All sorts of helpful hints in regards to health after the jump.

{Parts one, two, three and four}

more...

Posted by: Kathy at 10:10 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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No, I'm not talking about illegal immigrants or criminals, but rather today's teenagers. And when I say "lock them up" the girls get locked in a convent and the boys gets stuck with a bunch of liquored up Jesuits who are determined to grill them for four years about the use of the past pluperfect in Latin.

Because, when they're left to their own devices, well....

{...}Alair is headed for the section of the second-floor hallway where her friends gather every day during their free tenth period for the “cuddle puddle,” as she calls it. There are girls petting girls and girls petting guys and guys petting guys. She dives into the undulating heap of backpacks and blue jeans and emerges between her two best friends, Jane and Elle, whose names have been changed at their request. They are all 16, juniors at Stuyvesant. Alair slips into Jane’s lap, and Elle reclines next to them, watching, cat-eyed. All three have hooked up with each other. All three have hooked up with boys—sometimes the same boys. But it’s not that they’re gay or bisexual, not exactly. Not always.

Their friend Nathan, a senior with John Lennon hair and glasses, is there with his guitar, strumming softly under the conversation. “So many of the girls here are lesbian or have experimented or are confused,” he says.

Ilia, another senior boy, frowns at Nathan’s use of labels. “It’s not lesbian or bisexual. It’s just, whatever . . . ”

Since the school day is winding down, things in the hallway are starting to get rowdy. Jane disappears for a while and comes back carrying a pint-size girl over her shoulder. “Now I take her off and we have gay sex!” she says gleefully, as she parades back and forth in front of the cuddle puddle. “And it’s awesome!” The hijacked girl hangs limply, a smile creeping to her lips. Ilia has stuffed papers up the front of his shirt and prances around on tiptoe, batting his eyes and sticking out his chest. Elle is watching, enthralled, as two boys lock lips across the hall. “Oh, my,” she murmurs. “Homoerotica. There’s nothing more exciting than watching two men make out.” And everyone is talking to another girl in the puddle who just “came out,” meaning she announced that she’s now open to sexual overtures from both boys and girls, which makes her a minor celebrity, for a little while.

When asked how many of her female friends have had same-sex experiences, Alair answers, “All of them.” Then she stops to think about it. “All right, maybe 80 percent. At least 80 percent of them have experimented. And they still are. It’s either to please a man, or to try it out, or just to be fun, or ’cause you’re bored, or just ’cause you like it . . . whatever.”

With teenagers there is always a fair amount of posturing when it comes to sex, a tendency to exaggerate or trivialize, innocence mixed with swagger. It’s also true that the “puddle” is just one clique at Stuyvesant, and that Stuyvesant can hardly be considered a typical high school. It attracts the brightest public-school students in New York, and that may be an environment conducive to fewer sexual inhibitions. “In our school,” Elle says, “people are getting a better education, so they’re more open-minded.” {...}

Read the whole thing. It gets worse/better. Depending upon how you view things.

There are times when I feel more like Methuselah rather than the thirty-five-year old that I am. This would be one of those times.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:43 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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More incorrect health advice---including remedies for lockjaw and the New York Sun's cholera mixture---after the jump.

{Parts one, two and three} more...

Posted by: Kathy at 10:20 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Are you ready to play, boys and girls? All righty then. Who said,

"You, American mother, if the Pentagon calls to tell you that your son is coming home in a coffin, then remember George Bush. And you, British wife, if the Defense Department calls you to say that your husband is returning crippled and burnt, remember Tony Blair."

Eh?

Was it leading anti-war activist, Cindy Sheehan?

Was it Daily Kos?

Was it Congressman John Murtha?

Was it Senators Kerry or Rodham Clinton?

Nope. It's none of those. It's {insert drumroll here}...AYMAN AL-ZAWAHIRI!, CURRENT #2 IN AL-QAEDA!

When your rhetoric comes out sounding exactly like that of an Egyptian nutjob terrorist, you might want to rethink how you word things.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:10 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Well, since it was Robbo's birthday last week, a few of us decided that if Build-A-Bear was a good enough venue for Llama-ette #2's Birthday party, well, it sure as heck was good enough for her dear old dad.

Not really needing a teddy bear (I'm more of a muppet girl, myself), I was inspired to build Robbo a bear he'd like. So I built him a Lord Nelson Bear.

But I have to say, Lord Nelson is a wee bit boring to look at, isn't he?

So, I jazzed him up a wee bit. (You can call this the "Steve-O Syndrome" if you must.)

I make no claims regarding the historical accuracy. Besides, I'm sure Robbo will correct me. Even if I'm not wrong.

When I finished making the bear, I was walking past the birthday boy and I looked over to see what he and Steve-o were up to. I couldn't quite believe my eyes. It's quite shocking, so, OF COURSE, I took a picture.

Like that's going to score them some French tail. Try again, boys! Heh.

The Cranky Neocon, Phin and Sadie were also at the party. Go and check out what they built!

