--- I was gone yesterday. I apologize. I had every intention of
blogging yesterday, alas, however life intruded and I never got around
to it. Late last night, Mr. H. suggested (after a more than a few vodka
sours) that I simply tell my blogging audience that I̢۪d turned 29 and
that had consumed most of my day.
Works for me, even if it is a slight fib.
However, to keep those nagging feelings of guilt at bay, I̢۪ll be really honest and say I turned 29 for the fifth time and we̢۪ll call it even.

--- And I threw my back out yesterday.

Happy Birthday to Me!
Now, as is usual in most back related incidents, I haven̢۪t the
foggiest notion of how this happened. I was walking from the grocery
store with one lousy bag of groceries, the husband and I put our
various loads into the trunk and off we went to the bakery to pick up a
fabulous German chocolate cake for dessert. Somewhere between putting
the bag of groceries into the trunk and the bakery, the back went out. Well, you say, the bag of groceries was probably too heavy.
Nope. The neighborhood grocery store makes a point of being an
equal-opportunity-employer and as such, they have hired some very sweet
kids who are not, to put it kindly, operating on all four burners. One
of these kids is very nice and has been working there for a few years
now. He chats about the weather, asks how your day is going, and has
learned the lesson, apparently, that he̢۪d rather carry more bags to
your car than carry one or two heavily loaded ones. I pay attention to
this because generally I̢۪m walking and would like only two bags---no
matter how heavy---and direct him as such. But he knows that when the
husband is with me, he can load up as many bags as he likes, and so the
husband walked out of the store with three bags and I walked out with
only one---and all it had in it was a bag of tortilla chips. Applying
Occam̢۪s razor to the problem, it would seem as if I was felled by a
bag of tortilla chips. But that can̢۪t possibly be the case. I mean, come on! A bag of
tortilla chips? Of all the lousy things to cause a beastly amount of
lower back pain? The needles that shoot up and down my spine were
caused by something that weighs less than a pound? Nope. I refuse to
believe it. But my life has a habit of being perverse, so it really
shouldn̢۪t surprise me. And just to reassure ML: no, this did not
bother me when I walked Sierra earlier today. You can relax. My invalid
status is not nearly as bad as yours, m̢۪dear, and all is well on that
front. At least the ibuprofen is doing something
for me, where that is not the case in your situation. Chill. Walking is
not the issue: bending over at more than a 45 degree angle is,
and fortunately, I have big, chunky, muscular (oh, so we know that
one̢۪s a lie, but work with me here!) knees that allow that to be
easier than if I had to rely upon my back alone.
I̢۪ll see you tomorrow when we go to pick up the kiddies.
--- I̢۪m going to link to this article, even
though it seems everyone else is doing so, too. I can̢۪t tell you how
many times I̢۪ve heard this argument, albeit in different words from
the husband or one of his friends. But they were never so bold as to
vent those views outright. This was a late night subject, best brought
up after everyone has had more than a few beers and they felt safe that
the alcohol and the lateness of the evening would soften the blow of
their words come morning. And they always
took their audience into mind before stating this opinion, believe you
me. When it became obvious, after many meetings, that I was not the
kind of woman who would chop their heads off for just thinking these
thoughts, they allowed me to be in the audience. So, this isn̢۪t
really anything to new to me. I̢۪ve even heard this before: You know why rape is such a problem on college campuses? Why
binge drinking is a problem among college freshmen?
It's a reaction: a reaction against being pussified. And I understand
it, completely. Young males are aggressive, they do fight amongst
themselves, they are destructive, and all this does happen for a
purpose.
Because only the strong men propagate.
And women know it. You want to know why I know this to be true? Because
powerful men still attract women.

