Christina looks into the future of her blogpals. Apparently, our beloved Cake-Eating Kathy has a rendevous with Shiloh Brangelina. Y'all stand to clean up in free drinks on stories about how you knew her back in the day.

Meanwhile, I guess it's just me and the Cheetos.......

**As always, extra points for spotting the [UPDATE: half-remembered but good enough for government work] quote.

And yes, we have a winner.

Posted by: Robert at 08:27 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Everyone out there should take some time today or tomorrow and thank a veteran for their service. Buy them a beer, if it's appropriate in the given situation (example: offering to buy a beer for a veteran at an AA meeting would be a major faux pas - offer them a cheeseburger instead.)

My wife and I will be visiting the graves of my maternal grandfather (Navy, WW2), and my paternal grandfather's brother (Army, WW2) tomorrow before we go out and catch a movie.

Tonight, I'm going to take advantage of AMC's Memorial Day Marathon and watch Bud Ekins pretending to be Steve McQueen try to jump a stripped Triumph Thunderbird (pretending to be a German Army motorcycle) over the fence separating Germany from Switzerland. "The Great Escape" starts at 9:30 central time tonight, and if I remember correctly, the jump scene occurs about 20-30 minutes from the end of the movie. I think he just might make it this time, who knows?

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at 05:57 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Well, hello there my devoted Cake Eater Readers. I just wanted to quickly check in with y'all to assure you that I am, indeed, alive and to dump some baggage so I don't wind up scaring the landlord and his new bride with my volume as I yell at the tee vee.

In no particular order, here's what's going on in my head and life:

• The novel is coming along fine, thanks for asking. And, because someone asked, no, I will not be posting excerpts. I want to get paid for this thing and I fail to see how my future publishing company (the first one that offers me a big, fat advance) will take kindly to the notion that what they'd like to charge for is available for free. Sorry, kids, but something tells me you'll live.
• I'm smoking again. I say this not because I want a bunch of comments saying "Oh, Kathy, how could you?" (because, really, I don't want to hear about it at ALL, if you get my drift) but rather to announce that I'm a happier person now that I'm allowing myself some devil weed on occasion. Really and truly, I'm happier. I'm also lighter. My scale is rejoicing, instead of screaming, "GET OFF ME, YOU FAT BITCH!"

  I'm officially calling bullshit on all of those non-smoking advocates who say that, "on average, people only gain five to ten pounds when they quit." Well, beeeeyotches, I gained thirty. At this point it's a crapshoot as to which is worse for my health: the smoking of ultra-light cigarettes or the extra weight. In a perfect world I would have lost weight when I quit, my jeans would have become too big, I would have gone shopping and treated myself to a new smoke-free wardrobe. But I didn't, because I refuse to buy any fat clothes. Which seems to be yet another check mark in the "no good deed goes unpunished" column.

• When you've been away from HTML for two months, but have instead been using Word extensively, it's hard to remember that you have to code in the italics, bold, etc., instead of simply pressing CTRL-I or whatnot.
• So, New Orleans' residents re-elected Ray Nagin as their mayor. Oh, well done people. Well done. I suppose when the choice is between the incompetent and the corrupt, it should be considered a blessing that the incompetent won out, but don't expect the rest of the country to save your bacon the next time it falls into the fire. Seriously. We can only take so much.
• My twenty-one-year-old niece has announced she's getting married this summer. To answer your next question: no, she's not preggers; she is, instead, Mormon. To sweeten the pot: she's also marrying the guy with whom she shared her first kiss. He's twenty-six. And they're both still in school. To say this might be an interesting wedding is somewhat understating things. We're not even sure that our family, heathen Catholics to the last, will be allowed to attend the wedding proper, the Mormons having strict rules about not allowing non-Mormons in their temples.

  These concerns aside, we're all happy for her. It will be wonderful day and we can't wait to be a part of it.

  But, to bitch a bit about the choice of wedding date: have I mentioned she's getting married on the husband's and my wedding anniversary? Yeah. There go any plans we might have had for a romantic getaway. We'll be in Montana instead. Sometimes coming from a big family is a real pain in the ass.

