Chad Hedrick is a complete and utter ass.

I hate him.

I hate his big, freshly fake enameled teeth. I want him to fall and break one of those suckers right off.

I hate how he makes sure all his Nike branded gear is front and center for the camera every time he weasles his way in front of one. I hate how he always tries to make eye contact with the camera, like he's got an imporant message for all the folks at home. I hate how he changed his hat right before he got his medal to make sure Nike was getting their money's worth. You're about to get a gold medal and THIS is what you're thinking of? Make sure the sponsors are being taken care of? Then you have the GALL to bitch at Shani Davis for favoring himself over his country because he chose not to participate in the team pursuit? What THE fuck is the matter with you, Chad? Patriotism at the Olympics is apparently only important to you when you can win more gold, eh? THEN you expect us to believe that's not the case? That's bullshit.

I hate how he apparently listened to his PR people and came up with a "story" to make his gold medal seem more important. The day he won was "the thirteenth anniversary of his grandma's death." The THIRTEENTH anniversary of his grandma's death. THIRTEENTH. She'd been dead a pretty long time, don't you think, to create such a maelstrom of emotion in her grandson? I wonder what he was like on the first anniversary of her death. He must have been prostrate with grief for days. If that day hadn't been the thirteenth anniversary of his grandma's death, I'm pretty sure he would have come up with some story about how his dog had been run over by a car back home and he was worried about fido. Or how it was a year ago today that his girlfriend broke up with him. OR had refused to give him head or something equally stupid. If he was actually torn up about his grandma's death, then I'm tall enough to reach the top shelves in my kitchen cupboards---which I'm not, just in case you were wondering. Someone told him he needed a story, so he came up with one. It's all bullshit.

I hate everything about him. He's a Grade A Prime Shithead. I sincerely hope he bombs his last race. He's a poor sportsman and an even worse American.

He's the dumb asshole the rest of the world thinks all Americans are, and I, for one, am ashamed to have him representing my country at the Olympics.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:06 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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I've got other things to do around here this afternoon, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, but, lest you think I don't love you, I leave you with a bit of Fatboy Slim to liven up this bleak Tuesday afternoon.

Now...I command you, my devoted Cake Eater Readers, to shake that thing!

Posted by: Kathy at 02:45 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Hey Mom, you'll want to call Dad in for these. He'll enjoy them.

The rest of you, well, you should just take the jump. more...

Posted by: Kathy at 10:05 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Just a friendly reminder for all my fellow House junkies: it's airing this evening, at 7p.m. CST, instead of at its regularly scheduled time on Tuesdays.

Some stupid show that nobody with half a brain watches---coughAmerican Idolcough---- is responsible for this idiotic, but fortunately temporary, move.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:05 AM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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Offer up your suffering for all the poor souls in purgatory.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:58 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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This isn't incredibly interesting, but rather just needs to be pointed out so we're all aware.

Exiled Saudi dissident Osama bin Laden is seen in this April 1998 picture in Afghanistan. American officials said they are looking at Bin Laden for involvement in the Friday, Aug. 7, 1998 Kenyan and Tanzanian U.S. embassy explosions. He has threatened a holy war against U.S. troops and Americans, and is suspected of backing other terrorist acts, including the 1996 attack in Saudi Arabia. (AP Photo)

{emphasis mine}

So, Osama's an "exiled Saudi dissident." He has "threatened" holy war.

And, really and truly, he's just a misunderstood, psuedo-intellectual anarchist who spends most of his time reading Marx and Engels in the college library whilst sporting a jauntily tipped beret and whispering "Vive La Revolucion!" under his breath like a deranged Tourette's sufferer.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:19 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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"DON'T SUE PEOPLE WHO DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY"

This is, apparently, a rule which Mike Hatch, the Minnesota AG follows to the letter. Otherwise why would he be suing Pfizer and Merck on behalf of the great State of Minnesota to recoup the costs of cleaning up meth labs?

{...}Hatch said he plans to sue giant international drugmakers such as Pfizer and Merck on grounds that they long have known that large quantities of their legal products have been diverted to illegal meth labs, spurring an epidemic of addiction, crime and shattered lives across America.

