September 13, 2005
I'm taping it because, of course, the one night I want to be home my sister needs me to babysit her kids. I'm being a nice person, so nobody should post any spoilers in the comments, either, until I've watched it. Got it? Good. Otherwise you'll find yourself on the wrong end of my banning finger.
And, no, I'm not fucking about on this one.
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Who do you think's going to win this one?
{...}Galloway's preferred style is that of vulgar ad hominem insult, usually uttered while a rather gaunt crew of minders stands around him. I have a thick skin and a broad back and no bodyguards. He says that I am an ex-Trotskyist (true), a "popinjay" (true enough, since its original Webster's definition means a target for arrows and shots), and that I cannot hold a drink (here I must protest). In a recent interview he made opprobrious remarks about the state of my midriff, which I will confess has—as P.G. Wodehouse himself once phrased it—"slipped down to the mezzanine floor." In reply I do not wish to stoop. Those of us who revere the vagina are committed to defend it against the very idea that it is a mouth or has teeth. Study the photographs of Galloway from Syrian state television, however, and you will see how unwise and incautious it is for such a hideous person to resort to personal remarks. Unkind nature, which could have made a perfectly good butt out of his face, has spoiled the whole effect by taking an asshole and studding it with ill-brushed fangs.{...}
Tune in tomorrow, September 14, 2005, 7 pm EDT for the ultimate smackdown!
{Hat Tip: Martini Boy}
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A few observations.
- The Quit Plan people are a bunch of freakin' idiots. You're gonna love this one. I'm using their program to get help for quitting, right? I'm dependent upon them for my patches. So, I talk to them a couple of weeks ago to get my last shipment of patches. It's an eight week program, but they only send you the first five weeks worth---working under the assumption that most people start smoking again well before then and they don't want to waste postage/patches if they don't have to. They'd called me a few times during my first few weeks to see how I was doing, etc., but I'd missed their calls. So, when I finally got around to calling them, it was because they'd sent me a letter saying I needed to talk to them or they wouldn't send out the last batch of patches. I called, I chatted with this chick for a half hour, I told her I was fine with everything, that I haven't slipped because the patches had been so effective so send out the last batch, please. She agreed that they would and all was hunky dory.
Problem is, I haven't received the patches and if they don't arrive before Monday, Kathy's going cold turkey. So, I called them today, wondering why I hadn't received the shipment of nicotine-y goodness. Turns out the chick I chatted with forgot to do one simple little thing. After this half-hour "we really want to help you quit!" phone call, she forgot to click on the "send patches" button on her screen. To my mind that's the equivalent of a doctor working at freakin' methadone clinic forgetting to give someone their methadone. Talk about being surrounded by the obvious, yet somehow managing to forget the goddamn basics.
Pretty funny, eh? But wait, it gets better...
During today's phone call, the person who answered the phone had a thick Spanish accent, which I suppose is multicuturally wonderful and all that, but for someone who has trouble with accents because her ears aren't top notch, and who consistently forgets how much she uses lip reading to make up for her shoddy ears, well, it's not all that great a situation over the phone, eh? Yet she just answers the phone; she's not a counselor, so I'm not going to get too worked up over it. She tries to transfer me over to one, but apparently none are available. Is it all right if she sends them an email telling them they need to call me? No, it's not all right, I say, put me on hold. She apparently has some trouble with this, but manages it after about four minutes of goofing around and pressing buttons. After a ten minute wait, I am transferred to a counselor who makes me give her all my information again because it didn't pop up on her screen. Then, when I inquired as to where my patches were, she told me the information above: that the chickie-babe I talked to before never hit the "send patches" button on her screen. She apologized, clicked the "send patches" button and after apologizing briefly, told me that she hoped they'd make it to me before I ran out on this coming Monday. But if they didn't, well, she hated to advocate this, but I wasn't supposed to smoke more than ten cigarettes per day. She was really adamant about this one. Absolutely no more than ten cigarettes because that was the equivalent of the patch I'm currently on.
