I finally got an "plug" email this morning that wasn't from a political campaign looking for some free PR. Hallelujah! It seems those pesky politicos are finally paying some attention. Anyway, the email was from a gentleman by the name of Robin who was looking to promote his service: watchingamerica.com

To summarize quickly: Robin and his partner---a former editor for the International Herald Tribune---are keeping an eye on the non-American/non-English-speaking press and are translating a wide range of articles from an even wider ranging selection of newspapers worldwide. They post their results on their site for those greedy English-only speakers like myself.

I had questions regarding the technical details of the translations and here's what Robin had to say about it:

{...}Most people don't know about this, but for many languages, esp. the romance languages, computer-based translations are over 95% accurate when it comes to meaning. The English they spit out is messy but a professional editor can turn it into the real thing. So we use technology to translate many languages, with the support of editors and a few native-speaking
volunteers who help out with the tricky parts.

For some languages, such as Polish, we use only human native speakers. They support us voluntarily and on a part time basis. The total number of people who contribute to WA is about eight now.{...}

I would highly encourage you to check it out when you get the chance.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:58 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Did you ever see that movie? Kevin Spacey played Buddy Ackerman, the most obnoxious studio executive ever. One night, when his assistant had just a wee bit too much of his boss' behavior, he took Buddy hostage and practiced all sorts of interesting revenge on him. The bit with the paper cuts and lemons stands out in my mind. Anyway, whenever I read a story about the MPAA or the RIAA "cracking down" on file sharing and P2P networks, Buddy is the guy I cast in my mind as the suit.

Courtesy of Mike over at Tech Dirt, we have this lovely story that seems to have gotten lost in the Pope Shuffle.

File-swappers who distribute a single copy of a prerelease movie on the Internet can be imprisoned for up to three years, under a bill that's slated to become the most Draconian expansion of online piracy penalties in years.

The bill, approved by Congress on Tuesday, is written so broadly it could make a federal felon of anyone who has even one copy of a film, software program or music file in a shared folder and should have known the copyrighted work had not been commercially released. Stiff fines of up to $250,000 can also be levied. Penalties would apply regardless of whether any downloading took place.

If signed into law, as expected, the bill would dramatically lower the bar for online copyright prosecutions. Current law sanctions criminal penalties of up to three years in prison for "the reproduction or distribution of 10 or more copies or phonorecords of one or more copyrighted works, which have a total retail value of $2,500 or more." {...}

So, let's say that you've downloaded the newest, hottest Britney Spears song. You may have liked it, you may have not. You may have thought that this "prerelease" copy was crap as far as the technical aspects were concerned, but that's really quite irrelevant at this point. You may have forgotten all about it. You may be listening to it everyday, fully intending to buy the CD when it comes out. You, my dear friend, log onto Limewire or some other Peer To Peer network, blissful---or not---with your Britney.

This, my friend, is when you just committed a felony.

According to the MPAA, the RIAA and the federal government, you've just made this bit of prereleased, copyright protected bit of entertainment available for distribution by logging into a Peer-To-Peer network. Hence you're guilty of the same sort of piracy as a street vendor and you will be punished accordingly. Just by having the offending item in your shared folder, you're committing a felony. Never mind that if someone moved to download it and you quashed the download. You're still committing a felony. A felony that's punishable by three years worth of jail time and a fine of a quarter of a million dollars. As Mike at Tech Dirt so eloquently puts it:

The entertainment industry continues to insist that they're just looking for "balance" in trying to fight file sharing -- but the evidence suggests that they're just being purposely vindictive. They're not looking at ways to improve their business or how to better provide what people want. They just want to punish people.{...}

This is part of the Family Entertainment and Copyright Act I was railing against the other day. This passed the House today and has already been approved by the Senate. It's on its way to the President we speak.

Lovely.

One can only imagine how smug Buddy is tonight, safe in his Beverly Hills mansion, where the Cristal and the beleuga flow freely. One wonders, however, if he realizes that his whole house of cards will come crashing down sooner rather than later because of his actions.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:54 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Dang. I couldn't get past the phrase ' lost in the Pope shuffle,' without laughing. Sounds like a new dance step, eh?

