May 31, 2008

Metorological Madness

We've finally had a gorgeous summery day. Sunny, warm, not too humid. It was perfect. The only extra thing that the husband and I could ask for is, ahem, for it not to be Art Fair weekend. The Art Fair was fun the first couple of years we lived here in the Cake Eater Pad; ever since, however, it's become an absolute pain in the ass. For three days we're inundated by people. Lots and lots of people. Who crowd out the way to our usual shopping destinations. Like the grocery store, the drug store, etc. They're all over the place, and, quite frankly, my greatest personal fear is that the husband and I are going to get caught up in one of these moo-ish crowds, that he (meaning the husband) is going to lose it entirely, and that there will be broken necks and blood running into the sewers. If people could just learn how to freakin' WALK, we wouldn't have a problem. Alas...suffice it to say, we're over it, even if there are a gyros or fried little donuts covered in cinnamon sugar suddenly within walking distance.

Anyway, today, as I mentioned, was gorgeous, but a little before six pm CDT, I noticed the sky was going dark gray. Everything went still around six, and then, about five after, all hell broke loose. The wind howled. The rain poured, and completely overwhelmed our gutters, bypassing the downspouts on both sides of the house, but, most importantly, I experienced something I'd never experienced before: a hail storm that lasted longer than five minutes.

Want to see what that sort of wreckage looks like?

Here's the steps on the front porch

Hail 001.jpg

Here's a quarter, for scale

Hail 005.jpg

Here's my freakin' shredded hosta. One of them. Everything's pretty much trashed.

Hail 007.jpg

Here's the street...all flooded and icy on the last day of May

Hail 008.jpg

See the tents in the distance? That's the Art Fair. The poor bastards. I'm fairly certain they closed early today. Again. Just like yesterday, because there was another storm then as well. Quite frankly, with the amount of wind, ice and water, I'm amazed that any of those tents are standing.

Hail 009.jpg

Some dude crossing the street in not the best choice of available footwear. That had to be cold.

Hail 010.jpg

At the time of this writing, it's 7:43 CDT. There is STILL hail on the grass and the sidewalks. Because the front came through, it broke the warmth and we dropped, oh, about fifteen degrees in five minutes. As the ground is warm, and the air is cold---we have a nice fog settling in. According to radar, there's another round coming in later. GOOD TIMES!

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May 30, 2008

Harvey Korman, RIP

Harvey Korman, dead at age 81.

Everyone seems to be posting Blazing Saddles clips in tribute, so I shall go another way. I humbly present "Went With the Wind," The Carol Burnett Show's parody of Gone With the Wind.

Perhaps these clips don't showcase Harvey's talents directly, but the sketch simply would not have worked without him. It just wouldn't have. His Clark Gable impersonation is DEAD ON PERFECT.

I just don't know what to say, other than watch the clips and see him in action. And if you're really looking for something to while away the time, go surfing on YouTube. You'll laugh---and you'll laugh hard. That, perhaps, is the best tribute one could offer, and I'm sure he'd have liked that. Because, if nothing else, it's pretty obvious Harvey reveled in a good laugh.

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May 29, 2008

The 102nd Thing To Do With Chicken

Much like everyone else, I have one hundred and one different ways to cook chicken. Fortunately for us, because said one hundred and one recipes were becoming a little stale, I found a new one in a little magazine dearest Chrissy signed me up for last year, as a treat when I was suffering through chemo.

I thought I'd post it, just in case you were looking for your one hundred and second way to cook chicken. And, as it's a grill recipe, the seasonal timing is perfect. (For those of us who live in the Northern Hemisphere, anyway.)

Misted Ginger Chicken

Makes one chicken

Combine in a bowl:
1 tablespoon brown sugar
1 tablespoon fresh grated ginger
2 teaspoons kosher salt
1 teaspoon paprika
1 teaspoon fresh minced thyme
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
Minced zest of one lemon

In a spray bottle, pour one bottle/can of ginger beer or really good ginger ale.

Spread the rub on the chicken bits (in the actual recipe, they call for a whole chicken, split on the backbone, with each breast, thigh, wing, and leg neatly folded into two, easily grilled bits, but as I had plenty of chicken in the freezer and none of it was in whole-form, I simply used the bits and bobs from a fryer.), making sure to spread the rub under the skin and on top of the skin.