• For another bit of "God, I feel old" news, another nephew is graduating from high school next weekend. He was born when I was a junior in high school. Oy.
• We saw The DaVinci Code this weekend. Why people are so up in arms about this, I still don't know. I'm ashamed that my church is calling for governments to ban it. For the final time: IT'S FICTION, PEOPLE. IF YOUR "FAITH" CAN'T HANDLE A CHALLENGE AS WEAK AS THIS ONE, WELL, YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE A LOT OF "FAITH," DO YOU? Call me when there's a REAL theological challenge afoot. Until then, quit your bitching, as it's extremely tiresome.

  Besides that, well, the movie isn't really all that good. Tom Hanks, with his funky hair (I want my curly-haired Hanks back, stat!) has very little to do. Jean Reno and Albert Molina aren't used effectively, either. Paul Bettany pretty much steals the show as Silas, the albino. As does Ian McKellen and Audrey Tautou. Please, don't pay full price to see it. The book is better---for what that's worth.

• In case you hadn't noticed, the Republican party is imploding. The only saving grace in this instance is that the Democrats have nothing worthwhile to offer disaffected voters. If, say, another Bill Clinton came along, we'd be screwed. And deservedly so.
• I would like to thank my pals, Robbo and Steve, for keeping this blog alive while I've been off, doing my thing. I didn't ask them to, but I'm sure glad they took up the challenge. Fortunately, I don't think I'm getting a lot of hits from Steve-o's relentless google chumming, but I've cured myself of compulsively checking the sitemeter, so who the hell knows.

  Also, props to Sadie, and relentless (not so much anymore) commenter and Cake Eater College Basketball correspondent, Russ from Winterset, for their help as well. As a related aside, Russ asked to have a character in the new book named after him. He's getting his wish, too, but not in the way I think he wants.

• It's finally spring here in Minneapolis. Although it was thirty-six when we woke up this morning, but, fortunately, that's far from the norm anymore.
• To Katie MacGuidwin, eCampaign coordinator for Republican National Committee who can be reached at KMacGuidwin@rnchq.org I have a simple message.

  Ahem.

  STOP SPAMMING ME WITH LINKS TO DRUDGE AND INSTAPUNDIT POSTS! Ya freakin' idiot. I've asked you REPEATEDLY to take me off your mailing list. You even apologized for not doing so and promised that it would happen immediately. BUT YOU DIDN'T DO IT. That I've received TWO, count 'em TWO, spams in the meantime is beyond my capacity for politeness.

  Never mind the fact that the links you're spamming me with would have already been read by anybody whose opinion is worth courting. So, dig this, chickie babe: you're not only sending out unsolicited email, but you're sending out LAME, unsolicited email, which is just chock-a-block full of old new---and you're sending it to the most connected group of people to ever exist. Congratulations! I'm sure this is just what the Republican National Committee was hoping for when they created a position to develop good relations with bloggers. Well done! You should be proud!

  Finally, of course you know this means war.

• Have you noticed that all the preggo-blogging has ceased and everyone is now writing about how little sleep they're getting?
• I still don't care about American Idol and, really and truly, all you need to do to have an opinion about who should win is to watch the last five minutes of Tuesday's show, which is when they announce the phone numbers for voting. Seriously. Based on that, I think that Katharine chick is going to win. Chris' loss a few weeks ago sealed her fate. That Taylor dude doesn't have a chance in hell of winning.

  Also, I don't know why everyone says Simon Cowell is so mean. If I were in his spot, well, I'd be a hell of a lot meaner. Because I could be. Trust me on this one.

• In other Tuesday evening tee vee watching, House gets shot tomorrow night! How sweet is that! Can't wait!
• Al Gore needs to catstrated with a single toothpick for foisting more of that bullshit global warming crap on us. Although, he'd probably think that that would be too quick an end. Or at least that's what his monontone rambling would seem to insinuate.