Yeah, women know it and some of them even put up with it. Some women---young or old---wantto
be thrown down on a bed and have some young man do what they will with
them. Whether it̢۪s a subconscious desire or a conscious one is
neither here nor there: it̢۪s in their brains. And if you think I̢۪m
wrong on this one; that I̢۪m refusing to acknowledge that all women
know that rape is a bad thing, go check out any porn or erotic fiction
site. I dare you. Peruse some of the pictures and literature and know
that this is precisely what some women want and fantasize
about. It works its way into the bedroom in sneaky and insidious ways
and some men, nice guys, have absolutely no idea what to do about it.
They̢۪re taught one thing, and yet are confronted by a complete and
utter 180 when they actually get down to business.
No wonder they̢۪re confused. But that̢۪s really neither here nor
there, is it? It ignores the big picture to get up in arms about that
one statement while ignoring the rest. Kim̢۪s rant is an impressive
piece of vitriolic writing. It̢۪s obvious he feels put down by being a
male in this day and age. Now, some women would say this is a good
thing; that men are just getting a taste of the medicine they̢۪ve been
dishing out to women for millennia. Men, understandably, are now
backlashing in exactly the same way, by striking out against their
oppressors (or at least Kim is). But to my mind, both sides are just
wrong, and it̢۪s because of the fatalistic strategy they̢۪ve adopted
to present their arguments. In their minds it̢۪s a zero-sum game. If
women want to gain, they must take away from men in a quantitative
fashion---easily measured and missed by their opponents, and it̢۪s the
same for men. They just assume there̢۪s no middle ground between the
two arguments. And as we know, working from the assumption that any
philosophical argument, such as the battle between the sexes, is a
zero-sum game is to ignore the realities of the situation. (In fact,
the word “battle” is probably the wrong word, because in any
battle, there are winners and losers; some piece of disputed territory
is gained by one side and lost by another---in effect, a zero-sum game.
Perhaps we should think up a different term to describe this situation,
though for the life of me, I have no idea what it should be.) And
I̢۪ll use the analogy of marriage to demonstrate my point. Ever been
married? Or even in a long-term committed relationship? If you have,
you know what I̢۪m talking about. Marriage is not a zero-sum game. Long term relationships are not
a zero-sum game. The people who treat these as if they were a zero-sum
game, in my opinion, generally don̢۪t make it very far and break up
quicker than you can get a horse to water after a long ride through the
desert. Now this is a generalization, and it doesn̢۪t take into
account any specifics, I̢۪ll grant, but, on the whole, it̢۪s the
truth: couples break up because the individual partners don̢۪t want to
bend. Sometimes, not bending is the correct thing, but for the most
part, bending is the correct thing to do in a marriage. Because
if you want your relationship to last, you have to bend. You have
created a partnership between you and another person: and you must
treat it like a partnership, which means you are not going to win on
every single issue that you want. It may grate, it may create an itch
between the shoulder blades that you just can̢۪t reach and is annoying
you to no end, but that̢۪s the point: for every instance where your
shoulder blades itch, your partner̢۪s have itched as well. You bend
once, your partner bends at another time. And if you think your partner
hasn̢۪t done some bending for you, well, you might want to rethink
your stance, because assuredly they have. Extreme feminists have always
bothered me. I don̢۪t like the fact they lump all of societies evils
upon men because it reeks of opportunism. Men are an easy target, I
will admit, but to knock today̢۪s men for the fact women weren̢۪t
allowed to vote until the 1920̢۪s is like saying a slave owner̢۪s
great, great, great, great grandchildren should have to pay reparations
to the slaves their ancestor owned. It̢۪s ridiculous and lacks
context. It̢۪s the same with men like Kim DuToit, who claim that
today̢۪s, governmental, social security stance is the fault of women
getting the vote. Or that they̢۪ve been pussified, to use Kim̢۪s
charming phrasing, is why there̢۪s an increase in date rapes. It lacks context.
Rather than it being a battle between the sexes, it should perhaps be
called an ebb and flow. Because that̢۪s what happens, like a marriage.
Bending, in other words. Men give a little here, they might get a
little there. Women give a little here, they might get a little there.
Why does it have to be a stupid zero-sum game? I would suggest to Kim
and anyone on the other side of the argument to realize this. Forcing
the pendulum to swing, violently, in the opposite direction does
nothing to solve the overall problem of equality between the sexes.
--- Ok, that̢۪s enough for today. It̢۪s time to go and lie down. All
of this sitting upright and trying to be productive even though my back
is screaming has put a big ol’ damper on the day. Note to self: more Advilâ€Â¦NOW! And a note to The Doctor: if there
was ever a time to use your prescribing powers for the overall good of
the universe, now would be the time. I can feel my bad mojo spreading:
you could save the world from a horrible catastrophe just by writing
out a prescription for some lovely pharmaceuticals that will knock me
out entirely and I mean that. I really, really mean that! The fate of
the world rests upon your shoulders: use your powers responsibly and
wisely. But I̢۪m not going to have a nice lie-in on the bed. I̢۪m
going to decamp to the living room where the husband has, very nicely,
laid out a sleeping bag for me. I simply can̢۪t go and lie on the bed.
It sucks, to put it nicely. Too much vigorous sex over the years has
crapped the thing out entirely. It̢۪s been one of those things we keep
putting off in exchange for other furniture, but it can wait no longer.
Well, it̢۪s going to have to, obviously, because no way, no how, am I
going mattress shopping right now. Ain̢۪t gonna happen, but suffice it
to say, it̢۪s going to happen just as soon as I can go
shopping for a new bed. In the meantime, enjoy the visual of me laying
on the living room floor of the Cake Eater apartment, in a sleeping bag!

Oh, the humanity.

Mr. H. is undoubtedly laughing his fool head off right now.

Posted by: Kathy at 03:19 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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