Grilling the chicken is a bit of an adventure, because they call for you to use a technique called "indirect grilling" by which you place the chicken bits around the edge of the grill, and not directly on top of the flame. This takes longer, but the results, I guarantee you, are worth the extra time involved.

Place the chicken bits on the grill, away from the heat source, and don't move them for the entire cooking time. You don't need to flip them at all, as they will cook nicely without your efforts. All you need to do is, every ten or fifteen minutes, mist them with the spray bottle of ginger beer/ale to keep the skin moist, and to flavor it. The ginger ale/beer lightly carmelizes under the heat and provides a nice flavor and crispiness to the skin. And that's it. That's all you have to do.

It took about forty minutes or so to cook two thighs and three legs. If you cook the breasts, I would suspect it would take a bit longer, simply because most chickens nowadays have huge boobs. But the flavor of the ginger entirely transformed the chicken. To paraphrase the husband, most chicken dishes taste like, well, chicken, and don't transform into anything new. The ginger brought a entirely different flavor out of the chicken. He enjoyed it tremendously, particularly because I served it with the first of the sweet corn I could find, and a salad. It was a nice, light supper on a warm day.

Highly recommended.


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May 28, 2008

Just a Whisper of Vermouth, Please

It's very dry, but Freeman Dyson's review of two global warming tomes in The New York Review of Books is well worth the time it will take to muddle through.

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Random Observation for Wednesday, May 28,2008

Ahem.

MENOPAUSE SUCKS!

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May 27, 2008

American Neighbor

For once, someone is interested in what's right with this country, rather than solely what's wrong with it---and why CHANGE is so important.

Why am I not surprised that this is a GOP sponsored contest?

Hmmmm?

For more information, go here.

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Double Standard

A billionaire who doesn't own a home. Or a car. Or any of the other trappings that come with massive wealth.

After making his billions, Mr. Berggruen, 46, lost interest in acquiring things: They didnÂ’t satisfy him, and in fact had become something of a burden. So he started paring down his material life, selling off his condo in New York, his mansion in Florida and his only car. He hatched plans to leave his fortune to charity and his art collection to a new museum in Berlin.

For him, wealth is about lasting impact, not stuff.

“Everybody is different and I think that we live in a material world,” he told me. “But for me, possessing things is not that interesting. Living in a grand environment to show myself and others that I have wealth has zero appeal. Whatever I own is temporary, since we’re only here for a short period of time. It’s what we do and produce, it’s our actions, that will last forever. That’s real value.”

When I pressed him on why he no longer got much enjoyment from acquiring more “things,” he said this: “First, I don’t need it. Secondly, maybe in a bizarre kind of way, I don’t want to be dependent on it or have the responsibility. I don’t get that much enjoyment out of saying ‘I own it.’ ”{...}

Curious.

Because when I say I don't have a problem not owning a car right now, particularly when gas prices are as high as they are, people freak out---and they do freak out, and in the process wind up treating me like a freak. They can't get their heads around the notion that you could live without one. Then they quiz you incessantly about how you manage to survive, whilst they're not very subtly trying to suss out the "real" reason you don't have a car. Or haven't bought a house, or whatever else it might be that they own and you don't.

I wonder if his billionaire cronies give him shit for not having a mansion and a Ferrari. Or if they simply let him be "eccentric." Because if they do let him off the hook, well, that would be something different, wouldn't it? Because it doesn't seem like middle class people let you off the hook if you choose not to follow the same thirty-year payment plan that they do.

Because, if you're not wealthy, I guarantee you, there is no such thing as "eccentric." There's "crazy" and "bat shit loco."

You can probably guess what most people think I am when I tell them I get around by bus and rent the Cake Eater pad, instead of paying a mortgage on a depreciating house.

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May 24, 2008

Finally

Ok. Finally, I've gotten around to figuring out how to upload all of the posts Kathy made on Blogspot before moving here. You can now find the archives (low on the left column) that were missing from August 2003 to December 2004.

The pictures didn't come across and the formatting is hash, but they're now available.

