May 25, 2005
You'll undoubtedly have noticed that I haven't had much to say over the past couple of days. I have a serious case of the blogmutes settling in and instead of forcing you to suffer through it, I've decided to take the rest of the week off. There is no point in writing what, undoubtedly, would be crap just for the sake of keeping this thing up and running.
And besides, I've got other stuff to do. Around the house, and here, as well. I can no longer put one particular task off: I must transfer the archives from the old Blogspot home to this one. This task will take some time. Actually having to come up with content in the meanwhile? Well, that sort of puts a damper on getting the basics done.
I know. You're undoubtedly heartbroken, right? You, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, are afraid you will not know what to do with yourselves and are wondering if you're going to be forced to resort to surfing Asian Lesbian pr0n, like you did before you found The Cake Eater Chronicles.
Well, have no fear my children. I have lined up a few guest bloggers to entertain and enlighten you.
I may regret my choices later, but I am handing the keys to the kingdom over to my dear pals Robert and Steve, aka The Llamabutchers and to The Goddess of All Things Bloggy, and another dear pal,Sadie, who despite her busy schedule, has promised to drop by later this week. Between the three of them they should keep the lights running on this production and they should have a good time running amok in my playground while I'm away from the keyboard.
Besides, as an added bonus, this will be good for Mom. She tells me she never clicks over whenever I include a link. Which is a habit I'm trying to disabuse her of, but she does it nonetheless. I feel she's missing out on some good stuff, so, instead of forcing Mohammed to come to the mountain, well, I'm bringing the mountain to Mohammed.
{Kath checks pockets for her keys. Nope. Not there. She remembers that she handed them over already. She says, "good" and moves on to other things}
Have a great rest of the week, kids and I'll see you on Monday!
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May 24, 2005
This week's topic was inspired by one, in my humble opinion, particularly annoying Yes song: which is better to have---a broken heart or a lonely heart?
Now, whomever wrote this song for Yes came to the conclusion that, indeed, it was better to be the owner of a lonely heart, rather than a broken heart. Much better than... This is the first time I've actually read the lyrics to this tune, and I have to say I have no idea what their reasoning behind this bit of advice is. I've never been able to understand the words when they sang them, so I don't know why I was thinking I would be enlightened when I read them, but hey, I'm a hopeful girl that way. Alas, they have not provided any enlightenment. So, I suppose I must actually work at this post and come up with my own conclusion. Bastards.
{Goes back and reads the lyrics again}
It seems, upon a second reading, that if you have a lonely heart, somehow, you seem to have control over your fate. You can make the choice not to be lonely, whereas if your heart is broken, well, you're pretty much screwed. Hmmph. Basically, this gets back to an old Shakespearean theme: is it better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all?
I would have to say, yes, it is better to have loved and lost, because at least then you know what you're missing. The thought of going through that all again may terrify you, but at least you've risked something. You've gone out and made choices and are living with the ramifications of those choices. You've been brave before and you can be brave again, because you know what love feels like---and on its good days, it's a pretty nice thing. But if you think loneliness is the best option, well, you may, like the song says, realize you have control over your fate. You may realize that you don't have to let it get to you, you can insert Oprah's message of EMPOWERMENT here, yadda, yadda yadda, ad nauseam, ad infinitum.
But...
Let's be honest, kids. How many people do you know who seem to have a serious attachment to being lonely? They've made loneliness into their mate and they talk about loneliness the way some women and men talk about their significant others. Because those people are out there. I'm sure you've met a few: single women and men who constantly bemoan how if only I could meet the right person and then never actually get off their ass to do something about it. You invite them out, you introduce them to someone you think they'll get along with, hoping against hope that this will get them to quit their bitching, or at least move to a new stage of bitching, and five minutes later---POOF!---they've hit the self-destruct button and are back at your side, bitching and moaning again, about how that person wasn't right for them, what were you thinking, etc. They have run back to their ever faithful mate: loneliness. These are the people, in my experience, who have the ideal mate all laid out in their mind and they won't settle for anything but that, while they know, somewhere in the back of their mind, that said ideal mate simply does not exist in reality. They set the bar too high for any mere mortal to pass over.
