April 30, 2005

Spoooooky!








Your Birthdate: November 5

With a birthday on the 5th of the month you are inclined to work well with people and enjoy them.

You are talented and versatile, very good at presenting ideas.

You may have a tendency to get itchy feet at times and need change and travel.

You tend to be very progressive, imaginative and adaptable.

Your mind is quick, clever and analytical.

A restlessness in your nature may make you a bit impatient and easily bored with routine.

You may have a tendency to shirk responsibility


Yeah, I would have to say that's pretty true. As far as the bad stuff, I have a built-in excuse: I'm a Scorpio. Everyone knows we're nutso.

Hat Tip: Chrissy

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As If You Needed Another Reason

...to love Sheila, but if for some unknown reason you do, know that she hates Forrest Gump.

Which makes her worthy of being worshipped, if you ask me.

She's also right on about movies about the disabled and Rosie O'Donnell.

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File This One in the "Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Cold" File

Remember The Guardian's Operation Clark County from last autumn? You know, the project wherein they invaded the voter rolls from Clark County, Ohio and asked people from all over the world to write a letter to one voter, encouraging them to get out and vote? Because the American election really and truly affected everyone in the world, not just Americans! Hence they felt they had the right to butt into our electoral processes. Remember that?

Well, payback is, indeed, a bitch.

{Insert much mirth here}

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No Prizes of Worth Here, But Perhaps a Little Fun

So, since it seems all anyone in the blogosphere is able to talk about is the upcoming release of Episode III:Revenge of the Sith, and this has brought out, how shall I put it, a wee bit of cynicsm in most people, I thought it was time to have some fun.

Because these movies used to be fun, right?

They used to be magical.

Now, we all could go on about how George Lucas is a money-grubbin', kiddie-entertain', legacy rapist---and I'm not saying he doesn't deserve those titles---but let's be honest about a few things here, ok?

1. Like myself, you're all going to go and see Episode III. You just are. You've been suckered yet again. Like myself. I have to see how the story ends and so do you.

2. You're somewhat excited about going to see Episode III. You may feel dirty about being excited, like you do when you watch pr0n or go to a strip club, but you are excited nonetheless.

So, like the man who ditches the guilt and loads up on one dollar bills before a trip to sniffer's row, it's time to load up on some pre-Episode III fun.

Which is why I'm announcing, {insert drumroll and much fanfare here}

THE FIRST (AND LAST) CAKE EATER STAR WARS TRIVIA CONTEST!

Here's the deal. In the Cake Eater household, there are many boxes labeled with the brand name, "Trivial Pursuit." One of these boxes just also happens to have the Star Wars logo on it with the phrase "Classic Trilogy Collector's Edition" printed right below it. Each day until the movie is released (May 19, 2005), I will pick one card, post all the questions, and whomever answers them all correctly (or gets the most correct...some of these questions are very obscure) will receive the gratitude of a blogosphere (and this blogger) for having the guts to have some freakin' fun with this whole thing. And If the winner of the day emails me a picture of themself, I'll p'shop them into a Storm Trooper uniform or, in the case of Princess Leia's metal bikini, I'll put their head (or the head of their beloved) on her body. Same goes with any other character. Just think of the possibilities---they're endless.

These are all questions from Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. There will be no questions from Episode I or Episode II. (This edition was released right before Episode I came out. ) There might be questions from the Special Editions, but I'm not really sure. I've never played this game because the husband knows all of this stuff backwards and forwards and I do not generally enjoy being spanked in Trivial Pursuit, so I've never actually played this edition. This might make it too easy for you, if you're a dedicated Geek who still has The Millenium Falcon in its original box, but it should be fun for everyone, ya dig?

It's time to have some fun with all of this, so in the spirit of said fun, I would ask you not to go out and Google the answers. It's no fun if you do that and this is supposed to be fun, damnit! HAVE SOME FUN!

Without further ado, Here are today's questions:

  • What was Piett's rank in the Imperial military at the start of The Empire Strikes Back?
  • What type of machine on the first Death Star bore the unit number 3263827?
  • What suggestion of Darth Vader's prompted Luke to attack Vader in a murderous rage?
  • What massive object did Darth Vader's flagship collide with?
  • What Rebel had an alien co-pilot named Nien Nunb in Return of the Jedi
  • Who, according to Grand Moff Tarkin, was the last of the Jedi?

I'll post the answers and the winner tomorrow (you know, if anyone actually participates! Don't make me look like an idiot here, ok?)

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April 29, 2005

It's Review Time

No, not me. The child. She's reviewing the new IPEX bra from Vicky's. Other ruminations are involved as well.

