Lately, there's been much ballyhooing about presidential grasper Mike Huckabee's statement about what he'd do about Iran, the upshot of which was, If I may be so bold as to summarize, that he wants to chat with them. There could be more to his position, and I'm sure there is and it's been shaped and molded by the best foreign policy wizard they could afford, much the way I now mold and shape my ever-growing hairdo with gel. But I don't really care. As far as the presidential election is concerned, well, call me when the conventions are over and there are actual candidates in place. Then I'll really start paying attention; right now, it's just a waste of my time to follow positions of people whose policy shaping ambitions will have been firebombed in three months time, ya dig? It's just too much work---and futile, boring, busy work at that.

Here's the thing, though. I may not pay too much attention to the primary/caucus process, but I do listen to what these boneheads (and they're all boneheads---no matter the party to which they've pledged their undying allegiance. It's a requirement when running for president.) have to say about foreign policy. Particularly when it comes to foreign policy regarding people we generally don't get along so well with, like say, Iran. That I do pay attention to. And left or right, there's one thing I'd like to hear from any presidential candidate when it comes to dealing with Iran. It wouldn't make life any easier on them, if by some chance of fate they were elected, but it sure would make me happy and much more ready to accept any sort of formal diplomatic overtures that might happen, should they be elected.

Are you on tenterhooks wondering what this statement could possibly be, my devoted Cake Eater readers? I hope so. I think I've done a good enough job building it up for you.

It's actually pretty simple. I would like these nimrods to say, hey, once Iran formally apologizes for taking over our embassy in 1979, in gross violation of the universally accepted diplomatic playbook, and holding our embassy workers hostage for four hundred and forty four days, whilst sometimes torturing them and scaring the shit out of them by staging fake executions, then we can talk. Until that point in time, forget about it.

I can understand the US has a long and varied history with modern day Iran. We've screwed up there. Big time. The US, on behalf of the UK, in 1953 sponsored a coup that led to some serious repression on the behalf of the dictator we propped up. It was petro-politics gone horribly wrong. This I understand. But this move was also part of the greater Cold War, and for that motive we have no need to apologize. If Iran had become an ally of the Soviets, the Cold War might have taken a turn for the worse. None of this, however, is an excuse for what Iran did to our embassy and our citizens. That they've never apologized for what happened; that they've never provided any sort of compensation for the financial loss of United States property (which is now a museum, dedicated to the glorious hostage taking), or for the pain and suffering our citizens suffered at the hands of their government, shows me that they have no honor. If they do, on the odd chance, want to have a chat with the US about, perhaps having sanctions for their enriched uranium whimsies removed, well, they need to establish some good will. Good will is crucial, otherwise we have no motive to believe a word they say. One way of doing that would be to apologize.

I'm not holding my breath, though. I doubt it will ever happen in my lifetime. But it would be awfully nice if one of these presidential-wannabe boneheads would actually consider that there are things for which other nations need to apologize to us---and this would be at the top of the list.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:45 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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The husband informed me this morning that the merry little elf Lileks has been using as a Christmas mascot this week is creeping him out.

Apparently, his family had one for quite some time and he always hated the way those devilishly happy elvish eyes stared out at him from the Christmas trees of his youth.

Erm.

Ok, you can go on with your lives now that I've shared that.

Posted by: Kathy at 09:51 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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There's nothing quite like it, eh?

RIYADH (AFP) - King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia pardoned a teenage girl sentenced to six months in jail and 200 lashes after being gang raped in a decision swiftly welcomed by Washington on Monday.

There was no immediate official announcement of the king's decision to overturn the sentence against the 19-year-old girl which had drawn criticism of the ultra-conservative Muslim kingdom from key ally President George W. Bush.

The king's decision was instead reported by the Riyadh daily Al-Jazirah but, like the rest of the Saudi press, the newspaper faithfully reflects the official line on all sensitive issues.

{...}The girl, who was 18 at the time she was raped, was attacked at knifepoint by seven men after she was found in a car with a male companion who was not a relative, in breach of strict Saudi law.

{...}In October 2006, a judge sentenced her to 90 lashes for being with the man -- a taboo in the conservative Muslim kingdom which imposes segregation of the sexes.

She appealed against the sentence but despite her ordeal the court ruled that her punishment should be increased to 200 lashes and a six-month jail term.

The judges decided to punish the girl further for "her attempt to aggravate and influence the judiciary through the media," a court source told the English-language daily Arab News.

The rapists were initially sentenced to one to five years in jail, but those terms were also toughened in November to between two and nine years.

A rape conviction carries the death penalty in Saudi Arabia, but the court did not impose it due to the "lack of witnesses" and the "absence of confessions," the justice ministry said last month.