Posted by: sadie at April 20, 2005 10:24 AM (c1kB7)

2 I've worked in the industry for a long time now and have some very harsh views about the whole 'downloading of pirated materials' issue. I'll save the rant though and just say that stealing is stealing and I think it is a shame that people are intent on thieving music (doesn't matter how you label it... let's call a spade a spade) by file-sharing. Someone is going to have to pay for it and it usually ends up being those at the end of the line. A friend, Jez, used to liken it a little to the entire population of London walking into your bathroom anytime day or night and peeing in your toilet. Without even asking your permission. Sure the toilet is being used for what it was made for... but really, everyone should get their own! Until something happens (and that means the stopping of illegal downloading/sharing and it also requires the industry need to wake up and become flexible on some issues... 6 of one/half a dozen of the other...) then we will continue to have people peeing on the walls of our streets and crapping in our private toilets. Oooops. Sorry, I ranted a little. My bad! :/

Posted by: Puffy at April 20, 2005 01:35 PM (ddzYA)

3 You're more than welcome to rant here, Puff. I just think it's a wee bit ridiculous to charge someone with a felony criminal case for perhaps having one downloaded song that hasn't been released in their shared folder. It's vindictive and the punishment does not fit the crime. I'm sorry, but it doesn't. There is a difference between the dude who goes out and films a movie at the theater and then sells it on the web---someone who actively distributes the pilfered material and profits from it---and someone who just logs onto Limewire. Under this law, they're guilty of the same crime. Is that fair? Nope. Another part of that act, ironically enough, legalized Clear Play's unauthorized copyright violations with their edit-out-the-dirty DVD players.I don't see Congress coming down hard on those copyright violations, do you? Once the Prez signs that bill, copyright violations at the hands of ClearPlay become the law of the land. As I see it, the business model is changing: the entertainment industry is going to have to change with the times or they are going to find themselves to be obsolete. Moby (of whom I am not a huge fan) said a while back why should he have to put up with a record company when he can put his own material out on the web? He makes a good point. He'd be richer, too, because he wouldn't have to surrender his copyright to the label. Until they see that there is value in file sharing, they're going to be throwing gobs of money at a problem they will never be able to solve. I'm sorry, but it's just not going to ever going to go away. The government surely can't do a thing about it: they're years behind as it is. File sharing, for better or worse, is here to stay. Limewire, KaZaa and Morpheus resulted from the demise of Napster. BitTorrent showed up because people were getting busted for using Limewire. For every move the entertainment industry makes in this respect, the file sharers make another one in opposition. Until the entertainment industry decides to stop playing the game and think outside of the box, this is game of tit for tate is going to escalate. And that's stupid, because all it does is drive up the cost of everything. But that's just my opinion---I could be wrong

Posted by: Kathy at April 20, 2005 02:25 PM (RFVZA)

4 p2p softwares are inevitable just like mr.smith from matrix.. always evolving. by the way, i love that movie, swimming with the sharks. do u have a copy kathy? best, j

Posted by: j at July 30, 2005 09:46 PM (NCm3g)

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Last night, this post brought to mind a special I'd seen on NOVA a while back about the Archimedes Palimpsest.

Archimedes, if you remember from high school geometry, was the dude who came up with pi, among other things. He was a rare mathemetician for his day, and his life ended in 221 B.C. Now, in the way of things back then, some of his work was lost---and it was thought it had disappeared for the ages. Not so. In the library of a monastery in Constantinople a palimpsest was discovered. A palimpsest is a book where the pages are made of vellum, or animal skin parchment, where the text can be scraped off and used again for some other purpose. In this case, it was transformed into a prayer book. So, this palimpsest resides in Constantinople for near to a thousand years when a Danish philologist discovers it, photographs the entire thing, but cannot decipher all of the Archimedes text. The word is now out. About twenty years later, it's stolen from the monastery. It finds its way into the hands of a forger, who paints four of the pages with gold leaf, thinking it will make it more valuable, while not knowing what was underneath the prayers, until finally, it lands in the hands of a French collector who snatches it up and keeps it in the family for about seventy years, only selling it a few years ago.

As if that wasn't enough excitement for you, this is where it gets interesting. No one had the technology to see what exactly Archimedes had written entirely until recently. Of course it was big. Turns out that he'd pretty much invented Calculus...a full nineteen-hundred years before Newton and Leibniz---the generally credited inventors of that particularly horrible form of math---got their paws onto the problem.