And that should do it, kids. Have a wonderful day, week, and month. I'll be back when I'm back.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:05 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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May I just say a word about what it is like to go to dinner with my in-laws? I may? Why, thank you. *Ahem*

NYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I feel a bit better now.

Honest to God, I cannot think of a single other occassion when I am so overwhelmingly tempted to slit my own wrists with the steak knife. And it is all so painfully invariable: Dinner orders are more complicated than the logistics of Operation Overlord, consisting of detailed descriptions of what can and cannot be eaten and the medical/dietary/physiological reasons why or why not, together with complex and frequently impossible demands for alternate foodstuffs and/or cooking methods. Furthermore, no order is final, but instead is subject to radical change based on what somebody else at the table may or may not choose to eat.

Ordering concluded, the conversation inevitably turns to what a moron/sneek/bastard the waiter obviously must be for being so difficult about getting right what everybody wanted.

This subject being finally exhausted, it's time for Old Home Week: My father-in-law discusses his Favorite Conspiracy Theories, most of them involving Alan Greenspan, my mother-in-law bemoans her latest symptoms and my grandmother-in-law brings up the names of various far-flung kin, all of whom it is agreed would be at the top of their various fields or professions this very day if that shop teacher back in high school hadn't been such a liar.

By this time, the food arrives, provoking a fresh outbreak of accusations, recriminations and alterations, as the waiter almost never brings exactly what was ordered. Once he has been sent back to the kitchens to try again, a highly technical discussion ensues over the few dishes that do manage to pass muster, such discussion revolving around the issues of who is going to share what with whom and how. Depending on how many more tries the waiter must make, this stage can last a surprising amount of time.

When at last everybody gets what he or she wants, or at least heroically comes to terms with yet again being denied, it is time for cross-examination of each other's meals, together with reminiscense of better or worse examples of a given dish had at some other place during the speaker's long and varied career.

When dessert time rolls around, this entire process is repeated, often with the added attraction of a detailed analysis of the bill, the results of which very often suggest that the restaurant is trying in some way to rip us off.

Hence the attractiveness of the aforementioned steak knife.

The one question my in-laws haven't been able to answer to date is why every time we go out, I seem to curl up in a corner tight-lipped and drink too much.

The world wonders.

Posted by: Robert at 08:35 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Winging our way between Dee Cee and Charlotte this past Monday, my flight encountered some pretty nasty turbulence.

Sitting there, clutching the arms of my seat with the White Knuckles of Death, I suddenly remembered a delightful little throwaway bit from the movie Airplane!:

Scene: Ted Stryker sitting on an airliner next to a Little Old Lady

LOL: Nervous?

Stryker: Yes, a little.

LOL (reassuringly): First time?

Stryker: No, I've been nervous before.

At that thought, I suddenly burst out in hoots of laughter. The person sitting next to me had already thought I was a coward. I'm sure this convinced him I was a lunatic as well.

Posted by: Robert at 11:51 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I thought you might be thirsty, too. (And note - this is none of that Jacobin "Xtra" crap, but the real deal.)

Posted by: Robert at 02:45 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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But I have no idea about the guys in it at the time...

Posted by: MRN aka "The Husband" at 09:03 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I hope I brought enough for everybody.

Posted by: Robert at 02:59 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Greetings, all. My wife and I just got back from a road trip to liberate my beloved bike from the wonderful people at Kissel Motor Sports in State College PA, where she's rested comfortably since breaking down on I80 in September. We used this opportunity to visit blog-buddies in Philly and an old high school/college buddy in D.C., and I managed to add two more states to my "been there" list (Delaware & West Virginia). We took two coolers packed full of meat products to everyone (Kathy & MRN can testify to the tastiness of Iowa deer products), including the mechanics at the dealership who stored my bike for no charge after fixing the busted piston.

