitchen sink. They're going to drink, lets buy the beer so they don't have to proposition someone at the 7-11. Let them drink at the house, so they're not out on the roads. They're going to have sex, let's get them set up for birth-control. Let's tell them about HIV/AIDS and STD's, so they'll use a condom. Let's let them use their bedrooms, so they're not doing it in the backseat of a car. And so on and so forth. The "they're going to do it anyway" reasoning has led to activities like cutting, in my humble, non-kid-owning opinion. When you're a teenager and you feel the need to rebel, and your parents take away the commonly accepted ways of showing that rebellion, well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that the kids are going to find other ways to rebel.
Now, like I said above, I don't have kids. I could be way the hell off the mark here. This is just what I've observed with friends and family. I'm not saying that trying to keep your kids safe is a bad thing. It's a scary world out there and I can understand the desire to protect and defend. But I believe there is a point where plain old fashioned parental disapproval has to come into the equation if you want your children to become productive adults. After all, if your parents tell you that you can't go to a party without parental supervision and they're going to keep you in the house that night as a result, if you're a teenager you're going to stew about that, aren't you? You'll be pissed and frustrated, and you might think of all the things that you can't do because you're a teenager...and you can't wait until you grow up and move out of the house so you can do what you want to do. Right? That was my common complaint when I was a kid. I couldn't wait until I got out of there so I could start living my life. I wanted to grow up. I wanted to make my own decisions. I wanted to be an adult. My parents lived up to their end of the bargain. They disapproved and they showed it. I whined and complained, but I also grew up, too. Given the extended adolescence of some young adults today, you have to think that if only their parents had said 'no' once in a while, they'd be much more productive adults.
Malkin missed the bigger picture here. She laid it all on Christina Ricci's shoulders, because, I have to think, they were a convenient place to put her angst. If anything, good ol' Wednesday Addams has proved my point about teenagers finding new ways to test themselves. Her comments go a long ways toward showing exactly what the problem is.
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February 22, 2005
Hmmmm.
I would have to go with the Maximum Leader's solution:
{...}In the style of your Maximum Leader: Shoot it. Drag it out and shoot it. Allow its body to bloat in the sun as an example to all other uppity racoons lest they get ideas.In the style of Winston Churchill: Shoot it. But don't waste time. Just walk right up and shoot the bloody thing. Of course, don't be rude either. When killing a racoon it costs one nothing to be polite.
In the style of the Joseph Stalin: Shoot it. Walk up and POW! One round in the back of the head. Note to self: invoice the racoon's family for the bullet.{...}
Yep. The Max Leader is on to something, even if the Ny-Quil is keeping him from realizing it. The best solution here is for Smallholder to pretend he's someone else and then shoot it that way. In fact, Smallholder could adopt the Cake Eater animus toward racoons and it just might serve him well in getting through this gruesome task.
Raccoons are the bane of my existence in the summertime. The trash goes out on Sunday night for Monday morning pickup, even though the raccoons are quite capable of pulling the lids off all the cans, even when they're buckled down by the can handles. Wily little fuckers. Well, you say, why don't you just take the trash out on Monday morning, so you don't have to be woken by the little fuckers when they trip the motion-sensor light right under your bedroom window? Well, the trash is the one thing our downstairs neighbors take care of around here. They take it out Sunday night, and lest I discourage them from getting more involved (i.e. taking over some of the snow shoveling) I'm not going to say a damned thing.
Most of the time, the nasty Cake Eater neighbor leaves his cans wide open and they go munching in there. When they do come over here, however, they leave an unholy mess! Aieee. Garbage---nasty, nasty garbage---everywhere. Which, of course, we have to clean up. Bleh. My sister, who has her own raccoon problem, says that pouring liquid ammonia into the trash cans works quite well as a repellent. I haven't tried this yet, but I probably will.
In the meantime, however, Smallholder can feel free to access my angst and shoot the varmint.
Happy shooting!
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