During the NOVA episode, the scientists they consulted, while pleased about the document itself, lamented the fact it had been lost for so many years. They speculated about what it could have meant for society if Archimedes had not died when and how he did (he was killed by a soldier who stumbled into his house during a war) and the papers weren't lost, but instead published and disseminated for peer review. There are many things in our modern world that we would not have were it not for Calculus. It's not stretching it to say that these lost papers put Western Civilization back almost two thousand years.

With this in mind, try and wrap said mind around the possibilities that could flow forth from the Oxyrynchus Papyri. There could be equally huge discoveries lurking in those pieces of papyrus.

I, for one, cannot wait to see what is in there.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:19 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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About a week ago, I was wandering around the local liquor store looking for a new Chardonnay to try out. I'm big on adventure when it comes to wine: there's lots of it to be found in the ten to fifteen dollar range. After all, it's only a bottle of wine---it's not like you're stuck with it for long if it blows. The guy working there asked me if I ever drank boxed wine.

I laughed. "Boxed wine is for my mother," I said. "She really digs her Franzia Chablis. I can't stand it."

He joked that he understood and then showed me the way to this. He said he sells a ton of the stuff and that, really, it wasn't that bad. And it was cheaper, too, the box holding the equivalent of four bottles of wine, retailing for about twenty bucks.

Skeptical, I blew him off in favor of a nice French chardonnay that was on sale. But yesterday, the husband remembered the guy's suggestion and thought I should give the boxed wine a try. And so I did.

Get this: it's not that bad. Hmmmph.

Now, if you're looking for a full-bodied Chardonnay, with lots of oak flavor, this isn't going to do it for you. It's pretty light on the whole. But if you like a lighter chard, with hints of apple and pears, it's pretty tasty. The only thing I would recommend is making sure you serve it when it's nice and cold. Otherwise, it's nasty. (The first glass didn't go down so well.)

Now, I don't think I'm going to switch over entirely, because a. I really love my Rabbit corkscrew and I have a great time using it and b. like I wrote above, I really do like to try new things, but I have to think that a lot of people, who buy the same Chardonnay over and over again, would like it. It'd be easier on their wallets, too. I also think that if you're having a party that this would be an excellent option for your guests that wouldn't burst your budget or, conversely, make you seem like a cheapskate for serving the cheaper, nastier boxed wine.

Posted by: Kathy at 05:51 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 You tryin' to start a turf war or something? I thought we had it nice and clean. You do the Diva thing, I do the alcohol. Now you had to go and spoil it. Seriously, there are a number of respectable winemakers going for the "box wine" thing. I haven't tried a single one yet. But thanks for the info.

Posted by: Doug at April 19, 2005 09:30 PM (7P5xE)

2 I thought you mainly reviewed red wine, right? If so, your territory is still safe as I can't drink more than a glass worth or I'll have a headache the size of everest the next morning. Lucky me. I'm allergic to the tannins

Posted by: Kathy at April 19, 2005 09:39 PM (RFVZA)

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Today is Free Cone Day at all Ben and Jerry's stores.

Go. Eat ice cream. You'll be happier for it.

If free ice cream isn't enough to get you off your skinny butt (I can't imagine that if you have a wide ass you'd be hesitating, ya dig?) realize this is the way to make those hippies pay for all their support for liberal causes. Keep their profits from being donated to the DNC!

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Cool.

Very, very cool.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:41 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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So, yesterday we got the news that the husband's aunt had slipped, fallen and, quite literally, had broken her neck. They had to airlift her to Peoria from her home in Rock Island. Now, don't worry---it's just a broken neck and not the severed spinal cord everyone assumes comes with said broken neck. (She's the third person I've known that's had this happen.) She'll be fine after a time. As long as she lies still, she will only have to suffer the indignity of a neck brace. If she doesn't lie still, well, it's the Halo unit for her. This course of treatment, to put it mildly, will go against the grain for this particular aunt. She's a busybody and it's going to be a trial for her and those around her for the next few months---because she'll be a pill about it---but we're sure she'll make it through just fine.