In other words: there are people out there for whom loneliness is their drug of choice and, boy are they ever addicted to it. Instead of falling off and having to get back on, they prefer never to get on the horse in the first place. They've decided that while getting on the horse is ideal, and something they really should do, they prefer to turn the horse into a unicorn: a mythical creature that can and will never be caught. It's more comfortable for them. And that's fine and dandy. I just wish the few friends of mine who are like this would quit bitching about the damn horse, because it gets so boring to have to listen to it.
But, you don't have to take my word for it. You can go and read what the other Disarming and Demystifying Divas have written on the topic. Make sure to give a warm welcome to Pammy, one of our Red Hat Divas, who has joined in this week. If you'd like to flip the coin and see what the males have to say, you can go over and read what the Air Marshal, The Wiz, Stigmata (who's filling in for our beloved, but dead as a doornail and subsequently flushed down the toity Puffster) and Phin have coughed up.
UPDATE: Serendipity
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May 23, 2005
...Arianna, darling, hotlinking is considered to be a big boo-boo in the blogosphere. It's stealing, plain and simple. I realize you're probably shelling out a small fortune for hosting, but, sheesh. One would think you could probably afford to host your own images instead of stealing from a non-profit organization's blog.
Madame Sadie---from whom I found out about this---our freshly minted law school graduate, is wondering what sort of compensation would be in order.
I don't know, but after reading The Huffington Post's Terms of ServiceI got the distinct feeling that there's some Beverly Hills law firm just waiting for someone to steal from Arianna so they can take part in a We live to crush the little people smackdown. (Christ. Honestly. Who gets lawyers to write Terms of Service? For a freaking blog? I know you're just dying to spend your ex's money, Arianna, but really...how bourgeoise can you get?) So, really, turnabout would seem to be fair play, wouldn't it?
If you want a real blog that doesn't endorse thievery, read this one instead of Arianna's.
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May 22, 2005
Well, I'm going to do that with my Revenge of the Sith review.
Actually the husband's going to do it for you. Here's what he said when we left the theater yeseterday:
Well, it took him two and three quarters movies to get back, but he got there.
Yeah. I had to steal it. Those of you who have seen it know what I'm talking about. Those of you who haven't---well, that's probably all you wanted to know, right?
If you want more---because you're a greedy bastard that way---well, take the jump for some observations. There are spoilers involved. more...
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May 21, 2005
1. It's been raining cats and dogs here for the past couple of weeks. I am annoyed with our sunless state. I am also annoyed that the new landlord has yet to purchase a lawn mower because the lawn looks like crap. Well, let me amend that: the lawn always looks like crap, but now it looks like overgrown crap in the few spots where there's actually grass. My current nickname for the lawn is "The Savannah." I fully expect that Marlin Perkins and Jim will show up soon to film an episode of Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom because the grass is so tall that there's probably some interesting wildlife in there.
And there's a profusion of dandelions, too. Woot!
I am also annoyed that the new landlord has yet to tell me what I can and cannot do in regards to my plantings. With the Great White Hunter-exlandlord and Tweedledumb, anything you wanted to do that made things look nicer, well, they were for it---as long as you didn't expect them to pay for it. Hence I have a nice little landscaped flower bed full of lilies and hostas. I always border this with impatiens, because a. they're colorful and b. they're one of the few annuals that do well here in the Hinterlands. I also put out some pots on the front porch, as well, and when we had the roof of the garage as our deck, the husband built me some flower boxes and I filled them with pots of pansies and petunias. Well, since the deck is no longer stable enough for the average sized human to walk on, I have to rely on these other areas to satisfy my gardening jones. I have no idea if I'm going to be allowed to do these things this year. We'll just have to see.
