Owing to his wife and children heading off to the beach for a week or two tomorrow morning, a certain someone - let's call him Mr. LL - will be indulging himself in a little retro-bachelorhood. (Nothing scurrilous, of course.)

One of the things Mr. LL intends to do is sit down with his glass of Laphroaig and his cigar and revisit the Conan canon of movies, viewing both of the originals plus The Rock's Scorpion King, which Mr. LL believes to be a worthy successor to Ahnold's previous works. Mr. LL is also going to decide whether Kevin Sorbo's Kull the Conqueror has any place in this list, although he already strongly doubts it. (On the other hand, the Sorbo movie also features Tia Carrere, so who really cares, right?)

Are there any other movies of this sort that Mr. LL ought to include in his viewing list? And don't say Red Sonja, because that was an utter dud, demonstrating nicely the difference between a Truly Bad Film and just plain wasted celluloid.

Posted by: Robert at 02:21 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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**UPDATED**

Note to self: ix-nay on the semi-boozy late night soul-searching blog posts. They're embarrassing in the morning.

Posted by: Robert at 10:03 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Sleepy Beth reviews the latest film incarnation of Pride & Prejudice.

In her review, Beth says:

Many people have said this version is awful (I believe some call it an abomination, even).

I believe that Beth actually could have put a name to this "some" - say... Mr. LL, for example? Heh.

In connection with this, let me tell you an old, old Episcopalian joke:

Q: How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: CHANGE?

I will fully disclose here that, in fact, I have not seen this movie. My disparagement is based solely on the theatrical trailors I've seen. Call me shallow, reactionary or an idiot if you like, but I'm going on instinct and experience here. For me, this is enough.

On the other hand, the Missus rented the new P&P the other evening and watched the whole thing. While she still prefers the Colin Firth version, she reported this one was "okay".

What say you, Kathy?

UPDATE: Kath here to save the daaaaaaaay!

Er. Ahem. Having an Underdog moment. Sorry. Won't happen again.

Anyway, a little birdie told me that someone was trying to rouse me out of my hiatus with a little Pride and Prejudice action.

While the temptation is strong to come back and say what I REALLY think about the new version, well, I can't. Because I haven't seen it, and since we all know that I'm all about informed criticism, I really can't write anything about it.

I will, however, admit to some temptation when I see it on the shelves at the video store, but I haven't succumbed. Really and truly. My distinct loathing of Keira Knightley has not lessened over the months. I do, however, meander on over to the drama aisle and stare at what is, generally speaking, the empty space on the shelf where the BBC version usually rests (Third shelf in the "P's", far right hand side) and dream about Mr. Darcy and wonder what I would look like in an empire waist dress.

Methinks they cover a multitude of sins, which would be good, given the state of my thighs.

Of course, the only reason I would rent the new version---and I'm not saying I ever would give any money to the people responsible---is to rip it to shreds, so it's not like I'm ever going to give it a fair shake anyhow. Not like it deserves one, either. When you get something right the first time, there's no need to do it again, is there? And they definitely got it right the first time, particularly with the casting. I think Robbo called it correctly by saying that it was an "abomination." And, as you, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, know I don't put up with anything that's remotely abominable.

And, yes, that includes snowmen, who will mistake you for a bunny rabbit, then hug you, and pet you, and squeeze you and call you "George."

So, there you have it: the current status of my Pride and Prejudice obsession. Nothing to see here. Move right along.

Posted by: Robert at 11:14 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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1 Well I didn't want to point fingers I do believe I mentioned that it was lacking in the Colin induced eye-candy department. If not, I meant to. Colin's version is still hands down my favorite.

Posted by: beth at June 28, 2006 02:59 PM (IUoqt)

2 Q: "How many Baptists does it take to screw in a light bulb?" A: "Shouldn't we be asking instead how they got in the light bulb?"

Posted by: Bob at June 29, 2006 10:44 AM (yMzz+)

3 mm, colin firth as darcy..