Anyway, the husband and I walked down to Walgreens last night to get a card to send off to her, conveying our wishes that she "Get Well Soon."

This shouldn't have been a problem. But it was. There were barely any get well cards in an aisle solely devoted to greeting cards. We finally found the section where they resided, but it was hard work to do so.

It pretty much seemed to me that as far as the greeting card companies were concerned, well, life should be a joyful process from birth to death. There were loads of birthday cards, graduation cards, mother's day cards, father's day cards, first communion cards, etc. They even had a whole section devoted to "sympathy" cards. You know, the ones you send when someone dies.

But as far as cards for the hard times in life? Well, those were far and few between. Sure they had "coping" cards---the kind you send when someone's going through a bad time instead of calling and perhaps having to hear all about it when you don't want to---but these were the most mealy-mouthed cards I've ever seen. One read, "I hope you're coping." Another read, "I'm thinking about you in your time of trouble." Bleh. Then we finally came across the "get well soon" section and it was measly. Measly. There were something like ten cards to choose from, thus guaranteeing that every person in the hospital probably has the same card as the husband's aunt.

What's the deal here? Is the bad stuff that happens in life not a worthy excuse to send the very best? Hmmm? Do the "artists" that come up with the greeting cards refuse to create something for these people because they can't handle the negative energy, maaaaaan? This makes absolutely no sense from a consumer's viewpoint: most people buy cards to express sentiments they cannot set down on paper themselves. This is doubly hard when it comes to difficult situations. Why are the greeting card companies seemingly ignoring the bad stuff? Hmmmm?

Life is not a Hallmark commercial. One would think that they, of all people, would know this.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:58 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Courtesy of Sheila, we have a marrrrrrvelous essay from Mitch over at Shot in the Dark about the nature of art and conservatism.

{...}a question I run into a lot when I talk about art with conservatives; what are music, literature, visual art, drama, dance and all the other kinds of art supposed to be?

Because if it's supposed to be a recitation of people doing the right thing at the right time for the right reasons and getting the right results, most of Western art - literature, visual art, film, opera, drama, and of course music from the classical to today - would be very different.

Let's review some of the classics of Western art through the lens of the "Do The Right Thing" school of criticism:

• Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar" - "Criminy. Enough with the hubris! Brutus and Antony - hire a friggin' lawyer and settle your grievances like normal people! You're acting like MoveOn.org here!"


• On The Waterfront - "Jeez, Brando - have you ever heard of the F B Freaking I?"


• Anna Karenina - "You slut! You freakin' skeeze! You see how much trouble you'd have saved yourself if you'd have just followed your bleepity-blank wedding vows? And we're supposed to feel sorry for you?"


• Iron Chef - "What's with the frou-frou presentation? Just plop the stuff on a plate while it's still hot!"


• Huckleberry Finn - "Look, just get Jim the Slave to the north! Stay on the river, do what you have to do, and move on!"


• Don Giovanni - "Well, duh! Giovanni and Leporello, if they were rational people, would repent for murdering the Commandant before he drags them to hell. Duh!"


• Picasso's Guernica - "OK, the Spanish Civil War is over, and if the commies had won Picasso would have never painted it. Why do we care about this painting anymore?"


• Moby Dick - "So Ahab would risk everyone's life because he's pissed at a whale? Where are his priorities?..."


• Casablanca - "Jeez, Rick. You know that giving Lazlo the letters of transit is the right thing to do. Cut the dramatics and just do it!


• Crime And Punishment - "Why spend a whole novel on a snooty pretentious little artiste who thought he was so superior to the people arround him that he could justify hacking his landlady to death? String him up and be done with it! Fifty pages at the most!"


• War And Peace - "WHY ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH DOLOKHOV, you stupid IDIOT?"


• Rocky - "Jeez, he's working as a knee-buster for a loan shark! If he'd just gotten his crap together and taken a computer programming course and gotten a job and some stock options, he'd be rich right now, and his nose would still be straight!"

