"Once you go Gorilla, well, I guess you never go back."

Posted by: Kathy at 05:52 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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This, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, is my destiny.

It looks beautiful, does it not? A lovely winter scene. It could be innocuously titled "Snow on Pine Branch," or something equally inane.

But looks can be deceiving.

That precious lump of snow that looks so pretty and reminds you of the joys of winter, will, of course, fall off the branches of the pine tree the minute I'm underneath it. And I will be underneath this tree soon because I must go out and shovel.

The snow will, of course, fall off the branch in a just-so manner, directed by God himself.

Why, you ask, will God Himself direct the way of this bit of snow?

Well...

Because, two thousand plus years ago, a prophecy was delivered to someone in the Bible whose name is escaping me right now. The prophecy fortold of a time, far into the future, in a far away land, called Cake Eater Land, where a beautiful woman, swaddled in wool and boots, would be lugging a shovel across a white yard, preparing to do battle with the snow that was falling. The woman would ultimately achieve her goal of clean sidewalks, and the Earth will be saved from a horrible fate, the prophecy foretold, but not without a great price to be paid.

"What price must be paid?" you, my devoted, and terrified, Cake Eater Readers, whisper to yourselves.

I shall tell you.

For the snow to fulfill its destiny and for me to fulfill my own greatness, the snow must hit the back of my neck, which will cause me to yelp with surprise at the cold, watery lump which will be continuing its journey---and fulfilling its purpose---by sliding down the back of my shirt.

I am hesitant and scared.

I fear the icy trickles of cold water that will soon course down my spine, causing me to shiver uncontrollably and chafe against a wet T-shirt and bra.

I wonder where I will find the courage to bundle up and meet my destiny.

Have no fear, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, I will find the courage.

I think it's in a cup of cocoa, so, if you will excuse me, I shall go and fortify myself for the journey ahead.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:37 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Robbo's got the details.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:20 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Hot Damn!

Hennepin County commissioners have voted to partially roll back the county's nine-month-old smoking ban.

The new measure, which would exempt traditional bars from the ban, passed 4-3. Commissioner Peter McLaughlin, who had not indicated how he would vote, sided with bar owners and voted to limit the ban.

The issue, which simmered through the summer, pitted a small but vocal number of bar owners in Hennepin County against a larger cadre of anti-smoking advocates, including the well-financed Minnesota Partnership For Action Against Tobacco. Bar owners said the ban was economically crippling, particularly for bars located near Hennepin County's boundaries with counties that did not ban smoking.

But smoking ban proponents said exempting so-called traditional bars would be a step backward for the state's most populous county and would make lobbying for a statewide smoking ban more difficult.

Hennepin County was one of a handful of mostly Twin Cities local governments that adopted smoking bans in 2004 -- the county's ban actually took effect last March 31 -- and was by far the largest unit of government in Minnesota to do so. By amending the ban, Hennepin County became one of the few jurisdictions nationally to pass a smoking ban and then partially roll it back.

Tuesday's amendment would grant exemptions to bars, including in some cases those that are adjacent to -- or part of -- a food establishment.

The amendment, which will go into effect on Dec. 31, will make Hennepin's ordinance more similar to ordinances in Ramsey and Olmsted counties. Bars and private clubs with liquor sales that are more than 50 percent of their total net sales may apply for an exemption to the ordinance.

Under the newly approved amendment, all exemptions would expire July 31, 2007. {...}

I'm almost speechless that this happened. This is so contrary to what usually happens here in the People's Republic. I'm just stunned.

But there is a downside. Like Doug points out, this is only temporary, and, of course, the nannystaters will try to take the ban statewide. He's absolutely right about that. I'm also sure the Commission will also try to hassle bar and restaurant owners who file for exemption by delaying things, but still...this is progress and considering this is the home of nannystatism, I'll take what I can get for the time being.

Posted by: Kathy at 04:50 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Lately I've been subjected to numerous advertisements from various brokerage houses regarding 401K consolidation whilst watching the news.

These ads are, obviously, targeted toward those lovable, yet annoying, narcissists, the Baby Boomers.

Yet this got me to thinking.

You have to wonder at how really unique and interesting and intelligent this particular generation is when some marketer decides they are such chumps for nostalgia that all the effort they need to expend to get one of these said chumps to switch to Fidelity is to show a lava lamp and play the Zombie's Time of the Season in the background.

I'm sure if Fidelity were able to throw in a free doobie for every 401K rollover, they would have pulled the ads already due to overwhelming demand.