Posted by: amelie at July 01, 2006 04:42 PM (LLmEK)

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Okay, loyal Cake Eater fans, I've got a question for you:

It's late evening and a certain person, let's call him Mr. LL, is wedged in his favorite comfy chair reading a book and sipping at a glass of wine.

Mr. LL has had a long day and is very tired. In fact, he's so tired that he dozes off whilst reading.

A short while later, Mrs. LL appears. She wakes Mr. LL from his light slumber, announces that it's bed time, and departs.

Mr. LL, who is both very relaxed and very groggy, can do one of two things:

First, he can get up and follow Mrs. LL upstairs. This would entail not only hoisting himself out of his very comfy chair, but also staggering about and taking care of all those end-of-the-evening tasks - turning out all the lights, checking the door locks, brushing teeth, putting on jammies, etc., etc.

Second, he can simply roll over in his chair and go back to sleep.

The Question: What should Mr. LL do and why?

UPDATE: My word, you kids seem to have an awful lot of energy! Wait'll you get to be Mr. LL's age and we'll talk some more.

Posted by: Robert at 11:32 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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What is floating around in my brain all of a sudden? Why, it's "The Yankee Privateer":

Come listen and I'll tell you

How first I went to sea,

To fight against the British

And win our liberty.

We shipped with Captain Whipple

Who never knew a fear,

The captain of the Providence,

The Yankee privateer.

Chorus:

We sailed and we sailed and kept good cheer,
For not a British frigate could o'er come the privateer!

We sailed to the south'rd
And suddenly did meet
Three British frigates convoy
To a West Indian fleet.
Old Whipple put our lights out
And crawled upon their rear,
And not a soul suspected
The Yankee privateer!

Chorus

For ten long nights we followed
And e'er the moon arose,
Each night a prize we captured
Beneath the Lion's nose.
And when the British looked to see
Why ships should disappear,
They found they had in convoy
The Yankee privateer!

Chorus

The biggest British frigate
Bore round to give us chase,
But though we were the flee-er
Old Whipple didn't race,
Until he'd raked her fore and aft
-The lubbers couldn't steer -
And then he showed the foe the heels
Of the Yankee privateer!

Chorus.

This song commemorates the exploits of Commodore Abraham Whipple of Rhode Island. Far from being a privateer, however, his ship, the Providence, was a U.S. Navy frigate:

On June 18, 1779, the frigates Providence, Queen of France and Ranger sailed from Boston on a cruise to the eastward, two of the ships carrying twenty-eight guns each, one mounting only eighteen. As to what occurred during that eventful month on the high seas off the Newfoundland banks, there are varying accounts but they agree in the main on one point: a large number of enemy vessels was captured and sent to Boston under prize crews to bring a vast sum to the wavering colonial fortunes of war. During this whole procedure not a shot was fired, the maneuver evidently relying for its success on the subterfuge of masquerading as friendly British vessels. The ships captured by this remarkable tour de force were of the 700-800 ton class. Winsor, in his ambitious History of America, observes with optimism; "Their cargoes were sold for more than a million dollars and the bold venture is spoken of as the most successful pecuniary enterprise of the war." Above and beyond his share of the prize money and cargoes Commodore Whipple received a communication dated September 19, 1779 from the Marine Committee of the Continental Congress, congratulating him on the success of his cruise and urging the speedy preparation of the vessel Providence for another cruise.

More on the naval career of Commodore Whipple can be found here.

No doubt you're asking, "Tom, what on earth put that song in your head?"

Well, my grandmother gave me an album of Revolutionary War songs put out by the National Geographic Society when I was a little boy. I listened to that record over and over again, so much so that I still remember a solid dozen of the songs.

Let that be a lesson if you're considering giving music to a small child. He may grow up into a total geek.

Posted by: Robert at 01:46 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 I have never heard that song, but now I really want to find the melody so I can sing along with your website.