The court also revoked the licence of the girl's lawyer, who has been summoned by the justice ministry to appear before a disciplinary panel.

{...}A Saudi official, who declined to be named, told AFP on Monday that he was unhappy with the "ridiculous" furore over the court ruling that had damaged the kingdom's image both at home and abroad.{...}

So, get gang raped in Saudi Arabia; be charged with 90 lashes for being with a man who is not your relative; have that sentence increased to 200 hundred lashes and six months in prison for protesting; then be pardoned by the benevolent, all-knowing Custodian of the Two Holy Mosques---who, it appears doesn't care so very much about if the law itself is moral in that it hardly protects the victim, but rather because he's tired of taking shit over your case from international do-gooders.

Nice, huh?

Posted by: Kathy at 01:31 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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The husband and I were watching "The Simpsons Movie" and, whilst we were waiting for the movie to load up, the usual threats of death, dismemberment and a ten years in the pokey, and a bajillion dollar fine for illegally downloading the movie raised their head for their two seconds of airtime. We weren't paying too much attention, but one warning passed by very quickly...and it wasn't regarding downloading. It was regarding the EPA, and since it passed by so quickly and we couldn't read it fast enough, we jumped the gun and assumed that the government had gotten pissed off, and commented how stupid that was. Why would anyone get their knickers in a twist over what the The Simpsons had to say about the EPA?

Well, as it turns out, we were duped. In a very funny way.

Heh. Gotta love those guys for doing this. The "EPA's" logo cracks me up.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:02 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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For the love of all that is good, holy and decent in this world, no.

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We've got a bunch of rocket scientists on the Pakistani police force:

UK officials demanded an inquiry yesterday into the escape of a British terrorism suspect in Pakistan, writes Bob Sherwood in London and Farhan Bokhari in Islamabad .

Rashid Rauf, 26, described by Pakistani authorities as a "key person" in last year's alleged plot to blow up airliners flying from London Heathrow, escaped from custody on Saturday after appearing in an Islamabad court, where his lawyers were fighting a UK extradition request.

Pakistan's security forces were searching in NorthWest Frontier Province. They fear he could cross into Afghanistan

Mr Rauf, who has dual UK-Pakistani citizenship, escaped without a shot being fired while he was surrounded by police guards. UK officials asked Pakistan for an explanation and were told an inquiry would be held.

{my emphasis}

But they're rich rocket scientists, no doubt.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:11 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I've kept quiet about the immigration debate, simply because too many people have become completely unhinged when it comes to this issue. Fact and reason have gone out the window for these people, and, unfortunately, it has become harder and harder to distinguish those who have reasonable positions against illegal immigration from those who are not reasoned and rational about the discussion.

When we were in Tejas over Thanksgiving weekend, I actually had an interesting exchange with my dear father-in-law, while we were watching the news. Apparently, somewhere in the DFW metropolitan area, a preacher had been arrested for alleged pedophile activities. The preacher had a Latino surname. This was, apparently, the smoking gun for the father-in-law, and he harrumphed about it. In response I asked, "What does the fact that he has a Latino surname have to do with the fact he's a pedophile?" His reply, "Oh, you'd be surprised at how one has something to do with the other down here." I was more than a little stunned at his reply. I hadn't thought he would actually go so far. While I was tempted to reply, "Correlation does not equal causation," I kept my mouth shut, lest I upset the delicate peace that is needed for visits.

The father-in-law is usually a pretty rational and reasonable person, who bases his opinions on facts, not inflamed rhetoric, but he's fallen for the worst of the anti-immigration rhetoric, hook, line and sinker. Much of his attitude has been gained honestly, I freely admit, because he is in the manufacturing business, and his most recent job in manufacturing management was at a Maquiladora in Nogales, Mexico. He HATED going over the border every day. And I mean HATED it. The father-in-law is OCD. Everything about the way Mexico works is designed to drive a person like that nuts. Before he received authorization to use the Fast-Pass lane, he would, literally, have to spend hours in line to cross the border, on Fridays and Mondays, in particular, while Mexicans tried to get in and out of their country. His favored phrase for those who would come back with pickup trucks overflowing with items (read poorly tied down, with stuff falling off) was, "The Clampetts." When you're that close to the border, well, no one, not even your local postal carrier, speaks English well, if they speak English at all. The distance signs on the highway are denoted in kilometers, not miles. You're constantly stopped and harassed by the Border Patrol when you're on the freeway. The gorgeous landscape is marred by the litter the illegals leave behind them as they work their way north, toward Tucson and Phoenix, and points beyond. I can understand why people get pissed off about immigration. But that's absolutely no reason to make statements like the father-in-law did. If the pedophile preacher had, in fact, been a pedophile rabbi, would we not be denouncing his statement as anti-Semitic? But because the guy had a Latino surname, it's, apparently, all right to make blanket statements about one thing having to do with the other. How do you debate immigration with someone like this? When everything you say will automatically be discounted with a throwaway line snaked straight from the Lou Dobbs' Xenophobe Hour of Power? Do you even bother?