And no, the man has not called the plumber to see what's wrong with my dishwasher, either.
2. The church that resides across the street from us has once again allowed clubs from the local high school to use their circular drive for fundraising car washes.
Sigh.
So, it seems we're back to being subjected to shouts of, "CAR WASH!" every Friday and Saturday afternoon. They shout this at cars who are going above thirty mph and who are prevented from stopping by the laws of physics and traffic. So, these drivers---may God smite them---honk their horns, repeatedly, to show appreciation.
Said honking gets quite annoying when the eighteen-wheelers that barrel through the neighborhood to avoid traffic on Hwy. 100 join in on the action.
This, of course, says nothing about how scantily clad these teenagers are. They bare their young bodies in a barely decent sort of way in an attempt to bring in customers. Yes, I know, it's a car wash. They're going to be dressed in swimsuits and the like. Ok, that's all well and good until you see what these kids do. One of the more popular ways to bring in customers is to hold a large poster directly over the midsection of your body to make it appear to drivers that you're naked. They've apparently learned that sex sells. (Hmmm. I wonder where they got that one?) I've never once seen a faculty advisor tell these kids to knock it off, either. It makes me feel like they're hooking for funds to support the marching band or the swim club or the track and field club, etc. One, I suppose, could also make comments about the luring of pedophiles if one was so inclined.
Surprisingly enough, the pastor of this church, when I've spoken with him in the past regarding this, has no issues with this behavior. Neither does he mind that all of this behavior is happening in his church parking lot. Apparently being concerned with "community involvement" is more important than the prostitution of children for extra-curricular activities funding. Yay for the Lutherans! They've got their priorities in the right place!
3. The obnoxious Cake Eater neighbor is weaseling his way into our lives. Even more than he's already done so.
I cannot tell you what it is about this guy that sets me off. He just bugs me. There is something there that not only makes me dislike him, but creeps me out as well. And most people don't creep me out. He does. In a I-don't-want-to-be-alone-with-him sort of way. He's definitely a Cake Eater---someone who is concerned with conspicuous consumption strictly for the sake of Keeping Up With The Joneses---and his new area of Cake Eatery behavior takes him into the land of computers. And he's adopted the husband as his guru. He keeps buying computers---as in there are four people in their house, and they now have five laptops, two desktops and a PSP. FOR FOUR PEOPLE. Of course, the guy has absolutely no idea what the hell he's doing with all of this technology, so this is where the husband comes in. He keeps it all straight for them.
Which gets annoying when the Cake Eater neighbor calls at ten at night and expects the husband to come running to solve whatever problem has arisen now. Because we live next door, of course, in the immortal words of Martha and the Vandellas, there's nowhere to run to, there's nowhere to hide. Fortunately, the husband has no issues with saying "get bent" when this happens. But this doesn't apparently stop the Cake Eater neighbor from trying it on again and again, because the man has no familiarity with the concept of boundaries.
Furthermore...well, this is great news for the husband, but I'm leery. The man has decided to set the husband and this other guy up in a computer fixit business. He's funding it, he's got retail space for them---the works, in other words. The store opens for business on Monday. I'm happy for the husband---really I am. This is a big deal for him and I'm happy he now has the opportunity to see one of his visions come into being. That's wonderful and all that. But...
...I wish someone else who was dishing out all of this largesse. Someone who didn't give me the creeps and who didn't feel that it was all right to stick his nose into our personal business. Which he does. All the freakin' time. Sigh. Oh, well. I suppose you have to take the good with the bad. I just hope I don't blow it for the husband the next time the Cake Eater neighbor makes some suggestion about what I should be doing with my time. Because he apparently feels my life is now his business. {Shudder}
And if there are annoyances, there is, of course, also good news...