A small sampling.

{...}Men don't understand bras - or breasts for that matter. This should maybe be a topic for the divas...I don't know. All I know is, most men seem to think of breasts as toys. You know, the x-wing fighters of their adult world. Very few men I've met have not been utterly fascinated by breasts. Touch, squeeze, twist, twit, they do love to play.{...}

The husband would swear that the "Most Technologically Advanced Bra in The World tagline for these things is meant to appeal to men and not women. After all, boys have to have the latest and greatest toys in the world or they're just not cool. When they were kids, it was all about Big Wheels and that sort of thing. Nowadays it's pricey cell phones and stereo equipment. Why not tap into that market by billing a bra as "the most technologically advanced"? The theory going on that men would buy their chicks these titslingers using the same criteria as they'd use to buy a pair of speakers.

Makes sense.

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Kingdom of Heaven Update

Courtesy of Ith, we have an extensive post by Justin at Calblog, which points to the Council on American Islamic Relations approval of Kingdom of Heaven. A few months ago, I posted a bit on this, agreeing with Jonathan over at Galley Slaves that there would probably be a CAIR backlash leading up to this film, but expressed my hope that the film would rise above it all. (Yeah, I goofed the original link, which you can find here. You people have to tell me when I do this.)

It's surprising that CAIR endorsed the film. To quote from Justin's post:

{...}The fact that a sue-happy, terror-apologist group like CAIR actually put its seal of approval on the film should be quite damning. (Do you suppose that the filmmakers bothered to show Christian/Catholic leaders an advance screening of the film to get their input and seal of approval? Not likely. That should speak volumes about the cynical nature of this film.){...}

Hmmmph.

I don't agree with that. Given the strong theme of the glories of Western Civilization in Ridley's other films, such as Black Hawk Down, I'm not going to be so quick to condemn the movie simply because CAIR endorsed it. Ridley's got a track record when it comes to defending Western Civilization. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. If he chooses to show what could be considered to be a low point for Western Civilization, which many people think the Crusades were, then score one for Ridley. Sometimes Western Civilization needs to be defended from itself. Whether this is one of those instances, I do not know. It could be utter crap. Again, I don't know. I haven't seen it. But, I'm certainly not going to take CAIR's word that it's great as proof that it's politcally correct crap, either.

I can judge these things for myself.

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Chickensh*ts

Courtesy of Sully, we have this lovely little ditty.

Republican Alabama lawmaker Gerald Allen says homosexuality is an unacceptable lifestyle. As CBS News Correspondent Mark Strassmann reports, under his bill, public school libraries could no longer buy new copies of plays or books by gay authors, or about gay characters.

"I don't look at it as censorship," says State Representative Gerald Allen. "I look at it as protecting the hearts and souls and minds of our children."

Books by any gay author would have to go: Tennessee Williams, Truman Capote and Gore Vidal. Alice Walker's novel "The Color Purple" has lesbian characters.

Allen originally wanted to ban even some Shakespeare. After criticism, he narrowed his bill to exempt the classics, although he still can't define what a classic is. Also exempted now Alabama's public and college libraries.{...}

To put it mildly, I despise people who wound ban books because something about a particular book disagrees with their worldview. It is the most cowardly, chickenshitted thing someone could do, in my humble opinion. One suspects that I'm not the only person who feels this way. But am I? In this particular case one would think that there would be a few courageous souls in the Alabama legislature who would show up to decry this action, just on the principle of the thing, even if their worldview agreed with that of the would-be banner.

Apparently not.

Editor's Note: When the time for the vote in the legislature came there were not enough state legislators present for the vote, so the measure died automatically.

{emphasis mine}

They didn't have a quorum. That's why this bill died. Not because anyone had the guts to stand up and decry book banning, but rather because this was the solution that, I suspect, would ruffle the least amount of feathers.

Chickenshits.

I do not know why I feel compelled to state this time and again, but I'm going to do it again, so LISTEN THE FUCK UP because it gets very tiresome repeating oneself.

Ahem.

Book banning is wrong. It is not what America is about. If you disagree with an author, or the ideas they've presented in a book, DON'T READ THE DAMN THING! But do not under any circumstances think you have the right to tell other people what they should or should not read. That's not your job. You are not allowed to tell people that. People have their own brains. They are allowed to feed their gray matter what they would. If they choose to read something you would disagree with, it is not your job or your right to become their mother and to say they shouldn't have access to that particular book.