It is a step likely to stir opposition, especially in an election year when the DFL attorney general is a leading candidate to challenge Republican Gov. Tim Pawlenty. Drugmakers say Hatch's plan would penalize makers of valued medicines for others' misuse of their products.

"I'm sure it's controversial," Hatch said. "But we've got to be serious about this. This industry essentially lied to the American public. They're clearly dumping [meth ingredients] in a way that allows creation of this illegal substance."

{...}Hatch noted, however, that the companies "strenuously opposed legislation that would have made their products more difficult to obtain."

Hatch said he will seek enabling legislation to assist the courtroom assault -- including extending the drugmakers' liability six years into the past -- an idea that got a chilly reception from Republican leaders.

Hatch suggested, however, that he could move ahead without legislation, adding that "current law already provides legal theories for recovery of costs caused by meth from the manufacturers and suppliers of pseudoephedrine and ephedrine."{...}

{my emphasis}

Is this sounding vaguely familiar to you all?

{Insert the sound of Kath repeatedly slamming her head on her desk here}

Of course you know what's coming, don't you?

In a related move, the legislature, under prompting from Governor Pawlenty, decided to institute a seventy-five-cent per box "fee" on cold medicine because the cost of cleaning up meth labs is apparently as good an excuse as any for the legislature to raise some moolah for some other arm of government to spend.

When Pawlenty was called on his behavior, he scoffed, "Well, you know, I don't, I'm not a big fan of growing revenues through new mechanisms like this as I hope I've proven as governor but the bottom line was we had a historic government shutdown we had to find common ground and compared to the alternatives of the Democrats wanting to tax everything including income and business taxes and a variety of other things. This was the least offensive. And the good news is other states have done it and meth making has decreased dramatically, and so this has a health benefit as well."

Just you wait.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:28 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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...is my two front teeth.

Yeah, I know. I went there. My bad.

{Insert slapping of hand here}

Dear Daniel's off to an auspicious start, though, eh? At this rate, he'll probably spontaneously combust when he hits the first of the love scenes.

{Hat tip: Chrissy}

Posted by: Kathy at 09:43 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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...as in Martini Boy's bartender has a good question for the mainstream media in light of their apparent decision to keep beating the Cheney SHOT someone drum.

It's better than good, really. I'd say it's an absolutely crucial question that needs answering toute suite.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:24 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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If the mainstream media is tired of blogs being hailed as the next big thing, or the new revolution, well, I'm tired of reporters thinking Ana Marie Cox actually knows anything outside her milieu of anal sex.

If the blogosphere is, as so many say, just a million monkeys typing, well, what is it when reporters for many mainstream media publications manage to pump out the same damn article over and over again?

Just wondering.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:11 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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I've been forced to suffer this Jessica Simpson Pizza Hut ad more times than I can count in recent days, and, quite frankly, I've had it. If I didn't hate Pizza Hut before---and really, I didn't---this one commercial has put me off Pizza Hut for the rest of my life. I will never again order a pizza from the hut. That's how much I hate Jessica Simpson.

Lest you think I'm a killjoy in the celebrity endorsement department, I present to you an ad Sir Anthony Hopkins did for Barclay's Bank about six years ago. I actively searched the internet for this video. I asked for help when I couldn't find it. This ad was memorable. It made an impact. And, most importantly, it was well made. I'm sure Anthony received a "What's the word?" fee for his work because he sold Barclays well. The unfortunate thing is that Jessica Simpson was probably paid just as much, if not more, than Sir Anthony for her "work," if you can call it that.

Will anyone remember the Pizza Hut commercial, though, in six years?

Posted by: Kathy at 02:21 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 I don't remember it now! I've never seen it you must be seeing my allotment or something.

Posted by: Ith at February 17, 2006 02:50 PM (2EfyX)

2 I should have probably mentioned that it wasn't aired on American tee vee. I saw it when I was in London.

Posted by: Kathy at February 17, 2006 03:11 PM (P4rMX)

3 Thanks for finding that. An excellent example of a commercial can be good. Unfortunately those are all too rare.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at February 17, 2006 09:46 PM (DdRjH)

4 Let's see. One has class and talent, the other has ultra bright teeth and shit-for-brains... Hmmmm.

Posted by: Chrissy at February 18, 2006 10:23 AM (fvP3J)

5 Ah! That would explain why I've never seen the fair Jessica selling pizza. I'm actually not sure I'd know her to see her, to tell the truth. But I can't remember the last time I saw a Pizza Hut advert anyway. It's always Dominoes and Round Table.