Posted by: Kathy at 02:54 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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From the National Weather Service

URGENT - WINTER WEATHER MESSAGE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TWIN CITIES/CHANHASSEN MN 1153 AM CST TUE DEC 13 2005

SIGNIFICANT SNOW POSSIBLE FOR EASTERN MINNESOTA AND WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN LATE TONIGHT AND WEDNESDAY.

A LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM OVER SOUTHERN SASKATCHEWAN WILL MOVE TO NORTHERN MINNESOTA BY LATE IN THE DAY WEDNESDAY. SNOW WILL DEVELOP IN ADVANCE OF THE LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM TONIGHT ACROSS MINNESOTA AND WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN. THE SNOW MAY BE HEAVY AT TIMES OVER FAR EASTERN AREAS OF MINNESOTA LATE TONIGHT AND EARLY WEDNESDAY.AND ACROSS WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN ON WEDNESDAY.

SNOWFALL ACCUMULATIONS OF 6 INCHES OR MORE ARE POSSIBLE TONIGHT AND WEDNESDAY...GENERALLY TO THE EAST OF A LINE FROM MANKATO...TO THE TWIN CITIES...AND MORA.

THE HIGHEST SNOWFALL RATES SHOULD OCCUR BETWEEN MIDNIGHT AND 6AM WEDNESDAY IN EASTERN MINNESOTA...AND BETWEEN 3 AM AND NOON WEDNESDAY IN WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN...AND THE GREATEST ACCUMULATION SHOULD OCCUR DURING THESE TIME FRAMES. HOWEVER...THE LOW PRESSURE SYSTEM WILL MOVE SLOWLY AND IS EXPECTED TO STALL OVER NORTHERN WISCONSIN WEDNESDAY NIGHT AND THURSDAY. THEREFORE...LIGHT SNOW WILL STILL BE LIKELY ACROSS THE AREA WEDNESDAY NIGHT AND THURSDAY...BUT AMOUNTS ARE EXPECTED TO ONLY BE BETWEEN 2 AND 4 INCHES AND NOT OF THE INTENSITY THAT IS EXPECTED FOR A SHORT TIME LATE TONIGHT AND WEDNESDAY.

Oh, how does it sucketh to live in the Great White North, let me count the ways.

Also, one wonders when a degree in meteorology is going to come replete with a lesson in punctuation.

Posted by: Kathy at 02:26 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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"She is beautiful. Her mouth is amazing. I've never kissed anyone with a bigger mouth than Angelina. It's like two water beds - it's like this big kind of warm, mushy, beautiful thing."

{my emphasis}

For some strange reason I'm finding it exceedingly hard to stop laughing.

UPDATE: still chuckling

Posted by: Kathy at 02:07 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Iran's freely elected President is at it again:

{...}TEHRAN, Iran - Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has reiterated his doubt about the Holocaust and called on Muslim nations to take a proactive stand on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, state media reported Tuesday.

The president's comments, published on Iranian state television's Web site, were the second time in a week he has expressed doubt about the Nazi genocide of Jews during World War II. In October, Ahmadinejad also said Israel should be "wiped off the map."

"If the killing of Jews in Europe is true," the Web site quoted Ahmadinejad as saying during a speech at an Islamic conference in Tehran, "and the Zionists are being supported because of this excuse, why should the Palestinian nation pay the price?"{...}

{my emphasis}

When it comes, remember that this guy asked for it.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:42 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I am the 18th listing on Google for "Matt Lauer is an asshole."

It would be better if I was the number one reference for that phrase, but hell, I'm still pretty happy to be included in the club.

Posted by: Kathy at 02:25 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Congratulations! (By the way, I could use some cake right now... Do you provide any for your visitors? ;-)

Posted by: Aakash at December 12, 2005 09:51 PM (qxOjU)

2 should we fill your comments with "Matt Lauer is an asshole." ? or should we leave saying "Matt Lauer is an asshole." up to you?

Posted by: amelie at December 13, 2005 01:48 AM (J0CVQ)

3 Now you're 10!

Posted by: Pious Agnostic at December 13, 2005 09:46 AM (7dkzi)

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Angelina Jolie's alleged lesbian lover steps forward.

Men everywhere rejoice and begin searching the internet for the video that will undoubtedly accompany this piece of glorious good news.

Posted by: Kathy at 02:17 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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...for more power when you were snowblowing?

Think a 912 pound, V-8 snowblower with a 454 cubic inch Chevy engine might do you?