Well, I've come to the conclusion that you have to. I'll admit I've avoided the topic like the plague because I didn't feel like being used and abused. But the rhetoric is getting out of hand, particularly with the presidential election at hand. I'm not saying there aren't problems with illegal immigration. THERE ARE PROBLEMS. But, if we actually want to solve the problem, (and we do want to solve the frickin' problem, don't we? Or is it just more convenient to use illegals as a scapegoat for all the other assorted ills we have going on?) well, there are certain inescapable facts proponents of walling up the border and kicking every illegal out have to rebut. Jason Riley in today's Opinion Journal points a few of these facts out:

{...}During a sharp exchange with Mr. Huckabee at a recent debate, Mr. Romney said it's wrong to give illegal aliens access to revenue from hard-working taxpayers. "Mike, that's not your money," said Mr. Romney. "That's the taxpayers' money . . . [and] there's only so much money to go around." Following the debate, the Romney campaign released an ad reiterating the charge. "Huckabee even supported taxpayer-funded college scholarships for illegal aliens," says the narrator in a TV spot now airing in Iowa.

If illegal immigrants didn't pay taxes, Mr. Romney might have a point. But they do pay taxes, and by doing so they subsidize services that only legal residents can access. For starters, more than half and up to three-quarters of illegal immigrants in the U.S. are working "on the books," which means they're paying federal and state income taxes, just like the rest of us. They are also paying Social Security and Medicare taxes, even though undocumented immigrants are ineligible to receive benefits from either program. In testimony before the Senate Finance Committee last year, the Inspector General of the Social Security Administration noted that between 1937 and 2003, contributions to Social Security from unauthorized workers totaled an estimated $520 billion.

But even illegals working in the cash economy can't avoid paying consumption taxes, which are levied on the purchase of goods and services. Nor can they duck property taxes, even if they're renting. Mr. Romney implies that illegal aliens are a net drain on state coffers, but Mr. Huckabee's native Arkansas is an example of immigrants paying their way, and then some.

Between 2000 and 2005, Arkansas had the fastest-growing Hispanic population in the country. Today, some two-thirds of the state's 100,000 immigrants are Hispanic and half are undocumented. Yet a study released earlier this year by the Winthrop Rockefeller Foundation found these newcomers to "have a small but positive net fiscal impact on the Arkansas state budget."

Taking into account both education and health care expenditures, the report found that immigrants "cost" the state $237 million in 2004, but made direct and indirect contributions of $257 million. Immigrant Arkansans also generated some $3 billion in business revenues. According to the authors, without this foreign labor, "the output of the state's manufacturing industry would likely be lowered by about $1.4 billion--or about 8 percent of the industry's $16.2 billion total contribution to the gross state product in 2004."{...}

{my emphasis}

When you look at the entire picture, immigration is good for our economy. It just is. We need a strong economy, with cheap houses, cheap food, and cheap goods. For that economy to stay strong, we need immigration to continue apace. It would be better for the US, in the long run, to embrace immigration, to find an efficient and efficacious method to regulate immigration. This would allow Border Patrol to spend more time keeping the drug traffickers, murderers and other nasty people out of the country. Instead, they have to spend their time chasing after people who would simply like to work for a living, support their families and who aren't going to cause any trouble---and only the drug traffickers benefit from the Border Patrol's overwhelmed situation. Because our system does not work, as it stands, we get both kinds of immigrants---good and bad. And that's not good for anyone.

Other than Lou Dobbs, that is. I hear his ratings are through the roof.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:13 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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Well, it's good to know that I've got the answers to some seriously pressing questions, eh?

I swear to God, the referral logs are a never ending source of amusement.

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My goodness. The EU really doesn't want yet another Balkan "conflict" springing up, do they?

European Union leaders will offer Serbia a fast-track route to joining the bloc in a bid to soothe Balkan tensions over Kosovo's push for independence, a summit draft showed on Friday.

But Belgrade bristled at suggestions the move was designed to compensate it for the looming loss of the majority Albanian province. Serbian Foreign Minister Vuk Jeremic insisted any such trade-off would be out of the question.

"It would be an indecent proposal, and European leaders are decent people, they have not made such an offer," Jeremic told reporters in Belgrade on Friday.

A day after signing a treaty to end a long institutional stalemate, EU leaders switched focus to challenges posed by the Balkans -- a test of the EU's hopes of strengthening its foreign policy clout -- and by globalization and immigration.