Steve & Robbo, maybe the two of you could help me figure out something I saw in Southern Pennsylvania & Western Maryland. We were traveling down route 322 Southeast of Lewistown and I noticed what appeared to be large spider funnels in trees along the interstate. I saw the same thing on I68 in Western Maryland West of Cumberland, but they were more prevalent in Southern Pennsylvania. They were about 12-18" in diameter, and appeared to be made of white silk. Wherever I saw a nest, there were always more than one of them in a tree, but it seemed to only be in certain trees (I didn't see any in evergreens or pines) and always at the point where branches form a "Vee". In the back of my mind, I seem to remember this being a bird nest, but I'm not sure. Is it a bird nest, some sort of fungal growth, or do the spiders in that part of the country grow to the size of Jack Russell Terriers?

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at 08:32 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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There's much talk in the air these days about the suppression of free speech. You know, how the sturmtruppen of Chimpy McHalliHitlerShrubOil are breaking down the doors of everyone who dares speak Truth to Power and hauling them away into the night.

Immensely silly, of course.

But if you want an example of true, bonee-fidee censorship, look no further than right'cheer.

You see, the Missus and I have been invited to attend a social function being held by a Very Important Person. This Very Important Person happens to be so extremely snark-worthy that I practically started drooling at the prospect of being able to blog the event when I found out we were going.

That was my mistake. When my eyes lit up, the Missus knew exactly what I was thinking and said I was not to blog about it at. All. Robert.

(In fact, I'd probably get in trouble just for telling you that I'm not going to tell you about it. If she ever came over here. Which I don't think she does.)

This has been burning in the back of my brain for several days now. The temptation to just defy this edict and post away is excruciating. At the same time, it strikes me that the risks involved are somewhere between minimal and non-existent. (This V.I.P. is something of a patron of a friend of ours and if they ever saw my snarkiness it might prove embarassing.)

We'll see what happens. It's quite possible that nothing blog-worthy will actually happen. On the other hand, if some juicy material hurls itself into my lap, it's going to be mighty hard to resist..........

Posted by: Robert at 11:14 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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In response to the comment left on my last post here, I have no choice but to take it up a notch by swiping this meme that has been going around the 'sphere:

The 39 Articles of Robbo:

1. Were you named after anyone? Yes. All the eldest sons in my family have had the same name for some generations now, but with different middle names. Of course, since I only have daughters, this tradition will have to skip at least one generation.

2. Do you wish on stars? Nope.

3. Do you like your hand writing? Nope, and it's getting progressively worse. One would almost think I'm not master of my domain anymore.

4. What is your favorite meat? Bring me a cow and a cleaver and stand back.....

5. What is the most embarrassing CD on your shelf? One word: Enya.

6. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you? No, I'd probably think me too weird and aloof.

7. Are you a daredevil? Hardly.

8. When was the last time you cried? I honestly don't remember. I don't much.

9. Did you ever tell a secret you weren't supposed to? I'm not good at keeping them, not because I want to break confidences but because I forget.

10. How do you release anger? What do you think children are for?

11. Where is your second home? My house. It sometimes feels like the office is my first home.

12. Do you trust others easily? No. Why?

13. What class in college do you think is totally useless? I think any [Insert Your Own Aggrieved Group Here]-Studies class is a complete waste of time and tuition money.

14. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? Who the hell wants to get squashed by a mob of sweaty, thuggy teenagers?

15. What do you look for in a guy? For him to stay the hell away from me.

16. Would you do a bungee jump? Not. Bloody. Likely.

17. What's your favorite ice cream flavor? I don't much like ice cream.

18. What is your least favorite thing? Heights.

19. How many people do you have a crush on right now? Probably about half a dozen. And it's a rotating schedule.

20. What do you miss most right now? Having a dog.

21. What are you listening to right now? The Telemann string concerti on my CD player are duking it out with the copying machine across the hall.

22. What is the weather like right now? Beauty. Drove in with the top down this morning.

23. Last person you talked to on the phone? The Missus.

24. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Overall package - I used to get down to analyzing details later.

25.Favorite drink non-alcoholic? Coffee, coffee and more coffee.

26.Favorite alcoholic drink? Italian reds.

27. Haircolor? Brown, getting moderately auburn in the summer.

28. Eyecolor? Blue.

29. Wear contacts? Yup - blind as a bat since about third grade.

30. Last movie you watched? All the way through? The Commitments.

31. Favorite day of the year? Don't have one.

32. How many people have a crush on you right now? Probably my three girls.

33. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy ending. I don't like scary movies.