The downstairs roommate who I mentioned in this post from last week, well, he's doing wonderfully. He rested over at his girlfriend's last weekend, and he's now back at the house. He took the week off from work, but while it definitely looks like he had surgery recently, he looks pretty good, considering. Everything's good and they're thinking they got all of the cancer. I was chatting with him the other evening and he's really hoping they got all of it, because if they didn't, they'll have to operate again---and will have to remove all of his lymph nodes.
Keep your fingers crossed for him.
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- The Wiz is back from his muy importanto business trip and has posted on the bling-bling. The words "chrome" and "Craftsman" are lavished about. Go and read what he has to say.
- Some of the other Naked Villains have followed the example of their fearless Maximum Leader and they, too, have thrown their own two cents in on the jewelry thing. I must admit, I'm not all that surprised to find out that the Minister of Propaganda has his ears pierced. (He works in the film industry. If that's your story, boy, I fully expect you to stick with it.) I wonder what Madame Sadie thinks about this development and if Smallholder has suddenly gone back up in her rankings as a result.
- I'm a little hurt that no one bothered to tell me that PUFFY DIED! I would have sent flowers, I swear, but I didn't know!
Anyway, I look forward to his reincarnation. Which I'm assuming will happen more quickly that if it had been a human who'd died, rather than a fish. Fish years being what they are and all.
- I must admit, I adore The Girl Child.
She reminds me of someone. Hmmmm. I don't know. Who could it possibly be? Oh, yeah. That's right. It's me. Just ask the Cake Eater Mother for confirmation on that one.
- Doug doesn't quite know what to make of this development.
- Silk chats about growing up and how good things can come out of "disagreements" in bars.
- I'm a complete and utter dunce: I almost forgot to remind you to go over and take part in the Carnival of the Babewits, hosted by the most gracious WitNit.
That should keep you occupied for the time being.
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May 20, 2005
Quickie review after the jump. more...
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Billionaire developer Donald Trump has officially thrown his support behind a plan to rebuild the Twin Towers at Ground Zero in practically the same form they were in prior to the September 11 attacks with a few safety modifications.Trump implored Governor George Pataki to discard the plans for the 'Freedom Tower' presently on the table, describing the design as 'the worst pile of crap architecture I've ever seen in my life,' according to a report published in 'Newsday.'
Wednesday, Trump held a news conference at Trump Towers on Fifth Avenue to announce his support for a 'taller, stronger, more beautiful version of the World Trade Center.'
The design, drawn up by engineer Ken Gardner and architect Herbert Belton would make the new towers one story higher than the previous ones. It would preserve the footprints of the original towers but would have improved fireproofing and more staircases and means of escape in case of emergency.
{...}
Now, I'm not Donald's biggest fan. There's way too much waste in that man's lifestyle to make me ever think that being that rich would actually be fun. (If having a billion dollars in the bank can be classified as being "F You" money, one would think that it would get you out of boring black-tie charity dinners. But noooooo. Apparently you have to go to a lot of those dinners if you're The Donald.) But, I will admit I watched season one of "The Apprentice" and while I may think that "Trump Ice" bottled water is just plain stupid, the man knows what he's talking about when it comes to business: sales, sales, sales; if you can't market it, you can't make money on it; but most importantly, if you say you're going to do something, do it, and stop fucking about in the meantime.
I appreciate that.
That's why I'm pretty darned happy he's stuck his nose in on this one. It's time they stopped fucking about and just built the buildings. Every day construction of the new Towers is halted, is one more day that goes by that tells those bastards they've won. The Towers have to be rebuilt. It's not only a matter of New York pride, but is also one that belongs to the entire nation. And it's being held up by a few prima donnas. This is where Trump's brilliance shines through: he knows he'll never actually get to build the new Towers. It'll never happen. He knows this. He's simply using his reputation to get the chosen people to work.