(You have no idea what a pain in the ass this was.)

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May 23, 2008

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: The Cake Eater Review

Ahem

I waited nineteen years for this piece of shit?

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How Low Can You Get?

I wanted to comment on this yesterday, but moo knew was being fussy.

{...}Now comes the airline service equivalent of End Days. Yesterday, American Airlines announced it will charge $15 for the first checked bag – a once sacrosanct free service.

The nation's largest carrier, which will impose the fee starting June 15, said it will also raise fees for such things as reservation help and oversized bags, and lay off workers and cut domestic flights by up to 12 percent.

That's on top of American's decision last month to join other major carriers in charging $25 for checking a second bag.{...}

Look, I don't fly American. Ever. How could I? Northworst has MSP International Airport locked up, hence there really are very few American flights coming and going from here, but this is freakin' ridiculous? $15 to check a bag? The first bag, not the second bag, which they'll charge you $25 for having the GALL to think you could pack a second set of flip-flops and some extra beach towels for your trip to the seaside.

Who do these people think they are?

Look, it is not the customer's fault that American Airlines hedged their fuel costs erroneously. It's not the customer's fault that they still---still!---think that they can keep their business in business by following an outdated business model wherein they charge business travelers an arm and a leg and, somehow, that will keep the whole shebang afloat. Somehow, some airlines---gee, I wonder who they might be---managed to lock in their fuel prices at a decent rate, and they're still managing to make money with oil at $130 a barrel. Not as much money as before, but they're still up and running and NOT charging their customers---you know, the people who fund their largesse---$15 to check a bag.

I can understand cost cutting/revenue enhancing maneuvers in so far as they actually help the business they're trying to run. Cutting underwhelming routes is something I can understand. But I fail to see how, if American actually goes ahead with this cockamamie scheme, pissing off their customers by charging for something that used to be free is going to help them out in the long run. Because, ahem, if your customers are so pissed off that they refuse to fly your airline, you're not really going to make $15 for each bag that's not checked, are you?

It's one thing to charge for extras, like booze, or even---dare I say it?---food. But many would argue that a checked bag---particularly after the airlines' massive push toward checking bags after 9/11---is a necessity. People have gotten used to the new security requirements. They plan ahead. And since it's been no problem to check bags, and it's actually been encouraged, how does this change that scenario? People can only cut back so much, ya dig? They can cut back from two to one, but from one to a carry-on? What kind of problems is that move going to create? For one, I forsee many a delayed departure, with more gas being guzzled by idling planes, because all the overhead compartments are full and they have to figure out how to stow all the bags that won't fit. That's really going to help with fuel costs now, isnt' it?

When will these people learn?

And if they go crying to the government, to bail them out again, like after 9/11, I say let them rot. If the airlines cannot figure out how to make a buck in leaner times, then sayonara, boys! I don't care anymore. Which is appropriate, because the airlines patently don't care about me, or my needs, as a paying customer. They just want my cash---actual passengers and the luggage they bring with them seem to be something of an inconvenience to them.

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Snort

Someone with too much time on their hands animated some of Eddie Izzard's funniest bits by means of Legos.

Most likely not safe for work for language. Use some headphones.

Death by tray it shall be!

Do You Have a Flag?


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May 22, 2008

It's Finally Here

It is May 22, 2008. Today Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is released to the general public. Meaning me.

Good God. I'm tweaked.

indyI.jpg

C'mon Kath. You know what a cautious fellow I am.

And that's precisely the problem here.

The lure of one of my childhood heroes coming back to the screen for the first time since I was fresh out of high school. Of course I'm going to go and see it. I have to go and see it. I can't avoid it. This is the equivalent of the husband missing the Star Wars prequels. I know it's probably going to suck, diminishing the entire series in the meantime, but I can't freakin' help myself. I MUST go and be reaquainted with Indy. Even though I know it will probably disappoint me terribly.

Sigh.