The leaders were due to say Serbia should be offered an accelerated path towards EU entry once it meets existing conditions to sign a first-level agreement on closer ties.

"(The European Council) reiterated its confidence that progress on the road towards the EU, including candidate status, can be accelerated," a draft copy of the summit communique obtained by Reuters said.{...}

Considering how they've managed to dodge letting Turkey in for quite some time, this is surprising.

I don't know if many people have been following this struggle, but the crux of the matter is this: Kosovo wants independence and they have US, EU and UN backing for this move. Serbia doesn't want Kosovo to break away, not only because there are plenty of ethnic Serbians in Kosovo, but because they believe they have a long-standing, historical claim to the area. One has to wonder why the Serbs are particularly attached to this piece of land, particularly when they are the minority. The best explanation of this claim was delivered by Sebastian Junger in his July 1998 Vanity Fair piece entitled, "Kosovo's Valley of Death." The article isn't available online, but as I happened to have it stashed away in the basement, I'll type it out for you, my devoted Cake Eater readers, because it's truly enlightening.

In 1389, as the myth goes, Prince Lazar of Serbia was visited by Saint Ilija in the form of a falcon. It was on the eve of a great battle with the Turks, and Lazar had gathered around him, on the plains of Kosovo, much of the Balkan military elite: Bosnian warlords, Albanian noblemen, and Hungarian horsemen with shamanic bones sewn into their uniforms. Lazar was understandably nervous---the Turks had wiped out an entire Serb army 18 years earlier---and wondered whether it might not be better to retreat and fight again another day. Saint Ilija gave Lazar the choice between a kingdom on earth and a kingdom in heaven; Lazar wisely choosing the kingdom in heaven, went on to meet his death at the hands of the Turks.

The battle became known as the Battle of Kosovo Polje---the "Blackbird Field"---and it occupies a particularly fevered part of the Serb psyche. It was on Kosovo Polje that a Serb leader first chose death over subjugation; it was on Kosovo Polje that the guiding maxim of the Serb people, "Only unity saves the Serbs," was first acted out in all its bloody glory.

Nearly 600 years after the battle, Slobodan Milosevic---the man responsible for igniting the entire Balkan conflict---would stand on the ancient battlefield and whip a crowd of angry Serbs into a nationalist frenzy. "Yugoslavia does not exist without Kosovo!" he yelled, instantly catapulting himself to the top of the political heap. "Yugoslavia would disintegrate without Kosovo!"

There are candidates at least as good as the plains of Kosovo for the mythic homeland. The Serbs migrated southward from Saxony and what is now the Czech republic in the sixth century A.D., and didn't settle permanently in Kosovo for another 600 years.

The high water mark of the Serb empire came in the 1330s, when a brutal nobleman named Stefan Dusan defeated his own father in battle, had him strangled and then went on to extend his empire throughout Kosovo and into Greece. He built numerous Orthodox monasteries and churches, and eventually had himself crowned emperor of the Greeks, Bulgarians, Serbs and Albanians.

The empire didn't survive his own death, though; within decades the turks defeated the Serbs at Kosovo Polje, and 300 hundred years after that the turks put down another uprising so ruthlessly that most Serbs fled Kosovo. The void they left behind was filled by the Albanians, who drifted back down out of the mountains with their wild, hill-people ways.

Traditional Albanian society was based on a clan system and was further divided into brotherhoods and bajraks. The bajrak system identified a local leader, called a bajrakar, who could be counted on to provide a certain number of men for military duty. In another era, Adem Jasari and Ahmet Ahmeti might well have been considered barjakars. That organization has fallen into disuse, but the clans---basically used to determine allegiances during a blood feud---seem to have survived.

Feuds in this part of the world inevitably break out over offenses to a man's honor, which include calling him a liar, insulting his female relatives, violating his hospitality, or stealing his weapons. Tradition dictates that these transgressions be avenged by killing any man in the offender's family, which creates another round of violence. As late as the end of the 19th century, one in five adult male deaths was the result of a blood feud, and in Albania today, is is said, a tradition still exists whereby you must kill one man for every bullet in the body of your dead kin.

Seen in the context of the code of male honor, the Serb police have violated just about every blood-feud rule in existence, including the killing of women---a provocation above all others. It's no wonder they have such a hard time maintaining control over Kosovo.