Trump's smart enough to know that by inserting his nose into the mix, they'll be scared enough by that prospect alone to actually get moving. Because Donald isn't exactly known for his spectacular good taste and I can see where some hoity-toity architects would get their asses in gear just to prevent his taking over the project. Trump, undoubtedly, knows this. If he has to take one for the team to get it done, he's apparently willing to turn his back into the pitch.
Good for him.
{Hat Tip: Martini Boy}
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{...}What is most satisfying about Revenge of the Sith is that it finally delivers us back to the beginning, to the Star Wars we loved; to the Star Wars we still remember after all these years. Sith and the other prequels will, happily, soon be forgotten.
Ouchie. Georgie Porgy Puddin' and Pie's going to need a band-aid.
Fear not, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, I'm assuming that he won't have any problems finding one with R2-D2 or Yoda on it in his medicine cabinet.
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MONTGOMERY, Alabama (AP) -- A pregnant student who was banned from graduation at her Roman Catholic high school announced her own name and walked across the stage anyway at the close of the program.Alysha Cosby's decision prompted cheers and applause Tuesday from many of her fellow seniors at St. Jude Educational Institute.
But her mother and aunt were escorted out of the church by police after Cosby headed back to her seat.
{...}The father of Cosby's child, also a senior at the school, was allowed to participate in graduation.
{my emphasis}
Adrianne, who it seems is finally done with her thesis, says:
{...}You can fight abortion, and you can fight unwed motherhood,* but at some point (for example, the point after conception) you're going to have to choose which one is worse. Even making equal punishments for each doesn't actually work for impartial condemnation of each; as it's much easier to have an abortion without anyone knowing about it than to carry a child to term and give birth without anyone knowing about it, a pregnant girl faced with a specific punishment has the option of choosing birth and certain punishment or abortion and punishment only if discovered. And, unless I am mistaken, while traditional Catholic teaching does not approve of unwed motherhood (nor the behavior that led to it), after the fact they prefer it to abortion. Practices such as kicking pregnant girls out of school (not quite what they did in this case) and firing single mothers and potential single mothers, while they'll keep your school or company cosmetically pure-looking, will have the effect of encouraging abortion over illegitimacy. {...}
I wholeheartedly agree.
I know I have related this story before, but you'll forgive me if I choose not to spend time trolling around the archives looking for it. It's a pretty simple one: most of you will know that I went to Catholic school for twelve years. Eight years were spent at a co-ed parish grade school, and high school was an all-girls school. The policy was quite simple at the high school: if you became pregnant, you were kicked out. No appeals were allowed. Interestingly enough, to prove Adrianne's point, there was this one girl in my class who, toward the end of senior year, became pregnant and procured for herself an abortion by asking her friends to chip in and pay for it---even though she could well afford to pay for it out of her own pocket. (She didn't want her parents to find out and they would have if she hadn't spent her allowance on clothes. I know. Rough life. Guess what? I went to a school that had plenty of spoiled little girls. Go figure.) The only adverse effect she suffered was that word spread to the boys' school down the road and she couldn't find a prom date to save her life.
I still have a very hard time with this one. This rich bitch admitted, point blank, that she'd had an abortion, but no one ratted on her because a. she would deny it to the administration and b. her parents were big donors to the school, so it would be unlikely that anything would happen anyway. Plenty of wonderful, deserving girls were booted from that school, and one rich bitch got away with it and never had to pay a penalty for her behavior. I'm sure I could call up my niece---who now attends this same school---and ask her if the policy is still the same, but I suspect it is.
Moreover, the fathers of these babies were never held accountable for their actions by their respective schools. When a girl was kicked out of school, there was never a reciprocal booting at the boys' school down the road. It's a double standard that it seems is still in practice today, given the father of this girl's child was allowed to take part in graduation, rather than being banned, like she was.