Art, in whatever form, among many other things is about places and times and situations that you aren't in, getting inside minds other than your own. Sometimes the place is somewhere you've never been; sometimes it's a different view of where you are now. Sometimes the mind is that of someone intriguingly, frustratingly, even horrifyingly different than your own. Sometimes the situation is mundane, or glorious, or wrenchingly horrific.{...}

Sheila throws in her own two cents:

{...}There's a strain of conservatism that gets impatient with human weakness. Half the blog-posts I read out there (and many of the blog posts I write myself!) link to some human-interest story, and the bloggers comment is: "GET OVER IT." or "STOP WHINING" or "GROW UP". "Pull yourself up by your boot straps." "Don't complain. Just suck it up, and do better next time." Etc. There is a lack of patience with indecision, frailty, weakness. Again: I understand where they're coming from, theoretically, and I feel that way myself at times - but NOT when it comes to the role of art in society. No.{...}

While I would disagree (barely) with Sheila that bloggers like myself do not possess a lack of of patience regarding human frailty, but rather are impatient with stupidity, the girl's (and Mitch) got a point when it comes to art: in art you need a struggle to produce anything worthwhile. You need drama. Drama produces good stuff. As all those actors who are in hock to TNT for their daily bread love to remind us, drama is conflict. Anything else is the equivalent of watching paint dry.

Further ruminations and one whopping leap of the imagination after the jump. more...

Posted by: Kathy at 11:39 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The blog child has done her homework.

{...}It turns out I actually have heard Led Zeppelin before, I just didn't know it. In all honesty, it brought to mind all of the Rush that my college roommate forced me to listen to.

So, having taken this trip, I will say that it was okay. I can appreciate the real artistry of the musicians and the compositions. However...they will never be a favorite of mine. I just didn't love it.

I am undecided if I should send her off to exile in France, ala Charles II, or if I should just accept that it's not for everyone.

Thoughts?

Posted by: Kathy at 09:05 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Long time readers will know of my battle to get my mother-in-law to think my bathroom is a decent place to be and use.

She did not use it today. After a glass of water and two or three cups of coffee.

And this after I got down on my hands and knees yesterday and scrubbed the floor for the better part of an hour, utilizing a bucket, loads of Clorox Clean-up, a scrub brush, an old Crest Spinbrush (household tip: these work wonders on hard to reach corners) and a rag .

I'm not bitter.

Really.

UPDATE: The husband tells me I need to get over this.

Pffft. I think not.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:26 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Have I mentioned that the mother-in-law is in town?

I fed her today.

If you a. do not like hosting brunch because you think it takes a lot of work or b. you're too hungover to throw something together other than a hair-of-the-dog Bloody Mary, this recipe is for you. You make it the night before and it's quite a wonderful thing. This recipe is courtesy of my mom's friend, Mrs. Schultz, and it's become a family favorite.

Baked French Toast

This will put five adults and two children into comas.

The night before brunch:

One loaf of French or Italian bread, sliced into 1" slices
9"x13" casserole pan (glass works best)

Spray the pan with Pam and place the bread, the slices flat, in the pan. You will most likely have to double decker it to get all the bread to fit. This is fine.

In a separate bowl mix together:

3 eggs
3 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla
2 1/4 cups milk

Pour the mixture over the bread, cover and refridgerate overnight.

In the morning, bring the casserole out and allow it to come to room temperature. While this is happening, you get to make the topping.

1 cup flour
12 tablespoons brown sugar
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 stick of butter

Mix this together with a fork, like you would a pie crust. When it's reached its crumbly-goodness potential, pour over the top of bread.

Bake it at 375 degrees for 40 minutes.

Use frozen raspberries or blueberries for topping. (Of course you defrost them beforehand, you dork. You don't just serve a slab of raspberries to your guests and say, here, throw these over your french toast. Enjoy! Doof.)

I should mention that these are really tasty when served with mimosas. If you're really rich and can afford peach nectar, make bellini's instead. I don't, however, think these would be good with Bloody Mary's. Bleech.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:11 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Best recipe for MIl visits? Vicodin.

Posted by: That Dude from Philly at April 17, 2005 10:29 PM (P2E9g)

2 Sounds yummy. That said, if not intended to go with the Bloody Mary then perhaps not the best choice for brunch. But then I'm the guy who orders his meal to go with the wine he's chosen and not the other way around. In fact, that is exactly what I did on Friday night when we went out with friends and rendered ourselves incapable of drinking anything at brunch the next day!