The Kosovars were granted autonomy at the end of World War II, but then aspiring president Milosevic had the autonomy revoked in 1989, and the Dayton Accords of 1995, which ended the recent war in Bosnia and Croatia, failed to address the issue of Kosovo's status. Inevitably, an independence movement was born, funded by a voluntary 3 percent tax given by the Albanian diaspora and supported by groups in Albania proper. {...}

When you take this into account, it is interesting how the EU seems to believe they can solve the pesky problem of nationalism with supranationalism. Granted that supranationalism comes with the lure of free and easy trade, but really, the Serbs just don't seem to care. They believe they have a historical right to Kosovo, and they have the added bonus of having a new and improved Russia behind them. Despite the Serbs' recent humiliations, they seem to think this is the one they can win. Given that the Russia of 2007 is much different than the Russia of 1999, they might just be right.

The months-long talks the UN organized to come to some sort of agreement over Kosovo ended on the 10th of this month, with no resolution. Everyone is sticking firmly to their opening positions. The Kosovars want independence; The Serbs don't. The two sides are not going to come to any agreement over this, and, quite frankly, all it's going to take is a few Molotov cocktails and the area will be transported back in time to 1999. Fortunately, that hasn't happened yet, but I believe it's just a matter of time. Diplomacy has failed. The UN has handed over shepherding duties to the newly formed EU diversionary force and I have a suspicion that when all hell breaks loose, they won't be up to the job and will come crying to NATO. Which, if you believe Russia's bluster on the matter, could conceivably mean the US, via NATO, will, in essence, be at war with Serbia and, by extension, Russia. This could happen before the end of the year, but my money's on an early to mid-January start.

One wonders if the Chinese Embassy in Belgrade is ready to be mistakenly bombed again. more...

Posted by: Kathy at 10:46 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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Yep. You guessed it. It's Britney Spears. Who's looking suspiciously healthy after she claimed illness to get out of a deposition yesterday.

Back when VH1 used to have 'Behind the Music' on the schedule---a show I dearly loved---I was fond of claiming that I couldn't wait to see Britney's episode, because I was sure the meltdown would be fast, furious and glorious to watch. Now I'm not so sure. Anyone this stupid is bound to be boring as all hell. Her downfall has become tedious.

Can we just get it over with already?

Posted by: Kathy at 11:48 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Via the ever magnificent Sheila, I found this after following a few links.

{...}First, I think that, admirable as it is to have a National Infertility Awareness Week, the first week in November may not be the most appropriate time to bring attention to our plight. How about the first week of May, as we approach the agony and indignity of Mother’s Day? That’s when women inflicted with infertility wish and pray that people would recognize that all women who wish to be mothers aren’t. That when the minister preaches a sermon on the blessings of motherhood, and how children are a gift from God, the infertile women in the congregation can’t help but cringe inside and wonder, “why wasn’t I blessed with children? Why didn’t God grant me children? Was I bad? Did I offend Him? Does He not trust me with children? Does God think I would be a bad mother?”

{...}Finally, the week that for me would be most appropriate as National Infertility Awareness Week would be the week leading up to Christmas. How painfully aware is the infertile woman of her status during this time! Everything about the holiday season revolves around children. Santa Clause doesn’t come to our homes. There’s no reason to get up early and rush to our presents. There’s no excited eagerness, cookies left on plates next to a glass of milk, no working late at night as a parenting team to assemble toys. Even the life of the extended family revolves around children. The families with children get to make the decisions regarding when and where the extended family meets to celebrate the holidays. And the infertile women smile, and whither a little a little inside while trying to comply and not seem like a “whiner”. After all, we have no weight in the argument; we haven’t provided the grandchildren, we haven’t any stock in the Christmas get-together.{...}

Go read the whole thing.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:46 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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We can all agree that duty free booze is a beautiful thing, but this is a little ridiculous.

BERLIN - A man nearly died from alcohol poisoning after quaffing a liter (two pints) of vodka at an airport security check instead of handing it over to comply with new carry-on rules, police said Wednesday.

The incident occurred at the Nuremberg airport on Tuesday, where the 64-year-old man was switching planes on his way home to Dresden from a holiday in Egypt.

New airport rules prohibit passengers from carrying larger quantities of liquid onto planes, and he was told at a security check he would have to either throw out the bottle of vodka or pay a fee to have his carry-on bag checked as cargo.

Instead, he chugged the bottle down — and was quickly unable to stand or otherwise function, police said.{...}

I suppose that's one way to get around fluid restrictions.

Awfully rough on the liver, though, eh?

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I present with minimal comment, because I used to live there, the New York Post's Cindy Adams, on the Iowa Caucuses.

Ahem.

WHO the hell cares about Iowa? Barring a caucus every few years, who even thinks of Iowa. All it's ever brought us is corn, Herbert Hoover, the Wright Brothers, Ashton Kutcher and "The Music Man." Its main attraction is an airport in Des Moines that gets you out.

And this state with less people than I have in my kitchen is determining the future of our most powerful nation on Earth?