Posted by: Kathy at 09:02 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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You can find even more incorrect health suggestions---including how to cure felons---after the jump!

{Part One, Part Two} more...

Posted by: Kathy at 01:17 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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As in, "That is..."

{...}SPIELBERG: I think we all have been given our marching orders ... Maybe I shouldn't get into this. [Pause] I just feel that filmmakers are much more proactive since the second Bush administration. I think that everybody is trying to declare their independence and state their case for the things that we believe in. No one is really representing us, so we're now representing our own feelings, and we're trying to strike back.

So Bush has been good for film?
SPIELBERG: I wouldn't just say Bush. The whole neo-conservative movement.

CLOONEY: Because it's polarizing. I'm not going to sit up and say, "This is how you should think." But let's at least acknowledge that there should be an open debate, and not be told that it's unpatriotic to ask questions. Steven, you're taking it from all sides right now.

SPIELBERG: [Laughs] I feel wildly popular.

Did you expect the political reaction to "Munich" to be this heated?
SPIELBERG: I knew we were going to receive a volley from the right. I was surprised that we received a much smaller, but no less painful, volley from the left. It made me feel a little more aware of the dogma, and the Luddite position people take any time the Middle East is up for discussion.

So many fundamentalists in my own community, the Jewish community, have grown very angry at me for allowing the Palestinians simply to have dialogue and for allowing Tony Kushner to be the author of that dialogue. "Munich" never once attacks Israel, and barely criticizes Israel's policy of counterviolence against violence. It simply asks a plethora of questions. It's the most questioning story I've ever had the honor to tell. For that, we were accused of the sin of moral equivocation. Which, of course, we didn't intend—and we're not guilty of.{...}

See, here's the thing. I like Spielberg. I like Spielberg's movies. I think, on the whole, he's a decent man. And he made Schindler's List which is a movie I can only watch on rare occasions because it moves me to explore the wells of sympathy that I know I possess yet rarely like to plumb because it's painful to do so. He's a man who, most would think, is on the right side of the moral equation. He knows right from wrong. He knows how to tell an entertaining story, and no one can deny that he's been very successful at telling tales, but...

...when I read that these words, "I just feel that filmmakers are much more proactive since the second Bush administration. I think that everybody is trying to declare their independence and state their case for the things that we believe in. No one is really representing us, so we're now representing our own feelings, and we're trying to strike back." came from his mouth, I don't exactly feel sympathetic, ya dig? Poor widdle Stevie Spielberg is feeling disenfranchised. He's not feeling "represented." So he's, "striking back."

Fight the powers that be!

/channelling Public Enemy

Forgive me while I bend over and laugh myself silly.

It's absurd. Ludicrous. And any other number of adjectives that describe how just plain dumb it is that Spielberg thinks he's disenfranchised. That he's not being represented, that he has to fight to get his ideas out there to beat back the awful phenomenon that is neo-conservatism, even if it appears he's using The Guardian's lax, imprecise, and boogeyman-ish definition of that particular school of international relations theory. He would have us believe he's just one more Ordinary Joe fighting the powers that be.

Well, Stevie, really. Sell your crazy elsewhere, we're all stocked up here.

This man could get a hangnail. If he wanted to, he could publicize the fact that he had a hangnail, and everyone in the world would pay attention. CNN would run stories on Spielberg's hangnail, and would bring on doctors to discuss what would happen should said hangnail become infected. The pundity-doctors would then go on to discuss whether neosporin should be used to clear up his infected hangnail, or if he should just expose it to air and let nature take its course. I could go on, but I think you get the picture, eh, my devoted Cake Eater Readers.

Spielberg has clout. He has it in Hollywood. He has it everywhere in the world. He has it because, ahem, he's earned it. He's worked hard to make his mark, and he's done precisely that. And yet, for some strange reason, he wants us to believe that's not the case. That's he just one more disaffected, early-21st Century Dude who has no say in the way things are run.

No, Stevie. I dont have a say in the way things are run. You, Stevie, are the establishment. There's a bit of a difference. Learn it, please. You're making a fool of yourself.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:13 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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More deliciously incorrect health advice after the jump.

{Part One} more...

Posted by: Kathy at 11:34 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Sorry about the lack of blogging, but it's---ahem--FORTY-FIVE FREAKIN' DEGREES.

That might not sound very warm to you people south of the Mason-Dixon line, but it's a veritable heat wave here in Minnesota.

It's sunny as well.

And the snow is melting.

The husband also has a Churchill to smoke.

So, as you might guess, I'm ghandi for the rest of the day.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:33 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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My dear pal Robbo the Llamabutcher hits 41 today.

Go over and heckle wish him a very happy birthday!

Posted by: Kathy at 09:36 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Now govern.