Posted by: Ith at February 18, 2006 02:07 PM (7gtAp)

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Close the frickin' back door already, would you?

BITTER WIND CHILLS TODAY.

ARCTIC AIR CONTINUES TO POUR INTO THE UPPER MIDWEST THIS
MORNING. TEMPERATURES HAD PLUMMETED INTO THE SINGLE DIGITS BELOW ZERO OVER PARTS OF WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN AND SOUTH CENTRAL MINNESOTA AND AROUND 20 BELOW ZERO IN WEST CENTRAL MINNESOTA NEARALEXANDRIA. NORTHWEST WINDS OF 15 TO 20 MPH WERE PRODUCING WIND CHILLS OF 38 TO 45 BELOW ZERO.

THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN TWIN CITIES/CHANHASSEN HAS ISSUED A WIND CHILL WARNING FOR MUCH OF WEST CENTRAL MINNESOTA...WHICH IS IN EFFECT UNTIL 1 PM CST THIS AFTERNOON. THE WARNING AREA IS ROUGHLY NORTH OF A PROVIDENCE TO COSMOS LINE...AND WEST OF VINELAND TO ST CLOUD TO KINGSTON. THIS REGION WILL REVERT BACK TO A WIND CHILL ADVISORY AFTER 1 PM CST AND EXTEND TO 5 PM CST.

A WIND CHILL ADVISORY REMAINS IN EFFECT TODAY FOR THE REMAINDER OF CENTRAL AND SOUTH CENTRAL MINNESOTA...AND FOR WEST CENTRAL WISCONSIN. WIND CHILL VALUES OF 30 TO 45 BELOW CAN BE ANTICIPATED. THE MOST DANGEROUS WIND CHILLS WILL BE FOUND OVER WEST CENTRAL MINNESOTA WHERE VALUES COULD APPROACH 45 BELOW ZERO.

It's currently fourteen below zero. Surprisingly enough, news crews in New York City aren't predicting the end of the world, either. I don't suppose they know about it because, ahem, it's not happening right in front of their faces.

No matter, but the Canadians really need to get on the stick and close the damn back door to the Arctic already.

UPDATE: Doug has related thoughts.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:24 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Sometime today, the sitemeter over yonder will roll over 100,000 hits.

Now, I know more than 100K people have been to the Cake Eater Chronicles because the server stats tell me so. (For every hit the sitemeter registers, the server stats tell me there are two that it doesn't catch. You can do the math.) But, the sitemeter, for a very long time, was all I had. And even though I have fancy stats, technorati and the ecosystem, it's sometimes the only way I know who's coming here and why---and it never ceases being fun seeing what some of you freaks typed into Google that brought you here. It's also nice seeing regular readers in the logs, because, well, it means you keep coming back for more.

Anyway, since it's 12:30 and I want to go to bed, I'll stop rambling about stats and say "thank you" to my devoted Cake Eater Readers, who will turn that thing over because you are, in fact, devoted.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:31 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 That's awesome, Kathy! Well done, honey! Keep the hits on coming. I expect you to be around when that thing hits 1M and more. ; )

Posted by: Chrissy at February 17, 2006 07:28 AM (zJsUT)

2 Congrats! But really, Thank you for providing all the snark.

Posted by: Phoenix at February 17, 2006 08:33 AM (4N2f4)

3 O-ooo, just checked, It's at 100,000....was that me? Do I win a prize?? Most excellant indeed! Congrats!

Posted by: Wizard at February 17, 2006 02:30 PM (N7YGA)

4 yeah, you win the thanks of a grateful nation for putting Kathy out of her misery

Posted by: Kathy at February 17, 2006 02:32 PM (P4rMX)

5 Congrats!

Posted by: Ith at February 17, 2006 02:51 PM (2EfyX)

6 Congrats... Here's to the next hundred grand!

Posted by: Psycmeistr at February 18, 2006 12:41 PM (81Px2)

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Robbo's at it again with the historical naval postings.