I think that ought to satisfy your needs.

And if it doesn't, well...you've got problems, my friend.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:13 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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...perhaps the ever-growing list of idiot celebrities who want to save a murderer who has shown no remorse for the crimes which put him on death row, would find it in their interest to take a look at the case of Cory Maye.

You know, if they're really interested in social justice, fighting the man!, etc., this might be the more worthwhile cause to use their celebrity for.

And people might actually have respect for them instead of contempt.

It's just a suggestion.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:17 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I'm in the midst of putting up my Dickens Villages and whilst I was gazing at my Ye Olde Curiosity Shop, I remembered this post and decided you would probably want to re-read it, too, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, since you're all about doing what I'm doing, and thinking what I'm thinking.

A small sampling:

{...}But let me tell you this all you moms of the world, this year I am adding a little Dickensian realism to the strawberry shortcake mix. You see - hahahaha! - this year I have built my own addition to that Charles Dickens model village. Yes, this year I'm bringing the scale model prison hulks with me on Christmas Eve, complete with model convict figurines bound by their tiny ball and chains. And I've even created a carpet of stagnant marshy hinterland that you can roll out on the outskirts of your unsuspecting village. And there's a gallows too, crafted out of balsa wood with the rotten remains of Short-Arsed Jake the Pentonville Footpad hanging from it.

And ... oh! Who can that be hiding behind the coal shed door at Mrs Whisker's cottage? Why I do believe it's Mad Jack the Hatchet Man who has escaped from the hulks and stalks the village streets at night in search of his next victim. And who is that dark, hunchbacked figure climbing through the freshly smashed window of the bakery ....?{...}

I still stand by last year's request for a model of Bedlam.

Posted by: Kathy at 02:39 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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If you're wondering what the pissed off grape-in-bondage is all about, go here.

{Hat tip: Phin}

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Bubba proves, once again, that he's a two-faced, spotlight hog:

MONTREAL - A contentious U.N. climate conference entered its final day Friday with the long-term future undecided in the fight against global warming, and with a surprise visitor on tap to rally the "pro-Kyoto" forces.

Bill Clinton, who as president championed the Kyoto Protocol clamping controls on "greenhouse gases," was scheduled to speak at the conference Friday afternoon — in an unofficial capacity but potentially at a critical point in backroom talks involving the U.S. delegation.

The U.S. envoys, representing a Bush administration that renounced the Kyoto pact, were said to be displeased by the 11th-hour surprise, although there was no formal protest, according to an official in the Canadian government, the conference host.

This official spoke on condition of anonymity because as a civil servant — not a politician — he is barred from the public light during Canada's current election season.

The U.S. delegation was meeting late Thursday and had no immediate public comment, said spokeswoman Susan Povenmire.

Clinton, who was invited here by the City of Montreal, will speak in the main conference hall between the official morning and afternoon plenary sessions, said U.N. conference spokesman John Hay. Despite its unofficial nature, the speech was sure to attract hundreds of delegates from the more than 180 countries represented.

A city spokesman said the ex-president will be representing the William J. Clinton Foundation, which operates the Clinton Global Initiative, a program focusing on climate change as a business opportunity.

Clinton's vice president, Al Gore, was instrumental in final negotiations on the 1997 treaty protocol initialed in the Japanese city of Kyoto. It mandates cutbacks in 35 industrialized nations of emissions of carbon dioxide and five other gases by 2012.{...}

Isn't this what the French would call a "le slap in ze face?" Why the hell isn't the US delegation protesting? This is a humongous breach in diplomatic etiquette. Former Presidents, or former leaders of any country, not just the United States, do not attend conferences or summits where their home country is already formally represented by the government which currently holds power. It confuses people; it sends the wrong message. The message Bubba's appearance in Montreal sends to the world is, "Well, never mind what the Bush administration says, there are Americans who agree with you. There's still hope for Kyoto."

But you see the thing is is that there isn't hope for Kyoto---at least as far as the United States is concerned---and Bubba knows this. After all, it's a policy that began in his administration. If Bubba had really wanted Kyoto to be ratified, he would have submitted it to the Senate for ratification and actively worked toward that end. But Bubba didn't do that. He knew Kyoto wasn't going to be ratified by the Senate when he had Al Gore sign the stupid thing, so like all legislation he couldn't automatically count on coming straight to his desk with universal acclaim, he didn't bother with it. Bush, at least, had the guts to be honest about his intentions, whereas Clinton was, once again, a gutless wonder who couldn't get a damn thing done---even on a treaty which he'd made the United States a signatory.