OK, first off, in Algonquin "caucus" means "a tribal gathering of chiefs." In Iowa, it means a grass-roots get-together. In truth, it means a load of BS. The history of their caucuses (caucii?) comes down to the fact that Ronald Reagan lost in them. Twice. Bill Clinton came in fourth. But they did deliver us Jimmy Carter. So what's that tell you?

This first step toward occupying the White House begins in maybe a firehouse. Farmhouse. High school gym. Just being able to write your name is the first plus toward eligibility. The event begins 6:30. Registration starts at 6. Not like this is a big long line or anything. You needn't even be 18 to register. Needn't even be a Republican, Democrat or Independent. You can decide when you get there. Besides, after you decide and after a piece of pie you can change again. We are not talking deep convictions here. For all anybody cares, a body can even stick up a finger for Ross Perot.

And, please, the eyes of the whole world are on this come-as-you-are operation, where the next president of the United States of America can be picked by a show of hands?{...}

But wait, there's more...

{...}Hey, this incredibly fabulous area is only important because we made it important, not because it is important. Ask what's it really known for and a local might boast, "We're the only state whose name begins with two vowels." Wow-ee! Take that, Ahmadinejad! The whole deal in Iowa is a hustle. It gets this state farm subsidies and fortunes in advertising. With tubloads of volunteers, gurus, journalists and specialists piling in, this translates to hotel rooms, restaurants, drivers. It brings Oprah to the plains and bread to the cornfield.{...}

I repeat: Yeeee-ouch. Can't wait to hear what Russ has to say about this one.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:02 PM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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The neighborhood in which the husband's shop resides, Bryn Mawr, is hosting a "Saturnalia" (yeah, don't start with me about it. I UNDERSTAND.) event on this coming Saturday, December 15th. It's meant to drive traffic into the neighborhood stores, and quite a few people show up. Last year, I made the huge and horrible mistake of supplying the husband with homemade caramels to give away, along with hot cider, to those who passed by. It was a huge success, and now I have been asked, very politely indeed, to make them again. So I will. And then I will make another batch, next week, to give out with the rest of my Christmas goodies. These are pretty tasty, and if you've got some spare time on your hands---and I mean a lot of spare time---make for a delicious Christmas treat.

Golden Caramels

(Makes about 150. Caramels should be individually wrapped in cellophane or waxed paper, so they keep their shape.)

4 cups heavy cream
1 can sweetened condensed milk
4 cups light corn syrup
4 cups sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1/2 lb. unsalted butter (two sticks) cut into sixteen pieces
1 tablespoon plus one teaspoon vanilla extract
Vegetable oil cooking spray

1. Spray an 11 3/4-by-16 1/2 inch baking pan (a half-sheet pan) with vegetable oil spray. In a 2qt saucepan, combine cream and sweetened condensed milk; set aside.

2. In a heavy 6-to-8qt saucepan, combine corn syrup, 1 cup water, sugar and salt. Clip on candy thermometer. Over high heat, cook until sugar is dissolved, stirring with a wooden spoon, 8 to 12 minutes. Brush down sides of pan with a pastry brush dipped in water to remove any sugar crystals.

3. Stop stirring, reduce heat to medium, and bring to a boil. Cook, without stirring, until temperature reaches 250 degrees (hard-ball stage), 45-60 minutes. Meanwhile, cook cream mixture over low heat until it is just warm. Do not boil. When sugar reaches 250 degrees, slowly stir in butter and warmed cream mixture, keeping mixture boiling at all times. Stirring constantly, cook over medium heat until thermometer reaches 244 degrees (firm-ball stage), 55-75 minutes. Stir in vanilla. Immediately pour into prepared pan without scraping the pot. Let stand uncovered at room temperature for 24 hours without moving.

4. To cut, spray a large cutting board generously with vegetable oil spray. Unmold caramel from pan onto sprayed surface. Cut into 1-by 1 1/4-inch pieces, or other shapes. Wrap each in cellophane or waxed paper.

So, a few tips from moi, because I've made this recipe a few times and I just happen to have a few handy, dandy tips to pass along. First, this recipe takes HOURS to complete (and then you have to wait a full twenty-four hours before cutting them up) so wear comfy shoes, have good music on the radio and a cocktail in hand (with a full shaker nearby). Second, you don't need a half-sheet pan to use this recipe; a jelly roll pan does nicely, although the caramels do come out a little thicker than what I think they were originally intended to, so do take that into account when you cut them up. Third, this is not a recipe for novice candy makers. If you are not familiar with what "hard ball" and "firm ball" mean, ahem, in relation to candy making, this is not the recipe for you. Practice on some peanut brittle and then take this one on. Fourth, you can buy waxed paper wrappers at a kitchen specialty store, like Williams and Sonoma; I would not recommend being cheap and cutting up squares from a roll of waxed paper---they don't work nearly as well. Fifth, and final, they're not kidding when they instruct to spray the cutting board with Pam. The caramels warm up as you work with them and they start sticking. The Pam prevents this, so use it.