Posted by: RP at April 18, 2005 10:47 AM (LlPKh)

3 I should probably qualify: I'm not the biggest fan of Bloody Mary's. I loathe tomato juice and no amount of the finest vodka will get me over said loathing. I want to gag just thinking about them. Bleech. I, too, have been known to select a meal around my wine choices. (Our trip to The French Laundry comes to mind, but when you have a sommelier helping you choose exemplary wine to go with exemplary food, it doesn't seem like a bad thing. It's more like appreciating the wine list as much as you appreciate the menu. ) This is one of the reasons why I like this recipe---it goes well with mimosas and bellinis, which are my brunch beverages of choice.

Posted by: Kathy at April 18, 2005 10:59 AM (RFVZA)

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Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Your actual outcome:

	Labour 8
	Conservative 61
Liberal Democrat -80
	UK Independence Party 18
Green -13

The Conservative Party is strongly against joining the Euro and against greater use of taxation to fund public services. The party broadly supported the Iraq war and backs greater policing and ID cards. The Tories are against increasing the minimum wage above the rate of inflation, and have committed to abolishing university tuition fees. They support 'virtual vouchers' for private education.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

Pretty much as I suspected.

Although, if given the chance, I'd vote for Labour and Tony Blair in a heartbeat. He deserves some support after all the hits he's taken over not abandoning America after 9/11. While Gordon Brown is creepy in the extreme, Michael Howard has never floated my boat, either. I like Tony. I didn't before 9/11. But I do now.

{Hat Tip: The Maximum Leader. Who confessed he wants a Darth Tater.}

Posted by: Kathy at 11:13 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Courtesy of everyone's favorite commie pinko (who, by the way, has finally come back to blogging and has been on a tear recently) we have FemDefence.

The picture might take a while to load, but wowweeee, when it does, you'll be a wee bit surprised.

Heh.

For the men in the audience, don't make the jump. You'll be grossed out because I will be discussing GIRLY stuff. I guarantee it, given your sex's general response when asked to go to the store to buy tampons. more...

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Martini Boy believes that since Episode III: Revenge of the Sith has been given a PG-13 rating, this is reason to hope the movie hasn't been kiddie-downed too much.

I wouldn't bet the farm on it. Particularly not with this on the market.

They do not deceive you, your eyes. A Darth Vader Mr. Potato Head that truly is. Shot that marketing person should be.

/Yoda-speak

If, as I suspect, George Lucas is only in this for the money nowadays, what point is there to putting out toys for little ones if they won't be able to see the movie said toys are released to promote? But, you say, parents will take their kids to see it anyways. And you would be right. Hence it leads me to believe that everything other than the volcano scene and the ending will be targeted at an audience whose average age is five.

It also behooves me to point out that an unhappy ending to this movie (which we've all known about for years, but little kids might not) is preternaturally designed to---ahem---hook these kids for the rest of their lives. Where our generation clamored for the prequels, these kids will be clamoring for Episodes seven, eight and nine, because they want to know where it goes from there.

Which, of course, means more money for George Lucas.

But, hey, that's just me, Ms. Cynical, so take it for what it's worth.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:04 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I'm on the verge of disowning my child.

I wouldn't know Led Zeppelin if they knocked on my door.

I don't think I've ever heard "Stairway to Heaven."

So I don't know what all the fuss is about.

And you call yourself my child! Oh, the shame. The betrayal! The downright disappointment!

Vapors. Case of the vapors coming on right quick! Aieeeeeeeeeee.

{Insert Kathy trying to get a grip here}

Ahem. It's time to pay attention, child.

All you really need to know about Led Zeppelin is....

When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.

Fast Times quotes aside, this is pure rock and roll. It's derivative of nothing and everything simultaneously. It is fresh and original, even thirty some odd years later. All you need do is listen. One other thing you need to know is that listening to Stairway is freakin' OPTIONAL, but that's another story for another day.

Ahem.

To further your education, I present to you, my child, two of our favorites. My favorite Led Zeppelin song is Bron-Y-Aur-Stomp. I would challenge you to listen very carefully to Jimmy Page's guitar playing on this one. It's deceptively simple. There is only one guy playing the guitar on that track. There have not been multiple tracks laid down. There were no other guitarists around. There should be, by all rights, more than one guitar. Know that there is not. Very few other people could have wrenched that much sound from a guitar. I can only think of three and one of them is dead.