I hate to say it because, undoubtedly, someone will take it the wrong way, but I honestly think this is a great outcome for the future of Israel and the Palestinian People. This could be the move that will bring peace to the region. I don't say this because I believe Hamas is going to be a great political force for good, but rather because I know they will fail the Palestinian people. They have no experience governing. They don't know what it takes and they'll undoubtedly fail, just like their terrorist predecessor, Yassir Arafat, failed. Convincing poor, downtrodden young men who have no future before them (mainly because of Hamas' actions) to blow themselves up is nothing compared to actually having to govern.

The question is how will the Palestinian People react when Hamas fails to bring them a better life? Will they revert to their Arafat-inspired codependence of conspiracy theories galore or will they, for once, open their eyes and see that Hamas and every other terrorist organization, not to mention every Arab nation state, uses the Palestinians for their political purposes and that, perhaps, it's time for them to step up and stop themselves from being used? If the Palestinians take the latter option, the election of Hamas---and the turmoil it will unbdoubtedly bring for the Israelis---might actually be worth it in the long term if it convinces the Palestinians to stop giving credence to what these terrorists say and brings about an era where peace will actually stick.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:09 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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The husband, God Bless him, has many problems with the Kelo decision, one of which is that he believes there won't be much of a market for home mortgages if governments can just up and give your property to someone who will pay more taxes. Free market logic follows that while lenders will be leery of lending to individuals in a post-Kelo world, they'll still lend money to developers.

But perhaps we shouldn't be so quick to condemn the bankers...

CHARLOTTE — Regional bank BB&T will make no loans to developers who plan to build commercial projects on land taken from private citizens by the government through the power of eminent domain.

"The idea that a citizen's property can be taken by the government solely for private use is extremely misguided; in fact it's just plain wrong," John Allison, chairman and chief executive of the Winston-Salem-based bank, said Wednesday.

No other large U.S. bank has a similar policy, according to BB&T spokesman. The bank declined to estimate how much business they expect to lose as a result of the new policy. {...}

The ninth largest bank in the United States of America just said that their non-commercial customers were more important than property developers. That's customer service.

If I lived in that neck of the woods, you could be damned sure that I'd switch my accounts to BB&T.

{Via Martini Boy and Below the Beltway}

Posted by: Kathy at 11:56 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Can someone please tell me why I should take all of these "Europe will go to hell in a handbasket in fifteen years because they're not reproducing at a rate that will support their welfare governments, etc." demographic projections seriously?

Perhaps I should rephrase that. I know why I should take it seriously. I don't need a lecture about battling Islamofascism in the Netherlands and the death of Theo Van Gogh and how his murderer was actually a Dutch-born muslim, and that's the best example we've got of Europe's problem, etc., thank you ever so much. I don't need that explained.

Here's what I would like explained: After a lifetime of having to listen to how we human beings were going to overpopulate the planet, using up all the natural resources, and pretty much leaving the Earth as one big cesspool of toxic slime because we couldn't stop ourselves from making babies, I now have to listen to the absolute reverse. Why on Earth am I supposed to believe these new population numbers that foretell the doom of a white, Christian Europe, when the worldwide overpopulation that was widely predicted and hyped to be our doom never happened?

You can understand why I'm skeptical, right? Who am I supposed to believe?

Posted by: Kathy at 11:16 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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congratulations. you are the "you smell like

butt" bunny. you're brutally honest and

always say whats on your mind.


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

{H/t: Cal Tech Girlie}

Posted by: Kathy at 03:07 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Blogging will be light to non-existent until further notice as I have, ONCE AGAIN, gotten sick.

I can't even come up with a witty throwaway line for this space. I've struggled and struggled and can't string two thoughts together in a coherent fashion, so I'm going to go and shower (because I feel bleechy) and then I'm going to retire to the sofa where I will either read or watch something crappy on tee vee. I might even nap a bit. And while I'm lying on the sofa, my bones flabby with illness, I'll---undoubtedly---think up a witty line for this spot, and when I do...

...well, if I were you, I wouldn't have high hopes for it to make it to this page.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:05 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Because I can't quite help myself.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:12 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:02 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The Jawa Report: Helping Jail Terrorist Wannabes Since 2004

Posted by: Kathy at 10:37 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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On this day twenty-five years ago, after four hundred and fourty-four days of captivity, the U.S. embassy employees who had been taken hostage by Iranian students who had stormed the embassy were released.

Today, Iran started moving its assets out of European banks to shield them from possible UN sanctions for ignoring the world's will about their nuclear ambitions.

Did I mention that one of the main demands of the Iranian hostage takers in 1979 was the release of Iran's assets held in the U.S., which had been frozen when the Shah was deposed?

{Insert Twilight Zone Theme Music Here}

Posted by: Kathy at 02:18 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Just clicked over to see what the boys were up to and blew a mouthful of Sprite all over my screen when I saw the new banner they've put up.

JESUS CHRIST ON A PIECE OF TOAST!

The boys' obsession with this Melissa WhateverTheHellHerNameIs has gotten way out of control. She's WAY out of your league, boysl. WAY out of your league. Lest we forget their origins:

Didn't happen with Kelly LeBrock. Ain't. Gonna. Happen. With. Melissa. Give up the ghost already.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:49 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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