Think I'm flying off the handle here? That I'm overreacting to what is, in all reality, a very small thing? Well, I'm not.

Would you like to know what the most frequently challenged books were in 2004? Go here.

Note that on that list is one of Maurice---Where the Wild Things Are---Sendak's books. The former poet laureate of the United States, Maya Angelou's I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings is on that list. Dav Pilkey's marvelously funny Captain Underpants series is on that list. Of Mice and Men, an American classic, by John Steinbeck is on that list. These are not books that are "out there." These are mainstream authors, whose works some idiot considers to be "dangerous" and "inappropriate."

If you want to be even more shocked, go and peruse the list of the 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books, 1990-2000 . Take a peek at some of the books on that list. I'm sure you've read a few. Probably in high school, when it seems everyone is subjected to Flowers For Algernon and The Catcher in the Rye. Take a hard, extensive look at that list and know that some people are afraid and scared by some books that are considered to be classics of American literature. Know that some people are offended by To Kill a Mockingbird or The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. These people don't like the ideas presented in these books. Then realize that since they didn't care for them, they don't think you should care for them either. Instead of being rational about it and agreeing to disagree, instead of saying "to each their own," their answer to the problem is to work toward outright banning of said books. In the process they would impose their thoughts and beliefs upon you.

It's cowardly in the extreme to not let someone make up their own mind about something. It signals that you have so little faith in the merits of your own argument that instead of encouraging debate, and bringing someone over to your side of the argument, you would repress opposing arguments altogether.

It is the equivalent of covering your ears and screaming, "LALALLAALALAICANT'HEARYOULALALALALAALALAICAN'THEARYOU!"

That, most assuredly, is not what America is about.

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April 28, 2005

Quite Interesting

Quite interesting indeed.

But most likely false and is someone's whim to get people to watch the press conference.

{Hat Tip: STEEEEEEVE-O}

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It's About Time

The Crack Young Staff of "The Hatemonger's Quarterly" has finally taken on the skank Wonkette.

{...}Perhaps youÂ’d recognize Wonkette if you saw her, dear reader: SheÂ’s a thin, wan 30-something gal who looks as if sheÂ’s been genetically engineered to live in a bog. She makes an albino look like Isaac Hayes.

But never mind the fact that Wonkette clearly resembles that girl from your kindergarten class who used to pick her nose and eat it. ThatÂ’s hardly why she ruffles our collective feathers.

Why, you are no doubt asking yourself, is the crack young staff so oft perturbed by the on-screen antics of Ms. Wonkette?

In short, itÂ’s because sheÂ’s egregiously self-impressed, as if making snippy remarks about Jeff Gannon is really so difficult. As she offers her inevitably snarky remarks about the World According to Wonkette, she resembles nothing so much as the InternetÂ’s Marie Antoinette.

“Let me tell you how the world works,” she intones, clad in vertiginous pastels that violently clash with her Conan O’Brien color palette.

To which we, the crack young staff of “The Hatemonger’s Quarterly,” reply: Look, Wonkette. We’re sorry you didn’t make the cheerleading squad in high school because your ribs are iridescent. But could you please can the smugness? You’re like David Spade and Dennis Miller’s love child, for crying out loud.{...}

Interestingly enough, I read somewhere that Wonkette was originally from Lincoln, Nebraska. You know, that town in Nebraska where this school is. As most of you know, I grew up in Omaha. When I was in high school, places like The Old Market were our popular hangouts. Until the loser Lincoln kids started showing up.

It was our general opinion that they mixed quite well with the white trash from Council 'Tucky, who had actually managed to be more hip and started hanging out over on our side of the river, "scooping the loop" in the Market in their white trash cars. Which means they drove around the cobbled streets of the Market about five thousand times a night. The Lincoln kids, well...you could tell who they were and why they were there just by looking at them. They'd driven the sixty some odd miles to get someplace hip. Someplace cool. Because Lincoln is just not cool. It has no cul-chah for those who are not interested in banging the Cornhusker drum. That they thought Omaha was an oasis of cool in the vast Nebraska wilderness spoke volumes. Because while they thought they'd reached paradise, well, most of us were ready to get the hell out of there.

I'd bet my left boob that Wonkette was one of those kids.

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There Seems To Be a Star Wars Theme Going On

My Devoted Cake Eater Readers, I present to you, The Darth Side: Memoirs of a Monster.

Yes, that's right. Vader's got a blog.

{Hat Tip: Doug, who got it from Sandy}

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Fer Cryin' Out Loud

Just come out of the closet already. If you find you can't do that, well, stop preying on women who are still too enamored of the Vollyeball Scene in Top Gun to know that their Gaydars need to be recalibrated.