I can completely understand about the setting of an example. Of having a zero-tolerance policy. Yet, let's be honest about one thing: it takes two to tango. If you're not holding the father to the same degree of responsibility that you hold the mother---particularly in this instance---what sort of example does that send to other young men? It cuts both ways. Just because you don't have irrefutable proof of his actions in the form of an expanded belly does not mean he is not culpable. In this day and age, when everyone is bleating on ad nauseam about how society is going down the crapper because of same-sex marriage, the divorce rate, the everpresent evil that is abortion, single parents, etc. one would think that it would be a good thing to be consistent and apply condemnation equally, instead of simply resorting to age-old attitudes that have never worked.
One of the reasons I always thought it was very unfair the girls were kicked out was because, while the babies were the result of premarital sex, the school seemingly ignored that these girls were nonetheless respecting the doctrine of life by seeing the pregnancies through. Their actions in this respect, to my mind at least, should have been celebrated and held up as an example of what to do should you find yourself in this situation. But it never was. The premarital sex thing was apparently the more important lesson to teach of the two. They just seemed to assume no Catholic girl would ever go and get an abortion.
Well, they were wrong, weren't they?
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May 19, 2005
{...}What is the real skinny on thin women?Which is more attractive and why: Thin Kate Moss - Gweneth Paltrow types or women with voluptuous curves?{...}
All I can really say is that no one ever stuck their head out of their car window and yelled, "NICE ASS!" at me as I walked down the street when I weighed 110 pounds. Surprisingly, ever since I gained weight, I get this all the time.
Hmmmph.
Take it for what it's worth.
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May 18, 2005
26 elements have been added since 1923. When will it end?
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It's for your own good, I promise.
Although, I have to admit, I like the one with Reagan and Goldwater. Heh. I also like the new llama portrait. I always knew Robbo had the braided bun thing going on.
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It was incredibly clever storytelling. If you missed it, well... you're just going to have to wait until the reruns come along this summer.
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After reading this, I'm pretty damn glad I didn't contribute to Chris Martin's ever expanding ego.
NEW YORK (Reuters) - British rock band Coldplay played Manhattan on Tuesday to promote their highly anticipated new album and said they are uncomfortable that they sell so many albums they can move a major corporation's stock price.EMI Group Plc, the world's third-largest music company and owner of Coldplay's label Capitol, warned in February that profits would be lower because the band took longer than expected to finish their first studio album in three years.
This I can understand. The fate of a record company resting on your shoulders would not be an easy thing to deal with...or so we'd think, if we were assuming that Coldplay was actually, you know, a humble entity.
This does not appear to be the case.
{...}But lead singer and charismatic frontman Chris Martin said in an interview, "I don't really care about EMI. I'm not really concerned about that.""I think shareholders are the great evil of this modern world," Martin told Reuters before a concert at Manhattan's Beacon Theatre.
But however uncomfortable Martin is with what he called "the slavery that we are all under to shareholders," the reception to Coldplay's third studio album will be closely watched by EMI shareholders.{...}
Oh, it's slavery, is it? Shareholders are the "great evil of this modern world."
{...}Still, for all the corporate involvement in the band of four friends who met in university, Martin said it was all worth it, since it gave them artistic freedom and the ability to talk about subjects dear to them such as fair trade, or paying fair prices for products such as coffee and cotton from developing nations.On Monday, the band recorded an episode of VH1's "Storyteller" show and told the audience there, "Deadlines mean nothing to us. We'll sink the whole company (EMI) if we have to," Billboard reported.
Hmmph. Someone's got a wee bit of a head on them, haven't they?
In this day and age of program trading---where missing projected numbers by a hundredth of a percentage point can cause the NYSE to go down fifty points in the blink of an eye---one would sincerely hope that the brokerage houses have factored Martin's mouth into their programs.
Furthermore, it'd be pretty nice if everyone who held EMI stock would tell Martin to bugger off, and to not bite the hand that keeps him and Gwyneth in expensive soy-based products (he's a vegetarian, don't you know) by dumping said stock. You know, sort of like these guys. Only without the violence.
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May 17, 2005
All I can really tell you is that one mile for me is now pushing it.