I am sick to 'effin death of the Bush Bashing by the climate change freaks. It's amazing: Bush has dealt honestly and fairly with them. He's told them flat-out that he is not going to submit the treaty for ratification---and it's the Senate who ratifies treaties, by the way, not the President---because he doesn't think it's fair to the United States. He could have sent the treaty up to the Senate for ratification and shifted the responsibility for its failure onto the Senate's back, but he didn't do that. He didn't believe it was a treaty the US should have signed, so the buck stopped with him. Yet, despite his lack of interest in Kyoto, Bush is interested in climate change; he's not in willful denial of it; he just doesn't think Kyoto's the way to go---he wants more options that don't lay the bill at the foot of the US economy. The climate change people should be thankful that he's at least told them the truth about US participation, and then gone forward to see what the US needed to participate. But they haven't done that. It's Kyoto or bust! Clinton was, as usual, dishonest. Not only to the American people, but to the world as well. He lied to them when he had Al Gore sign the stupid thing, knowing full well he did not intend to send the treaty to the Senate for ratification. You'd think they would be pissed to holy hell with him. But they're not. The climate change freaks, apparently, enjoy being lied to. They appreciate a honeyed, forked tongue, as opposed to one that tells the truth.

Why the US representatives at the UN conference haven't lodged a formal protest over Bubba's presence, I don't know. But I sure as hell want them to. He has no business being there. Absolutely none. And if the US representatives don't call him on it this time, he's just going to keep on showing up at these things, ultimately undermining their position and any progress they might have made. It's past time to call him on his attention seeking behavior.

UPDATE: Asshole

Posted by: Kathy at 11:50 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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As in it's a wonder that the President of Iran, after all he suffered in world condemnation last month, apparently is such a bloody dolt he can't learn to keep his mouth shut about Israel:

{...}Speaking on a visit to the holy city of Mecca in Saudi Arabia, he attacked Europe for prosecuting doubters of the mass killings of Jews by the Nazis during the second world war. Mr Ahmadi-Nejad's comments follow widespread international outcry after he called in October for Israel to be "wiped from the map".

"Some European countries insist on saying Hitler killed millions of innocent Jews in furnaces ... to the extent that if anyone proves something to the contrary, they ... throw him in jail," Mr Ahmadi-Nejad told a news conference. "Although we don't accept this claim, if we suppose it is true, our question for the Europeans is this: is the killing of innocent Jewish people by Hitler the reason for their support for the occupiers of Jerusalem?"

Mr Ahmadi-Nejad said Europe had supported the creation of Israel in 1947-8, when thousands of Palestinians were uprooted, as a reaction to the Nazis' killing of Jews. "If the Europeans are honest, they should give some of their provinces - like in Germany, Austria or other countries - to the Zionists... [for] a state," he said.{...}

There are times when I wonder if the Iranians voted him in as president just because they knew he'd piss off all the right people and they'd be liberated that much more quickly.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:00 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Waaaah.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:24 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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There are times when you forget that, Steve-o, aka Mr. Vegas, is a PhD-holdin', professor of political science.

This wouldn't be one of them.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:34 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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"A Christmas Story" presented in {insert drumroll here} Bun-O-Vision

{Hat Tip: Doug, who prefers the Bunny version of "It's a Wonderful Life"}

Posted by: Kathy at 03:22 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Except for one guy I know who actually gets paid for that job. He seems to be a wee bit focused on how bad the Eagles are this year, rather than doing his actual job. Because if he was doing his job, we'd already have dearest Jonathan's critique of the latest Barney and Miss Beazley Christmas Video. (It's on the right hand side)

He had such valid criticism last year. But Jonathan hasn't produced a review yet and I'm just waiting with bated breath to hear what he has to say.

As far as this year's entry is concerned, well, Barney seems a wee bit edgy and I think that might have improved his performance over last year's entry. One wonders if his performance might catch the eye of the academy, but really, that's always a crap shoot, isn't it? Miss Beazley, however, doesn't really add much to the whole shebang. In fact, well, I much prefer the stuffed Miss Beazley of last year (there was a stuffed Miss Beazley last year, right? Don't tell me that was the egg nog talking. Please.) than the real one. Too much of a prima donna for my tastes.

But that's just me and my inexpert opinion. We'll have to wait and see what our friendly neighborhood pro critic, Jonathan, has to say.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:39 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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