The husband, the true Zeppelin fan in this household, had a hard time narrowing his choices down, but ultimately decided to present you with Black Dog. He says this is basic Zeppelin and I would have to agree.

Listen, sweet child o' mine. That is all you need do to redeem yourself.

UPDATE: Have shamed the child into redeeming herself. Even if she's only doing it to try and gain the throne of Cake Eater Land. A line from The Lion in Winter comes to mind:

You're not mine! We're not connected! I deny you! None of you will get my crown, I leave you nothing and I wish you plague! May all your children breach and die!

Heh. No benevolent dictatorship here.

No doubt you're thinking that's a wee bit rough. I don't. I'm all about high expectations. And I have high hopes for Cake Eater Land. My kid knows this. If she wants the crown, she knows what she has to do.

I shall expect an update come Monday.

I cannot believe I just got away with quoting Fast Times and The Lion in Winter in one post about Led Zeppelin. Just try and beat that one! I triple-dog-dare you!

Posted by: Kathy at 12:50 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 Please educate that child! Best make out is Zeppelin II (Whole Lotta Love). Best song: "When the Levy Breaks" Very, very loud!

Posted by: Ed at April 15, 2005 06:50 AM (O1vDh)

2 OMG...and you were brave enough to admit this on your blog? Is there a possibility that the child could have been switched at birth? Educate him. Bless you.

Posted by: Moogie at April 15, 2005 07:13 AM (W10nT)

3 We have, indeed, been separated at birth, Kathy!

Posted by: Fausta at April 15, 2005 07:36 AM (G3tVf)

4 Oh, the shame of it. I used to hold my uncle in awe because he caught several live shows back in the 70's.

Posted by: RP at April 15, 2005 09:00 AM (LlPKh)

5 "Fast Times" & "The Lion in Winter": work in a connection to Chaucer's "Cantebury Tales", and your ascention to "Queen of the Internet" will be complete. ps - "When the Levee Breaks" is the all-time greatest Led Zeppelin jam EVER!

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at April 15, 2005 05:56 PM (HoSBk)

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This is Sophia and she's two and half months old. She's my friend Katie's daughter and isn't she just the sweetest thing you've ever seen?

Say it with me: "Awwwwwwww."

Ok, now move along. There's nothing more to see here.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:55 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Robbo and Steve-o are chatting about the Madeline books by Ludwig Bemelmans. I can only say that I disagree with the Llama-ettes: I, too, wanted to have my appendix removed, just like Madeline's fellow boarding school flunkies. That would have been COOL when I was five!

Ahhhhh. I loved those books when I was little and I'm so glad they're still around and haven't disappeared into publishing obscurity, like so many others I adored when I was little. You see, I'm quite the fan of Madeline. Always have been. I've had a yen to go to Paris ever since I started reading about the twelve little girls, walking in two straight lines, the littlest of whom was Madeline. I always wanted to be at the end of the line because that's where the adventure makes itself known. I've always wanted a straw hat with a ribbon on it. Well, now that I think about it, I actually do possess a straw hat and I did try to put a black ribbon on it, but wasn't handy enough with the glue gun. Hmmph.

Madeline had chutzpah. She hung around with Pepito, who, while the son of the Spanish ambassador, was rather notorious for being a bad boy. She got lost with Pepito and they ran away with the Gypsies. She gave Miss Clavel grief, even if she never intended for that outcome. Madeline ruled and I loved her for it. I obsessively read and reread all of the stories, checking them out of both the public and my school library over and over again. This is where I gained my lifelong glomming habit. I still do this: glom onto an author whose works I love and read and reread their works, but darned if Sister Ramunda, the school librarian at the time, didn't try her best to scare me off this practice.