Oh, and learn how to act, too, while you're at it.

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April 27, 2005

The New WB Tuesday!

Remember this post from the other day?

Seems I'm not the only one who's a bit worried.

pennyarcade.jpg

{Click for larger}

Heheheheheh

Of course, this from the very talented Gabe and Tycho over at Penny Arcade.

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Interesting

Denny Hastert just hung DeLay out to dry.

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It's Contest Time!

Trout fishing season has officially started in Michigan and The Wiz has flown the coop to cast his line in numerous streams around the Great Lake State.

Lest things get down and out at his blog in his absence, he has a contest going. Puzzles are involved. *With REAL prizes* for the winners.

Go on over and check it out.

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Teh Funny

For Rob, the blogosphere's original D&D freak enthusiast, I present this.

If the eight bit graphics are driving you nuts (seriously, I could do better than that and I haven't coded anything since 1985!) you could also go here.

The husband sez: "The original sound was done by a Wisconsin based comedy troupe called The Dead Alewives."

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The Hate Kitty

hatekitty.jpg

Damn. That is one eeeeee-vil looking cat.

And it's been cracking me up all morning long.

(Courtesy of one of the husband's gaming friends)

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Tattling

The Maximum Leader asks a very interesting question.

Since our Maximum Leader is a cheapskate who would prefer to buy lightsabers and Darth Taters instead of chipping out for some blogging software that enables comments, and who is too lazy to put freebie Haloscan comments on his blog, I find I am forced to bring this over to my blog. cough cough, link whore.

To answer the Maximum Leader's question: yes, his friend should have given the relative up. No offense to Joe for having principles, but a year of hard time in a federal penitentiary and a year on work release is too much to pay for said principles. He should have saved his own ass, particularly since his relative wasn't owning up to his part in the whole matter and it was obvious they were going to do their darndest to make him cooperate because they had no other evidence against the relative. (Although, one does wonder about how they knew to show up at Joe's door.) The law of self-preservation reigns supreme when dealing with the criminal justice system.

And believe me, I know about these things.

You cannot trust prosecutors. You cannot trust public defenders. You cannot trust anyone other than the lawyer you hire (and you'd better hire a good one, even if you're an auxilary portion of any case) and yourself. That is the extent of it. No one other than yourself matters.

Is this selfish? Yep. You bet. I'm sorry for it, but that's just the way the world works, particularly the legal world. And people will take advantage if you're not looking out for yourself. This is how I suspect Joe wound up in a world of hurt over a plasma tv. I also suspect Joe is regretting this decision every day of his life. The poor guy.

I don't like the idea of rewarding tattlers, like the school system in the Max Leader's original link is advocating, with parking spots and other school perks. Methinks that the kid who parks their car in the designated tattler spot will get their ass kicked sooner rather than later. No one likes a narc, after all, nor should they, and kids are remarkably good at sussing this sort of thing out. In that situation, the tattler is doing it for perks, rather than because it's the right thing to do. But when you must save your own ass? Well, that's a different deal altogether. You are in trouble and you have suddenly found yourself with a piece of very much wanted information: this is your bargaining power. You must use it to save yourself. You must.

Why?

Because if the shoe was on the other foot, you could bet your last dollar the other guy would be spilling the beans.

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April 26, 2005

Turning Blue With Envy

Sigh.

I wish I'd written this.

Yeah, I know I'm supposed to turn green with envy. I may screw up most things, but on this one I know what I'm doing. Go read the post, doof.

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Brain Gender





Your Brain is 60.00% Female, 40.00% Male


Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female

You are both sensitive and savvy

Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed

But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

Hmmph.

I suspect this means more people (read, "the husband") will try to whip out the "You must be PMS'ing" excuse in an attempt to denigrate my arguments because I posted this.

Hmmph.

Shamelessly pilfered from Sheila

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Immigration

Robbo has a thoughtful post about the Minutemen Project.

Just to throw in my two cents: I think this whole thing is an accident waiting to happen. Sure they're just watching the border. They're not doing anything illegal. They're just making sure that the government is doing what they've promised. I buy that argument and I have no hassles with it. But all it's going to take is for one person to cross the line from watching to acting and kablooie! There's some line about good intentions paving the road to hell, right? I'm not goofing that one, right? I've been nervy about this "project" since it started and I'll be glad when it's over. I'm glad to see that nothing untoward has happened, but it could. The situation just reeks of a search for trouble. more...

Posted by: Kathy at 02:25 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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