I had to laugh at that point, because I found that really funny. Because of the bureaucratic incompetence of a program designed to help people quit smoking, I'd be right back where I started---smoking.
Furthermore, she informed me that if I'd managed to go cold turkey for three days, and then the patches arrived, well, I wasn't supposed to use the patches then, because all the nicotine would be out of my system and I'd make myself sick.
For the love of God, etc. ad nauseam, ad infinitum.
The only reason I contacted these people in the first place was to get free patches, because I knew I wasn't going to be able to quit by going cold turkey and I sure as hell wasn't going to pay for them, not when the taxpayer could fund my largesse. If I'd quit cold turkey, no one would be able to stand the bitchiness. I would have found myself on the street because the husband would have kicked my ass to the curb within twenty-four hours of quitting.
But now it looks like, unless there's some miracle in the shipping world---it takes seven to ten days for the patches to arrive---I'll be doing precisely that.
It'll be fun, no?
- I've been on the 21mg patch for twenty-eight days. I jumped down to the 14mg patch yesterday and I'm freakin' tired.
Yesterday I spent the day with Christi and the kiddies, roaming around downtown, seeing what the skywalks are all about (kids love those things for whatever reason) and playing video games at this place (which was a lot of fun and earned me the eternal gratitude of my nephews and niece.), swimming in the pool at their hotel and, just in general, hanging out. I meandered my way home around four and I was freakin' exhausted when I actually got there. And I mean tired, like I'd been digging ditches for the entire day. Of course hanging out with kids is exhausting, particularly when you're not used to it, but this was above and beyond tired. It didn't occur to me until after dinner that it was probably the patch---and the lack of energy boosting nicotine---that was to blame.
Since we're babysitting tonight, I decided to stay home today and take a nice long nap to fortify myself for the evening.
- Eating hard candy to deal with the oral fixation will result in zits if you overdo it. Even if you're thirty-four-years-old and well past puberty, you will have a pizza face. Trust me on this one.
- I have yet to see any benefit from quitting. My lung function has not increased. I don't feel any healthier. I never had a smoker's cough to begin with, so accordingly I haven't lost one. I can't suddenly run a marathon. My sense of taste hasn't improved. Neither has my sense of smell. My palate was pretty darn good while I smoked and in some cases it's turning out that the smoking made things more flavorful.
Honestly, all I have to recommend quitting is a bunch of zits. Whoop-de-freakin'-doo.
- I have to say, I miss smoke breaks. Just taking a step away from everyone and everything and going and communing with the nicotine was a beautiful thing. I'm going to miss that.
And that's all there is folks. And no, still no comments allowed on these posts.
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11:59 AM
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Yet, for all I don't understand about Cricket, well, I do understand how this would be a great reward for winning the Ashes series against Australia.
{...}After partying all night, Flintoff admitted tongue-in-cheek "What is most exciting about winning the Ashes is it means I'll be awarded the freedom of Preston, my hometown."That means I can drive a flock of sheep through the town centre, drink for free in no less than 64 pubs and get a lift home with the police when I become inebriated. What more could you want?"{...}
The man's spot on. What more could you want?
Posted by: Kathy at
09:23 AM
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Portia Rediscovered
Mary Katherine Ham
TFS Magnum
Posted by: Kathy at
09:04 AM
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September 12, 2005
Posted by: Kathy at
07:44 PM
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Posting shall be light until further notice.
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08:04 AM
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September 10, 2005
While he was spot on with the line on Notre Dame, it's nonetheless apparent that the Nihilist does not have a future in bookmaking.
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07:06 PM
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Posted by: Kathy at
09:55 AM
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September 09, 2005
It's long but it's well worth your time.
(Mom, you're definitely going to want to see this)
{Hat Tip: Ith}
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04:27 PM
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Sigh.