I have a bit of a confession to make: I actually wrote an Indiana Jones screenplay. Back in 1997. Well before they ever started talking about a sequel. It was one of my first forays into writing, and while I actually had no clue as to how to put a screenplay together (and still really don't, despite reading many books on the subject), I recently found it again, and I have to admit, it wasn't that bad. Except for the fact that a. I couldn't come up with a decent artifact and b. it lacks an ending. I set it in the summer of 1953 and the plot was centered around the young Shah of Iran. If you're not familiar with that point in time, it was pivotal in modern Iranian history, as Mohammed Mussadeq led the Iranian Majlis or parliament, to nationalize the Iranian oil industry. This shut down the Anglo-Iranian Oil Company, which did not please, to say the least, the Tory party of Winston Churchill and future Prime Minister, Anthony Eden. They enlisted the help of the Einsenhower Administration, and the Brothers Dulles, to do something about that pesky Mussadeq, who was proving incredibly popular in Iran, thus weakening the Shah. Alan Dulles sent in Kermit Roosevelt, grandson of Teddy, to foment a military coup, to keep the Shah on the throne (because that was iffy at that point in time) and to marginalize (and that's a nice way of putting it) Mussadeq. Ultimately, Roosevelt was successful and, in the process, actually managed, to reassure the Shah that the Western powers were behind him, to get the British Government to have Big Ben strike the hour erroneously. (Yes, that's where the Bond people got that from. It actually happened.) The BBC World Service still, to this very day, begins every hour of programming with the chiming bells of Big Ben. When the bells rang one more time than was necessary, the Shah was assured of their intentions to keep him on the throne.

But I digress. While, ultimately, the Shah was kept in place, at that point it was iffy in the extreme.

Indy, at the time, was not-so comfortably ensconced in his professorial duties, and had pretty much put his derring-do's behind him. Until, one day, at a conference in New York, he was confronted by a young history professor, the daughter of diplomats, who'd spent the years of WWII as a teenage OSS courier in Teheran, where her father was stationed. An envelope of photos---some of Indy, some of Marion---has anonymously been mailed to her. She doesn't know why, but by coincidence, she recognizes Indy at the conference and confronts him with the photos, wondering what the hell is going on.

And we're off.

The young woman, Kate, of course, was Indy and Marion's child. She had been put up for adoption by Abner, Marion's father, and Henry Sr., who had cleaned up Indy's mess, of which, Indy was unaware. (The whole thing started off with a young grad student Indy and Marion hooking up, Abner finding out about it and being, understandably, PISSED OFF about his daughter's deflowering. After an entertaining chase scene through 1920's Chicago, Abner caught up with young Indy, the metaphorical shotgun was wielded, and while he was initially willing to go along with the marriage scheme, because he truly was in love with Marion, Indy ultimately couldn't go through with the plan and bolted.) I came up with this cockamamie idea after watching and rewatching the Nepalese bar scene in Raiders, and wondering, ultimately, what the story was. So, because I never got an explanation, I made one up.

Fast forward through CIA intervention, Marion's being held hostage, Indy finally realizing he's procreated, promises of the return of the Ark to Indy wielded in exchange for help in finding an artifact the Shah desperately believes he needs to stay in power, the Russians being not so cool about this, Indy learning that modern airplanes (well, modern in 1953) have hydraulics and when they're shot to bits, it's kind of hard to control a plane, a trip to Persepolis to retrieve an artifact Darius the Great (I think. I don't really remember.)had brought back from Ancient Greece with him...and you have a morass of a screenplay that never really got anywhere. I tried not to throw the kitchen sink in there, but I couldn't quite help myself. I eventually gave up and consigned it to the scrapheap of failed ideas, of which I have plenty.

So, as you might imagine, I'm somewhat invested in viewing the new Indy. I want to know if my ideas were better. I wanted Indy to be extremely uncomfortable with the idea of having a daughter (who, of course, inherited Marion's hollow leg). I wanted Senior to be thrilled that he's finally allowed contact with his grandkid. I wanted Indy and Marion to hook back up, and for good. These were the ultimate goals of the film I envisioned, but I also wanted it to be the next goddamn Raiders. I didn't want it to suck. But it did. Badly. The original setting, and ideas might have been fairly decent, I needed help with the execution. I needed Lawrence Kasdan, and it was obvious I wasn't going to get him. I had all sorts of fantasies about how I would give the screenplay to an acquaintance who had moved to the Hamptons for a job, and he would, somehow, slip it to Spielberg. I was pathetic, and ultimately, it was pathetic. Besides, at that point in time Lucas was wrapped up in re-releasing the altered versions of Episodes IV, V, VI. Spielberg had, seemingly, moved on to bigger and better filmmaking, with Saving Private Ryan in his immediate future. And, most importantly, Harrison Ford had repeatedly said he had no intention of EVER revisiting Indiana Jones. It was unlikely, even if I had a. finished it and b. dramatically polished it up, that it would ever get made, so what was I wasting my time on? Hence, I gave up. Maybe I shouldn't have.