And all I really want right now is to lay on the sofa and have the husband feed me bon bons.
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Well in case you hadn't, here's a wee bit of reading material to go with your sherry this evening.
"Star Wars" director George Lucas says that although he wrote the original film during the Vietnam War, his six-part saga could apply to the war in Iraq.''In terms of evil, one of the original concepts was how does a democracy turn itself into a dictatorship,'' Lucas told a news conference at Cannes, where his final episode had its world premiere.
''The parallels between what we did in Vietnam and what we're doing in Iraq now are unbelievable.
''On the personal level it was how does a good person turn into a bad person, and part of the observation of that is that most bad people think they are good people, they are doing it for the right reasons,'' he added.{...}
In response, Mr. Chenkroff has written an open letter to Mr. Lucas.
{...}You might be aware that all of us who saw the "Star Wars" trilogy throughout the communist world saw it as an entertaining, yet still nonetheless powerful commentary on the current world events. We simply couldn't escape the conclusion that the militaristic and freedom-crushing Empire with its legions of stormtroopers is a futuristic version of the Soviet Empire, which had conquered and enslaved hundreds of millions of people like myself. For us, of course, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and all the others fighting to restore the Republic were brave oppositionists and freedom fighters in the truest sense of the word. Like the Western movie goers, we too cheered when the Death Star was destroyed (twice), but whereas for our counterparts in the Free World this was just a great cinematic climax, for us it embodied the hope ("A New Hope", if you pardon the pun) that one day the specter of totalitarianism will vanish and we will be free again.Apparently, however, we were wrong - we didn't read your movies correctly.
{...} May I also add that whatever your thoughts about the United States and its supposed descent from a democracy into empire, had the Rebels won, you would have never had a chance to film a critical allegory on your own government. At best, your artistic output would have consisted of short features about the 150% increase in the wheat harvest, and at worst - if you had stayed true to your conscience - you would be dreaming your "Star Wars" trilogy from behind bars.
{...}But if in your mind, it's the United States that has slowly transformed itself into an evil Empire, and therefore, logically all those who stand up to it are our story's true heroes, than I have to say that the Dark Side is very strong indeed, and I have crossed over a long time ago. If America is the Empire, then please prepare a black helmet and uniform for me too.
Go read the whole thing.
{Hat tip: Fausta}
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And do women ever love jewelry. In my humble opinion, there are very few exceptions to this rule. Even if some women don't opt for the all the flash a professional, Certified Gemologist-employing jeweler can provide, they still wear a chain around their neck, a ring or two on their fingers, and earrings. The question, to my mind, would be why? The reason I ask this question is because I don't think most women have stopped to think about why they wear all this stuff.
Jewelry is such an automatic thing for most women. I know it is for me. I don't have my ears pierced, so I rarely worry about earrings, and when I do, well, I can't find any that I like because the clips you find in department stores are not designed with my demographic in mind. I don't wear anything around my neck mainly because chains and I do not, for the most part, get along. But I always wear my wedding ring, my watch, and a bracelet the husband bought me in Kuwait that I'm particularly fond of. I believe this throws me in the "low maintenence" section of the jewelry department, but even I am susceptible to the thrills of all things sparkly.
I don't know what that's all about, either. I'm not a jewelry hound. Never have been, never will be. I suspect you'll never find me draped, head to toe, in diamonds at any point in my life. Even knowing this, I still cannot stop myself from looking at the sparklies on display. I just can't. My friends are the same way. In the past, I have compared this susceptibility in women to oooh and aaaah at the offerings in a display window to men's fascination with women's breasts: in either situation, we can't really help ourselves when it comes to looking. Heterosexual men, always, always, always, look. They cannot help themselves. I think it's hardwired. When they're younger, they stare and gape and generally act like it's the first time they've seen a pair of boobs. But when they get older, the better they get at looking surreptitiously. The open-mouthed staring becomes a quick glance downwards that you might easily miss if you're not paying attention. They might not have any need to look; they might be happily married to their wives, whom they adore, but they still look. It's the same with me and jewelry. I have no need for more jewelry, but I still look.