Other than that, well, enjoy! And if you're out and about on Saturday afternoon, December 15th, and happen to live in the Minneapolis-St. Paul metropolitan area, drop by Bryn Mawr Computer Support to enjoy the Saturnalia festival. Hit the corner of Penn Ave and South Cedar Lake Road, and you'll find the merriment.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:26 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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So, have you ever had a loved one go flying about the country, and then wondered where, precisely, they were in the course of their journey?

Well, wonder no more, my devoted Cake Eater readers, for, hark, there is Flight Aware. All you need to do is enter in an airline and the flight number and, voila, a handy dandy little map comes up, and shows you the flight's progress, with the information coming directly from the air traffic control system. For instance, I can tell that the husband is, currently, about to land at O'Hare. His plane is cruising at 1600 ft., is going 176 knots, and has sixteen miles to go before landing. Impressive, no?

I suspect that in twenty minutes or so, he'll be texting me that he's landed and is wandering around O'Hare, looking for a cup of coffee.

Posted by: Kathy at 10:52 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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When did A Few of My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music become Christmas music?

Posted by: Kathy at 04:45 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Vlad the Impaler finally made his move yesterday and announced his "heir": one Dimitry Medvedev, St. Petersburg lackey, first deputy Prime Minister and---surprise, surprise, surprise---the Chairman of Gazprom. Today, Medvedev made it apparent that he appreciated the support by announcing he'd hand dear old Vlad the post of Prime Minister if he were elected President in March.

{...}Mr Medvedev said that he would ask Mr Putin to take the post of prime minister as a way of ensuring continuity in the country’s economic and political course. “I consider it principally important for our country to keep in the most important position in executive power – in the post of chairman of the Russian government – Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin,” Mr Medvedev said in brief televised remarks on Tuesday.

The announcement came just one day after Mr Putin endorsed Mr Medvedev, a soft-spoken ally from St Petersburg, as his preferred successor as president, in a move hailed by investors as signaling a continuation of Mr PutinÂ’s policies by a figure seen as less hawkish than his potential rivals for the post.

{...}“This means the team will remain,” he said. Putin will retain leverage he will also have the parliamentary majorty behind him. Medvedev will be the head of executive power. But he will not have experience with the siloviki. They will continue to see Putin as their de facto leader. "Putin will remain the real leader,” he said..

Sergei Markov said the tandem of Mr Medvedev as president and Mr Putin as prime minister would leave Mr Putin with more leverage, at least for an initial period, because Mr Medvedev had no experience of dealing with the crucial “power ministries” – the Interior and Defence Ministries, the secret services and the prosecutor general’s office.{...}

Well, no one's really surprised at this development, are they? Everyone knew that Vlad would retain power; it was simply a matter of waiting to see precisely how he would do it. About the only interesting thing about this is his choice of Medvedev, who is pro-western and not a member of the siloviki---members of Putin's entourage who are former KGB or were associated with other security services, such as Sergei Ivanov, yet another first deputy prime minister and much-banger-on of the "new" Russia's power. I find it curious that Vlad passed over Ivanov, who is much more hawkish, and whose views are much more in line with Vlad's. One could perhaps surmise that, with this move, Vlad thought Ivanov wouldn't be as pliable as previously thought, but who knows for certain.

Yet, with this appointment, I don't think we'll be seeing the end of the "agree with us or we'll shut off your heat" blackmail Gazprom is so fond of using on its former republics (and Europe, to some extent.). If anything, that will be worse. If Medvedev doesn't resign his chairmanship of Gazprom, that would mean Gazprom (and Rosneft, the state oil company) wouldn't just be rumored to be carrying out Russia's foreign policy goals, the arrangement would be formalized. While I don't know if this is possible under Russian law, it would make things very tidy, which, as we all know, is how Vlad likes things. This wouldn't be any different than when Gazprom was a wholly owned subsidiary of the Soviet Socialist Republic. If I were in charge of a major multinational oil company, you can bet that the last thing I would consider is dumping any money into developing Russia's oil and gas reserves. Considering what Russia's done in the past in terms of "repatriation" of developments like Sahkalin 2 ("environmental damage" my ass), I can only think the situation would be worse if Medvedev retains the chairmanship, is elected president, and takes his orders from Vlad.