34. Summer or winter? I've always hated summer and I'm starting to hate winter. Fall for me, followed by spring.

35. What book/magazine are you reading at the moment? Flashman by George MacDonald Fraser. Ripping story, what? But very naughty, indeed.

36. What's on your mouse pad? A flower drawn by my eldest in pre-school.

37. What did you watch on TV last night? The Nats suffering the curse of Bobby Kennedy again by dropping yet another game at RFK Stadium.

37.Favorite Smell? Rain. Also wood smoke. One of the reasons I like fall so much.

38. Do you regret ever breaking up with someone? I can't say that I do, although I've had regrets concerning the way I went about it one or two times.

39.Favorite actor/actress? Kate Hepburn.

There! Mock me again and you'll only get more.

Slice o' cake to Rachel.

Posted by: Robert at 08:11 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Maybe it's because of the recent headlines about Georgie-Boy Clooney's concern for the Sudan (yes, the Sudan, dammit), but I had an extraordinary dream last night that I was in Alaska. Some kind of disaster had happened - I can't recall what - and a group of us was holding out, trying to put things back in order. I remember that in particular we were trying to get an airport reopened for incoming flights to bring relief.

Well anyway, in the dream, all at once we look up and see this weirdly-shaped sea-plane come in. It lands at the airport and a whole bunch of C-, D- and E-list Hollywood actor types get out. (I don't recall anyone in particular, I just knew that this was what they were.)

The next thing I know, I'm on a train heading into the interior with a group of these actors. They've all got various cause-y tee shirts, hats and patches, but they're all also tremendously bored. Some of them are reading scripts, some are trying to organize their next P.R. appearance. One sitting next to me is telling me about his new film project. The train track is more like a roller-coaster than anything else and I'm concerned about it, but none of them pays the slightest attention.

But the craziest part? I distinctly remember thinking, "Wait'll Kathy hears about this one!" I'm sure this is because, as devoted Cake Eater fans know, she's been all over the Darfur issue for a long time now.

Make of this what you will. I can't recall ever having a political dream before.

By the way, no Cheetos were consumed in the creation of this post.

Posted by: Robert at 11:17 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Oh yeah she has. Here's some links to a couple of searches on the goold ol' Cake Eater Chronicles that bring up posts as far back as January '05: http://blog.mu.nu/cgi/mt-search.cgi?IncludeBlogs=141&search=Darfur http://blog.mu.nu/cgi/mt-search.cgi?IncludeBlogs=141&search=Sudan In fact, I also recall back when she was on Blogspot she started going after this issue in 2004. It was sometime in '02/'03 even, that I believe she first started getting really annoyed when we discovered that a fellow alumnus of ISU was one of the "leaders" of one of the various thug groups operating in Sudan.

Posted by: MRN aka "The Husband" at May 02, 2006 10:26 PM (cipZl)

2 His name was John Garang, the leader of the SPLA/M (Sudanese People's Liberation Army/Movement)and he'd received his PhD in Economics from ISU. He's dead now---died in a helicopter accident last summer that threatened to throw the entire peace deal (the one between the south and the north, not to be confused with the Darfur action) off track, but, fortuately, didn't. You're dreaming about me, now, Robbo? That's kind of weird. But not really, every now and again when I have a Wodehouse flavored dream, I think of you, too.

Posted by: Kathy at May 03, 2006 11:35 AM (cipZl)

3 What a bunch of meaningless drivel. What used to be a good daily blog has turned into a sack of shit.

Posted by: nonamegiven at May 03, 2006 01:00 PM (N7YGA)

4 Hey noname--- If you don't like it, you don't have to read it, do you? Piss off. Sincerely yours, The Owner

Posted by: Kathy at May 04, 2006 08:08 AM (cipZl)

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I've been a member of Netflix for about eight months now and recently I hit something of a milestone by going for my first re-rent.

And what movie was it?

more...

Posted by: Robert at 02:34 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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