Now, I've encountered many o' a scary nun during my twelve years of Catholic education. This is unusual nowadays, because there really aren't that many nuns in the Catholic education system, but back then, well, I was the last of the children to receive their largesse. Sr. Celine, my rotund first grade teacher---God rest her soul---was as bad as they came. No one, and I mean no one, could drag you across a classroom by your ear better or more painfully than her. She was also really handy with a wooden ruler. And if the little metal edge on said ruler had come loose and flopped around all on its own, so much the better: it provided a little extra sting to your hand on top of the blow the ruler itself delivered. She could also be incredibly mean. You didn't want to look stupid in front of Sr. Celine, because she was likely to yell at you. The woman inspired terror and I was terrified of her then and still am today. She is not one of the five people I want to meet when/if I go to heaven. I never want to see her again. Ever. She died a few years back and I've never heard such a stir at mass as when her death was announced. People turned to one another, a mix of incredulity and hope painted broadly on their faces. They were incredulous that the old bat was actually capable of dying and apparently there was hope that nuns maybe, just maybe, could roast in hell for being mean to little kids. Father actually had to clear his throat loudly to get everyone to pipe down.

Now, I'm sure some of you will object to all this violence in the classroom. That's fine. While I personally think Sr. Celine was a witch in a habit and all she was missing was a broom, I shall refer you to what my mother has to say about the subject, because, five out of the eight of us had Sr. Celine for first grade: "I trusted the woman because you all learned how to read, write, and do math and could sit still and be silent by the end of first grade." Take her disclaimer it for what it's worth, and it's worth quite a lot, if you ask me, because all of us could read above our grade level, write, do math and sit still for hours on end after first grade.

While Sr. Celine inspired abject terror in us, Sr. Ramunda was nonetheless scarier to me. She was tall and skinny, and had a face like a horse: long with a big nose and small eyes that were hidden behind glasses. I was introduced to her at the same time I was Sr. Celine, and as a nun character study, she was no more likely to suffer fools gladly than Sr. Celine, but she wasn't violent about it. Sr. Celine may have carried a big stick, but she apparently hadn't learned to speak softly while doing it. Sr. Ramunda had learned that lesson and it worked. I can only remember her raising her voice to me once, and that was when I tried to check out a Madeline book for the umpteenth time.

You're too old for those books! Find something else because I'm not letting you have another one!

She was completely exasperated with my reading habits. I, of course, was shocked. You could check out anything you wanted to check out at the public library. Why was it different at St. Margaret Mary's elementary school? It wasn't fair! I remember being ready to rebel because I was getting shaky knees. For me, when my knees shook, it didn't mean I was frightened. It meant I was pissed off. Nor could I control this to save my life. It just happened. It meant I was ticked off and this was my body's way of dealing with anger against people I knew I couldn't be angry with. Just as I was about to open my mouth to protest, Sr. Ramunda sent me so withering a stare from under her habit that I was jerked clean out of the impending protests I was about to lodge. My knees had stopped shaking. I walked back to where I'd found the book, returned it to the shelf, wordlessly picked something else out, walked back over to her desk and presented it for checkout. She stamped the card, handed me the book and sent me on my way without so much as a word.

I lost that battle of wills and Madeline walked out of my life, her hat ribbon flowing in the breeze. Because Sr. Ramunda was right: I was too old for those books and I needed to move on with my reading. I knew this even then, but I couldn't help but love how safe and secure those books made me feel, even when they were telling me tales of Madeline's adventures. I wasn't a popular kid at school, and as is true for so many other people, I retreated into books. They were my safe place, and still are. It's not lost on me, either, that this is perhaps why I'm not as adventurous in my reading habits today as I could be. As I mentioned above, I still glom, mainly because there's no Sr. Ramunda to stop me. While it feels mutinous and is definitely still feels like a guilty pleasure when I do this, the memory of Sr. Ramunda lingers and I know I should move on to other things. Because I might be missing something in my need for safety and comfort. Sr. Ramunda knew this. While I will contend that she could have been a little kinder in pointing this out to me, she knew what she was talking about : that, ulitmately, by moving beyond Madeline, I could become more like Madeline, which is what I wanted then.

And is something I still do want.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:32 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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The Manolo has a question regarding the Boom-Boom McConaughey and the Penelope.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:18 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Well, maybe not.

The Roma strike again.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:07 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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To Texas Best Grok's John L.

Have a great day, your connectivity issues notwithstanding. And make sure you have a piece of cake to celebrate! This way you too can be a Cake Eater!

Ok. Yeah. I understand that was pathetic, but it was also easy. Sue me.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:39 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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