This situation may be disturbing to those of us who remember the Cold War---and it IS disturbing---but I have to say, I'm finding this whole thing somewhat fascinating. I can't outthink Vlad on the chess moves (I suspected he'd pull something along these lines, but the specifics were beyond me, and it's not like I was alone in that, either.) but find myself watching nonetheless. You can appreciate the brilliance of the moves, even if you don't agree with the moves themselves. He's one canny bastard, that's for sure.

Posted by: Kathy at 01:08 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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So, if you hadn't already figured it out with my kvetching about bereavement fares, we've had a death in the family.

The husband's grandfather, aged eighty-four, passed away last week. In many ways this is a blessing. Grandpa hadn't been doing so well lately, and had been moved into a nursing home. He received phenomenal care, not only from the nursing home, but from the hospice organization, which helped to organize his care. (Seriously, folks, if you are, sadly, in need of a hospice for one of your loved ones, we highly recommend Odyssey Hospice. The organization is located in several states and they have bent over backward to make Grandma comfortable when she passed away this spring (they even had a harpist in to play for the patients, because hearing is one of the last senses to go. This pleased my mother-in-law to no end and helped Grandma to find peace.) and to organize Grandpa's care, even on visits to their home in the DFW metroplex. They also sent a nurse with the in-laws while they were trying to find a nursing home for him, to answer questions and help them evaluate a situation about which they knew very little. They have our sincere gratitude for making a difficult year a little better. ) But Grandpa was missing his wife of sixty-five years terribly, and he finally decided it was time to go and be with her. While he was a cantankerous soul at times---well, who am I kidding? He wasn't exactly a cuddly sort---he will nevertheless be missed.

So, while Grandpa's passing is a blessing, the time that we've been dreading has come. It's time to divvy up the estate. Fortunately, the potential fraud that I alluded to in that post never showed up. That's fortunate, but the ghouls are already at it, and have been since before Grandpa's body went cold. They've been harping on about travel costs to the funeral, which is being held in Illinois, not Arizona, where Grandma and Grandma retired, and where the ghouls had settled, as well, presumably to be closer to the cash. Apparently, they thought they shouldn't have to fork out to travel to their own father's funeral. Then we have the added joy that one of the ghouls is, apparently, worried about taxes from his inheritance, because "he just doesn't have the money to pay them," working off the assumption that the payday was going to happen right after the funeral. Evidently, there have been plenty of other rude and presumptuous statements made, but the father-in-law has chosen not to share them for fear of upsetting the applecart.

I'll repeat: I just DO NOT GET THESE PEOPLE. The funeral is on Thursday and I'm not going, but I can only imagine what it will be like. The ghouls are crass people. They are uncouth and have no class whatsoever. Undoubtedly, at the funeral they will make statements along the lines of "I can't believe how much this costs"---even though the funeral arrangements were made and paid for long ago. Undoubtedly, they will also whine about the cost of the casket, and will wonder aloud why their father needed to be buried in such an expensive box. They will comment on who is there and who isn't there, and will make foul statements about them. They will whine about how much the trip is costing them and will try and freeload meals and rooms and rides from anyone they think is responsible for paying for it (i.e. my in-laws). I'm not exaggerating about this either. They are actually this crass. If, God forbid, there actually happens to be a meeting with the lawyer about the estate, they will want checks cut, right there and then, and will whine, volubly, when the wheels of the legal system do not move as quickly as they'd like. Their life's work has been waiting for their parents to pass away so they can cash in, and now that the moment's here, it's going to get ugly if they can't get their filthy paws on what they think is owed them right away. (Particularly because one of them is, I believe, counting on it for gas money for the trip back to Arizona.) God help us when they find out that the amount they think they should get is different than what it is in actuality.

The ugliness is at the doorstep, knocking on the door, and because of the way things work, the husband's family has no choice but to open said door and let it in. All we can hope for in the meantime is that, hopefully, the ugliness is survivable.

Posted by: Kathy at 12:02 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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Go here. A lot.

Aw c'mon. Don't look at me like that. You know you already go to those kinds of sites. This is your one-stop-shop. You know this will shortly become one of your favorites, because, well, it's just so functional.

And if you're wondering what the hell kind of site it could possibly be, well, click on over, kids and keep clicking. Suggest feeds. Vote for your favorites. Visit the sponsors. {wink, wink, nudge, nudge}

The husband thanks you for your support and promises that the more you visit, the prettier it will look.

And, yes, I did have fun p-shopping Tommy Boy Cruise's head onto a casserole.

Posted by: Kathy at 11:34 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Why is it, with the airlines, that you can only purchase bereavement fare airline tickets over the phone, and they then turn around and nail you with a ten dollar "purchase by phone" fee?

Is the phrase, "Bait and switch" ringing anyone's bell? You know, other than mine?

Posted by: Kathy at 02:06 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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