(Note: The following is sent in by 'The Doctor' and dutifully published by 'The Husband' as per instructions from Kathy.) When
Kathy asked me if I could post a blog while she basked on the beaches
of Florida, I initially declined. However after deep reflection, much
consideration, and reading the blogs of Mr. H and ML, I decided that
they were having too much fun and I wanted a piece of the action. I am
not one to be left in the dust! I am Kathy̢۪s friend known generally
as “the Doctor.” This time last year, I was comfortably ensconced
in beautiful Altadena, CA. I was single. I was a successful
professional. It was warm in the winter. Snow? That was for skiing and
was hours away. You left it when you were done on the hills. Then one
morning last July I awakened to find I was living just a stones throw
from E-DINA, to find that I had a wife, three teenaged kids, a house, a
dead elm tree in the back yard, two new jobs and Mr. H living in the
basement. To plagiarize a Talking Heads song, for those of you who
remember the Talking Heads, “This IS my beautiful house; This IS my
beautiful wife; This IS my beautiful life.”
Yes my friends, despite the weather, Los Angeles and other parts of
California are not the paradise the Rose Parade Committee leads you to
believe. Sure, the Rose Parade looks tempting in January – oooooooh
look at those beautiful hillsâ€Â¦.look at all those people in SHORTS on
New Years Day. I am CERTAIN that years ago one of the Rose Parade
Presidents sold their first born child to a gypsy who then blessed the
parade with good weather year after year after year. Of course, they
don̢۪t tell you about the idiots who on New Years Eve shoot guns off
to celebrateâ€Â¦..and we aren’t talking blanks (c’mon, everyone
knows that gravity does not apply on a holiday). What goes up just
stays up and never comes back down to earth. Let a guy have some fun
will ya?? The Rose Parade cameras also never seem to show the SMOG that
is so thick for most of the year you cannot see those picturesque San
Gabriel Mountains, even when you are 5 miles below them. I lived at the
foot of those hills for the past three years. Giving directions to the
house went something like this: “When you get to Lake Avenue, go
north towards the mountains. You can̢۪t see them but they ARE
there.” The Rose Parade cameras don’t show you the traffic. Los
Angelinos plan their lives around traffic patterns. I arose each
morning no later than 5am so that I could be out of the house by 6 to
make my 35 minute commute to work which, with traffic took about one
hour – provided there were no SIG alerts. Almost 20 years in LA and I
never did learn what “SIG” stood for – but the announcement of a
SIG alert was cause for alarm and an immediate increase in the volume
on the radio. The best definition of a SIG ALERT is “traffic jam
lasting 3 hours minimum.” Before leaving work at night you also
learned to check the traffic report on the computer. If it was raining,
you left early – whyâ€Â¦.because the freeways flood and because Los
Angelinos can never seem to remember that cars don̢۪t stop very well
on wet roads. Don̢۪t be fooled! The Rose Parade Committee is made up
of REALATORS! They WANT you to move to LA! And just so you are not
fooled—the City by the Bay (aka San Francisco) is not much better and
is just as expensive, if not more.
California is not without qualitiesâ€Â¦.notice I did not specify WHAT
qualities. Where else can you go and have someone of Arnold
Schwarzenegger̢۪s FINE CALIBER as Governor (well, other than back a
few years here in MN). For those of you that think that Aah-nold is
going to do a good job in CA, close your eyes and imagine this: Jesse
Venturaâ€Â¦Ã¢€Â¦shorter and with hairâ€Â¦..with absolutely NO
experienceâ€Â¦Ã¢€Â¦.on steroids. For those who hold the opinion that with
Aah-nold as the “Governator” government will be run more like a
business,” I quote my erudite brother John’s letter to the LA
Times: “Are the speakers referring to Enron, Global Crossing or
Tyco?” Had I been writing Johnny’s letter I would have reminded the
LA Times that Aah-nold ran a businessâ€Â¦.a FAILED business called
Planet Hollywood. However, unlike Jesse Ventura, Aah-nold has never
governed---in fact, he hasn̢۪t even PLAYED a governor on TV or in the
Movies. At least then he might be able to ACT like a Governor.
Ahhh but I digress. I do wish my California friends well in this next
chapter in their lives. Of course, if Aah-nold doesn̢۪t work out you
can always spend another 68 million for a recall and throw an “Hasta
La Vista, Baby” party.

Posted by: Kathy at 07:46 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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