On the Fox Report this evening, they covered the same event and I mentioned to the husband that Robbo, being the landlubber naval history geek that he is, had posted about it as well. (C'mon kids: it's not everyday you get two doses of arcane naval history, is it?) The husband then proceeded to ask when Robbo's biography of Admiral Halsey, titled The Fighting Sailor was going to be released.*

Accordingly, I laughed like a loon and figured out precisely who Robbo wants to be when he grows up. Although, he's serving in the wrong part of government and needs to move over to Langley to keep pace.

*bonus points to whomever gets the reference.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:53 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Wham!

"Look at what happened to James Frey in the last two weeks. That's a great book and so is the follow-up book. And just because his publisher chose to say that these were memoirs, it took it out of being a great work of fiction... to this guy having to go be sucker punched on Oprah by one of the most powerful women in television, just to grind her own axe about it. Hey, Oprah. You had President (Bill Clinton) on your show and if this prick didn't lie about a couple of things, I'm going to set myself on fire right now. James Frey is a writer, OK? He can write about whatever he wants. It's fiction. It's just shameful how he was treated in some of these things."

{emphasis mine}

Now, I disagree with Bruce on most of this. Personally I think James Frey got what he deserved. He lied. He did it in a big, fat, egregious way, he reaped huge benefits from lying, and he expected to get away with it: he was just dumb enough to think he'd get a fair shake on Oprah's show after she'd been reamed by the critics for a week and a half. Her name is her brand, which is worth billions of dollars; she's not going to lay that on the line for you, James. She's just not going to. That would be dumb, which, whatever else you want to call Oprah---bitch is at the top of the list for me---is not a good descriptor for her. Also, I'm not really quite sure what dear ol' Bruno is talking about when he refers to Frey's books as "fiction" because while it's apparent that's what they are now, they were published and sold as memoirs. (Which, of course, leads to a whole 'nother conversation we could be having about the standards of fiction publishing nowadays, and if this book was flushed as fiction, but bought by as a memoir---both by the same freakin' editor at Random House who basically got a pass on Oprah's show---well, Lucy, you gots some 'splainin to do, but we'll choose to avoid going there for the sake of expediency.)

Yet... I'm relishing the exceedingly enjoyable shot he scored against Oprah's bloated sense of self-righteousness using Bubba Clinton as a hockey puck.

We've got a word for that here in Cake Eater Land: GOOOOOAAAAAALLLL!

{hat tip: The Evening Star}

Posted by: Kathy at 11:34 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Two things relating to the Winter Olympics.

• The husband has suddenly taken to watching curling every day. Now, the husband grew up in freakin' Iowa: like most people who grew up south of the forty-fifth parallel, he has absolutely no idea what is going on in this game. It's not like he cares, though, either. At five o'clock, he's in front of the tee vee, watching and rooting on whichever American team is playing. Currently the women's team is playing Sweden.

  I wonder if these two have had any influence on his decision to watch.

  

  Methinks the answer is "yes." I believe his nonchalance was feigned when I told him they weren't twins.

• Bryant Gumbel is a racist sack of shit.

Posted by: Kathy at 05:53 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Hmm! I think I'll start watching the Olympics! (you have email)

Posted by: EveningStar at February 16, 2006 06:37 PM (xr/uv)

2 Yeah, the hot sisters are the reason why you're husband's watching. But don't worry, you ain't too bad yourself (I checked your bio thingy). It's why I started watching. But then I realized I have no idea what's going on so I had to go online. Now that I know, it's interesting even when the ugly girls are throwing. Be sure to read my seminal post on women's sports... http://impleader.com/2006/01/michelle-wie-golfs-anna-kournikova/

Posted by: Contriburor X at February 16, 2006 08:26 PM (G14RP)

3 Nope. They're too skinny and too blonde for my tastes, you know that. If I were going to watch the Winter Olympics for hot babes, it would be all about the power.