Posted by: Kathy at
03:45 PM
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Posted by: Kathy at
11:22 AM
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{Insert commitment of this to memory, lest the husband try it on for size when we have kids}
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10:34 AM
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September 08, 2005
Posted by: Kathy at
08:28 PM
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Thanks, Jeff. I think I'm going to go and give myself a pedicure.
Posted by: Kathy at
01:51 PM
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If this turns out to be true---and I don't see why it wouldn't be verified---Kathleen Blanco deserves a horrible fate in life.
And I'm not talking politically here, kids.
UPDATE: Verification (hat tip: martini boy's bartender)
Posted by: Kathy at
01:24 PM
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Or is this just what I think it is?
{Insert much blatant winking here}
Because, I have to tell ya, I just saw a lady over at the lake with this little ensemble attached to her neck and it was, well, interesting. She looked like your ordinary suburban housewife out for a run with her kid in a jogging stroller. She even had a matching jogging outfit on. All was well and normal except for the padlock attached to her throat.
If this is the latest thing from Versace or Tom Ford, would please someone clue me in?
And, no, Mom, I'm not explaining this to you.
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01:03 PM
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Posted by: Kathy at
12:08 AM
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September 07, 2005
I haven't auditioned for anything since high school, but still...{insert shudder of horror here}.
Acting class was much easier. They just assigned stuff to you. It was easier that way. Although, it did bite when your partner for class was a pom pom girl and you were assigned The Lion in Winter for your final piece of the semester. Of course the pom pom girl gets to play Eleanor of Aquitaine and you're stuck playing stupid, naive, homewrecking---did I already write stupid?---Alais.
Kings, queens, knights everywhere you look and I'm the only pawn. I haven't got a thing to lose - that makes me dangerous.
No, bitch. It means you're the most vulnerable piece on the board because you can't defend yourself. Like, duh.
No, really. I'm not still bitter about it. I shouldn't even really be bitter. I got an 'A.'
Anyway, excuse my digression and go read Sheila's post. It's good stuff, Maynard.
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11:59 PM
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Neither an official state funeral nor the devastating aftermath of a cataclysmic storm will stop the music this morning in Washington. There's always time for showbiz on Capitol Hill.While Washington buries Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist in a solemn ceremony stretching from the Supreme Court to Arlington National Cemetery, Desmond Child will be laying on a little Livin' La Vida Loca in a House office building.
As congressional committees scramble to focus on a federal response to the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, Gloria Estefan, Jimmy Jam and Dave Koz will be headlining a Power of Music show promoted by the folks who bring you the Grammys.
Last week, China President Hu Jintao postponed his trip to Washington to give the White House and Congress more time for disaster-recovery efforts. Not Hollywood.
For the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, it's the first-ever Recording Arts Day on Capitol Hill and, of course, the show must go on, good timing or not. Besides, there'll be an awards event packed with stars and lawmakers alike jostling for photo ops.
According to the academy, the point of the event is to not only stress the power of music but to also "raise the profile of recording arts during meetings with legislators."
Desmond, Gloria, Jimmy and Dave have issues, although no one on Tuesday afternoon could recall quite what they might be.
"The entire music industry is coming together on common issues," said Daryl Friedman, vice president of advocacy and government relations for the academy, after a long day of dealing with star-struck media inquiries on the nature of Estefan's dress. "We want to build a top-line relationship [with Congress]."
The coalition put together by the Grammy Awards producers includes performing artists, songwriters, music labels, distributors and retailers, groups whose best interests often conflict with each other.
"They don't always agree," Friedman said. "But they do agree on the big issues." {...}
Should I go for the cheap shot, here? I mean, really it's almost too easy. I don't suppose it will be worth it in the long run, but the urge is so strong, I can't really help myself.
Are you ready for it? You are? Okedokey. Here goes.
Was that good for you, too? I hope so.
{Hat Tip: Mike at Tech Dirt}
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04:47 PM
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