So, this thing HAD BETTER NOT SUCK. I am entirely worried that there are entirely too many reviews which list all its faults, but whose authors qualify their criticism with their overwhelming happiness that Indy is back. While I'm as happy as the next person that Indy is back (and that Marion is back, too.), I want his return to not have a sucky story attached to it. I do not want another Temple of Doom. I would prefer another Raiders, but that's unlikely, so I'll settle for something along the lines of Last Crusade. Something that leaves me with warm, fuzzy feelings for my favorite anti-hero.

But what the fuck am I saying? That makes me just as bad as the critics. How low have I, and others like me, let the bar drop when we say we just want Indy to come out alive. Fer chrissakes, I'm disgusted with myself for letting my expectations fall so low.

Alas, however, I shall hand over my nine dollars sometime over this long weekend, and I intend to vent my spleen if it, indeed, sucks.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:40 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Some Funnies For A Random May Thursday

Received via email from various friends and family.

Numero Uno: Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?

BARACK OBAMA:

The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN McCAIN:

My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:

When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH:

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE:

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS:

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:

To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:

Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough..

BARBARA WALTERS:

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:

I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&;,^(C% ......... Reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS:

Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:

Where's my gun?

Personally, I think Einstein's contribution is quite clever.

The second, from dear friend Mel, who lives in Northern-ish England:

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went to Worthing and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?' He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.

So my wife called him a Shithead . He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age...

Heh.

Posted by: Kathy at 08:55 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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May 19, 2008

Gratuitous Claim-Jump Posting

Greetings, Cake-Eater Nation! Robbo the Llama Butcher here.

Kathy and I long ago traded sets of keys to each other's blogs and every now and again one of us will come across in order to get something off our chests which, for whatever reason, might not be politic to post on our own site. With Kathy's kind indulgence, I'm going to do that right now.

My in-laws are soooooooooo crazy.

Chorus: How crazy are they?

I'll tell you. Here's what I discovered as they came through this weekend on their semi-annual migration from Floridah to New England:

First, the M-I-L has been fiddling with various fad diets for years and years now. Her latest trick, apparently, is to convince herself that she is allergic to virtually every kind of food and drink under the sun (including - yes, really - certain types of water), and to avoid consuming them.

In fact, the woman is no more allergic to most foods than I am and her new-found condition is the product of nothing but auto-suggestion. The punch line is that she has lost weight. The pragmatist in me simply shrugs and says, "Hey, if it works." The philosopher in me pulls out great hanks of my own hair in incredulous frustration.

Second, the F-I-L has never met a conspiracy theory he doesn't immediately swallow hook, line and sinker. JFK. Mary Magdalene. The Tri-Lateral Commission. The Japanese. The Chinese. The Arabs. The Mob. The CIA. Why he's not a Scientologist, I really can't say. The only time he and I have ever had anything approaching a real fight was the time over adult beverages when I assured him with all my heart that when Alan Greenspan looked at himself in the bathroom mirror in the morning, his first thought was not how he was going to screw the F-I-L that day.

The new one is that the government is deliberately trashing the economy and destroying the middle class. That way, you see, more and more people will have no choice but to enlist in the army, which is what the Military-Industrial Complex wants.

As Howard Dean might say, "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!"

Ah, that feels better!

Mind you, I don't dislike the In-laws. They are awfully decent people and they've been very good to us over the years. But they are crazy, and these manifestations of that craziness can be a bit trying some times. Hence the need to vent.

Thank you for your indulgence.