Posted by: MRN aka "The Husband" at February 16, 2006 09:05 PM (P4rMX)

4 The husband has suddenly taken to watching curling every day Oh. My. God. I had no idea how bad this was until you let the messy facts out. I'll start putting together some football and baseball footage right away. We'll get him into de-tox ASAP. He'll be (almost) as good as new before you know it. Why, God, Why couldn't he have gone for Snowboarding or Speedskating?! Why did it have to be (shudder) Curling?!!

Posted by: Doug Williams at February 16, 2006 09:50 PM (7P5xE)

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Don't f@3k with grandma.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:28 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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This is going to sound really, really odd, but I'm jonesing to see a particular commercial.

My devoted UK/Worldwide Cake Eater Readers might know what I'm talking about when I link this article and say, "I want the Anthony Hopkins one, thanks ever so much."

Unfortunately, I can't find the bloody thing anywhere on the internets. The husband got serious and really did some down and dirty searching on usenet this afternoon, and he didn't have any luck either. Same with searches of many different torrents, limewire, etc.

If anyone happens to know where I can find a copy of this ad, I'd be forever in your debt. Drop me an email or leave a comment.

Thanks in advance!

Posted by: Kathy at 11:08 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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You know, before I settled into my political science major at college, I had a good whack at art history. It didn't work out because, in their all-encompassing wisdom, the College of Design at Iowa State demanded that you be able to draw if you wanted to be in their stinking college. No, really, I'm not bitter about it. Sniff. Anyway...I did manage to cram in a bunch of art and design history classes and as such, on occasion, I'm usually able to pull arcane bits and bobs about famous buildings out of my you-know-where.

But I will admit to being flummoxed when I saw the aerial photos of Turin...

...and had no idea what this building was.

If Bob Costas mentioned it, I missed it. So, I decided to figure it out. I assumed it was a cathedral---a Catholic cathedral, of course, this is Italy, after all---but I was wrong. It never was a cathedral, but was originally built to be a synagogue. It's called La Mole Antonelliana.

According to Wikipedia:

The Mole Antonelliana is a major architectural symbol of the city of Turin, Italy. It is named for the architect who built it, Alessandro Antonelli. Construction began in 1863.

Originally, it was intended to be a Jewish synagogue, as religious freedom had just been granted to non-Catholic groups, but the relationship between Antonelli and the Jewish community was not a happy one. He immediately began to propose a series of modifications which raised the final height to 113 meters--over 47 meters higher than the dome in the original design. Such changes, in addition to greater costs and construction time than were originally anticipated, did not please the Jewish community and construction was halted in 1869 with a provisional roof. In 1873 an exchange with the city of Turin for other land for a synagogue took place, and the Mole was dedicated to Victor Emanuel II. Antonelli again began construction, which took the height to 146, 153, and finally 167 meters.

167 meters=547.9 feet. That's almost two football fields. Built without the help of reinforced concrete. Don't try this at home, kids.

It's now the home of the Italian national cinema museum.

I love the lines on it. It's neat and tidy; clean and cool. It looks so solid, like it would scoff one of its particularly well-built shoulders at anyone who would dare to suggest it could possibly fall down. The spire is particularly interesting, too, if you take a good look. At the base of the spire is (what looks to be) a two-storey, classical-style temple that I really enjoy looking at and wondering about. Could you really chat with the gods and goddesses if you managed to swing a ladder all the way up there? You'd be close enough, after all; it should be possible if you followed the theory behind the choice of the Acropolis for the Parthenon.

Enjoy looking at it. I know I have.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:57 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Mmmmhmmm.

{...}Seriously, I would say I can't believe anyone would even consider seeing a Pink Panther movie that didn't have Peter Sellers, but we are talking about the country that thinks Keira Knightley is a good choice to star in Pride and Prejudice.{...}

A-bloody-men!

{Hat Tip: Russ from Winterset}

*I was going to title this post, of course, Sense and Sensibility but I decided I'd probably pulled that trick one time too many so I just threw in the first Austen novel title that came to mind. Of course that was after I threw out variations of Persuasion and, obviously, Pride and Prejudice. Amazingly enough, I never got the opprortunity to boycott Emma because, well, she just didn't come to mind. At all. Now that's a memorable character for you, eh, Robbo? Eh? Eh?

Posted by: Kathy at 11:07 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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