But I don't feel the need to be sneaky about it.
Case in point: when the husband, Mr. H and I were in San Francisco and were walking around the high-end shopping district that is Union Square, we passed a few jewelry stores along the way. We'd be walking along, minding our own business, enjoying the city, and then---whammo! We'd pass a window with diamonds and pearls on display and I'd stop to stare. The boys would keep walking until they realized I was no longer with them, and then they'd come back to see what I was gazing at. The husband didn't mind my behavior: he was used to it. It was Mr. H. who was surprised with me. He knew I didn't ever really want more jewelry, and that I wouldn't probably wear it if I had it, so he didn't understand the fascination with the stuff. I couldn't explain it to him. It's just that it was pretty, it caught my eye and I wanted to look at it. It was particularly bad when we got over to Chinatown, because there was an amazing wealth of goods on display, and they, unlike the pricey shops over in Union Square, had stuff I could actually afford to buy.
I cannot imagine what it would be like to walk into a jewelry store and say, "May I please look at that bracelet? And that ring..." with the actual intention of buying. Looking is one thing that I like, but actually laying down cold hard cash for something, that in reality isn't all that rare? You do know that, right? That diamonds aren't rare at all? Well, you do now. You can walk down a creekbed in South Africa and the pebbles you would feel crunching under the soles of your shoes would not be pebbles at all but rather diamonds. Uncut and unpolished diamonds, but diamonds nonetheless. The only reason diamonds are an expensive quantity is because of an Englishman named Cecil Rhodes, who not only went on to found Rhodesia (now Zambia and Zimbabwe), but also DeBeers. You see, Cecil, and the men who followed him, through some seriously ruthless business practices, created a monopoly for DeBeers. Through this monopoly they were able to keep prices high for something that is not rare at all. You should have seen the look on my sister-in-law's face the first time I told her this: a world-reknowned jewelry hound, she looked like she was about ready to burst out in tears. My brother, her husband, however had a different look on his face: I think the phrase "abject fury" would describe it quite well.
And that, I believe, gives us a clue as to why some women drape themselves in sparklies: it shows off how well they---or their husbands---are doing in the world, financially speaking. Sure, when you're younger, jewelry is about decoration. It's about it being pretty and nothing else. Yet, once you get to a certain point in life, jewelry takes on more meaning than simple decoration. This is how you judge people. Is this shallow? You bet it is. But is it any more shallow to judge someone based on what handbag they carry, what clothes they wear, what car they drive? Nope. It's just one more benchmark we have to use to decide about people without actually having to ask them a thing.
My sister-in-law, sensing a threat to her world, and how she judged the people therein, God Bless Her, blocked out the information I'd related to her. (That is if, of course, if she remembered it, all of us being somewhat inebriated at the time of telling.) I don't think my brother really had a choice in the matter, this not being information that would serve him well in his negotiations at Borsheims.
But anyway, don't take my word for it: go and read what our other Daring Demystifying Divas have to say on the matter. And, because five is always better than four, make sure to check out what my lovely blog child, and Divaesque Lady, Phoenix of Villains Vanquished has to add to the conversation.
As far as The Men's Club is concerned, well, I'm afraid I have good news and bad news. The bad is that Zonker has decided to frame his membership badge and hang it up on the wall because he's got too much work going on at the present moment. We will miss him. The good, however, is that the wonderful Villains over at Naked Villainy have decided to jump into the testosterone pool that is The Men's Club. So, make sure to go over and read what our Maximum Leader has to say, while also checking out Phin, and Puffy. The Wiz was called off on a muy importanto business trip at the last minute yesterday, so I will update when he gets around to posting about this topic.
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May 16, 2005
It's an exclusive. *Must Credit The Llamas*
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