Posted by: Robert at 07:37 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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May 17, 2008

Caveat Emptor

I've just finished up with an interesting assignment: reading through a published novel and offering the author a critique.

The author is a local chap---who shall remain nameless, because I don't want to hurt him or his prospects in any way, shape or form---a gentleman the husband knows, and, somehow, the offer of a free copy turned into a project of reading, rereading, scouring the book for mistakes and then producing a brief critique. He has been wondering why it isn't selling. I am sad to say that, after reading it, it's obvious as to why it hasn't become a bestseller. I didn't have too many nice things to say about the book, but fortunately, the author seemed grateful for my honesty---so much so that he would like me to publish my review on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. I'll admit, I was a bit surprised at that. If someone had handed me a review like I handed him, I would have been dismissive, crabby and wounded, before grudgingly agreeing, a few days later, that they may have a point. He was grace personified in his acceptance.

I had a few problems with the book, but my main problem was that it could have been tighter. Much tighter. An international thriller should not meander. It should be sharp and to the point, while keeping the reader on the edge of their seat. This book didn't, for the most part, manage that. In my estimation, there's probably a hundred pages and a subplot or two that could be lost, and it would help the book tremendously---and would make it an international best seller. I'm absolutely sure of it. It may have its problems, but it's better than some of the current bestsellers out there. Trust me on this one. A decent editor would have solved this problem the first time around to make it sell. They would have seen that the diamond needed some polishing, and would have cut what didn't need to be there. Unfortunately, he didn't have a decent editor. He didn't have an editor at all. He simply has a publisher, who does nothing for him, other than printing his book. He published through a local company which charges him a small fortune to put copies on bookstore shelves (and even on Amazon). He is responsible for promoting his book, and as he's retired from another career that is miles away from publishing, and is somewhat shy, I can understand why he has trouble with this.

This is one of those cases where it obviously does not pay to self-publish. And it would behoove people to realize precisely what they're getting if they choose to take this tack in publishing their book. I've never really wanted to do this, despite encouragement from the husband and others, simply because while I can sell a product, particularly if I have stake in it, but I need a framework to do so. Self-publishing does not provide said framework. Yes, you will retain the rights. Yes, you will make more money if the book takes off, but if you do not have any idea of what is required to get your book onto shelves and how to get them off shelves and into people's eager little hands, it probably won't happen in the first place. There are more self-published successes in recent years, thanks to the glories of the internet, but they're still far and few in between. Of course, if you choose to go the traditional route, this means you're taking a much rougher path to having a published work, but it might just be worth it in the long run. I'd bet a hundred bucks this guy's publisher didn't even instruct him on how to put together a media kit, like some self-publishing companies do, because, after all, the publisher is already making money on each copy. It may not be as much as they could make it they helped to promote the book, but then again, they don't incur those costs, either. Some profit is better than none, or a huge loss if the book fails to sell.

I feel extremely sorry for this gentleman, because the plot, in all actuality, is nothing different than what Robert Ludlum (or the shadow writers publishing under the good graces of the Ludlum Estate. You do know the guy is dead, right? The Cake Eater Mother absolutely refuses to believe me when I tell her this. Yes, Mom, he has been IN THE GROUND for about seven years and everything published since has been written by ghosters. Wikipedia may not be the most accurate source about some things, but they generally get the death dates right.) or Dan Brown might have produced. Seriously. He's got that much right, and the book definitely has potential. He just needs a massive edit to make it successful, and I don't know if, after all he's tried to do to promote this book in its current form and how much money he's invested to get it onto shelves, he'll want to take that path. Fortunately for him, he still owns the rights to the book. He can do with it as he will, so the option of an edit is available to him, if he chooses to partake of it. He could easily do this, call it a second edition, and shop it around to other, full-service publishers. Ironically, the fact that he's published, even if it is of the self-service variety, will help him find an agent and a publisher more quickly than if he hadn't self-published. I can only hope he realizes that this is his best option.