Posted by: Kestrel at June 23, 2006 06:08 PM (oSWl1)

2 I'm thinking, "Colin Firth!" Don't you think Firth would make a great Commodore Whipple in a PBS mini-series? But perhaps it would be wrong to associate Abraham Whipple's good name with "monkey love". But then again, if Fox Network produced the series, Frito-Lay (peddling its "Cheetos brand" products) would be a sure sponsor. What a conundrum...

Posted by: Bob at June 27, 2006 12:29 PM (yMzz+)

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Whenever I'm flying and get even more edgy than usual, I always think back to that classic bit of throw-away from Airplane! where Ted Stryker is sitting in the plane seat next to the little old lady:

LOL: Nervous?

Stryker: Yes....a little.

LOL (reassuringly): First time?

Stryker: No, I've been nervous before.

Always cracks me up. And usually gets my mind off the flight.

Posted by: Robert at 08:13 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I give you this little piece of silliness for a warm Thursday:

The sun shines down from meridian height

And illumines the depths of the sea.

Cry out the fishes, beginning to sweat,

"Oh, dammit! How hot we shall be!"

I learned this ditty from Mom, who told me it was penned by none other than Mr. John Keats himself. I have never been able to confirm this independently. However, as the Mothe holds an MA in English Litershure and is the person from whom I inhereted my own readerly geekiness, I consider her to be a pretty reliable source.

Posted by: Robert at 09:11 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Think I'm wrong?

Consider David Hasselhoff singing "Secret Agent Man".

Posted by: Robert at 03:50 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The Life Aquatic with Bill Murray and a fistfull of other heavyweight actors.

I'd tell you what I thought of the movie except that I dozed off very early on. Perhaps it could now be said that "Robbo sleeps with the fishes".

Posted by: Robert at 11:25 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Senator Clinton just might have as short a political memory as politicians usually believe their constituents posess. Now she's trotting out a nod to the right-wing reactionaries that is eerily reminiscent of an insidious plot to stifle art and expression carried out by her former vice-woman-who-wears-the-pants, Tipper Gore.

Obviously, this is nothing more than pandering across party lines to broaden (no pun intended) her base of support in the event of a scandal free primary bid for the Presidency. What I can't exactly fathom, is how people can actually support any of these politicians at this point. The ridiculousness of this censorship aside, who exactly does Hillary represent? Liberal Hollywood Elites? Middle Class Conservatives? Traditional Democrats?

I'll give you the answer: Hillary - and for that matter nearly all of our elected Federal Representatives - represent a party of one: themselves. Principals fall far below voting blocks and campaign money on the priority list for these vultures. Everyone, please, do yourselves, the country, and your fellow citizens a favor: listen to the shit these politicians speak, consider it in the context of all the shit they've spoken in the past, think, come to your own conclusion, then laugh your head off at these fools for actually thinking you'll fall for it...again.

(Crosspost)

Posted by: MRN aka "The Husband" at 08:49 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Recently The Edge posted an essay by one of the pioneers of virtual reality, Jaron Lanier. The essay raises some outstanding questions regarding the new "online collectivism" and services that have evolved into full-on movements such as Wikipedia.

I find myself agreeing with Lanier's point:

No, the problem is [...] the larger pattern of the appeal of a new online collectivism that is nothing less than a resurgence of the idea that the collective is all-wise, that it is desirable to have influence concentrated in a bottleneck that can channel the collective with the most verity and force. This is different from representative democracy, or meritocracy. This idea has had dreadful consequences when thrust upon us from the extreme Right or the extreme Left in various historical periods. The fact that it's now being re-introduced today by prominent technologists and futurists, people who in many cases I know and like, doesn't make it any less dangerous.

It is always refreshing to read reasoned, clear thinking in this day and age of zealotry on all fronts. To that end, I would also suggest Steven Pinker's book, "The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature". It's not an easy read, but it is absolutely full to the bindings of well thought out, reasoned arguments.

Posted by: MRN aka "The Husband" at 03:38 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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You know, Cheetos are all well and good but I've got to say that they don't hold a candle to a seriously big bag of salt & vinegar potato chips (or "crisps", as our friends across the pond say).

Posted by: Robert at 11:14 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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