So, I offer this up as a cautionary tale: if you are a burgeoning writer and think self-publishing is the way to go, be aware of the pitfalls. If you have some grounding in the book business, have a load of cash to get your books on the shelves, and know how to promote your book to recoup the cash outlay, go for it. But if you're simply tired of sending out queries and sample chapters to agents and publishers and the rejection letters they send out in return, and want to bypass all the bluster, just be aware of what you're getting yourself into. Patience can and does pay off, and it probably pays off more handsomely.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:14 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 1066 words, total size 6 kb.

May 15, 2008

You've Honestly Got Nothing Better to do With Your Time?

Fer the love of all that's good and holy.

A Christian group out of San Diego has found grounds for outrage over the new logo for Starbucks Coffee.

The Resistance says the new image "has a naked woman on it with her legs spread like a prostitute," Mark Dice, founder of the group, said in a news release. "Need I say more? It's extremely poor taste, and the company might as well call themselves, Slutbucks."

The group, which claims more than 3,000 members nationwide, is calling for a national boycott of the coffee-selling giant.{...}

Charbucks has gone from this

CharbucksI.jpg

To this:

CharbucksII.jpg

Notice anything different about the second one, other than that it's got a "slutty" naked chick on it? (Never minding the fact that the woman on the logo doesn't, indeed, have legs "spread like a prostitute," like Mr. Dice claims. She, apparently, doesn't have legs at all. )

Well, gee, Gomer, could it be that it's printed in black and white instead of color?

While Charbucks is selling this as a "keeping it real" move, this is more likely about money. Color in the logo costs money. And if they have to print cups and napkins, etc., with black, white and green, you can be sure the green is costing them coin. Switching to a black and white logo is the money saving equivalent of American Airlines taking one olive off every meal they served: it's a small move, but it's coin that can be used for other things. Like buoying up their decreasing stock price. Because that's what this is about: keeping those shareholders happy. They've apparently realized that they can't sell more coffee, so they've got to find the pennies wherever they can find them to keep the stock from decreasing any further.

But that's really beside the point: some Christian group is po'ed because there's a naked chick on the Charbucks logo.

Sigh.

Don't these people have anything better to do with their time? You know, there are millions of people around the world who are, with increasing regularity, falling victim to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (you know, famine, plague, war and pestilence) and this is what they choose to get their knickers in a twist about? A naked chick on a coffee cup? A logo that won't even be seen once the barista puts the cardboard coffee clutch on the cup? Get real, would you? Go and picket the Burmese embassy. Your social activism will be put to better use---and, ahem, it might actually accomplish something worthwhile.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:02 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 444 words, total size 3 kb.

May 14, 2008

My old bacon fest posts at Ace's

Here's the immediate after action report

And here's the last post I did prior to the competition, asking for advice on competitive eating.

Both found by googling "Russ from Winterset Bacon"

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at 06:14 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 45 words, total size 1 kb.

Random Question of the Day

So, there's this new trend going about---maxi dresses. And by this I mean long, floaty dresses that are reminiscent of the caftans of yore, but usually look like a cute sundress on top, instead, so you don't look you're hiding a cow under all that fabric. Understandably, pregger chicks think these ideal maternity wear, but normal sized women are wearing them as well. Which leads us to our random question of the day. Ahem.

Do you wear underwear when sporting a maxi dress?

Because, you have to think, with all that fabric, no one's going to know if you aren't.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:38 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 110 words, total size 1 kb.

"Eat, You Bitches! EAT!"

Devoted Cake Eater reader, Russ from Winterset, points moi to this post, where his final pre-diabetic eating experience is recorded for all the world to see.

See if you can spot him.

I know Russ recapped his experiences over at Ace's, but damned if I can find the post. Maybe Russ can help out here because, ahem, it's not like he doesn't have Cake Eater access, ya dig?

Posted by: Kathy at 09:24 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 76 words, total size 1 kb.

May 13, 2008

Teh Funny

The husband frequents certain gamer boards and on one of them, a friend, who, in turn, has some confused colleagues in Denmark, posted the following from his Danish colleagues.

“We in Denmark cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.

On one side, you have a witch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer, and a lawyer who is married to a witch who is a lawyer.

On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a woman with a shapely body who owns a beer distributorship.

IS THERE A CONTEST HERE?!”

Heh.

Posted by: Kathy at 02:16 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 105 words, total size 1 kb.

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